We're Really Doing This Again?
by G1 ArchAngel
Summary: Picks up from where Welp This a Thing left off. What will happen? Shenanigans? Most likely. Epic fights? Absolutely. If I'm catching your interest than I'm doing a good job of being my own hype man. All of the things in this story belong to their respective owners.
1. Yes Yes we are

Chapter 1: Yes…Yes We Are…

 **I really am thankful to all of you who followed Welp…This is a Thing. You don't know how much it means to me that I had people constantly supporting me on something that was originally kind of a joke. Besides Johnny and Storm, who are contractually obligated to read when I update, two of you really stood out. Tegh, who included me in his story, and On3dge, who once told me that I was his inspiration to start writing his stories. I mean…just…you all are just incredible people and I hope you enjoy this one as much as the last.**

"I'll ask you again: What are you doing here?" I think it's time to back up a bit. For some reason, only the three of us got taken by whatever the hell that was. After we got our clothes on, we were surrounded by people. Said people were the members of Rias's peerage. Not that they know that we know them. Or the fact that they're hiding in the trees or bushes.

"To be honest, we're lost. Do you mind if we go somewhere else?" Said Storm the peacekeeper.

"Of course. Follow me. You can all come out now." They literally came out of the woodwork and walked next to their leader. The group led us to a large mansion hidden from the general population by the thick forest. Kiba held the door open for us.

"Thank you." I said to him politely. Storm and Johnny just gave him a nod.

"You're welcome." Inside were some people I did not expect to see. There was teams RWBY and JNPR, Professor Ozpin, Glynda Goodwitch, Doctor Oobleck, Professor Port, Qrow, Winter, Sun and Neptune. There were also some familiar faces. The girls from back home were chatting with each other. Those are not the ones we know…

"Hey, isn't that…?" Asked Johnny in a hushed voice.

"No Johnny…Look. Plutie and Peashy aren't with them, their clothes are different, and the twins' arms aren't all demonic." I tell him in an equally low voice.

"Oh shit…What's going on?"

"I have no idea. Why are you asking me?" We were beckoned further into the building and that's when our interrogation began. We took our time explaining a bit about ourselves and talked, in detail, about exactly how we got here. It took about an hour, especially since Qrow kept calling bullshit. When we started talking about our families…well…things certainly got awkward. And saying it was embarrassing would be an understatement. Several faces were beat red and Blanc just kind of stopped. The twins immediately took to the idea of me being their father, which was what was broke Blanc in the first place. Oobleck, in his infinite curiosity of the unknown, asked for a demonstration of my healing abilities.

"Okay, who wants to do the honors?" Kokeno raised her hand. "Well, come on then." I placed the tip of Rebellion on the ground while leaning on the hilt. She walked up to me and shoved me with a single hand. I flew through the air and my back hit the wall. She then grabbed the claymore-style sword in a javelin grip and threw it at me. It found its mark in the left side of my chest. I pushed myself off the ornate stone and removed the blade from my chest, spilling a ton of blood in the process. I lift my shirt to show that there isn't a scar. I show them the other two Devil Arms I had on me. I may or may not have made the mistake of leaving them at home. All I had was Lucifer, Nix, and Rebellion. I still had all me weapons that classify as guns, so I still had my range advantage. We took another hour giving demonstrations of our more outlandish abilities, like my Demon Arts. Eventually, Ozpin interrupted us.

"You three have years of combat experience. Would you mind sparring against some of my students?"

"I'm down. Who am I going up against?"

"G1…You were roasted alive and electrocuted yesterday, and you're picking a fight?"

"No rest for the weary, Storm."

"Professor, if I may? Can I be the one to face him?"

"If that is what you wish, Ms. Nikos. Peter, would you mind being the referee for this match?"

"Of course, old friend!" The mustached fat man said excitedly. A large area was cleared out and we walked into it. She drew her sword and shield while taking a defensive stance. I equipped Lucifer and drew two blades after the skeletal wings spread. Charging her, I go for a dual overhead strike. She deflected the attack with enough force to send the weapons out of my hands. She has no idea what she's dealing with. I drew more of the explosives and threw them at her, while she either blocked or deflected them. Once there was a good amount of blades hanging about, I made them appear behind her.

"Pyrrha! Look out!" She turned around to catch the small swords with her chest. I toss the rose that was in my mouth to blow them up and send her flying towards me. As she was gathering frequent flyer miles, I lifted my leg and slammed her into the ground. The foot that made her kiss the dirt was also pinning her down.

"Are we done here, Port?"

"Indeed. Your experience in combat is quite prominent. Almost as much as my own." I step off of her as I shake my head at Port's antics. She grabbed my outstretched hand and I pulled her up.

"You did really well even though the odds were stacked against you. All you have to do is learn how to fight an unpredictable opponent."

"Thank you. I'll keep that in mind." She responded to my criticism with a smile.

"Ooh! Ooh! Me next! Me next!" Nora called out while jumping around and waving. Ren was opposed to the idea, according to the look on his face.

"Johnny, she's all yours." I said after patting his shoulder. I sit down on one of the benches that were set up and waited for the bout to start. As I was just sitting there, contemplating things, the goddess Neptune sat down really close to me.

"You don't mind, do ya?"

"Nah, you're good." A moment later, she rested her head on her shoulder. "Now things are getting weird." She get up rather quickly.

"Sorry…"

"It's fine. I'm still adjusting to the fact that you're not the Neptune I know is all. Go back to the way you were."

"I guess it would be weird that someone who looks like your friends wife started using you as a pillow."

"Just lay down." She did just that. Taking my sentence literally, she went from resting her head on my shoulder to resting it on my lap. Port's voice rang out from the center of the large high school fight circle.

"Begin!" Nora shot two grenades at Johnny, who batted them away with the back of his hand. He ran at her and swung his hammer down, which she dodged by jumping backwards. A rather large crater was formed where she was standing. She shifted her weapon into its hammer form too and hit him in the side with a horizontal swing. They traded blows for what felt like an hour before the final clash happened. They ran at each other, hammers held high. They brought them down with as much strength as they could muster. The heads of the two mighty war weapons collided, but Johnny's, not being made of whatever metals Remnant has, broke. As the shrapnel flew, the grenades within exploded, sending poor Johnny flying.

"I've got him!" Issei called out as he ran to catch my friend. He failed though, as Johnny's balls got acquainted with his face and they both slammed into a wall. Qrow and I lost our fucking minds. We recover after a good few minutes of good long laughter, holding our sides in pain and took a swig from our respective drinks to drown out the pain. Qrow drank from his flask and I drank from the bottle of Jack that showed up in my hand as I was rolling around. I got a few strange looks, and an angry one from Winter.

"Great…There's two drunkards now…"

"Still only one. I couldn't get drunk even if I wanted to. The one downside to my amazing healing factor." Qrow put a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry…"

"Don't be. I've grown used to it."

"I'd say we have our final spar, but it is getting late and I would think that you all would like to socialize." With his piece said, Ozpin walked off with Glynda in tow. Everyone else went their own ways too. RWBY and JNPR stuck around as Neptune dragged me to a list hanging on a wall.

"This is the rooming list that we set up yesterday. Since you guys didn't show up with us and we don't really have a place for you to stay, you can stay with me and Junior! Storm can stay with team RWBY and Johnny can stay with JNPR." Neptune dragged me off before anyone could object. She kicked in the door, scaring her sister. "Hey Junior! We have a new roomy!" My stomach made itself known with a loud growl.

"Are you hungry?"

"Yeah…So, uh, where's the kitchen?"

"They serve the food in the dining room. I can show you the way, if you'd like."

"I'd take you, but I get lost real easy in all these hallways."

"I'd appreciate it, Nepgear." She got up from her bed and beckoned us to follow. She led us to a banquet hall. Besides the standard long table that is supposed to be here, there was a buffet table. It had fruit, veggies, and all kinds of junky food. Not a meal, but I'm okay with it. As I'm complaining, one of what I assumed was the kitchen staff walked over to the table with a massive serving plate of loaded potato skins.

"That's a lot of food."

"I said that the first time I saw this setup too." Nepgear replied to my awestruck statement. A voice came from behind our little group.

"There are a lot of us, so there must be enough to make sure we are all fed." Rias was the owner of the sudden voice.

"Oh…Uh…Hey Rias…Why are you guys here in the middle of bum fuck nowhere anyways?" Let's find out exactly where we are in Highschool Dxd's timeline.

"We're training to fight against my fiancé so I don't have to marry him."

"Any way I can help?"

"Riser has allowed me to have someone from each group that showed up here to participate with me as additional pieces. Maybe I can get him to allow you to play too."

"There is no need for that. Riser has already said that he would allow another participant."

"Thank you for telling me, Grayfia."

"You're welcome. If I may?"

"Of course. Have a nice night." She left as swiftly as she came. Rias turned to me. "I appreciate the fact that you are willing to help me. Your experience will definitely help out."

"Who else is helping you out?"

"Sun and Uni agreed to fight for me. We have nine days to prepare for the match."

"Nine days to whip you all into shape…Fun…"

"You're going to train us?"

"Someone has to."

"Excellent. Please meet us outside tomorrow morning. Until then, enjoy the food. Everyone else should be coming down in a little while if you're willing to wait."

"Sounds good to me. What about you two?"

"We'll wait."

"But Junior! The pudding!"

"You can wait a little longer." The purple themed sister's tiny argument stopped there, and we waited for whoever was going to show up. I claimed a chair and watched the door. Five minutes later, there was a decent stream of people. I picked up my plate and a plate from either side of me, headed towards the two, gave them plates, and got some food. My dinner tonight consisted of chips and dip, carrots, broccoli, ranch dip, and potato skins. Neptune had filled her plate with nothing but pudding cups and Gear had a slice of three layer chocolate cake. The others sat down and started we all started eating. We all made small talk until it was about seven o'clock. Found out that Johnny and Storm are staying with Sun and Neptune. Vert suggested that we play a video game tournament to kill some time, but no one could really agree on a game until I had a realization. A game that is fun and I kick ass at.

"We could play Grifball on Halo four. It's a team based game and it's technically a sports game type."

"That sounds good." Vert said agreeing with my idea. I looked around to see everyone else nodding their heads to the idea too.

"You guys don't know how bad you've fucked up by letting him play Grifball."

"Why do you say that, Johnny?" Asia asked innocently.

"G1 played that game mode almost religiously. The guy lives and breathes Grifball."

"You can't be serious…" Weiss send incredulously.

"He has over thirty-thousand kills with the Gravity Hammer over the span of two years." Storm added.

"We're doomed." Jaune despaired.

"Uni! You're gonna be my fourth! Understood?"

"Uh…Sure…?"

"Johnny, Storm, Uni, let's do this!" Rias went with her peerage to go set up. I think. We went to the most reasonable room to hold such an event. In a short while, they created a setup similar to Let's Play Live. That's awesome.

"Okay everyone, register your teams!" Akeno called out. Seems like she's going to be one of the hosts tonight. Teams RWBY and JNPR signed up, keeping their names. Neptune and the other three CPUs were team CPUs. Kiba, Issei, Koneko and Rias were team Kuoh. Qrow teamed up with a reluctant Winter, an enthusiastic Port, and an intrigued Oobleck. They were team Elders. In honor of the beautiful bastards that created this wonderful sport, we called ourselves team Rooster Teeth. We had to explain the history of Grifball so people weren't confused.

"The brackets were set up so that one of the three winning teams went straight to the finals. The other two had to play a second round. The first match was team RWBY vs team Elders. It was a close match, but because Qrow carried his team, team Elders won. Team JNPR had to play against the CPUs. It wasn't even close to fair. They are video game consoles given human form. Our first game went fairly well. We won by six points. We wound up being the team that went straight to the finals. The CPUs won against the Elders in a landslide victory. The final round has arrived. Before the match, Uni looked determined to beat her sister. I started the match off with an extermination. All four of them ran at the ball at the same time and none of the other teams figured out that jump-tanking is the best answer for that. From there, things went downhill from there for them. I got my hands on the ball. I had made sure to keep my little art a secret. I'm the ball tank. You see, there are three roles in Grifball according to the community. The tank, who kills anything that moves, the runner, who gets the ball and goes for the goal without getting into a fight, and the hybrid, who can switch between the other two. Imagine the looks on their faces when the guy with the ball charged straight at them and kills his way to the goal. I'll tell you this: no matter what you've thought of, it isn't nearly as beautiful as what I witnessed. The game went along those lines for a while before I wiffed. Noire killed me with her Energy Sword, got the ball and threw it to Vert. She was standing at our goal, waiting for an opportunity. Through luck and skill, they scored their one and only point. We reached our nine goals with Uni scoring the last point. She cheered and hugged Storm, who was the closest to her. He looked really awkward. Noire had a proud look on her face, but when she saw me looking she turned away blushing furiously. Aw…the Tsundere is being all bashful.

"And the winners: Team Rooster Teeth!" Akeno announced. "Your prize is getting the first turn in the onsen." I turned to tsundere junior with a raised eyebrow.

"It's fine if we wear towels and you three don't try to perv on me."

"Uni, we're married men whose wives could kick our asses. We aren't going to invoke that wrath." Storm logiced.

"Hey, Akeno? Do you mind showing us the way?" I asked the thunder priestess.

"I'd be happy to." She responded with a smile. "I'll get you three some pajamas while you are in there."

"Let's get going, eh?" For some reason, almost everyone froze. "What? I'm from Canada…" Everyone shrugged off whatever it was that made them lock up and relaxed. Now that the possible cataclysmic event has passed, Akeno led us to the door that led to the changing room before leaving to get the articles of clothing. "Why don't you go in and get into the water first before something happens?" Johnny did a smart?

"Thanks." She opened the door and shut it behind her. A couple minutes later, she called out an okay. We went in, stripped down (while putting towels on) and entered the steaming outside bath. I watched as her face grew redder.

"So how is it in there?" Storm asked.

"A-A little hot at first, but once you get used to it, it feels really good." I shrug and step in, just to jump back out.

"Holy shit that's hot!"

"I told you!" She managed to get out through her laughter.

"You said a little hot, not scalding!" Before we could continue, a certain high energy voice called out to us.

"I'm joining you guys! No ifs, ands, or buts!"

"Neptune!? What are you doing here?!"

"Come on, Uni. I'm just trying to get comfy with my roomie."

"Roomie?"

"She's decided that I'm staying with her and Nepgear until we get official rooms." I suck it up and sink into the water. Uni's right, this feels really nice after a few seconds. Johnny and Storm went to separate areas while still being close enough that they aren't isolating themselves, while Neptune decided to practically sit on my lap. Super awkward does not even begin to describe how I feel right now.

"This feels great…!" Johnny exclaimed before he was only exposed to open air from his upper lip upwards.

"You guys have never been to an onsen? What kind of Gamindustri did you come from?"

"We didn't have the chance to really look and see if any nation had one. If there isn't one, I'll talk to my Neptune and get her to build one."

"I hear ya, Storm. I think I'll have one built in my backyard. The twins would absolutely love it." I hear movement from outside the fence, and I turn to see a hole in the wooden fence with an eye looking through it. I will Coyote-A (the double barrel shotgun) into my right hand and pointed it at the offending body part. "You have until the count of three before I fill you full of buckshot." The eye widen before disappearing. "That takes care of that."

"Was Issei peeping?" Uni asked angrily.

"Wouldn't put it past him, but he won't be trying again anytime soon." Neptune pressed here side against mine. "What are you doing?"

"Getting comfy…If this makes you feel weird, I'll just transform." She didn't give me the chance to object as she transformed. Her now very mature figure was barely contained by the towel she had on. "Is this better?" I've been married for how long now and I still turn into a blushing hot mess. When I get home I'm a dead man.

"U-U-Uh…I, um…" She started giggling at my failure to form a coherent sentence.

"I can see why they all want to be with you. Such a tough guy acting so cute." She ran a hand over my chest. This is escalating way too fucking quickly for my tastes.

"Is Neptune hitting on him?"

"I think so, Uni…"

"Don't you feel weird about that, Storm?"

"No. I know she's not my Neptune, so I don't see anything wrong." Everything feel into a comfortable silence as we relaxed in the warmth. Neptune had returned to her earlier position of resting her head against my shoulder. Sometime later, there was a knock (read pounding) on the door.

"You guys have been in there for twenty minutes! Could you get out so we can have a turn!?"

"Yang! Be nice! I thought we agreed to ask nicely?"

"Hang on! We'll be out in a few." I responded to the hot headed blonde's demand. The others let out a disappointed sigh. We change into the pajamas we were left once the two girls were done. We had simple pajama pants and t-shirts that matched our color schemes. I sling my shirt over my shoulder

"G1, put your shirt on."

"No!" I yelled at the same time as Neptune. I seriously need to talk to her. As we walked to our rooms, Kiba grabbed my shoulder, telling me that Rias wanted me in the "war room". According to the chalkboard, this little meeting was all about going over the training regimen.

"So let me get this straight. This guy," Issei pointed at me. "Is going to be training us?"

"Yup. So here's the game plan. Issei, I'm going to help you figure out magic. It was hard for me at first too. Kiba, Koneko, and Sun are going to be taught parts of my Swordmaster Style. I'm going to work with Akeno, Rias, and Asia on basic physical strength. We can't have any glass cannons. Uni, I'll be teaching you what I can about me Gunslinger Style." Our magicians looked a bit worried. I'm going to have so much fun over the next week.

"Agreed. For now, let's head to bed so we can have energy for tomorrow."

"You're gonna need it…" I said to myself as quietly as I could.

"So what can this Gunslinger Style of yours do?" Uni asked, catching the attention of everyone.

"Something along the lines of this." From the waist of my pants, I drew Infamy and shot it over my shoulder. Multiple shells littered the ground as the bullet holes looked like a smiley face. "Tada! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go have a little chat with someone."

"Neptune?"

"Neptune."

"Good luck with that." Was the mirth filled response that I got from Lastation's CPU candidate. I walk into our shared room and saw that Neptune had gone back to her human form.

"Neptune, we-"

"Need to talk?" She asked, surprisingly serious. I just nodded. "I'm sorry…I don't know what came over me…It's weird…I feel like I've known you for years, but we only met today." Okay, that is kind of weird. "And I just like being near you." She looked really downtrodden. I sit next to her and wrap my arms around her shoulders.

"Hey, it's okay. We'll figure out what's going on. Until then, why don't we just sit back and relax?" I leaned back, bringing her down with me. The small goddess shuffled around and got comfortable with her head on my chest.

"Thanks. That means a lot." I shut my eyes. When I opened them, the lights were out, Nepgear was in her bed, and Neptune was once again in her goddess form. The digital clock read three in the morning. The two of us had shifted so that we were spooning. I'm going to die a slow, painful death unless I talk my way out of it. Don't know how well that'll work though. Fuck it. Time to go back to sleep. The alarm went off at seven and I had to shift very carefully so I didn't wake Neptune. I get dressed and head down to get something to eat. Everyone else that was training today was also eating.

"Hey, you can use magic, right?"

"Yes…Were you not paying attention yesterday, Issei?"

"I was! It's just…I want to see what you can do. Akeno has her lightning and Rias has her Power of Destruction." Oh, that was what this is about. I formed a rasengan in my hand.

"My magic is demonic in nature. I shape my energy into different forms and make them do different things. This is just a small version of what I can do." I dispel the spiraling sphere of death and conjure the skeleton of Susano'o. "This is a bigger version."

"Woah! That's cool, dude!" Sun shouted in awe.

"The only other thing I can use my magic for is my Devil Trigger and Majin Trigger."

"Can you tell us the difference between the two?" Kiba asked. I raised an eyebrow.

"Majin translate to devil…" Koneko explained.

"Oh. Well, Devil Trigger allows me to assume my demon form while Majin Trigger allows me to access my Devil Form."

"Can we see it?" Issei asked excitedly.

"Just Devil Trigger. Majin is too taxing to use carelessly." I Triggered to show them the devil within. " **Pretty cool, huh?** "

"Riser won't see this coming."

" **No. No he won't. But I don't plan on winning this for you. This is supposed to be your victory, not mine.** " I deactivated my transformation and we went outside. We took the entire day training, only stopping for small breaks and lunch. They were all tired enough that they ate dinner and went straight to bed. I had way to much fun watching them suffer. We repeated this process until the day before the event, and each day their endurance for my training grew. They all improved significantly. Issei figured out that he was more suited to offensive magic than anything else. Okay…that's a bit inaccurate. He's got that strip magic of his. Kiba started mixing up the lengths and weights of the swords he makes. Koneko was using different fighting styles like an MMA fighter instead of her usual brawler. Sun and Uni became masters of their respective weapons, which is an impressive feat. On the day of the match, those of us competing met at the Occult Research Club building in Kuoh Academy. The others had already gone to where ever the audience was. Grayfia popped up from a magic circle on the ground.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes. Rias said, answering the maid.

"Then please step inside this circle. It will take you to the battleground." We step inside and there was a flash of light. We it died down, we were still in the clubroom.

"Uh…nothing happened…"

"No, Issei, this place is different. It feels…off…"

"You said it, Sun. Place smalls weird. I'd even go as far to say it smells wrong."

"Huh…You're right…"

"You two can smell the difference?" Asia asked. Rias cut us off.

"This arena is a recreation of Kuoh Academy inside of a pocket dimension, so we don't have to worry about property damage." Cue giant grin.

"What's the plan, President?" Rias wanted me and Uni to get into sniper positions. Sun was to go to the gym with Issei and Koneko after all of the traps were set. Asia and Akeno sat in reserve. Everything went exactly the way it did in the anime from what I saw, until Riser's queen showed up.

"Akeno, don't fight that queen." Uni stated over the magic walkie-talkie.

"But-!"

"Uni, on my mark. Mark!" I pull the trigger at the same time as Uni. Pandora was in its most devastating long range form. It was, basically, what would happen if an anti-tank rifle fucked the shit out of a railgun. My explosive round and her armor piercing round hit their target head on. Then everything started exploding.

"Hey Uni, go on ahead. I've got this covered." She took off towards the commotion as some bushes rustled behind me. "You can come out now."

"How did you know we were here?" I tapped my nose a few times.

"You smell like ash and the tin man's metal legs are hard to miss, Cinder. I'm guessing you were the one who set those charges." Cinder, Mercury, Emerald, Roman, Neo, and Adam surrounded me.

"Yeah we did. You shouldn't have sent the girl away, kid. You might have stood a chance with her here."

"First off, Roman, I'm about as old as you are, if not older. Second, I didn't want her to get caught in the crossfire."

"Arrogant human."

"Arrogant demon, actually bull boy." I will be a smartass even in my dying moments. They all drew their weapons.

"Any last words?" Emerald asked as menacingly as she could. It was adorable.

"Two to be exact." I pull out the class card from all those years ago. "Install: Saber!" My vision was filled with royal blue light, and I felt an unfamiliar weight in my hand. When it died down, a blue wooden sheath with an ornate gold design rested in my grasp. The grip of the blade was a with lattice design with blue diamonds in the gaps. This was Vergil's sword, the mighty O-katana, Yamato. Oh…this is going to be fun.

 **So, this chapter was originally going to be longer, but I thought "hey, why not make the first chapter a cliffhanger of sorts" and that's what I'm doing. Don't expect weekly updates like before. I haven't exactly gotten into the groove yet. Once I get far enough along that the story is writing itself will I go to a week at a time. Until then, see ya.**


	2. Time to Learn, Bitch!

Chapter 2: Time to Learn, Bitch!

 **So I might be getting into the swing of things, so I'm putting this out earlier than I had planned. I'm really just trying to get the gears turning when it comes to the plot of this. Now, I ranted a bit about this before, and now that I've cemented my plan, I'll be explaining it a bit now. This will not be in the crossover section. There are going to be too many universe shifts to accurately place it. This is a story of desperately trying to get back, even if it means crossing into a multitude of existences. That about sums up the reviews except for the ones thinking this is awesome, which I thank you for. On to the show.**

So things kicked off pretty quickly. Cinder shot a valley of arrows at me, which I countered with my newfound Summoned Swords. I'm really glad the class card gives you the knowledge of how to use the spirit's abilities, or this would be a problem. Emerald slashed her two swords downward, and I brought Yamato's sheath upward to block them. Mercury decided he would use this opportunity to come at me from the right. I removed the O-Katana from its sheath, while still blocking the green themed girl's assault, and whipped it out towards him. He was sent crashing into the ground. I shoved Emerald away and threw the ornate piece of wood at our favorite cane wielding villain (Everybody loves Roman). It bounced off his head and I leapt into the air to catch it. When I did, I slide the blade into it, pulled out Force Edge and brought it down to deliver a Helm Breaker to Neo. The sword that coated itself with black energy slammed into her and eliminated her from the fight as well. That just left two to deal with. I tricked over to Cinder, switched to Beowulf, and punched her right in the nose. My now increased superhuman strength sent her crashing into a tree. She went through that tree and hit the one behind it. Like the others, I was able to deal enough damage to eliminate her from the match. They disappeared in a shimmer of light.

"Five of Riser's additional pieces have been retired." Was the announcement that echoed across the area."

"I will not all as easily as they did."

"Let's test that theory." I whipped Yamato vertically, sending a blue wave of energy at the Faunus. He blocked it with his sword-katana and his entire body started to glow. "Right…You can do that…" He ran at me, and we clashed swords. Over and over our blades struck each other, sparks flying off the edges.

"Rias' knight, rook, queen, and two additional pieces have been retired." Ah…shit…

"I don't have time to play with you anymore." I perform a Rapid Slash to deal some damage as well as get behind him. I drew Force Edge from my back and skewered him through his lower back. "It's over."

"You haven't seen the last of us."

"Yeah, yeah…Whatever…" He was taken away to wherever the injured are taken to. "Time to get to them." I snap my fingers, activating Quicksilver. What took me ten minutes was really only a few seconds in real time. When I got there, I released my hold on time and greeted the remaining to fighters. Asia was probably still holed up somewhere. "Sup?"

"Where have you been?"

"Doing stuff and things. This that Riser guy? He looks gay."

"How dare you speak of the great Riser in such a manner!?" Dear God, he talks in third person too…

"How about you shut up while the grown-ups are talking, okay kid?"

"I've got a plan, but I only can use it for two seconds."

"Why ten seconds?" I gotta play stupid. Issei can't know.

" _The boy does not have the power to maintain it for longer than that._ " Ddraig answered from the gem on Issei's left hand.

"Yes, Issei does not have the raw power to do anything, even with the Boosted Gear." The poor guy hung his head in shame. I take Yamato out of its sheath and shove it into his gauntleted hand.

"That enough to run whatever you plan on doing for a while?"

" _Absolutely._ "

"You're letting me use this?"

"Temporarily. Now go nuts, kid! Not every day you get to be the hero!"

"Alright! Now Rias' virginity will be mine!" He…He did not just…Rias' face turned beat red.

"Worry about where you're going to stick your dick later!" I mean, seriously…There are more important things at the moment! Several portals opened up behind the fire turkey, and all kinds of demons spilled out. "Now go kick that Easy Bake Oven's ass! I'll take care of these." A pillar of red light erupted around the teen, and when it died down, he was covered in full body armor that was the same design as his gauntlet. Once he got his bearings, he ran at the fire-bird-man.

"Here I come, Riser!" I heard movement behind me and Rias. I turn around, grab her shoulder, and tossed her out of the way. The scythes that the Hell Prides were sending her way landed in my chest, arms, and legs. The blades separated from the shafts of their weapons as they backed away. I then proceeded to cut them apart with the weapons they left behind. The blades dissolved into sand when I killed the one that impaled me. I put on Beowulf on again to fight the rest. I flipped and Tricked around the battlefield, taking down anything that moved in a flurry of light infused punches and kicks. I cleaned up and walked next to the crimson haired girl.

"Did I miss the show?"

"Not really…" I look over to the fight, curious about her tone of voice. What I saw was horrendous. Issei is by far the worst swordsman ever. Of all time. He was just swinging Yamato around like a five year old swinging a twig.

"Hey! What's so hard about swish-swish-stab!? It's a sword, dude, not a fucking fighter jet!"

"If it's so easy, why don't you do it!?"

"I will!" I drew Force Edge and charged towards the two. Riser sent a large blast of fire at me, which I cut apart with two waves of black energy before firmly planting the blade right below his heart. After all of that, I switched to Beowulf once more. "I hear you Devils are weak to light magic. Hehehe…Let me here you scream!" I charged up the left gauntlet and pressed it against the right side of his face.

"Ahh!" I removed the metal and there was quite the nasty burn.

"Ooh…That'll scar…It'll probably be permanent…Do you wanna surrender, or am I going to have to give you a matching one?"

"Never!"

"Better idea. Issei! Give me my sword!" I grabbed him by the throat with my left hand and outstretched my now unoccupied right hand. There was a flash of red light, and the grip of the sword was returned to my grasp. "This sword can cut through anything, even dimensions. It'd be safe to assume that would get past that little healing of yours." I stabbed the pathetic man with it, and twisted it savagely. He looked like he was in agony. "Surrender!"

"Fine! I surrender!" That was easy. I was blinded by a bright white light, and we were returned to the real Kuoh Academy. A couple of medics came and took the defeated king away. I flicked Yamato down, clearing the blood off its edge, and returned it to its sheath.

"I thought you said you wouldn't win this for us?"

"Meh…I changed my mind…"

"That was pretty brutal, dude."

"Sun, if you want to see something truly brutal, watch Johnny's wife does to people. It even scares me sometimes."

"I'll pass." Johnny walked up and punched me in the jaw.

"Talk shit about my wife again! See what happens!"

"I wasn't talking shit!"

"I know!" From the corner of my eye, I could see that Weiss was absolutely befuddled.

"How are you two friends!?"

"Making a lot of assumptions there. They just don't want M.A.D."

"MAD?" Ruby questioned, curious about the term Storm used.

"Mutually Assured Destruction."

"Quite right, Ms. Nikos. During the Great War, mankind and the Faunus faced a similar situation."

"Storm, I wouldn't say that. G1 and I are at that place between acquaintances and friends."

"No matter the status of your relationship, you put on an impressive display." I whip around, a hand on Rebellion and another in my coat to pull out Pandora. Behind me stood a man that looked like Rias. Right…Her brother…He was trying to stop this too. As my stance relaxed, his did too and he finished what he was saying. "Singlehandedly taking down six opponents with abilities you gained in that instance." He shook his head. "No matter. I have to thank you. All of you." Sun decided to speak for all of us.

"Ah…Don't worry about it…"

"Question." Johnny said suddenly. I muttered an "Answer" because I could.

"What is it?" The Maou asked.

"When will he be recovered? I want my turn."

"A while, I'm afraid." In a burst of fire magic, two people appeared. Fairly certain those are Riser's parents. "We would be more than willing to compensate you though. I feel like there are more of you here that would like to teach my son a lesson in humility. I just wish it wouldn't have been in such a…messy…manner…" Lord Phenex continued.

"Hehehe…My bad…I got a little caught up in the moment…"

"It happens to the best of us. Just do not let it keep you from doing your best!" Said the portly man of our group.

"Tomorrow, I'll be over to bring you all to the family mansion. I think a celebration is in order."

"But first! In the words of every college pep band ever! For those of us who can. Let's get drunk!" I miss the old traditions. Really, I do…I chanted those three words repeatedly, being joined by Johnny, Qrow, and surprisingly enough, Glynda. She was quiet and awkward about it though. You have no idea how many eyebrows were raised.

"After everything that I've seen in the past forty-eight hours, I could use a glass of wine…or three…" Ozpin totally drives her to drink on a regular basis.

"Red or white?"

"E-Excuse me?"

"Red wine or white wine?"

"Red…?"

"Ugh…How can you drink that? It's so bitter!"

"Does it matter?"

"Not particularly…"

"I suggest that you four wait until tomorrow, when you won't have to worry about purchasing anything." I turn to Sirzechs. Johnny and Storm mimicked my action.

"You underestimate the power of the magic bottle of Jack." Storm said.

"Magic bottle of Jack?"

"Brother, we can't explain it. It's a bottle of Jack Daniel's that appears out of nowhere and refills itself."

"Twenty years and we still can't fully understand how it works…Not that we're complaining."

"Says the one who can't get drunk."

"You're just jealous of how much money I've made off of you from drinking games, Johnny."

"Of course I'm mad!"

"How much did you make?"

"Enough, Yang. Enough."

"Storm, could you please tell us?" Weiss said desperately. I'm Weiss' Neptune. So that's why she hangs around Noire so much.

"Almost a million Credits."

"I only need to win ten more to make a million."

"Could I witness this bottle's abilities?" The elder Gremory asked.

"Sure. Lift your left hand." Qrow responded.

"My left ha-" He lifted said hand to see the bottle occupying his grasp. His eyes lit up like a kid's on Christmas. "Well I'll be…"

"Drink it, Sirzechs. See what happens." I encouraged the man. He seemed to find no reason not to, according to his shrug. He unscrewed the cap, put it to his mouth, and slammed it in one go. This is gonna be great.

"That's it?"

"Look at the bottle…" Blanc said calmly. He tilted his head down and his eyes widened.

"That's amazing!" Grayfia walked up to me.

"If I may be so bold to ask: Could you show us your ability to transform. Both forms would be preferable."

"Uh…?" I turn to the two on my left, who we're just as clueless as I was. "Sure…?" Yamato appeared in a puff of purple smoke and I activated Devil Trigger. It was Vergil's default Trigger.

" **There. This is Devil Trigger.** "

"Why does it look different? The one you showed us was red." Compa asked, confusion etched onto her face.

" **Certain Devil Arms can influence the form of my Triggered state. Beowulf is another one.** " I shifted to the gauntlets and grieves. I actually felt the change, which was weird. " **See.** " I felt a weight suddenly made itself known in my back and on my head.

"Neptune, why did you put me here!?"

"His head turned flat and I thought it would be funny and it was." Palm, meet face.

" **Neptune, please get Nepgear down and get off my back.** " I said, my voice muffled by my hand. Somehow, Neptune had gone HDD, swiftly grabbed her sister, and sat her on my head. After that she had clung to my back. Wonderbar…

"Do I have to?"

" **Yes…** " She did as I asked and stepped away. I deactivated the transformation, much to the confusion of everyone who didn't know what was about to happen next.

"You all might want to step back. Far back." Johnny "suggested" as he took several steps back.

"Actually, Johnny, we should take this outside. G1 might bring the whole building done."

"It's too cold to go outside!"

"Yeah…Too cold…" The twins were in agreement.

"But aren't you wearing winter coats?" The male Neptune asked.

"Can we just go? I've heard enough about this and I can't say I'm not interested."

"I agree with Noire." Vert said, also slightly perturbed by the delay. I head outside, effectively forcing everyone to follow.

"Everyone, hang on to something. Things are about to get crazy." They all tensed as I said my piece. I started the process, focusing on my anger while building up energy. Storm and Johnny described to me what I look like as things happen once. My eyes glow blood red, redder than my coat. Vein-like cracks of the same color and intensity form on my arms and face. We assumed it's a full body thing. I can feel my canine teeth extend into fangs and they said that energy leaked off me like a raging fire. Said energy envelops me like a dome before I let out a yell. The yell turned into an inhuman roar as the transformation actually took place. Apparently, the dome turns into a pillar of light. I have two sets of wings in this form. The first is a normal looking set, all things considered, and the second was mirrored and grew from my lower back. Two red protrusions peaked out of holes in my enlarged forearms. My entire body is different shades of grey and black. I hover in the air even though I'm not flapping my wings. The ground around me was cracked and cratered.

 **"So…What do you think?"** My voice was deeper and more guttural.

"Yang, I'm scared." Ruby said, shaking like a leaf. All but the veterans of our groups were either shaking or struggling to breath. Even the Goddesses were having a bit of a rough time.

"Ruby, we're all scared."

"What an incredible ability! Sheer power that makes all who are present feel like gravity has increased! What else can it do?" Oobleck practically screamed in joy as he circled me. He seemed to be moving slower than normal.

 **"The red tips on my forearms extend into blades of energy. Their length is as long as I want them to be. I can shoot bolts of raw magic from my hands as well as light and dark magic. I'm also invincible in this form. Any attack is ineffective."**

"That's a bold statement. Care to back it up?" Time to bring out my inner Alucard.

 **"Alright, Sirzechs. Hit me with your best shot!"** As I said that, I outstretched my clawed hands. He surrounded me with magic circles and smirked. His Power of Destruction shot out from them and impacted against me, creating an explosion. Fucking pussy shit. I flapped my wings to disperse the smoke and show that I had no wounds what-so-ever. **"Can I have a turn now?"**

"It's only fair. Go ahead. Do your worst."

 **"Oh, you cocky bastard…"** I lifted my right hand as darkness surrounded him. **"Let's see how tough you really are."** He was caught in the dome and experienced horrors that even I don't know. I think it's different for each person, but since I'm immune to my own magic, I won't ever know. Thirty seconds of hearing him scream later, I let the spell disperse. His eyes were sunken in, he was unsteady on his feet and shaking like crazy. **"What's wrong? You were talking all tough a second ago. Come on! Hit me! Fight me! Give me a hug."**

"I-I-I'm fine…"

"Really G1…? Really…?"

 **"Let me have my moment, Storm!"** Calming down a little, I take a deep breath through my reptilian nose, and smelt something foul. **"Okay, who pissed themselves?"**

"Before anyone answers, you should change back." Johnny remarked intelligently.

 **"Yeah, you're probably right."** I changed back, much to the relief of everyone. "Better?"

"Much." Said the large gathering of teenagers (and Goddesses).

"I must take Sirzechs home. Good night, everyone." Grayfia walked up next to her master, and created a magic circle on the ground. In a flash of light, they were gone.

"So…I'm ready for bed…" And I still want to know who pissed themselves because of me, but still. We all in walked in and called it a night. Sorta.

 **Now, before you come at me with torches and pitchforks, hear me out. In the official Devil May Cry manga, Dante used Majin Trigger to defeat Abigail in one move. Abigail was said to rival Mundus' power, and he could create pocket dimensions with nothing but a thought. So no bitching! I've done my research!**


	3. Story Time with G1

Chapter 3: Story Time with G1

"You've done a lot, right?" Ruby asked me hesitantly.

"Yeah…Why…?"

"Could you tell us a story?"

"A story?"

"Well…Yeah! You three are like superheroes!" I turn to Johnny and Storm, silently saying "You hear this shit?" They just shrugged.

"Fine. One story then we call it a day."

"Yay!" The fifteen year old cheered. I walk towards the auditorium and gave her a come-hither motion with my hand. "Hold on. I'll go get everyone." She dashed off in a flurry of rose petals. Excellent. Time to prepare. I stop time and get to work. What would normally take several hours was only a few seconds irl. Bookshelves, a stool, mics, speakers, the whole nine yards. I was in a suit looking quite dapper. I'm still getting used to the fact that I have white streaks in my hair now thanks to Zeltrech's little gift. I had a problem when I found a tiny white patch on the side of my head when I was thirteen. I had a book in my hand when I released my hold on time and waited for everyone to show up while sitting on my stool.

"Ah…You've arrived…"

"It's been five minutes! How could you set all of this up?!" Oh Issei…You poor, poor thing…

"Do you not remember that he can effectively stop time? You're more of a dunce than Ruby." Damn, Weiss. Dat burn do…

"Before you two start fighting, let him talk."

"Thank you Winter. Now, let me find the page." I flipped to a random page in the empty book. "Ah, here it is. This happened many years ago."

*Flashback Begins*

I'm just sitting in Devil May Cry, resting my eyes as I wait for a phone call. In other words, a regular day at the office. Out of nowhere, there's a sound that's similar to shattering glass. I lifted the gaming magazine off of my face and looked out the window. There was a swirling vortex of stuff just hanging around outside.

"Well…That ain't right…Well, I've got nothing better to do than check this thing out." The magazine found a new home somewhere on the floor as I got up from my desk and walked out the door. The strange existence definitely has my attention and I did the only reasonable thing to do in that situation. I poked it with a stick.

*Flashback Pause*

"You poked it with a stick!? G1, why!?"

"Because I could, Johnny. If there's any objections, speak now or forever hold your piece." Nothing was said so I continued.

*Flashback Resumes*

Once I poked it, it started pulling me towards it. This is going to be a wonderful day, isn't it? The inside of the thing was surprisingly colorful despite the black exterior. I got spit out near a tall building. I tossed the stick to the side and stretched a bit before looking around. A voice coming from near the building spoke out.

"So…who's Dante over there?" I turn to the voice to see it was Neptune. No Storm or anybody, so I want to assume this is another dimension. Huh…That's kind of odd. Neat, but odd.

"Hey! Who are you?" In my musings, they had gotten closer to me. It was this world's Noire that was asking.

"So…My name is Steven…" After I finished introducing myself, the entirety of my welcome wagon was up at arms and had their weapons pointed at me. Is that Noble? "Woah, woah, woah! Woah! I'm not some bad guy!" I called out, slightly in a panic. They lowered their weapons, but looked like they were still on guard. "You know what? For the sake of you all not confusing me with whatever villain you're dealing with, call me G1."

"How did you get here?" The tsundere asked.

"I decided to poke a rift in space-time with a stick…Not my proudest moment…" Sometime during our talk, we walked into what I'd assume is this buildings living room.

"Now what do we do?" Vert asked. There was footsteps approaching us. Plutie was walking in and Histoire floated beside her. The tiny fairy started to speak.

"We were able to get in contact with Tehg's dimension…" Tehg? "We found Bryce…not the one that Steven has control of," This motherfucker is giving me a bad name. Little bastard… "but one that split from him when we fought Arfoire."

"Um…Wat…?"

"And this means…" Neptune started.

"We may be able to get Bryce to help get Bryce free…That sounded a lot better in my head." Histoire said. So this is what Johnny feels like when he gets ignored.

*Pause*

"Fuck you, G1!"

"You know I don't roll that way!" I had been flipping through the pages as I read. I turn the book to show them the blank pages. "These pages are blank. I know it. Why am I lying to you?" As I spoke my question, I set the open book on my head, pages down like a hat. While some people were laughing, others just giving me questioning looks. Before they could voice their confusion, I continued.

*Resume*

A soldier ran into the room.

"Excuse me, but we have a problem."

"What is it?"

"Leanbox is under attack!"

"What!?" Exclaimed the leader of said nation. "We need to go! Now!" Those of us who could transform, did. We grabbed the ones who couldn't and carted them to the island nation. When we got there, everything was on fire and the little soon-to-be bloodstain was enjoying his handiwork.

"Ahh…I love the smell of destruction in the morning…or evening…" That's around the time we touched down.

"Steven!" Vert roared.

"Ah, Thunder Tits…It's good to see you. Oh, and you too, Board." He said, turning to Blanc half way through.

"You son of a b-"

"Look, it's been fun and all, but…I'm afraid this is where we part ways." The wanna-be said, drawing his sword. That's adorable…I stick my hand out to stop the others from advancing.

"Don't worry, I got this."

"He'll kill you." Noire said worried.

"Ha! Me? Dying? That's cute. I'm gonna show this asshole what happens to whoever gives Stevens a bad name." I turn away from the girls and their human(?) friends and towards the douche-nozzle. "Let's dance!" We advance towards each other, weapons drawn.

*Pause*

"Excuse me." I take the book off of my head, lick my finger, turned the page, and replaced the leather-bound object. There was more laughter and manly giggles.

*Resumes*

He brought his sword down for an overhead swing. I blocked it with two blades from Lucifer, and pushed him away. I then flung the two short swords, along with a multitude of others. He either dodged them or tanked through them like it was no big deal. Good. He punched me in the gut after teleporting in front of me. That hurt a bit. Didn't matter though, because it didn't stop me from throwing even more blades. Dumbass still hasn't noticed the setup.

"Dark Fissure!" Steven shouted as his blade turned pitch black. He slammed it into the ground, creating a shockwave as a fissure opened up. I jumped out of the way and threw three final blades his way. I mentally commanded the blades that were floating in the air to soar at him and they struck home. I tossed the rose that was resting in between my lips and the blades exploded. From the resulting dust, he walked out relatively unscathed.

"Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me…!"

'This…is going to suck…' Dante said inside my mind.

"You believe a trick like THAT is going to do jack shit against me? I applaud you…However, this fight is over." He said, once more grasping his sword.

"Nope." I activated Devil Trigger. " **It's just getting started!** " We kept at it for a while. I was constantly switching Devil Arms to try and get an advantage.

'Come on! I have a weapon that can kill gods! What the shit!?'

'I think it's because we aren't the Black Susano'o Unit.' Mental conversation aside, I'm down on one knee, still Triggered. I'm just glad I keep some Gold Orbs on me in case I do actually die.

"I honestly don't see how you could win right now…It stopped being funny about twenty minutes ago…" He said in a disappointed tone.

" **Because…Fuck you…** " I said, panting as I supported myself with Alastor while trying to stand.

'Good God, what's with the fourth wall right now?'

"STEVEN!" Came a shout from my back left. I turn to face it out of instinct. I hate sharing a name with someone in the same general area as me. And it's even spelled the same!

"Oh, if if isn't the bounty hunter. Tell me, how is the Assasin's Creed franchise's MC doing?"

" **You dead.** " I deadpanned, knowing what he was getting at. (Not really, but that's what On3gde wrote so I'm rolling with it)

"I'll kill you!" He shouted. "Fallen Armageddon!" The guy transformed. His hair turned pitch black, his eyes dark grey, and he grew two sets of leathery black wings.

"Ah…So you have the power of a fallen god? That's hilarious. I killed a god."

'Ha! I've done it three times!'

'Dante, those were the demonic equivalents…'

'Bah! Whatever…'

"Well, almost, if it wasn't for Mr. Maibigbutt over there."

" **Did you forget about me?** " I said, drawing my twin pistols.

"No. No I didn't." He responded, snapping his fingers. For some reason, both mine and this other guy's transformations deactivated.

"What!? How!?" My ally shouted.

"Because fuck you." He said while smirking at me.

"Why don't you come back when you have some original material?"

"I'm done fooling around. Out of my way." Steven said, waving his hand to the side. Like what happens to Sam and Dean when they're dealing with demons, we were sent into a wall and pinned there. He made a claw with his hand and brought it towards himself. Vert flew in his direction as what looked like a force field appeared, separating us from the two of them.

"Let this be the end of the show!" The asshat shouted. He brought up the sword and plunged it into Vert's neck. I don't think he noticed that the blade turned a cyan color at the last second. When it connected, her body exploded into pixels.

"Vert…" My wall-mate whimpered.

"You bastard!" Was my response to this thing's transgressions.

"You son of a bitch!" Steven shouted while punching himself in the head. "When you're dead, you stay dead dammit!" Okay…He's bat shit…

"Get back here!" I called out as he started to walk away.

"I'll retreat for now, but I'll make sure this doesn't happen again." He said as he flew off. The two of us dropped to the ground and my fellow captive ran over to the mass of floating particles.

"Vert!" He shouted, pain in his voice and tears running down his face. Things were kind of fuzzy from there. Words became jumbled noises and my vision became blobs of color. I felt an arm or two move mine and my feet left the ground. By the time we got to our destination, I was recovered enough to have my senses return to normal. The first thing I did when we landed was hobble over to couch, flopped onto it, pulled out a large Vital Star, and chowed down on it.

"Are you eating a rock?" Noire asked. From the strained look on her face, she was the one who carried me. I'm not exactly light.

"Kinda sorta…It's more like rock candy that heals you. It's lime flavored, too!" Taking one last bite, I felt great. Full stamina recovery is good. The super sad guy, whose name is Nona if I'm remembering correctly, handed Histoire a tube that the pixels were in. she spent some time analyzing the container's contents before giving us her report.

"It seems that she's in a sealed state, like the one Bryce uses."

"What do we do now? Vert is gone, and everything else is going to Hell." Andrew(?) asked.

"We need to make sure the other nations are okay. Blanc, Noble, and Andrew, you head to Lowee and take care of the nation. Noire, you and G1 will do the same with Lastation." Histoire ordered.

"Yes ma'am!" I said, standing at attention and saluting the sentient book.

"Good luck." We all left the purple building to head our separate ways. Once we reached the border of Lastation, Noire decided to start a conversation.

"What do you think of my nation?"

" **The smog's a bit overwhelming, but other than that it looks great.** " We landed on the balcony of her Basilicom and deactivated our transformations.

"Do you want something to drink?"

"I only drink the blood of my enemies! And occasionally a strawberry Yoo-hoo."

"What!?"

"It's…It's a reference to something back home. Just forget I said anything."

"Done." When she said that a soldier walked in.

"Lady Black Heart, here are the reports of all the damages." She took the documents and dismissed the guard before she started to read them. As she did, I heard an engine revving. I looked out the window to see it was Bryce. How could it not be? Looked too much like the little version that Plutie and Neptune look after. He came in, needing some of Noire's energy. I took that as my cue to leave.

"I'll be back." Mandatory Schwarzenegger reference made, I took off to where I could feel the current number one person on my shit-list was. It was where the four nation's borders met. Pretentious bitch…I got there to see several others. Some of them looked familiar but there were a few new faces. They were already fighting. He was in the middle of a sword clash when I ran up and shot him in the back with my double-barrel.

"Argh!" Was the pain filled response my actions got. We did that for quite a while, hitting him in the back while one of us distracted him. He eventually got fed up with us and disabled the transformations of those of us that activated them.

"I'm going to enjoy this!" I stood in front of the group I the Royal Guard stance, aiming to at least soften the blow. He was about to let loose his attack but then hesitated.

"Huh?" Was all that came from the villain. Suddenly, music started playing out of nowhere. His face contorted from confused to pissed as Bryce ran towards us. The villain of the day shot blasts of darkness at the approaching teen, who cut through them easily. With that happening, he went back to attacking us. We held our ground for a bit, but by the time On3dge's OC made it to us, me, Tehg, and Andrew were the only ones not on a knee.

"Bryce!?" Tehg and Andrew shouted in surprise.

"Sup?" I said in response to his arrival.

"Talk later. Now we finish the fight." No Bryce. You are not Master Chief.

"Let's go." Alex said as he shakily stood up.

"How? Our attacks aren't doing anything. It's just pissing him off." Chris said, a bit perturbed.

"Your sword seems to be the only thing that can hurt him, Bryce…If only we could use that power on our weapons…" Garland said, basically hoping for a miracle.

"We've got you covered. Bryce, you know what to do." Tehg ordered. Bryce nodded in confirmation.

"Guardian's Enchant!" With his shout, our weapons were coated in a cyan aura. "So, plan of attack. Garland, you cover us. Tamazaki and Alex will act as decoys for a bit. Chris, Tehg, and I will go in for the attack."

"And if more monsters show up?" Asked Tehg.

"Then Andrew and Steven will take care of them." We split up and did our jobs. A massive hoard of monsters came at us from behind and I drew Pandora. Time for some crowd control. After putting in the right combination, I wielded not one, not two, not even four, but EIGHT Gatling guns. Four for each hand.

"Compensating for something?"

"Nope. There's just no kill like overkill." The two of us went to town. Over the hail of gunfire I could hear Alex cheer. After that though, Steven gets up out of the tiny crater with only superficial wounds.

"Oh, come on!" I'm so done with this guy. One million percent done.

"Guys…I have a plan…but there's a catch…Well…two…" Bryce said in between pants.

"And those are?" My murder buddy asked.

"I need a partial amount of your powers. That also means…I'll be fighting by myself." Bryce responded. We all turn to each other, silently communicating with each other. I just shrugged my shoulders. We turned back to him and nodded our heads.

"Alright…We're ready." We circled around him as he took out the card from his watch. Each of us raised a hand, and an orb of energy flew from our hands to the floating card. The resulting energies made the card change.

"So…" Soldier Boy started. "How are you holding up?"

"Well…I found out my mortal enemy killed my girlfriend, I'm on a lot of deadpan inducing drugs, which activating this should wipe from my system, and I'm about three milliseconds from snapping." He vented to us.

"…Give him Hell." I said. That's really the only thing to say in this situation. That's when he left for his final battle. "Hey guys, bad time and all, but do any of you wanna make a bet?"

"A bet on what? Which one will win?" Tamazaki asked like I just went full retarded. (Never go full retarded)

"Nah. Let's bet on how long it'll take for him to wipe the floor with Steven. I'll put a thousand Credits on three minutes."

"Oh…I'll take that action." The others joined in. the times ranged from one minute to ten. As we watched and the fighting picked up, I pulled out Ouroburos.

"Our powers are out. What do you plan to do?" Chris questioned.

"My powers may be out, but Ouroburos' powers aren't."

"That…that makes sense…" An explosion went off.

"Time?" I asked.

"Two minutes fifty eight seconds." Tehg said, looking at the stopwatch he set up on his phone.

"Pay up, bitches!" They handed me the money they owed me as we approached the wasteland. When we got there, Bryce was on his knees. I got under him and hefted him over my shoulder. "Come on, kid. Let's get you home." When we got back to Planeptune's Basilicom, we had a welcoming committee.

"Bryce!"

"Plutia!?" He exclaimed as I set him down. After a while of just hanging out, those of us who could drink shared a beer, and Bryce sent us home. After I exited the portal, my housemates were waiting for me.

"Where have you been?" Vert asked.

"Oh, you know…Places…" I said, more than a bit tired.

"There are some leftovers from dinner in the microwave. Why don't you have that before you go to bed?"

"Yeah…That sounds like a good idea, Gear." The leftovers consisted of meatloaf and mashed potatoes with corm on the cob. Yum.

"Are you going to tell us about it?" With my mouth full of food I nodded while pointing at the calendar. "Tomorrow?" I nodded once more, answering the big busted goddess. The rest of the night before I went to sleep was spent eating and making small talk. I went up to my room, flopped onto the bed, and passed out.

*Flashback End*

"And that, ladies and gentlemen, was one of my several interdimensional exploits." There were applauses and a standing ovation or two. "Now let's go to bed. We've got a big day ahead of us."

"It's just a party. Why is it so important?" Winter asked.

"Well, it'll also be the day we try to get back to our respective realities."

"And how do you plan to do that?" Qrow slurred drunkenly.

"With these, of course." I raise Yamato and take the Perfect Amulet out from underneath my shirt. "Yamato can create a rift in space-time and the Perfect Amulet can turn it into a Hellgate. From there, we can use Hell as a nexus of sorts to try get home."

"Huh…Neat…" The older scythe wielder said as he stumbled off. Everyone slowly followed his example. I left everything for someone else to clean up. Hopefully it's Issei. Drown in eternal suffering, you damn pervy bastard. I grab a pair of shorts from the dresser, walk into the bathroom, and change into them. Shirtless, I crawled into bed and soon felt a familiar silk feeling on my back.

"So we're really gonna go home tomorrow, huh?"

"Why do you sound so disappointed, Neptune?"

"Just thinking about some things…" I rolled over to face her.

"Nepgear went to hang out with Uni and the twins for a while. Wanna talk about it?" She rolled over to face me.

"*sigh*…I don't think I should be Planeptune's CPU anymore…" Oh shit…Um…What do I do here? I don't know what to do here! How do I handle this!? You know what, fuck it. Time to wing it.

"Why do you say that?" First part of fixing any problem is identifying the problem. "You're Neptune. You're the awesome main character."

"And because of who I am I'm leading my nation to ruin." This is definitely a different Neptune than most. "I don't want to do that to my people…"

"What are you going to do, then?"

"There's really only one thing I can do: Give my position of CPU to Nepgear."

"What would happen to you?"

"I'm pretty sure you're smart enough to know already." Oh no…Hell no! There's no way I'm going to let someone die. Not on my watch, dammit!

"I'm not going to let you die."

"That's the only way though."

"I'll find a way, Neptune. I'm not going to let you throw your life away." Before we could continue, Nepgear walked in.

"Hey! What were you two talking about?" She sounds innocent, but she heard. She heard everything. You could tell be her posture and the subtle lines on her face.

"Nothing important, junior. Now go to bed. Our big journey starts tomorrow!" Neptune's attitude did a one-eighty when her sister walked in.

"Oh…Okay…" Since Neptune's back was to me again, I pulled out my phone and shot Gear a text. It said: we'll talk 'bout what you heard later, O.K.?" She responded with: Okay… :(

"Good night, you two."

"Good night, Stevie." With her back now pressed against mine once more, I fell asleep.

 **I hope you liked my rendition of part of On3dge's story. I tried my hardest to make it my own a bit while keeping it to his canon. The book jokes I got from Bo Burnham. Great comedian. Go watch his special What. Now, the chapter title deserves a bit of explaining. You see, before I post these, I read them to Storm and Johnny. After the first few times, every time I went to read they said that it was story time with G1. I felt that this was the only fitting title given this chapter's contents.**


	4. End of Scene One

Chapter Four: End of Scene One

 **This is it. After this, we are done with both Highschool DxD and RWBY. From there, well…I haven't really decided. I have some ideas, but I haven't really settled on one. Maybe I'll leave it to you guys. Actually, yeah. Let's do that. I'll leave a list at the end and you can leave your choice in my PM box or a review. I'll use the one that's most voted. Now that that's all taken care of, I'll let you start reading the thing now.**

Morning cane and we all did our normal things. Sometime during said routine, Nepgear had put her sister in a death bringing bear hug. Poor kid…During breakfast, she had separated herself from her smaller sister and tapped my shoulder.

"Can we talk?"

"Sure. Follow me." I stand up and we go up to a balcony outside. I wrap an arm around her shoulders and snapped my fingers, activating Quicksilver. Everything except for the two of us looked like it was made from the art style of Mad World (black and white). "There. Now we can talk without any distractions and we literally have all of the time in the world." I sat down on one of the now gray-scale benches.

"Explain what happened last night." She sounded incredibly serious. At least that's something familiar.

"To sum it up bluntly, Neptune has decided that she isn't fit to be a CPU."

"But that's not true at all!"

"Nepgear, look at it from her perspective. She's probably been thinking about this for a while now. She knows that she's lazy and doesn't want to do her work. She KNOWS that her nation can fall at any moment because of it. The worst part is, she's probably realized that she can't change that about herself. Do you know how hard it is to realize there is absolutely nothing you can do?"

"Not to this extent...It's just, I don't want my sister to leave me!" She sounds so hurt…

"I'm not going to let your sister die. Call me a bleeding heart, but I refuse to let someone throw their life away." This is like my last year of high school all over again.

"What are we going to do then?" I sat there with my chin resting in the crook of my hand for a few minutes. You know, that spot your index finger and thumb makes.

"So, if she were completely separated from her Sharacite, she dies, right?"

"Yeah…Why…?"

"What if she could retain her CPU status without being Planeptune's CPU?"

"But there's no way-"

"But there is! Remember!? When the three of us were being interrogated. In the Ultradimension there are CPU Memories!"

"And they can make people into neutral CPUs! That's a great idea! One problem, though…"

"Two. Getting one and getting her to use it. I know, and I think I have an idea…" I pull out Yamato and remove the Perfect Amulet. I place the blade through the necklace's loop and twisted the chain once before wrapping it around several times. The last thing I did for my possible failure was take out a vile of blood from one of my coat's pockets and poured it onto the flat of the blade.

"Whose blood is that?"

"A friends…" I thrust the sword into some open space before turning it like a key. Almost immediately, a small portal opened up. "Holy shit. That worked…" There was just enough room to get my face through. Seems like blood magic won't work, so Plan A is still a-go. "Hello~! Anybody there!?" There was a sound of hurried footsteps.

"G1?"

"Sup, Bryce?"

"Is this the Bryce that's dating your Iffy?"

"Nope. Different one."

"How did you make this?"

"Yamato." I said, lifting the blade into view.

"Sooo…it's a sword, but it acts like a key in specific situations."

"Or it's a key all the time, and when you stick it in people, it unlocks their death." Was my response. References for the win!

"What can I do for you?"

"I need a favor, Bryce."

"Sure. What's up?"

"Could you possibly scrounge up a CPU Memory?"

"Why?"

"I just…It's to solve a huge problem. That's all I'm willing to say."

"…Okay…Just give me some time…"

"Right now, I have all the time in the world." As he walked away, he pulled out his phone and started to make a call. Approximately fifteen minutes later, Bryce came back with his Vert. She had a CPU Memory in her hand.

"Here it is." She handed it to me through the hole in space-time.

"Thank you so much! You have literally just saved a life!" Nepgear called out from behind me. Vert grew a smile after the purple girl smile.

"If that's the case, I'm more than happy to help you."

"Later, then." I closed the portal and turn to the pinkette.

"Part one is complete."

"Part one?"

"Yup. Part two is the other half of this problem: Getting her to use it. I'm certain she has to at least voluntarily touch it."

"And she's convinced that she has to die."

"We have our work cut out for us."

"Will this really work?"

"Nepgear, I refuse to let your sister die. I know what it's like to lose family, and I don't want to see you learn how that feels." No one should ever feel that. "Come on. We have a party to wait for."

"…Yeah…Okay!" Deactivating Quicksilver, I walked back to the others with a now determined Nepgear. We basically sat around waiting until two o'clock. Johnny and I introduced everyone to the wonders of SkydoesMinecraft, Markiplier, and Team Four Star's Yes Yes Love Adventure Go. There's only three episodes so far but they're beautiful. That was fantastic. I think Sun was dying, if the amount of laughter coming from him was anything to judge by. It was during our collective laughter that Sirzechs showed up.

"Am I interrupting something?" He asked.

"No. I think you just saved Sun's life. We were just finishing one of Markiplier's Mario Maker videos. I was just about to put on some Red versus Blue."

"How far back?"

"Blood Gulch Chronicles." Was my response to the demon lord.

"Good man."

"Are we going to stand here and talk or go to a party!?" Yang shouted from the other side of the room.

"Calm down, Yang!"

"Ruby, you're just as excited as I am!"

"Oh Space Christ…How are you two still sane…?" I asked the other two members of team RWBY.

"We're not sure…" Weiss said. "They're a special kind of crazy."

"Oh, you're just jealous of my boobs!" Yang called out.

"You are a boob!" The white themed girl responded.

"As much as I would like to hear you two continue, we should be going. We have quite the lineup of activities."

"You're like one of those moms that are super excited about a get together that isn't all that important." Johnny said with his voice full of mirth. The red Devil King just waived it off as his maid/Queen/wife created an incredibly large teleportation seal. No one needed to move due to the size. Before anyone could say anything, my vision was filled with white light. Once my vision returned, we were standing in a massive courtyard, with an equally massive mansion in the background.

"Well hot damn…" Storm doesn't curse much, so he must be impressed.

"Welcome to my humble abode."

"This is not what would be called humble." Glynda spoke up, slightly scowling at Sirzechs.

"Do you still have those six from the rating game?" I asked the owner of the mansion.

"Yes I do. Why?"

"Well, I have a magic sword that can cut through dimensions and a necklace that's the key to Hell. What do you think I plan on doing with stuff like that?"

"You plan on opening a portal to Hell, bringing everyone with you, and use your sword to get them home."

"I guess you really do have to be smart to be in your position, Sirzechs."

"Enough pillow talk, you two! It's time to parteh!" Really, Neptune? Really? She bolted towards the mansion as fast as her eternally teenaged legs could take her. I'm still curious about how that parka dress stays down. With nothing else to do, we followed her lead. The first event changed from whatever was planned to an impromptu race. Everyone was running as fast as they could. Ruby was using her Semblance, Johnny was flying and Storm was ninja jumping from tree branch to tree branch. On my end, I was switching between my Trickster and Darkslayer Styles. I was double jumping on magic platforms, pushing myself horizontally on similar platforms, and teleporting using either Style. Ruby won, and her victory was celebrated by a water dragon dousing her. I made it form the water fountain and achieved the true victory today. The blue haired Neptune locked up and Ruby shrieked. Truly I win today. I'm a genius! My laughing echoed around the area.

"That was mean!" The red themed teen cried. That just made me laugh even harder.

"But it was funny! And look! Brosieden here is as stiff as a corpse!"

"Brosieden! The name's Neptune!" He sounded super pissed.

"Oh hey…That worked…"

"What…?"

"Yeah. It distracted you from your fear and woke you up."

"Uh…Thanks…I guess?"

"I think it's time we all go in." Rias said with a smile. Before we did, I pulled all of the water from Ruby's clothes and returned it to the fountain. Poor Ren was being carried on Nora's back. Inside were all kinds of things. Game consoles of all kinds, arcade cabinets, and all kinds of other forms of entertainment. I saw a bouncy castle, squealed, and ran straight for it. I kicked off my boots and jumped in, crying out in joy as I did so.

"This is so much fun!"

"G1, you're a man-child." Johnny said, mocking me.

"I!" Bounce. "Don't!" Bounce. "Care!" Bounce. I basically drowned out everything else except for the music from the D.D.R. machine. After about five tracks (read as thirty minutes of Johnny getting his ass handed to him in classic Street Fighter), I was joined by a certain someone.

"Hiya!"

"Hey, Neptune."

"So…My sis told me you were up to something…" God dammit, Nepgear…

"Indeed I am."

"…Will it work…?"

"Most likely."

"What happens if it does work?"

"Why are we talking about such a serious topic in a bouncy castle?"

"Please answer the question." I stopped bouncing.

"Best scenario: You get your Histoire to modify how you look in both your human form and Goddess form and you continue doing what you're doing under a new name. A clean slate, if you will." She stopped bouncing too.

"And the worst?"

"Second verse, same as the first, except you come with me."

"Okay, but why do I need to change?"

"Do you really think you want to have a constant reminder of what used to be? That, and there's a Neptune back home too. That would be rather awkward, no?"

"I guess you're right…"

"Enough of this sad talk. Let's do something fun!"

"Yeah! Play me in a fighting game!" It's on, Neptune. It. Is. On.

"Let's grab a console and hook it up to the big screen." She really has messed up. I'm gonna play her in Chronophantasma. It's my game. Give me Terumi or Ragna and shit will go down. We bounced our way out of the blown up children's entertainment center and darted to where all the consoles were. I grabbed an Xbox One and plugged it in. Screw shoes. I popped the game in and got everything set up. I felt like I was walking through the tunnel at the Rose Bowl.

"So who's the main character?"

"You wanna play as the main character?"

"Of course! Now tell me!"

"Ragna the Bloodedge." She found him and selected his icon. I picked Terumi and the match started. Before the fight could start, I paused the game.

"Hey!"

"I'm giving you the chance to look at his move list."

"Oh…" She went to the move list and uncharacteristically studied it…I shouldn't really say that…This is a different version of her, after all…After a few minutes of miming the motions she said she was ready, and I started the game. She started off by trying to hit me with a Hell's Fang combo. I jumped over her and hit her with a jumping neutral D attack. The rest of the first round went on in a similar fashion. She was getting used to the character and I was getting used to her style. Being more experienced, I won. I took a quick glance over my shoulder to see everyone has come to watch. Johnny was taking bets. The second round took everyone who knew me by surprise. Neptune came out of nowhere with a Blood Scythe. It all went downhill from there. I got my ass handed to my quite royally. This is it. Third round. No more tricks, no more bullshit. When the round started, we both jumped back before charging forward. I attacked with a forward C while she used a Hell's Fang. Since my character was the faster of the two, my attack connected first and knocked hers down. Before she could recover, I used a crouching D to bring her closer while building up my Heat gauge, and hit her with Divine Twin Blades to finish the combo. She recovered and hit me with an Inferno Divider combo that ended with an Overdrive Consumed by Darkness. We traded blows until both of us were at low health. I had one hundred percent Heat and she only had fifty. Let's see if I can get the Astral Finish. As she ran towards me I hit down three times and hit D on the third down. She ran right into and gave me the win.

"Victory is mine!" There were equal amounts of cheers and sounds of disappointment from the crowd.

"To the victor goes the loot!" Neptune went from sitting in the chair next to me to straddling me with her forehead nuzzling into my chest.

"N-Neptune!?" I felt my face burning as she rubbed up against my…*ahem*…area…This is still so fucking weird! Now that I put it like that, it could be taken in several ways…Anywho…

"Wait until tonight, when the rare drop spawns." She whispered with a wink. Dear God flirty Neptune is the strangest thing I've ever experienced, and I've experienced a lot.

"Oh~My~" Johnny said, imitating that one guy that was in the original Star Trek. You know the guy. Nepgear, the saint that she is, removed her sister from my lap. Didn't stop me from locking up for a minute.

"You are married and have children…Why are you acting like that?" Jaune asked, confused as hell from the looks of it.

"I'm eternally trapped in a nineteen year old body filled with all of the hormones! What other reason would I have at this point?" This is true torment. The only thing worse would be being trapped as a pre-teen. I would hate to have to deal with puberty forever.

"G1, you just don't know how to suck the Galac-dick." Any and all conversations ground to a halt after Johnny said that.

"So…The muscle bound meathead is gay…"

"No, Qrow. You're just too drunk to remember he has a wife and child." Glynda retorted.

"If anything, he's bi." Ren said, just loud enough to hear.

"I don't like guys!"

"That sounds like something someone in denial would say." Even Storm is taking shots at Johnny. Poor guy. Don't worry, buddy, you'll have your day.

"You guys suck…" He said, very much like Geoff and had anime tears streaming down his face. Everything from there on wasn't nearly as exciting. We had food, chatted, and sang a bit of karaoke. Found out that Sun is the Freddy Mercury of the RWBY universe. The dude could sing Bohemian Rhapsody perfectly. Unfortunately, even though we were having fun, it was time to go.

"Well, lads and gents, it's time to go." I announced. "Sirzechs, could you get the prisoners?" he just turned to Grayfia and nodded. She snapped her fingers and they appeared, bound and gagged. Okay…Now…How do I Hellgate…?

'It seems that I have to deal with two fools now…'

'Verge!?'

'Vergil?'

'Hello, brother. Greetings, young man.' Why is he being so respectful to me?

'Hey! Why are you treating him like that? I'm your bro and you treat me like crap.'

'He isn't a complete idiot like you.' He's not wrong.

'As much as I like to hear you two bicker, we have more important things to do right now.'

'See, brother. That is why I like him more than you. Tell me your plan.'

'I'm going to use Yamato to cut a hole in space-time, and use the Perfect Amulet to force it into a Hellgate.' I could hear him rubbing his chin.

'It should work. Let me guide your hand.'

'Sure…' I soon felt a tug on my right hand, forcing it to move towards the O-katana in my left hand.

"Wait! Before you leave, we have some gifts for a few of you." Sirzechs called out, and several servants came in. "For Sun, the bow staff of Sun Wukong the Monkey King." He grasped the staff and spun it around.

"Sweet."

"For Uni, th-" Storm and I instantly recognized the long barreled revolver.

"The Colt." I said.

"The very first gun ever made by Samuel L. Colt. There are only a few things that gun can't kill with one shot." Storm finished. Her eyes were sparkling as she held the pistol like her life depended on it.

"Johnny, your weapon broke, so we decided to replace it." One of his servants brought out two katanas, which were shorter than mine. "Martial arts, at their core, is all about balance. What better weapons for someone like you to wield than polar opposites." Johnny took both blades and strapped them to his back Deadpool style, before unsheathing them. "The one with the black grip is a Muramasa and the one with the white grip is a Masamune."

"What's so special about these?"

"Johnny, legend says that the Muramasa sword you're holding, Juuchi Yosamu, could cut anything that passed its way. The Masamune, Yawarakai-Te, couldn't cut what was innocent or underserving." Storm recited like he was reading it straight from a Wikipedia page (which I was).

"Oh…That's cool…"

"The last one is for you, Steven." I was handed a red spear that felt just as bloodthirsty as Juuchi Yosamu.

"That spear is Gae Bolg, the-"

"The spear that seeks the heart. It's also known as the spear that promises certain death." Hurray for nerd wisdom. That, and Fate/Stay Night.

"You know your lore."

"Not really. You just tend to learn a bit when you have a lot of free time and an internet connection." And anime. Can't forget that.

'Okay, quick question. Do we know how to use a spear?'

'Father taught us to fight with blades.' Vergil responded.

'Yeah, and I never came across a Devils Arm that was a spear.'

'Well, we're in a pickle, aren't we?'

'Yup/Yes.' I think this problem was obvious, because Vert spoke up.

"You don't know how to use a lance, do you?"

"No…"

"I could teach you."

"That'd be nice." She just smiled in response. "If that's everything, it's time to go." Vergil began guiding my hand again. He had me unsheathe Yamato and stab the air with it. I took my necklace off and held it in my open palm. The glow from the small hole grew brighter as it expanded. When it got to the size of a decorative archway, the Perfect Amulet flew into it. "Now I have to warn you, things aren't going to be pretty. I'd take your time to say your goodbyes." It took a good twenty minutes. Everyone went ahead, seeing as how I had to be the last one through. When my feet met the marble, I lifted my left hand. The necklace flew to my hand and the portal closed. The floor had a long red carpet going down it, and the hall was lined with doors. Outside of the windows, there were waterfalls of blood.

"About time you guys got here. If you want to take the RWBY folks back home, it's this door." Standing in the hallway was Chuck, the one from Supernatural a.k.a. God. He was pointing to the fourth door on the right.

"Who's this guy?" Yang asked, confused.

"Oh, that's Chuck. He's G-"

"Ah-bap-bap! We don't use the "G" word."

"Is that the door that will take them straight home?" Storm asked, pointing his thumb at the color group behind him.

"That IS what I said." I walked over to said door and stuck Yamato into the slot and turned it like a key. It opened up and a blinding light came out.

"Well…In you guys go…Hey, Chuck…is there any chance you can tell us which door is ours?"

"Nope. That would take the fun out of it."

"Damn…Anyways, good luck guys. Safe travels." They all said goodbye or waved to us. After that I slammed the door behind them and cut it to pieces.

"Why'd you do that?" Uni asked.

"So we don't go through it and so this doesn't happen again."

"That makes since." Blanc said, confirming my logic.

"Alright then. Storm, pick a door, any door." He picked a door at the far end of the room-thing. The twenty fifth door on the right, if I counted right.

"This one."

"Okay. Have fun." And like that, Chuck was gone. I just pinched the bridge of my nose before repeating the door opening process.

"All aboard who's going aboard!" We all walked into the light, with me, once again, being last.

 **Alright, so here's the list:**

 **Fate/Stay Night**

 **Fairy Tail**

 **Bleach**

 **Young Justice**

 **I'm also open to suggestions.**

 **EDIT: For some reason, i can't see reviews past a certain point so if you could send a PM instead that would be great. Thank you.**


	5. It's Just One Thing After Another

Chapter 5: It's Just One Thing After Another…

 **Okay, so, because of the whopping two votes, we're doing Fate/Stay Night. I don't know what I was expecting. I'm not exactly the most popular writer on here. In other words, lots of chapters for this arc and no more votes. Ever. I'm lucky both people voted for the same thing. I'd also would like to address a possible source of confusion. The Gae Bolg G1 received is not the Noble Phantasm version, but the one that created it. So it's nothing more than a cursed spear. Now that my bases are covered, on with the show.**

As we walked through the room seemingly made of light, I felt like something had grabbed a hold of me.

'God dammit…' Dante and I "spoke" in unison.

'Do strange things like this happen often?'

'You have no idea, bro…' Before we could talk any more, a red light blinded me. I fell face first after the light cleared. There was another guy in the room with me, but he was sitting on a pile of rubble. There were some feminine yells, but I headed them no mind as I got up and dusted myself off.

'Hey, kid? Somethin' funky's goin' on up here.'

'Care to elaborate?'

'Knowledge that shouldn't be here. Something about a "Holy Grail War", and something about being called "Mercenary" for the time being.'

'Thanks, Vergil. I'll keep that in mind.' The other guy smirked amusedly at the girl as she rambled about the time and some other stuff.

"Alright, what are you?" She said, looking at the tan skinned man.

"That's the first thing you say to me? Well, well, well…Looks like I've been summoned by quite the Master…No, wait, I must have drawn the shortest straw."

"Hey, cut her some slack. I mean, sure, she was rude, but have you tried understanding the situation from her perspective?" My words went unnoticed.

"Just to be perfectly clear, whoever you are, you're my Servant, correct?"

"And am I to presume that you are my Master? You weren't present when I emerged from the summoning."

"To be fair, is I remember correctly, you crashed in here just like me."

"Shut it." He replied to me angrily.

"And who are you, anyways? A Master can only summon one Servant at a time."

"I am the multiverse's current play thing. Have you noticed that you have an extra Command Seal? That's because of me. You may call me Mercenary." Might as well roll with it.

"I was curious…Now, what about you? Which Servant are you?"

"Before I answer that, I want to see if you are someone worthy of my loyalty."

"Excuse me? I'm not good enough to be your Master?"

"I'm completely dissatisfied, but I'll acknowledge you as my Master. But on one condition. In the war to come, I will not obey your commands. I will decide how I battle."

"Same. My style isn't exactly something that can be dictated. Too free flowing, you see." And designed to take on hordes of demons.

"You don't object to that, do you?" She was shaking with anger.

"I see. You will grudgingly acknowledge me, but you won't listen to my strategic opinions?"

"He said that, not me." I know how women work, to an extent, and know he's going down a dangerous road.

"It doesn't matter. How can that be? You are my Servants, are you not?"

"Yes, but in form only. So I will obey you in form only."

"Dear Chuck, make it stop…" I'm really tempted to "kill" myself so this nonsense will stop.

"Oh, and I will be calling my own shots. Until this Holy Grail War ends, I suggest you sit tight down in some cellar." Her rage is rising. "If you do that, even a novice like you should be able to stay alive. Oh, have I made you angry?"

"Okay, you know what? Enough of this." I whip out Infamy, put it to my temple, and pulled the trigger. The bullet made my head jerk as blood and brain matter went everywhere. Both of their faces were stuck in positions of shock.

"Ugh…I hate doing that…gives me a migraine…Anyway, are you two done with your dick measuring contest or am I going to need to get a bit more forceful?" I pointed Infamy at the girl and drew Fame and pointed it at the man.

"Both of you, shut up already! Fine! You asked for it, I'll show you who's Master! Anfang!" She raised the hand with the Command Seals on it.

"What? Wait!?"

"Don't go throwing those around like that!"

"Why shouldn't I? You both have said you won't listen to me/"

"Maybe I wasn't clear. What I was trying to say was I'm like a gun. You point me in the direction of the thing you want dead and you set me off." I don't care if you have four of them, you aren't wasting a Command Seal. Especially not on me.

"I don't care!" She stomped her foot. "You despicable ingrates! Vertag…Ein neuer Nagel…Ein neues Gesetz…Ein neues Gesetz…"

"What are you doing, are you crazy!? Wasting a Command Seal on something like this!?" She ignored him and continued her chanting.

"Silence! You are my God damn Servants! That means absolute obedience. You'll do everything I say!" A red light shot from her hand, and I could feel it try to affect my mind. Too bad I have three wills (by technicality).

"Are you really that stupid?!"

"Apparently she is, my skirt wearing friend."

"It's not a skirt."

"It's kind of a skirt."

"It doesn't matter. I can't believe you wasted a Command Seal on that!"

"L-Let's take this elsewhere. Come with me."

"Before we go, would you happen to have a guitar case?"

"Yeah, why?" I turned around and pointed to Rebellion on my back.

"I can't Astralize and I'd get arrested carrying this around." She simply walked out and came back with a large zip-up guitar case. I slide the Zweihander into it before slinging it over my shoulder. "Alright, let's go." I thought we were going out, but she took us to an office. Archer poked at a pendulum while I just whistled. She was hugging her knees to her chest as she sat on a couch.

"Well, Master, now I have a good idea of who you are. But just to be clear, you realize how precious Command Seals are, don't you?" Archer asked.

"Even if you have an extra, they are a limited resource."

"What's that superior tone? Absolute obedience, my ass!"

"You were too broad. Command Seals compel a Servant to perform a specific action."

"Mercenary is right. For example, I am incapable of teleporting away from here. However, if you were to order via a Command Seal, it would use both of our mana to make the teleport possible."

"They're the crystallization of High Magic that surpasses flesh and blood."

"I know all that, so what? I still have three. Besides, the first one worked. I didn't waste it."

"When vaguely worded, Command Seals are less effective, which is exactly what happened with your order earlier. Even a hundred Command Seals could not cause true, absolute obedience in all words and actions."

"Plus, when it's more than one will resisting, its effects are lessened even further."

"More than one will?" She asked. Archer looked as confused as my Master.

"I have two other souls bound to mine, along with the souls that inhabit my weapons."

"So what you two are saying is the Command Seal I used earlier was pointless?"

"Normally, that would be the case. However, it would seem that your skill as a mage is extraordinary."

"Are you flattering me?"

"Even with three of us fighting it, the compulsion is still there."

"Same, and it's very annoying."

"What are you saying?"

"I take back what I said, Master. You may be young in years, but you really are an outstanding mage. I made a mistake looking down on you as just a helpless child and trying to keep you from fighting. I apologize to you for that."

"Then you acknowledge me as your Master even without me using a Command Seal?"

"Of course I do."

"And what of you?"

"I'm stuck here until this whole mess is over with, and I never said I wouldn't in the first place. I'm in. Who knows, it could be one hell of a party."

"Now that that's over with our pacts are complete. You can feel the link between us, right?"

"Yes, our pacts…Servants are anchored to this world by a Master's power."

"And since I was dimension hopping at the time, I got dragged along for the ride."

"Dimension hopping?" The girl asked.

"Me and some friends were stripped from our home, and we are traveling from world to world trying to get back."

"That is quite the tale. How is it that you are doing so?"

"I guess it would be considered one of my Noble Phantasms, now. It's an O-katana called Yamato, and it can cut through reality."

"Wait, so you aren't a Saber?" She said, looking at my fellow red clad man.

"I hate to disappoint, but I have no sword."

"Which makes you the Archer."

"A bowman and a Jack-of-all-trades. Who would've thought? A red clad Archer and a red clad Devil Hunter. How quaint."

"Boy, did I blow it. I used all those gems and still didn't get the Saber."

"I use swords. Does that count?"

"No, it doesn't." I turn to Archer and he just shrugged. Time to show off a bit then.

"How about this?" I conjured the skeleton of Susano'o.

"Whoa…"

"And I have even more tricks up my sleeve."

"I'll hold you to that." We walked to the stairs and when she was halfway down them, she turned to us.

"I almost forgot, What Heroic Spirit are you?"

"Well, I'm no spirit. I haven't died yet. My demonic heritage doesn't make it easy."

"I noticed. What about you, Archer?"

"I can't give you any information about who I really am. For the simple reason that I myself don't know."

"What!? What's that supposed to mean!? Are you messing with me, Archer!? I can't believe this!"

"I don't mean to insult you, Master, but it's because of your imperfect summoning."

"And it's also the reason that I summoned Mercenary."

"You can call me Merc for short. It'll probably help later on."

"Just great…An amnesiac and a false Heroic Spirit…How am I supposed to formulate a strategy…?"

"Wing it. It works for me."

"No. Now, you two, it's time for your first job."

"Straight to business. My Master is belligerent. Who is my enemy-" She tossed a broom and dust pan at us, which I Tricked away from. I'm better at breaking than fixing.

"Clean the living room. You made that big mess, so I expect you to make it spotless." I grabbed her arm. "What do you think you're doing? Clean with him."

"Nah. While he cleans, I'm gonna show you what I can do." To an extent.

"Oh…Okay…Have fun, Archer!"

"Hang on! What do you think Servants are?"

"Familiars, right? Only these talk back and are unruly all the time."

"As you wish." He sulked off as we went to go outside.

"Wait. That should wait until tomorrow. I'll be back in a bit though. Gotta find my friends." I walked outside before she could answer. 'This city is bigger than I thought.'

'Use Quicksilver.'

'That was the plan, Dante.' I snapped my fingers and slowed time. I spent an hour my time looking for them. They were holed up in a hotel, sleeping, so I left a note explaining everything. I got back to my Master's mansion and released my hold on time. After leaping up to a balcony, I saw that she had crawled into bed. Some shut-eye doesn't seem too bad right now. I snuck into the room as quietly as I could and sat down near the head of the bed, just so I could rest the back of my head on the edge of a pillow, before closing my eyes and falling asleep.

I woke up to the feeling of an arm wrapped around my chest. Seems like my Master is more feminine than she acts. I shift a bit so that I can get a good angle on her shoulder before shaking it.

"Hey, it's time to wake up." She groaned a bit before opening her eyes. "By the way, as nice as it is for my ego that you find me attractive, I'm a married man with kids." She looked at where her own arm was and stared at it for a few minutes before reeling in shock.

"I-I don't like you like that, idiot!"

"Alright, alrigth…Calm down. I'm just teasing." She sat up on the other edge of the bed and grabbed her clock. It read nine-o-five in the morning.

"This is way beyond running a little late. I'll skip school today."

"Not much of a morning person, are you? I don't blame you. I don't like mornings either. Go on and take a shower or something to wake up. I'm gonna go down and get breakfast going." Before I could hear what she had to say, I left the room. Archer was heading to the living room carrying a tray with a tea kettle on it. She didn't heed my advice and walked into the living room groggily.

"The sun came up long ago. You really are quite the slob, aren't you, Master?"

"Archer, we really have to work on your bedside manner. That, and we have no room to talk." She just sat down and he poured her a cup before turning to me.

"Do you want any?"

"Thanks, but no thanks. More of a coffee guy." She took a sip of her tea, and her eyes widened.

"Delicious." Archer immediately shifted into a cocky stance. "What are you smirking at? More importantly, have you managed to remember who you are?"

"Not yet. Now, I couldn't help but overhear that you have a wife and child, Mercenary."

"Two wives. Their idea, not mine. One is a bit obsessed with harem animes. It gets weird some days. I have three girls. One I adopted, and my twins. Wanna see a family picture?" I always keep one on me.

"Sure." Rin answered. I pulled the picture out of my pocket. In the front row was Rom and Ram, posing shyly and cutely (respectively), in the middle. Iffy had this almost aloof look and was on the right while Nepgear was smiling on the left, sitting on her knees. Vert was standing behind Iffy and Blanc was behind Gear. I was in the middle looking like a loon as I draped an arm around the two CPUs' shoulders. We took this picture when we went camping years ago. That was a fun trip.

"Care to introduce us?"

"I was getting to that, Archer. So, the one in light blue is Rom and the one in pink is Ram. They're the twins. The girl in the big blue coat is IF, my adopted daughter. We usually call her Iffy. Nepgear is the girl in the sailor outfit. She's my faux sister. Vert is the blonde in green and is my first wife, and Blanc is the one with blue hair. She's my second wife and the mother of my wonderful twins."

"How come you didn't have a child with your first wife?"

"Well, Master, that's because she can't have any children." The room suddenly got very quiet and grim feeling. It stayed like that for a few minutes.

"I'm sorry…"

"Bah, it's good. You didn't know."

"You two, get ready to go out. I'm going to show you around the city."

"Before we do that, Master, aren't you forgetting something important?"

"I am, Archer? I thought I covered everything."

"Oh, brother. Master, the most important exchange of our solemn pact has yet to be carried out."

"I don't understand. What most important exchange?"

"I'm with her on this one."

"I see. You aren't really a morning person, are you, girl?"

"That's what I said!"

"How dare you call me girl!? Who do you-Our names, I forgot."

"Huh, it finally clicked? So then, Master, what shall we call you from now on?" I cannot get enough of this guy's snark.

"My name is Rin Tohsaka."

"Steven." The both of them turned to me. "What? I'm no legend, so it won't matter if someone finds out. But, whatever. It's nice to formally meet your acquaintance, Rin."

"'Rin'. The sound of it suits her quite well. I'll call you that as well." After a few more minutes of pleasantries, she went up and got dressed. The two of us were staving off our hunger with a few pieces of toast. From there, we spent the day touring the city. The sites look better during the day. Who knew? At the end of it all, she brought us to the roof of a sky scrapper.

"What do you think? We can get a great view from here, can't we?"

"Not too bad. Would have been better to get up on the ones over there so we had nothing in our way. Right, Archer?"

"Indeed. There wouldn't be as many blind spots."

"Will you two stop criticizing me already?!" We just turned to each other before speaking at the same time. It was a bit harder, seeing as how he was in his Astral Form.

"No." We just sat there in silence before something caught Rin's attention.

"Huh? It's him, I'm sure of it."

"Is it our enemy?"

"I could go for a round or two."

"No, it's just an acquaintance." I coughed out a quiet "boyfriend" and Archer looked like he was struggling to breath.

"Why are you fighting for a magic cup anyways?"

"It's been the dream of the Tohsaka's for generations to win the Grail."

"That's good. I cannot entrust my blades to you unless I know what your wish is."

"Archer has a point. I'm not exactly comfortable letting you use my power for something vile."

"Rin, what is your wish?"

"Wish? I don't really have one."

"You don't?"

"Seems like she's doing this for shits and giggles, really."

"Why are you fighting, then?"

"Because, Archer, there's a battle to be fought, and won."

"Wait, are you serious?"

"Yes. I'm fighting to win. That's all."

"Sounds like you know how to throw a party." I stretched out my fist. "Count me in for sure."

"I guess I have no choice." He walked over and put a fist against mine. Rin hesitantly touched hers against ours, finishing the three way fist bump.

"Let's head home." She suggested. That sounds like the best thing she's said all day. My feet are killing me.

"I have an idea. Let me fly you home."

"You can fly?" Rin asked.

"Not like this, but I can when I use my Devil Trigger."

"What is a Devil Trigger?" The bowman asked, confused.

"It's one of my Noble Phantasms." God, that's going to take some getting used to. "Basically, it lets me temporarily assume my true demon form."

"Won't other Servants be able to detect it?"

"Not really. I may look flashy, but I do know about stealth." I Triggered, hiding as much power as I could. " **See. Nothing to worry about. Right, Archer?** "

"Correct. If I didn't see it happen, I wouldn't have detected it."

" **Now, hold on, Rin.** " I scooped her up bridal style and spread my wings. Archer took off in his Astral Form. With one flap, we were airborne. We flew for a bit until Rin spoke up.

"Can you set us down here? It would be better to be seen walking home after the trip we had today."

" **Sure thing. Just one question: Do you trust me?** "

"I haven't been given a reason not to."

" **Okay, then. Hold on tight.** " I deactivated my transformation. "We're taking the express elevator." We fell. She screamed. Good times for all. My feet met the concrete, and the only evidence of our descent was a small plume of dust that rose up from underneath me.

"Never do that again!"

"Okay, okay, fine…killjoy…"

"What was that?"

"Nothing." We started walking and when we went to go around a corner, she grabbed my arm and pulled me into cover. "What's this about?"

"It's someone I know. I skipped school today, so I don't want to run into anyone." There was a girl with purple hair and a guy with long hair that hid his face. The two just stared at each other for a moment before the blonde haired guy started to leave. From there, the night was uneventful. We made it home and I plopped down on the first couch I found.

The next morning, we all went through a basic morning routine. After that, she made a phone call. I was in another room so I couldn't hear the person on the other end.

"Kirei? It's me. I've sworn a pact with the Archer and Mercenary last night, so please officially list me as a Master."

"…"

"I know. I don't understand it myself."

"…"

"Are you talking about my Father's will? If so, I've already deciphered it and found what he left. I'll stop by if I'm ever in the mood, so see to my listing, okay?" After that, she hung up. "Mercenary, I need you to stay here, since you can't take an Astral Form."

"Okay. Mind if I take a guest room?"

"By all means, go ahead."

"Thanks. Have fun at school." The last part I said teasingly. It's a universal constant that high school, for the most part, sucks. I went to one of the rooms after she left. I took down the wall mounted shelves so I could use the mounts as makeshift weapon racks.

"Now this is like my home away from home." Time to take a nap. A ringing phone woke me up from my slumber. I looked at the clock to see that two hours had passed, before going down and picking it up.

"Hello?"

"Mercenary, meet me and Archer on the roof of the school once classes are over."

"When will that be?"

"In a few hours."

"Okay. I'll be there. See you then." I waited until it was dark to leave. Rin was crouched down, looking at some strange symbol. It reeks.

"I don't know what that thing is, Master, but it smells like some dark stuff."

"Kyah! Don't scare me like that!"

"My bad. So, what are you doing?"

"Disarming it. This was the seventh one we've found and it seems to be the trigger point. I've never seen, or even heard of, writing like this."

"May I take a closer look?"

"If you can find something I missed, go ahead." I looked over the strange symbols and a familiarity came from them.

"These are similar to the ones on Pandora. Still can't read them, though."

"Looks like this is over both of our heads. Archer, you can already tell what kind of bounded field this is, right? If this bounded field is activated it will literally dissolve every human inside of it to nothing. This is soul-eating."

"That's just great. The one time I need Yamato and I didn't bring it with me."

"This could only be the work of a Servant. Archer, would your kind do such a thing?"

"Yes, we would. We are fundamentally non-corporeal beings, except for our exception here. Just as your kind partake of meat as nourishment, Servants partake of minds and souls. In other words, the more we ingest the greater our mana stores become."

"And I thought turning souls into weapons was bad, but that's just twisted."

"I guess non-Servants would see it that way."

"Let's erase it, then. I may not be able to completely undo it, but I can throw a wrench in the works." Suddenly, a new voice spoke up.

"What, you're going to erase it now? What a waste." On top of the water tank stood a man in blue tights with armor attached to it holding a red spear. He was smiling arrogantly. I reached for Fame in its holster.

"So, this is your handiwork?"

"Nope. Stooping to dirty tricks is the role of the Master. My kind simply fight where and when we're told. Am I right, my invisible buddy?" Archer simply appeared as I drew both pistols.

"Archer, get her out of here. I'll distract him."

"You? You're just a human." I took the guitar case off of my shoulder, and in one swift motion, unzipped it and took out the large claymore before resting it's edge on my shoulder.

"You were saying?"

 **So, I hope you enjoyed the beginning of this arc. It'll be a long one, given my starting point. Like I always ask, review. Until next time.**


	6. Time for a Meeting

Chapter 6: Time for a Meeting

 **Nothing to say, so we're just gonna jump right into it.**

"You'll look like you'll be fun." The blue clad man said before jumping towards us as Archer took Rin. I blocked his swing with the underside of Fame's barrel.

"I'd like to say the same." We clashed for a bit, neither one of us landing a solid hit on the other. He turned his head slightly and ran past me, gunning for Rin. I shot round after round at him, but he avoided every one of them. The spear user brought his lance down on her, but Archer blocked it with a sword he pulled out of nowhere.

"Archer?" Rin asked, confused. I stood to his left, which happened to be the hand that held the sword. It was a short sword that was black and had red hexagon symbols on it.

"Alright! Now that's more like it! Though, two against one isn't very fair."

"A fight's a fight, so just try to enjoy this." Archer just elbowed me in the side. "What?"

"Don't encourage him."

"You're a Lancer class Servant!" Really, Rin? It's pretty obvious and you're now figuring this out?

"Indeed. Now then, your Servants don't really strike me as Sabers. What are you?"

"You may call me Mercenary. Tall and brooding here is Archer." I can feel Rin boring holes into the back of my skull. "Don't worry, Master. He won't live long enough to tell his Master."

"Confident, are we?"

"I've faced worse than you on a regular basis, so no. I'me not confident, just experienced." Archer was silent the entire time.

"What's wrong, Archer? Why don't you draw your bow? I'll wait." Nothing from my fellow red clad man.

"Archer…? That's right…Archer, you'll get no assistance from me! Right here, right now, show me what you've got!"

"Tch." Was all that came from him as the left corner of his mouth raised. Archer then surged towards Lancer in a burst of speed. I stayed behind to guard Rin, just in case.

"I thought you wanted to fight?"

"I can't have all of the fun. What kind of party is that?" The two true Servants were a blur of motion, the whole thing boiling down to red versus blue. The two clashed over and over, causing all kinds of collateral damage.

"Twenty-seven blades? How many pieces do you have hiding under your sleeve?"

"What's the matter? Is wait-and-see your strategy now? Or are you just taking a little break?"

"Trying to provoke me? You're a sly old coot. Fine. How about an introduction? What land's Heroic Spirit are you? I've never heard of a bowman who wields two swords or a swordsman who uses guns."

"You, on the otherhand, are easily identifyable. Only the swiftest heroes are chosen to be spearmen, and you stand head and shoulders above them all."

"Your spear radiates bloodlust and you have an attitude to match it. You must be Cu Chulainn."

"You two flatter me." He took an odd stance with his spear as the tip started to glow with an ethereal flame. "All right, then. Will you face my mightiest blow?"

"I won't stop you." Archer said with mirth.

"Me neither." There was the sound of footsteps and Lancer cancelled his attack.

"Who's there?!" The spearman called out.

"A student? Someone as still in the school building?"

"So it would seem, Rin. It saved my life, actually…"

"I know a few strong defensive techniques, Archer. No ally's going to die on my watch."

"Wait, where did Lancer go?"

"Dammit…he chased after the kid…"

"He probably went to eliminate him."

"Follow them, you two! I'll catch up!" The two of us took off towards the building. He was on the third floor, bleeding profusely. Poor kid… "Go and follow Lancer, Archer. If we don't at least learn the face of his Master, none of this will have been worth it." He silently vanished to comply to her order. "Help me save him."

"Consider it done." I rolled him onto his back and crushed a Vital Star in my hand. Instead of eating it like I normally would, I sprinkled the powder into the wound on his chest as Rin used her magecraft. She seemed to be too shaken by who it was to use it properly. Must be someone she knows, seeing as how she was mumbling under her breath. "Rin, focus! We need to save him before anything happens."

"Yes, of course." We fixed him up and I brought him to where Rin said he lived before heading home myself. Currently, Rin was moping on the couch and I was sipping from the bottle of Jack while sitting sideways on an armchair. During our silence, Archer reappeared.

"I'm sorry, I failed. This Master is very cautious."

"Oh. I guess I shouldn't have expected it to be that easy." Archer dangled the necklace with a red gem on it that Rin had used to save the boy and had left there. Not really, though. I put it in his pocket, so where did that one come from? "You went to get it for me?"

"Don't lose it again. It doesn't suit anyone but you."

"Really? Well, thanks a lot." She examined it for a second before continuing. "As I thought, there doesn't seem to be any mana left in it at all…Hey, Wait a minute!"

"What's up, Rin?"

"When Lancer's Master learns that the witness they thought he killed is still alive…"

"He will probably send Lancer to finish the job." Archer finished her sentence for her.

"Don't worry about it. I've got it covered."

"How?"

"Let me put it to you this way, Master. In a room as lit as this one, you'd think I'd have a shadow." As soon as I said that, my Doppelgänger popped in through the open window.

"They are watching the house now, boss. He should be good." He turned into smoke-like energy as he rejoined with me and I got me shadow back.

"Who are 'they'?"

"Some friends. Come on, let's go." We jumped from power pole to power pole. Acher was carrying Rin this time. She doesn't trust me to anymore.

"Look out!" Johnny? Suddenly, a girl in armor came bolting towards Rin. I stood in front of her, using Ultimate and Archer blocked the blow before engaging. My two allies just stared at the small woman, who wielded an invisible sword. Is that wind magic?

"It's her. The Saber class Servant…" The Servant charged forward once again.

"Saber, stop!" The boy from before yelled. She froze in her place.

"Are you insane, Shirou? I could have defeated them handily, yet you ordered me to stop!"

"Just hold on a second. I have no idea what's going on here. If I'n your Master, at least tell me what this is about."

"We have no time for this in front of the enemy!" Rin snapped out of her daze.

"Ah, so that's how it is to be, my good novice Master? For starters, good evening, Emiya." The ohers floated down behind the soulless boy. (Haha…Ginger joke…)

"Stevie!" Neptune deactivated her transformation and hug-tackled me.

"Hey, Neptune. What's up?"

"Not much. It was a bit too quiet without you here to pick a fight with Johnny, so when you sent your clone we were excited."

"I've noticed."

"We have a bit of a problem, G1…"

"What is it, Storm?"

"Could you take a look at the back of Rom's hand?" I did so and saw three red marks on her right hand.

"Oh, no…" Command Seals…She had Command Seals. They looked a lot like the staff of Hermes. "So, who's her Servant?"

"Hey, G1." This guy is everywhere! Does he ever take a break?

"Bryce. How did you get here?"

"Oh, you know…Stuff and things…"

"It's freezing out here." Shirou simply lead us to the inside of his house after Rin started complaining. "What happened here? This window pane is completely smashed in."

"That's not my fault. I was defending myself from that Lancer guy."

"Wait, you fought him all on your own until you were able to summon Saber?"

"No. It was more like he was running like Hell trying to stay alive until we showed up. He summoned Saber shortly after." Johnny said.

"That makes more sense."

"Well yeah, I couldn't even fight back."

"Huh? You're not even trying to brag about it. I see…You are exactly how you look. Super honest."

"Do you all want to come in?"

"Yes, of course. Thank you. Com now, Archer, Mercenary."

"Mercenary? Really?"

"What are you then, Bryce?"

"Guardian."

"At least we have names that fit us."

"That's true."

"Could the rest of you stay out here? We need to have a meeting between Masters." Only the Masters and us Servants entired the main room, as per Rin's request. "Archer, go up to the roof and watch for Lancer." He nodded and went to go do as he was told. Shirou brewed some tea before taking a seat. "Alright, why don't we get down to business? You have absolutely no idea what you're caught up in, do you?"

"No…" Rom answered as Shirou shook his head.

"To be totally blunt, you've been chosen by the Grail to be a Master. Have you noticed a stigma somewhere on your body?"

"Stigmata?" Shirou asked.

"These symbols on my hand?"

"Yes. Those are Command Seals." Saber replied.

"Oh…"

"Yes. Those mark you both as Masters. They are also spells that can control your Servant. So as long as you still have at least one of those, you can keep your Servant under control."

"What do you mean, 'as long as I still have them'?"

"They're spells that bend a Servant to your will. You used one on Saber here to stop her from attacking Archer, so now you only have two." I answered before Rin could.

"If you use them all, you'll likely be killed."

"K-Killed…?" Poor Rom was shaking like a leaf.

"Don't worry. Both me and Guardian will make sure that doesn't happen."

"Mercenary, what are you-?" I snapped my head towards her, and gave her a sharp glare while turning my eyes red.

"I see…Fine, then…Anyway, the Holy Grail War is based around Masters defeating other Masters. The one who defeats the other six, or in our case, seven, wins the Holy Grail, which is an omnipotent wish granting cup."

"Hey, hold on a second. Why are you telling me this?"

"Well, because, you've been dragged into a certain ritual."

"A battle royal where Masters have their Servants fight to the death to fulfill their own desires." Bryce said.

"Do you really expect me to believe that?"

"Believe it or not, kid, it doesn't matter. You're a part of this, whether you like it or not. This isn't some game. Right, now, it's a fight for survival."

"Well put, Mercenary. Do you understand everything so far?"

"Yeah…"

"Yeah, I guess I do."

"For a more detailed explanation, you should talk to the man overseeing the Grail War. Now, there's something you should keep in mind. Like Mercenary said, this is a fight to the death. You have no choice once you are selected as a Master." Rin paused to take a long sip of her tea. "Now for you." She looked at Saber. "From what I gather, you are in an incomplete state, Saber?"

"Yes. As you say, I am not at my full fighting strength. The fact is, Shirou is not a fully-trained Master, so even replenishing mana will likely be difficult for him."

"That's pretty shocking!" Is it really though, Rin?

"Hey, I'm confused. What are you guys talking about?"

"The only way Servants stay manifested is through their Master's mana. Since you aren't even a half-rate mage, she can't get any from you. I'm fine since my Master is a Goddess that is excellent at magic." Aww…Rom's blushing…

"And my pools refill naturally due to my demon side and the sage training me and my buddies outside got years ago."

"You don't know how to focus, and it'll be a problem before too long."

"Master, if I may?"

"What is it?"

"Remember that stone that I used earlier that had healing properties?"

"Yes. What about it?"

"I have ones that restore magic, too. Saber could use those until Emiya can provide her with mana on his own."

"Why would you help me?"

"Why not? Isn't it a hero's job to help anyone that needs it?"

"I suppose it is. But how do I know I can trust you?" I took out a Devil Star and popped it into my mouth and swallowed it.

"See? And it's grape flavored. Real grape, not that fake crap that tastes like death and the tears of small children." I held out another star and she hesitantly took it and ate it like I did. I felt her magic peak.

"Wow…"

"Here's a few more. They're big ones designed to cap you off, so only use them when you're bottoming out."

"I will. Thank you."

"Man, what a waste! If I was Saber's Master, I'd win this war easily! Why'd she go to a newbie like him!?"

"Hey, are you trying to say that I'm not worthy of her?"

"G1, he pushed the button."

"Yeah he did. This'll be fun."

"Of course I am, you hack!"

"Huh?"

"Could you take us to see the overseer? It'd be nice to hear what he has to say…" Rom's here to save the day! Yay!

"Okay. Come on, then."

"I'd like to, but it's getting really late." The clock that Shirou was looking at read two in the morning. I don't blame him. I'm tired too.

"What, you won't go? Oh well, whatever. That's your call. What about you, Saber?"

"Leave Saber out of this!" He said angrily as he stood up. "Don't try to strong arm her."

"Oh, so you do think like a Master! You don't want me talking to Saber?"

"Why would I give a damn!?"

"Bryce, do you wanna say it?"

"Absolutely/ Will you two just kiss already?"

"Thereis no way I like her/him!" Low five of victory, Bryce. You earned it.

"So, where are we going?"

"The church in New City." Shirou went to change out of his bloodied school uniform and we waited. The trip would take ten minutes via flight. Some of us (Saber) did not take to the idea of flying, but we convinced her to try it. We had Blanc carry her, seeing as how she was the physically strongest CPU. When we arrived, Saber, Bryce and I stayed outside. The others went inside with Shirou, Rin and Rom.

"So, G1…Have you noticed it yet?"

"I would if you weren't playing the God damn pronoun game."

"Magic works differently here."

"That I noticed. In my human form, my body wasn't being reinforced with magic like it normally is. I should have fought Lancer a lot better than I did."

"Are you saying you fought Lancer weakened and won?"

"No, Saber. The only reason I held him off as long as I did was because of my above average reaction time and my profession."

"And what would that be?"

"I hunt demons."

"So what I'm getting from this is we need to be transformed in order to be on the same level as other Servants."

"Duel me." The two of us turned to her. "If you could fend off someone as skilled as Lancer, I would like to face you at your true strength."

"Um…Okay…? As long as we aren't killing each other, it should be fine…" She charge at me while I was transforming, and I met her invisible blade with my demonic great sword. Our swords bit into one another repeated, neither one of us backing down. I was so into our fight that I hadn't noticed that the others had rejoined us.

"What are you doing!?" Rin shrieked. Me and Saber both stopped mid swing.

" **Sparring.** "

"It was my idea. Please, forgive me.

"It's fine, Saber. I just didn't expect you to fight my Servant so soon."

"If what he said was true, then he will be an ally during this war. I thought it would be wise to test his abilities." She turned to Shirou. "Shirou, is your business concluded?"

"It is."

"And?"

"I've decided I'm gonna fight as a Master. I need to know if you'll consent to serving a novice like me."

"But my consent is irrelevant. Shirou, you have been my Master from the start. Did I not swear a solemn outh to you, that I would be your blade?"

"Right, thanks…Saber, fight with me till the end. I'll be counting on you." He stretched his hand to shake hers, which she did after a minute of staring at his hand in shock.

"I will fight with you, Master. So long as you have Command Seals, I will be your trusted blade."

" **Alright, everyone, enough with the emotions.** " I deactivated Devil Trigger. "It's time to head home…*yawn*…I need my sexy sleep…"

"Sexy sleep?" Bryce asked, conveying everyone's thoughts.

"It's like beauty sleep, but for sexy people."

"Why are my Servants insane?"

"You mean insanely awesome."

"No…No she doesn't…" Noire, why!? Silence followed as we walked home. Eventually, we decided that we were going to split the large group. Neptune, Nepgear, and Johnny were going to come with me and Rin while the rest stayed with Shirou. Before we went to part ways, I grabbed Guardian and Saber.

"If anything happens to her, I will end you." I let them go and continued to walk. Before any of us got too far, Saber turned around and got into a battle ready stance.

"So, are you done?" A little girl's voice rang out. I could see her silhouette in the fog. She had a behemoth of a man standing beside her.

"That's Berserker…"

"Wonderfull, just what tonight frickin' needed." Blanc groaned out.

 **That's all for this week, folks. This arc isn't going to be as long as I thought. Turns out, when you take out the Shirou parts of the anime, due to perspective, everything gets shorter. Who knew? As always, review if you feel like it, and until next week, see ya.**


	7. Tired of your Shit, Archer

Chapter 7: Tired of your Shit, Archer

 **I really have nothing to say, so I'll just ship to the reviews.**

 **On3dgeGaming: You're my friend, and I respect you, but this is my story. If anyone is going to be the overpowered sack of shit that kills Berserker, it's gonna be me. Also, welcome back to the land of the living.**

 **Tehg2000: I'm glad that you approve my rendition of this story, and hope the rest will blow you away.**

 **Now, on to the show.**

"Good evening, big-brother. This makes it two times that we met." Shirou looked shocked for a second before returning to his tensed stance. The girl took a few steps forward before curtsying.

"It's nice to meet you, Rin. My name is Illya. Short for Illyasviel von Einzbern. You're familiar with the name, aren't you?"

"Von Einzbern…" Rin stared at the gigantic Servant and her right eye glowed blue. "That's amazing. In terms of raw ability, that thing outclasses Saber by a lot."

"It's incredible. That one Servant can fight all the other Servants combined." Archer spoke through the link.

"Meaning that we need more than physical strength to beat him. Archer, you should use your class's usual methods."

"What about defense? I doubt you could stop it if it charges."

"I've got a trick or two up my sleeve for that, Archer. Trust me."

"I will put my trust in you. Do not lose it." With his piece said, he went to do as he was told.

"Emiya, Rom. It's up to you if you want to run away or stay and fight. But if you can, try to run far away."

"I'm staying." Rom said with a serious look on her face.

"Are you done talking? Well then, can I get started?" I drew Rebellion off of my back and took a step forward. Saber took off her cloak and drew her sword along with Bryce. "Time to kill you. Okay, go get them, Berserker." The colossus's skin turned red and the ground underneath him cracked as he charged at us with a roar. He leapt up into the air and brought his stone sword down. Archer intercepted him with a volley of arrows. I want to take advantage of this.

"Johnny, I'm gonna need a helping hand!"

"On it!" He placed his left hand in my right. Both were palm up. I formed a Rasengan and Johnny pumped it full of lightning. "Ready?"

"Yeah."

"Fusion Art: Hellstorm Rasengan!" We yelled at the same time as we ran towards it and slammed the cackling sphere into its chest. The attack sent the beast flying and left quite the mark, if the amount of blood was anything to go by. He quickly recovered and sped in between Rin and Shirou, aiming to cleave the boy in two.

"Emiya!" The monster of a man brought his weapon down, and Saber blocked it with her own.

"Mercenary! Transform, now!"

"Done." I turned into my demon form. " **Bryce, it's high time you do the same.** " He did as I asked of him. Storm and Johnny also heeded my advice.

"Those are some interesting Servants. Too bad they're going to die." Saber and Bryce charged at him, clashing their blades against his.

"Why aren't you fighting?"

" **No need to be so impatient, Rin. I just need a moment.** " I equipped Nix into my left hand while keeping Rebellion in my right. I lifted both weapons over my shoulders so that they formed an x. " **EXE Drive: Endless Waltz!** " The move was a fifty-six hit combo that was based around constantly spinning and twirling while cutting. All of that is just fifty-five of the fifty-six hits. For the last one, I point the tip of Rebellion towards the sky and create a blade of energy off of it before bringing it down. The energy is volatile and creates a massive explosion. Berserker blocked most of this onslaught except for the last sixteen hits. Beaten and bloodied, the Mad Servant got up and lifted his blade.

"Hey, G1?"

" **Yeah, Bryce?** "

"This remind you of anything?"

" **It does, except this time, you can't do dick against him either.** "

"Archer! Fire support!" The attack hit Berserker dead on, but like every other arrow, it did next to nothing.

"Oh, come on…!" Storm groaned. Basically, at this point, anyone who could fight, was. Rin threw some gems, casting some kind of binding spell.

"Archer!" A storm of arrows struck him from behind, but there was no visible damage.

"Is that thing immortal?"

"No, it's not Shirou." Storm? Oh…right…He animes more than I do. "He's just durable. Johnny, G1, it's time we go all out."

"Whatever you say, Storm." The two went Sage Mode and Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan respectively. I deactivated my Devil Trigger so I could go MT.

"Limit Break!" Limit Break? Dafuq? When the light died down, the only real change was that he had his SD armor over his CPU suit. The fighting continued, with us making the silent agreement to lead him to the woods outside of town.

"What will it take to put this guy down!?" Uni exclaimed. We had already killed him once.

 **"Well, if we can't kill the body, then let's go for the soul. Cover me, because this is going to take a bit of prep time."**

"What do you plan on doing?"

"Saber, we all have our ultimate trump cards. You're about to see his. He created a spell that destroys the soul of anyone caught in the blast." Storm said, replying to the swordswoman. I raised my clawed right hand and formed well over twenty magic circles. The largest was the highest in the sky, and they got smaller as they got closer to the ground. I focused entirely on my spell craft while everyone else kept fighting. It took a good five minutes. That may not seem like long in most situations, but in a fight, it's forever.

"G1, we've got him!" Berserker was bound with all sorts of spells and seals.

"What is the meaning of this!?" Illya cried out.

"A-A-An EX ranked Noble Phantasm!?"

"Rin, what does that mean?"

"A Servant's abilities and weapons are ranked from E to EX with EX being the highest."

 **"EXE Drive: Soul Armageddon."** The enormous beam descended from the heavens and hit Berserker, bypassing his twelve lives and putting him down for good. Once the light faded, I de-transformed, having spent all of my energy. The titan fell like a stone column and then began to dissolve.

"Berserker!"

"Such power…"

"Saber, I know you're shocked, but I need some help." Everyone released their transformations except for Neptune. She probably plans to help me out as well.

"Of course. Shirou, go home with the others…" The kid started coughing up blood. "Shirou!?"

"Don't worry about me, Saber. He's more of your responsibility than I am." Neptune picked me up and Johnny took Saber's place. Rom and Bryce took Illya with them. We all wound up going to Shirou's place for the night. When I was asleep, someone (probably Bryce) stuck me in a t-shirt that said "My Girlfriend Said I needed to be more Affectionate, so now I have Two." Gonna kill him. Gonna kill him and laugh like a sociopath. Maybe turn him into a sock…My inner Ryan Haywood is coming out again…

"Mercenary!" I only got an hour's worth of sleep, so I'm still limping from lack of energy. Archer had a hold of my things.

"Yeah, yeah…I'm coming…"

"We're leaving."

"Good. I want to get out of this shirt."

"I think it looks good on you."

"Can it, Archer."

"Enough, both of you. We're going to fix my screw up."

"Ugh…" We walked around until we got to a building blocked off by caution tape.

"It's faint, but I sense mana residue."

"Same here, Archer."

"That means that the gas leak was no mere accident." Rin deduced.

"Or it wasn't an accident at all." I'm not wrong, am I?

"I can't believe they're involving outsiders…"

"We can't do anything about it until we figure out who's doing this, so I suggest we go home and get something to eat. I'm famished."

"Heroic spirits don't need to eat."

"Well, Rin, spirit means dead. I have yet to die, ever, so I need sustenance." We went home, fixed up some food, and spent the rest of the night and next day recuperating. It wasn't exactly a restful time, given that Neptune was being Neptune and Johnny wouldn't let me take that God damn stupid ass motherfucking shirt off. Later that night, we went back to the building to investigate. When we got to the floor that Rin told us was the one that blew up, there were two skeletal wolves on the prowl. They looked at us before running off, before turning around and charging. Rin dispatched them quickly with curses to the head. She started to walk forward, and a giant alligator crashed down through the ceiling. Its size didn't save it any because Neptune ran up and cut its head in half. With that done, we walked down the hall and opened a room full of cubicles. Anyone inside had their faces on their keyboards and there was a purple fog hovering right above the floor.

"What is this?" Nepgear asked.

"A witch's incense. Powerful. It supposedly destroys love. In which case, we're dealing with a woman here. Her rage must be deep to have vented even after becoming a Servant."

"Enough talk, Archer, I'm opening a window." From there, she called the police to get the men help and went to the tower from before.

"The stolen life force is flowing towards Ryudou Temple."

"Where's that?"

"Those mountains over there." Rin replied, pointing to the location that Archer told us. "The culprit must be Caster."

"That means we made a mistake last night." Archer spoke.

"Mistake? Fighting Berserker, you mean? I think that was the optimal outcome."

"I'm not so sure, Rin. If Caster has spread such a wide net, she must have observed last night's battle. And if that's not bad enough, we tipped our hand destroying Berserker."

"I'm not so sure. We'll track Caster. You can still sense her, can't you? We'll finish this before she can run to Ryudou Temple."

"That's kind of a dumb idea. We're not in tip-top shape and it might be beyond us. We don't want to get into something we can't get out of." Neptune said logically.

"I know. But this is a special case, don't you think?"

"And I thought I had a thing for picking fights…"

"You and me both, Johnny…You and me both…" I mean, seriously. I made a living fighting things that literally are Hell spawn.

"Look, don't worry…We can beat anyone else later. I'm just choosing to take out the biggest problem."

"Fine…Let's get to it…" Archer sighed in defeat.

"Tomorrow. I still have school in the morning."

"Woo…Another day of bumming it on the couch…" The next day came and went. I did some stuff around the house and decided to take a walk. At one point, I walked past the school and there was a commotion. There was a couple of explosions and a scream. Things died down pretty quickly, so I saw no reason to intervene. Fifteen minutes after I went back into the house, Rin showed up with Shirou.

"Mercenary, do you have any more of those healing stones?"

"I do. Why?" I should mention that I was in another room.

"Shirou's hurt." I got off the couch and walked into the room to see a make-shift bandage on his arm.

"Here. This should be enough for something so small." I tossed him a small Vital Star. "Chow down."

"I have a hole in my arm. You think that's a small injury?"

"More or less. Then again, I can shrug off mortal wounds like it's no big deal. So, what happened?"

"To put it simply, there's another Master at school. He's picking off students like that girl over and over again."

"Why would he do something like that?"

"To win the Holy Grail War, of course." Rin answered.

"There's a reason blood magic is so powerful, Shirou. A lot of a person's life force resides in it."

"And he's using that to strengthen his own Servant." Me and Rin have gotten really good and trading lines.

"Is that guy nuts?!"

"Probably." Nice assessment Johnny.

"There's already a Bounded Field around the school. Once it's activated, everyone inside will pretty quickly start to grow weak and die. Emiya, this may sound strange coming from me, but I think we need a truce."

"Hold on, Rin. You're forgetting another Master."

"I didn't think it would be necessary. I know what would happen if I attacked her."

"Good. Glad that that's understood."

"A truce? Between you and me?"

"Yes. We have to deal with this other Master. So, until then, why don't we call a truce and track him down together?"

"I'd take it. You know what happens when someone tries to fight a war on two fronts." I'm looking at you, Hitler.

"Sure. It'd be great to get help from someone dependable."

"Sounds like I have something to do tomorrow."

"What do you mean?"

"Time for me to go back to high school, even if it's only for a day."

"Why would you want to come to school with us?"

"Let me answer your question with one of my own, Shirou. What would happen if that Bounded Field, once activated, blocks you off from your Servant?"

"He's right…We would be in trouble once a Servant shows up."

"I hate to say it, but Rom and Mercenary have a point. But how will we get you inside the school?"

"My plan is actually pretty simple, Rin. What's Japan's equivalent to the FBI?" Let's see if the Winchester's method of infiltration really works. Shirou went home as me, Rin, and Archer put the plan into action. The next morning everything was set to go. I was dressed in a suit and had a CIB badge. That's the closest thing we could get. We decided that since everything happens at the end of the day, I should show up two hours beforehand to "investigate". This should work beautifully. Key word "should". When the time came, I walked into the building, only to pass by someone. Fairly certain he's a teacher.

"Excuse me, are you a teacher here?"

"I am. Who's asking?"

"I'm Agent Freely from the CIB. In light of all of the recent accidents and disappearances, I've been sent to investigate."

"And since all of the disappearing students came from this school, you came here?"

"Precisely."

"I will let the faculty know of what you are doing. Please do not interrupt any classes."

"I'll try, but I will make no promises. I may wind up having to ask students a few questions." He simply replied by letting out a "Hn" and walked off. From there I began my "rounds". Rin said she hid Rebellion somewhere in the school. If shit hits the fan, I can call it to me. Nix or Lucifer should be able to take care of anything, but still…During my walk, I found everyone but Johnny and Storm. This is Probably Fujimura's doing. I passed Rin and Shirou several times as they disabled the Bounded Field sigils. I met with Rin about an hour after sunset.

"So, how'd it go, Master?"

"As well as we had hoped. Was your mission a success?"

"Just enough that it will let me back in tomorrow for some follow-up questions." We basically did our own thing until I felt Archer's mana spike. "Rin, I'll be back in a bit. Don't wait up."

"Hey!" She tried to protest, but it was too late. I was already out the window, going towards where his arrows landed. When I got there, Archer had already gotten in between Shirou and a hooded woman, who I'm going to assume is Caster. Rom was bound in strings of some kind and Bryce had moved to take a stance in front of Caster like he was protect her.

"I hope I'm not late for the party. If I may ask, what the actual fuck are you doing, Bryce?"

"She'll kill Rom if I don't listen to her."

"Well that's a problem…Don't worry, I'll fix that."

"The infamous hero that killed Berserker. I was wondering when you'd show up."

"Let the girl go, Caster."

"No way. Between her reserves of mana and her Servant at my disposal, I'm unstoppable."

"How can you control him besides threating him with her life?" There's no way he would completely obey her.

"With this." She lifted her hand to reveal a strange symbol. A similar one began to glow purple on Bryce's forehead. "He is bound to my will." Okay, think…How can I get around that?

'Destroy her Command Seals.'

'Dante? Care to explain?'

'Yes, brother. Elaborate.'

'If we destroy the Command Seals on Rom's hand, he gets sent home. We minimalize the damage and we could free her at the same time.'

'Those spells are powerful magic. How could we do that?'

'Yamato could cut through then easily.' Vergil retorted.

'Okay. Game plan, set. Letr's do this.' While we were in our pre-game huddle, Archer had checked on Shirou and started dealing with Bryce.

"Archer! We have a strategy! Don't kill him!"

"Why?"

"Just listen for once!"

"Fine…" He kept fighting Bryce while I ran for Rom/

"I don't think so, fool." She shot multiple blasts of magic at me and I nimbly evaded them. Any that I couldn't I blocked with one of Lucifer's blades. Said blades were used to cut Rom down from her place in the air, and I caught her as she fell.

"Rom, I have an idea, but it's probably going to hurt. A lot."

"…Do it…" She had a brave face on, but it was obvious that she was terrified. I pulled Yamato from its sheath after I summoned it and plunged it into her small hand. The long sword went all the way through as she cried out in pain. The Command Seals distorted before shattering like glass. Almost immediately, Bryce began to fade away.

"See ya next time, G1."

"Yeah…See ya…" And like that, he was gone. Archer then proceeded to move his fight to Caster. She rained down beams of magic, and they just wouldn't stop. He tried to run out the gate to weaken her, but she cut off his exit.

"Do you think you can escape from here?"

"No, but I can provide a decent distraction." Is that my cue? Oh shit! It is! Um…I got it!

"Demon Art: Big Bang Rasengan!" Alright, before we continue, let me learn you a thing. This move is a giant Rasengan that has been forced to the size of a regular one and infused with the explosive energy of Lucifer. Cool, huh? So, do you know what happens when a sphere of compact explosive energy hits something? Well, let me put it to you in the infamous words of Mr. Torgue. EXPLOSIONS!? The result of said move, while effective, was not what I was aiming for. She was merely sent flying.

"Damn…Have I mentioned that I hate this world's logic when it comes to magic? No? Because I should have by now." I could hear Archer and Shirou bickering.

"You should be more careful with your attacks. Shirou here may have gotten killed." Archer said, taunting Caster. The witch responded by resuming her attack. I grabbed Rom and followed after them. After many a magic missile, Archer kicked Shirou away from him. I tossed Rom so she would land on top of the ginger. We were caught in some kind of field.

"How does that feel? Even those heroes of the three Knight classes cannot move if space itself has been immobilized around them. So this would appear to be checkmate. I don't know which land's heroes you were, but this is goodbye."

"Slash Dimension." I said under my breath. Hundreds of magically created cuts surrounded me, cutting apart the special field. Apparently, Archer said something as well.

"What?" As I broke free, two of Archer's swords flew at her, breaking her concentration and freeing him. When she recovered, she resumed her assault. I blocked any attacks that came at Shirou and Rom as Archer charged towards the Servant. He knocked an arrow and started to speak.

"I am the bone of my sword." Energy just radiated from the reshaped sword and electricity seemed to dance off of its surface. "Caladbolg!" When he said the name of the sword, he let the arrow fly. The witch attempted to block it, but the attack pierced right through.

"Whoa…"

"Yeah, Rom…That's what I say…" Shirou didn't say anything. The witch was on the ground, beaten and bloodied. Archer slowly approached her and she looked up to him.

"Archer…Why do you not finish me off?"

"I said I would make one scratch." She healed herself from her injuries with some kind of voodoo.

"What about you? Do you not intend to kill me either?" She had turned her attention to me.

"No. My priority is the safety of these two. No need for unnecessary fighting."

"I see. You three are alike. None of you want harm to come to the innocent."

"How am I anything like this jerk?!" You better not be talking about me, Shirou.

"Yes, I agree. I admit we are both pacifists, but we are fundamentally different from one another." Hello…Right here…she said three, not two…

"You're a pacifist my ass!"

"Stop the fighting! Can't you see you're tearing this family apart!?" I don't regret having Rom watch Red vs. Blue. She did an awfully good Donut impression. She has a set of lungs, too. Honestly, I did not expect something like that from her, and neither could anyone else, given the silence. Caster, in her shock, simply fucked off.

"Why did you let her go!?"

"Even if I had struck her down, she would have made her escape anyway. To defeat Caster, we must get to her Master."

"And what about you!?" Okay, this kid has pushed the wrong button. He has unleashed the genetic rage of generations of alcoholics.

"What about me!? If you're so high and mighty, why didn't you do something!?" He didn't say a word. "That's what I fucking thought! My whole reason for being here is to keep you and Rom alive! Don't like it!? Then go jump off a bridged! I know where my priorities lie! So a few more people die! So what!? That's life! It happens! I'd rather make sure the people I care about are okay!" Once again, everyone present was silent. In the much said words of Johnny: Angry G1 is angry. Out of nowhere, Archer cut Shirou's back wide open. Before the bowman could react, I transformed and punched his lights out.

" **Come on, kid. Hold on. Prove to the world that you can fight whatever it throws at you, even this tool. Saber!** " She darted up the stairs and grabbed him.

"Shirou!"

"Saber…" She turned to me after Shirou muttered out her name.

" **Archer. Don't worry, I took him out before anything worse could happen.** " I hefted senor (Pretend the n has a squiggly line over it) douchebag over my shoulder and began to walk down the stairs.

"Assassin, will you not strike us down?"

"No, I will not. Your concern for your Master is captivating. That is enough for tonight. You may go."

" **Thank you. Come on, Saber. Before he bleeds out.** " We left in peace and went our separate ways. When I got back with Archer I tied him up with pure iron chains that was covered in seals and enchantments. I'll deal with him in the morning. I stripped down to my boxers and crawled into bed. Neptune wrapped her arms around me.'

"Hey, you're back…"

"Yeah. Had some stuff to deal with. Still have some that I've got to take care of tomorrow."

"Boo…Don't worry about it and sleep."

"That's the plan." I closed my eyes and awaited morning.

 **So, it turns out that trying to type with one hand when the other has four stitches in it takes a long time. This is what I get for being stupid and trying to grab an electric hedge trimmer by the blade before it completely stopped. Oh well, nothing I can do about it. Good thing I'm not a lefty. As always, please review and see you next time.**


	8. The Birth of the Fuck 'em up Squad

Chapter 8: The Birth of the Fuck 'em up Squad

 **Well, nothing to say. I do want to apologize. I couldn't think of a very good chapter title. Might change it when I come up with something better, or if I get a good suggestion from someone else.**

 **On3dgeGaming: Buddy, we're good. I understand getting antsy. Also, I sent you a friend request on Xbox using the gamertag you posted.**

 **Now, onto the show!**

The next morning I woke and went down to the basement. I had placed Archer's chair under the only light down there, which I turned on when I walked in. He started to stir and struggle against his bindings.

"Where am I?"

"Basically…My world…You see, Archer, ya pissed me off. And I don't take kindly to that. So, we have two options here. You start talking about whatever that was last night, or I begin to… _coerce_...you to…" He started to struggle even harder. "Don't bother. The pure iron chains' negate magic and they're reinforced with demonic energy and seals. Now, talk."

"I have nothing to say."

"Oh, this'll be fun." I punched him in the face hard enough to almost tip the chair onto its back. No need for the sharp and pointies quite yet. "Talk."

"No." Another punch. This went on for another ten minutes before I decided to up the ante. I pulled out Gae Bolg. His eyes widen when I did so.

"How did you get that?"

"It was a gift from a friend. Now, shall we continue?" I slashed him across his left cheek and he dried out. "Hurts, don't it? The curse on this spear really is a nasty one." I swiped the blade of the lance against his face and chest several more times. Each on was accompanied by a cry of pain.

"What is going on down here!?"

"Oh, hey Rin. I'm just interrogating a traitor."

"Traitor? What do you mean?"

"He tried to kill the guy you have an alliance with for seemingly no reason, and I'm going to find out why." I know, but I have to keep up the act.

"Archer, why did you attack Shirou?"

"It is none of your business."

"Keep going." I smiled wickedly at her words, and stabbed him in the shoulder before twisting the blade.

"You know, the only reason I'm doing this is because I want to hear it from your mouth, Archer. I know all about you, Counter Guardian EMIYA." I didn't think the human eyes could get any wider, but Archer just proved me wrong. "You want to kill Shirou so he won't become you. You're hoping the double paradox will erase you're existence. Well, I'm about to burst your little bubble, so listen up. It won't work. What if this Shirou isn't the one that becomes you, hm? That's another innocent's blood on your hands. Come on, tell me that you thought of that." He hung his head in shame.

"I did. But does that matter? I mean, what else could I do? Sit back and suffer this eternal curse?"

"Well, we'll help you. Duh." Neptune? "Stevie here has a sword that can cut through anything. Might be able to cut through whatever this "curse" thing is."

"I doubt it. It's a contract with Alaya, the Will of the Planet."

"We've seen it cut holes that lead to other dimensions. How do you think we got here in the first place?" Nepgear came down here too?

"Hey, I have a question."

"What's up, Rin?"

"Why didn't you use that Noble phantasm you used on Berserker against Caster?"

"Two reasons. One, this world stuck a timer on it. Can only use it once every two weeks."

"Damn…"

"The second is that once I start it, I can't move it or reposition it, so the target needs to be still."

"Alright…Free Archer."

"Fine." I Devil Triggered and started building up as much power as possible.

"What are you doing!?" Rin yelled, panicking.

" **Freeing him.** " I took a laido stance. " **Judgement Cut End!** " I cut apart all of the chains, but more importantly, his connection to the world. That took a lot of slashes to sever, but I did it. " **There. No more being a Counter Guardian. No more revenge plot.** " I deactivated my transformation. That took a lot out of me. Hot damn…

"Thank you. I mean it."

"Meh. No biggie." After that, things were uneventful. That is, until near the end of the school day. I felt a huge surge of mana. Archer had been ordered to stay at the house, so I went. When I got to the school building, the field that Shirou and Rin were worried about tried to keep me out. Hurt to touch, too. Too bad I could Trick through it. "True Magic" for the win! I saw Rin in a window and jumped up to it, brandishing my shotgun. The blast rang out as the skeletal creature on the other side of the window fell.

"Hey. What'd I miss?"

"Golems are here and Emiya's about to use a Command Seal."

"Do it. Strength in numbers."

"Please…Come to me, Saber!" Due to the Seals, she teleported to us in a flash of golden light. One of the golems got too close for comfort, so I shot it. I took care of the ones in front of me, while Saber took care of the ones in front of her.

"Saber!"

"I came in response to your summons. What is the situation?"

"In a nut shell? Shit's hitting the fan. A Servant is using a Bounded Field to sap the life out of the students."

"Be alert. I sense the presence of a Servant on this floor." Oh, would you look at the time. (I'd make a high noon joke, but I already said the time) I pulled out Pandora before transforming.

" **Alright. Let's go. This needs to get shut down as soon as possible.** "

"Agreed. Shirou, Rin, it's time to move."

"I sense that the field's origin is on the first floor." Glad that you can sense this thing's origin. There's too many signals for me to get a fix.

"The Servant is on this floor even though the field is coming from the first?"

" **It may be another Servant. Stay frosty.** "

"Rin, where is Archer? If he is present, he can give us a better assessment."

"I keep calling him, but he's not answering! The Bounded Field cuts us off from the outside world. Speaking of which, how did you get in?"

" **Teleportation is a wonderful, wonderful thing…** "

"This Bounded Field is strong enough to separate Master and Servant. The enemy intends to finish us here, Shirou."

"Saber, there's a Servant on this floor. You handle them. We'll go take down the field."

"Mercenary, if Shirou is hurt, it is on your head."

" **Of course, My King.** " More golems decided to spawn.

"Go now while I keep them busy."

" **Welcome to the day in the life of a Hunter, Saber. Happy hunting!** " I picked Rin up by her waist in my left hand and followed behind Shirou as he took off.

"Hey! Put me down, dammit!"

" **Nope.** " Shirou leapt down the stairs, taking out a golem while I turned Pandora into Doom's Super Shotgun and annihilated the other, along with a couple stairs.

"Okay, where's the field source?"

"Not far. It's that classroom right up ahead!" The three of us dispatched any of the skeletons that got in our way. When we actually made it to the room, Shinji Matou was huddled in a corner outside if it. He looked horror struck.

"Shinji!" He stood up to stumble away before Rin kicked him over. He rolled onto his back and was shaking. I waved to him and it worsened. Seeing a demon like me do that must be terrifying. "Don't give me any of your excuses!" Rin yelled. "I will make you pay for what you've done no matter what you have to say!"

"No! Wait! Y-You've got it all wrong! You're wrong! You're wrong! It isn't me! It isn't me! It isn't me!"

" **What do you mean, it isn't you?** "

"Take the field down right now! If you say no, I'll blow your sniveling face clean off and have my Servant here dispose of the rest of you!"

" **Imma nom on your bones…** "

"No, you've got it wrong! It wasn't me! I didn't kill her!"

"Shinji!" Rin had grabbed a hold of the boy's collar and hair and was lifting his torso up by them. He cried out in pain as she yanked on his hair.

"Tohsaka! Tohsaka, over there." Rider was embedded into the wall with her necked snapped to the point where her head did a three-sixty. We actually got to watch her corpse's head rotate back into place.

"She's dead…"

" **Kinda obvious there, Rin.** " The dead Servant seemed to dissolve into ash and the Field dissipated. When all was said and done, I shot a round from Infamy right next to Matou's head. " **So, you let your Servant die so you could live. How spineless. Kind of a waste too. Since I'm certain you saw the killer's face, you're bound to be next.** "

"T-That wouldn't happen! I don't have a Servant! She's dead! I'm not a Master anymore! You two are the ones who still have a target on their backs!"

"That's true. Even if you still have Command Seals, you're no threat. Mere gnats can't kill anyone."

"G-Gnat? You're calling me a gnat?"

" **Trust me, there's worse things she could have called you. I've thought up about five since she said that.** " I said while crossing my arms over my chest.

"Now, if you saw who did it, tell me. At the moment, that's the only value you have to us." The guy began to whine and snivel. "Talk! What kind of Servant was it that beat down your Servant and took her out!?"

"How should I know, moron!? You're the ones who should be scared! Because you guys are next!" Before he could run off, I kicked him in the dick. Don't judge me! He deserved it…My victim passed out from the pain and I de-transformed for the second time today.

"It's a sorry sight, isn't it? The casualties of this pointless war."

"I would not call it pointless, Mercenary, nut I understand what you are saying." Saber was staring at the unconscious bodies at the same time as I was.

"It's gonna be okay. They're all still breathing and his stones are taking effect." Shirou said as he exited the classroom with a student in his arms.

"Could you help me get the rest?"

"Sure thing, Saber." I followed her into the room and carefully took kids out of it. That took a few minutes (#sarcasm).

"You said it was Caster on this floor, Saber?"

"Yes, although it was merely Casters' shadow that was controlling all of the familiars."

"Which means the real Caster hasn't come out of her hole in Ryudou Temple." My assessment is accurate, given her nature.

"Knowing her, she might have even manipulated Shinji to lure Rider into a trap."

"So you believe that Rider was killed through deception, Shirou?"

"Crap…Still, we know that Caster's Master is someone in this school." The red haired boy turned to Rin. "Hey, if you have something to say, go ahead and say it."

"Emiya, you're level-headed. I'm just surprised."

"He wasn't calm. No one ever is. For example, I might seem calm, but I'm usually feeling a rush. This guy was unbridled rage. He shock a bit too much when standing still during the fight."

"Even so, he checked on everyone's injuries. I don't think I could've done that."

"Really, it was no big deal. I'm used to seeing dead bodies."

"That's not something you just say! I don't care how true it is! You never know how someone will react. There's a reason I don't go around announcing that I'm a demon." We didn't have to wait long after Shirou called that the ambulances showed up. I got us out of being interrogated with my CIB badge.

"Let's go out the back so we won't get questioned again."

"Okay, Shirou. Lead the way." I don't know where it is. Didn't get to get that far. Too many students. We began to run down the hall until Saber stopped us.

"Shirou, wait!"

"Why? What is it?" Saber didn't respond. All she did was materialize her sword.

"I'm surprised to see Saber and Mercenary with you."

"So it's you…"

"Better late than never, Archer…Now you can start making amends." Rin stated.

"That is the plan."

"What are you two talking about?"

"Saber, it's a long story. Maybe some other time." I just signed up for a mental struggle…Fuck!

"It's too late to help now, Archer, but I'm going to fill you in on everything that's happened and you're going to sit there and listen to every little detail!"

"Looks like I arrived at the worst possible time."

"You can say that again!"

"Rin, stop being so salty. He did as best he could, given the circumstances."

"It doesn't matter. One Servant was taken out of the running, and now he decides to show up?"

"All right, all right. Next time, I'll rush to your side right away. So then, do tell me which Servant was eliminated."

"Before you answer, we should leave. It wouldn't do us any good to get caught and my badge can only go so far."

"I agree. There is no point in getting into even more trouble." We started to leave after Saber cemented in the idea.

"Hey, Shirou? How are the others?"

"It's…Hectic…Thankfully, Vert, Rom and Ram are able to keep Illya under control. The main problem was trying to convince Fuji-nee to let them all stay."

"Blanc explained every detail to her, even showing her her transformation to prove it."

"Yeah, that sounds about right, Saber. How'd she take it?"

"It was…an experience…"

"This should be far enough." We had walked a little ways into the woods when Archer decided to stop us. "Now tell me, who was killed?"

"It was Rider. I don't know what exactly happened, but she was probably taken out by Caster."

"Hmph. A true coward. It appears that she was all talk."

"Archer, Rider died protecting her Master. You are in no position to call her a coward!" Saber shouted.

"A coward is a coward. If you call yourself a hero, you should at least be able to take your opponent down with you."

"Archer, form the looks of it, she was killed from behind. Her neck was snapped, so she probably never got the chance to even try to retaliate."

"Be that as it may, it changes nothing."

"Why are you being such an ass!? You don't have a reason anymore!" Rin yelled.

"Just because I don't have a reason anymore, doesn't mean my outlook is any different. Those who are unfit to fight this war should be the first to go."

"Yes, well said. In that case, do you wish to fight me, Archer?" Saber materialized her sword once more.

"I am under Command Seal compulsion that does not allow me to fight, Saber. If we were to engage in battle now, I would die just like Rider. That isn't very chivalrous, is it?"

"Archer, enough of that. Mercenary, slap him." One Gibbs slap comin' up. I swatted the back of his head hard enough to make him flinch. "Until we defeat the Master hiding at school, I'm in a deal to cooperate with Emiya. Do you understand? Of course, I could just use a Command Seal."

"Oh, alright. Saber is just so righteous and noble that I can get carried away teasing her."

"Well, if that's teasing I've been doing it wrong for the last twenty years." All da sarcasm.

"I'm sorry, Saber."

"No need. It was I who acted immaturely. Respect for Rin allows me to overlook your words."

"Anyway, if we want to beat Caster, we have to find where her Master is. Fortunately or not, Caster's Master comes to school every day. We don't want to scare him or put him on guard, so let's go ahead and leave him be for the moment."

"We could probably get Storm to use his Sage mode to find him."

"I can ask him when I get home. So the plan is, after we identify the Master, we attack before he can return to Ryudou Temple?"

"Exactly." Rin said matter-of-factly.

"But won't he just stop coming to school? Wouldn't it be too risky after a big ruckus like this?"

"Highly unlikely. I doubt that Caster's Master still possesses free will. That's not her style." Of course you'd know that, Archer.

"Yeah…She did seem a bit vengeful…"

"Her very first move was probably to turn her Master into a puppet."

"That'd make sense. In the meantime, let's continue our investigation of the school. Then, we strike once we locate Caster's Master. But let's save it for tomorrow. Let's call it a day. You must be exhausted.

"I'm not tired at all, I can-" Rin grabbed his wrist and dragged him off a ways."

"Hey Archer?"

"What is it?"

"Do you want to let Saber in on our little bet?"

"What bet?"

"You tell her, Archer. You're the one that started it in the first place."

"*sigh* We have a bet going to see how long it will take for Shirou and Rin to become a couple."

"As interesting as that sounds, I will pass. I have no right to meddle in the affairs of my Master."

"Hear that, Archer? According to Saber, they jumped straight to third base." Saber's face grew red.

"That's not what I meant!"

To think she would give away her virginity outside of wedlock. Rin is a naughty girl for sure." You would know, Archer. Saber's face grew even redder.

"Hey! What did you two do to Saber!?"

"We were just teasing her. No need to worry, kid. And before you say anything, it was in the good way. Now, go take your pervy Servant home." That last part was because I think I saw a bit of blood run out of Saber's nose. I'm a genius!

"Let's go, you two! When we get home, we're gonna get to the bottom of this screw-up!"

"Ah, there it is. Finally. I was wondering when the verbal abuse was going to start." And here I thought Johnny was a masochist, but here's Archer taking away his gold medal.

"What is your problem? How far are you going to push me before I have to lay down the law with you?" Her anger was directed at my red clad ally. "You got what you wanted, so out with it!" Archer said nothing in his Astral Form and we walked into the house. The entire night was quiet and it sucked. Even Johnny had very little to say. The next day went about as usual. Rin went to school. We shot the shit. Good times. Rin came straight home and got changed into something a bit more…risqué…The rest of us had secretly followed her, staying high enough in the air to avoid being seen. Since nothing went down, we made sure to arrive before she did. Nepgear started to whip up a quick dinner, me and Johnny were watching Archer struggle to play Doom, and Rom was in the bathroom losing her lunch at the sight of all of the blood. No regrets. None.

"Argh! Why won't this thing die!?"

"It's because you're a scrub lord!"

"Yes, Johnny. Yes he is."

"What is all the yelling about? I could hear it from outside."

"Archer is bad at video games."

"That makes sense. So, what's for dinner? And where is Rom?"

"No idea and in the bathroom, giving her offerings to the porcelain gods."

"Why?" Johnny answered her before I could by pointing at Archer Glory killing a Pinky. "Oh." This went on until we went to bed, taking a break for dinner. Except for Archer. He played right through it, and if I remember correctly, played through the night. Me and Johnny let Nepgear sleep for once and made breakfast. Rin came down dressed at the same time as Neptune, Nepgear, and Rom. Because of me being slow in the morning, I wound up with the pink apron. Archer strolled in about ten seconds after Rom.

"Good morning, ladies." I said cheerfully. "We made breakfast."

"What, no good morning for me?"

"We did say ladies." Johnny, I'm glad you said it, because I was about to.

"I'm surprised the house hasn't burned down."

"No bacon for you then, Rin!" Insult me and I will strip away anything that will make you happy (heh, strip…). She started to pout as she sulked to the table. I can't refuse that face. "Forgive me Father, for I am weak…" I handed her a plate, with bacon, and her face lit up. We ate and chit-chatted until Archer shot us down.

"How long do you intend to continue playing around?"

"Not long. Just until seven-thirty. Past that and I'll be late for school."

"Every party needs a pooper that's why they invited you…" Rom! No! That's how you get killed! Fortunately, he started laughing.

"I get that reference. But I wasn't talking about you going to school, Rin. I was referring to how you are fighting this War. I may not want to kill him anymore, but partnering with Emiya was not a good idea."

"It doesn't matter. I said I won't break my agreement with Emiya, okay? I'll be the first to admit he's not much use in a fight, but I can't complain about having him as an ally. Besides that, I don't think Emiya would ever betray me no matter what happened."

"Whatever you say, Rin. All I ask is that you don't get attached for when he dies."

"But he won't. You're proof of that."

"Not quite, Nepgear. I was A Shirou from a possibly infinite number of outcomes. He and I aren't necessarily the same exact person."

"Go on, you guys. You have school. Shoo!" Johnny started to push them out the door. From there, the two of us did stuff around the house. At one point I got a call from Rin, telling me that shits gonna go down tonight. I met the group that was going to be there as the snow started to fall. It was me, Shirou, Rin, Saber, Archer, Storm, Rom and Ram. The twins were there for fire support and Storm was a backup heavy hitter. We met at an abandon gas station.

"Called Fuji-nee, I mean, Miss Fujimura, and she said Mr. Kuzuki was still at school."

"Good. That means he's following his usual routine. In which case, he's leaving school any time now." We hid in several spots picked out by our resident ninja. Rin had set up a Bounded Field to keep the noise down if something goes wrong. When Rin fired her curse, it was deflected to Kuzuki's umbrella and Caster appeared.

"It seems that we caught our prey." Damn. He planned around our plan. Good thing we planned around the plan that they planned around our plan.

"How long are you going to mess around in there, foolish little mage? Because I'm feeling generous, I'll give you three seconds to come out. After then, I'll respond accordingly."

"Hey, Storm? Do the thing." Storm created a ton of clones that went to hide as Shirou interrogated Kuzuki.

"Now!" At Rin's signal, we rushed at the pair. Storm and his army went barreling at Caster as me and Saber charged Kuzuki. I went for an overhead strike with Force Edge and Saber went for a horizontal swing. Somehow, he caught both without a scratch.

"That was a mistake!" The guy suddenly became faster and started hitting like a truck.

"His fists are filled with magic?"

"You evade well. I see that it is not your eyes that are keen, but rather your fighter's intuition. And your healing is nothing to scoff at. There have been several times where your heart should have been reduced to nothing, yet here you are." He resumed his assault with a hammer fist strike that broke Saber's left arm. I took his next hit head on, only to actually hit him with a Rasengan to his chest. While he was distracted, my jaw fixed itself with a sick grinding sound and Rom healed Saber. Ram was helping Storm and Archer with Caster.

"Impressive. But this strategy will not last. You, like any other, has a limit."

"Master, allow me to deal with the Servants while you deal with the Masters and their friends."

"Do so." Fun, now I have to with her. Saber is still pretty beat up, and he added insult to injury by landing a devastating kick that sent her to Caster. When I was dealing with trying to protect Saber, I had to turn my head when Shirou started yelling. He created swords like Archer's and Kuzuki off. It provided enough of a distraction to allow Saber to charge at him. Caster picked him up and they retreated.

"Great. We've revealed our hand. Now Caster's Master will never come out."

"Nuh-uh! He's mean and needs to learn…!"

"The twins have a valid point. We can't give up on killing Caster."

"Right on, Storm."

"So tell me, Emiya. What was that? You lied to me, didn't you? That was more than strengthening magic."

"Yeah, it was. But I used to do projection magic."

"I'm pissed. Why didn't you mention that before? So, this wasn't your first time using projection magic?"

"No, I guess it wasn't. But all I could do back then was mimic. They were always hollow inside, too. Trust me, I'm just as surprised as you are at this."

"So you mastered projection before strengthening?"

"Yeah. But look, it was the only thing I could do. Kiritsugu said it was totally useless, so I should focus on strengthening."

"Guys, can we please save this for later? I'm kinda tired. And sore."

"It has been a long night, hasn't it, Storm?" Every once in a while Shirou would cringe due to pain. Without a word, Rin started to walk off, so we followed. All of us went home and immediately fell asleep. The next day was boring as shit. No chores to be done and watching Archer rage was getting old. Around six o'clock, Rin called.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Shirou is cooking dinner and I was wondering if you and the others would like to join us."

"Stop inviting people!" I heard Shirou yell in the background.

"Sure. I'll go grab them." I put my hand over the mic. "Hey guys! Dinner at Shirou's!" Everyone but Archer came running down the stairs. "Is it really that good?"

"You have no idea!" Neptune cried. I removed my hand from the mic.

"Alright, we're on our way." It didn't take us long to get there. When we did, Shirou let us in.

"Agent? What are you doing here?" Oh shit…Um…

"Because of my previous guardian's mysterious disappearance, he was assigned as my temporary one."

"Oh that's wonderful, Agent Freely."

"Please, I'm not on the job. Call me Ace." Gotta roll with it.

"Like that guy from Kiss?"

"My parents were big fans." Dinner was delicious. Stew is fantastic. When Shirou was washing dishes, he broke several plates.

"Ms. Fujimura, is he always this clumsy?"

"No way, he's never broken a dish for as long as I've known him. I bet he's feeling a little nervous because you're here. He's not used to intruders, you know!" Rin simply got up to help Shirou. Whatever she said worked, because he came to sit down with us. I wasn't paying much attention because I was reading a Sherlock Holmes book. When dishes were done, Rin dragged me out to the courtyard.

"What are we doing out here?"

"Studying." A few minutes later Shirou came out, probably looking for us.

"I like your Bounded Field, Emiya. You can really sense the human emotion in this one, unlike the one in my house. Care to join me?" She sat down and patted the wood next to her. He then proceeded to do as she said. I was watching from the other side.

"Okay?"

"I think, this house is quite unique. And it struck me that perhaps you'd be better off staying the way you are now."

"You mean staying a hopeless amateur."

"I wouldn't have put it like that, but that's not too far off. I don't know myself what Kiritsugu Emiya was like as a mage, but the energy here is incredibly natural. For a mage's workshop, it's very open. As if one were free to come and go as you please."

"So it's not like that at your house."

"Not even close."

"Her house is like a prison. Once you're in, you're in."

"It's wrong, but it's not like it's something I can change. It's just the way things are. Personally, I've come to enjoy the way it is now."

"Aren't you two cold? I understand that you want to have a heartfelt conversation, but this is not the place, is it?" It's nice that I don't have to worry about the cold.

"No, not really. Come on, Tohsaka. It's getting late anyway. I'll walk you home."

"Who said I was going home?"

"Here, Rin. The overnight bag you asked for."

"Thanks, Archer. And before you say anything, we already have permission to stay." Shirou's jaw just hit the floor while Archer and I chuckled. Poor bastard didn't see it coming. "I'll be staying in the guest room on the right." We walked into said room and I sat down in the corner. Sure, I'll have a bad back in the morning, but oh well. I need the sleep.

 **So, I just finished Lagrange: The Flower of Rin-ne, and now I'm sad. It was so good! But that doesn't matter. Like always, please review.**


	9. The Ups and Downs before the Climax

Chapter 9: The Ups and Downs before the Climax

 **So, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure is eating away at my free time. Not sure if I should be proud of that or not. There weren't any reviews last time, so there's nothing to answer or address. I'm also kind of sad that I haven't broken ten followers by now. In my previous story, I had about that, but I guess this is to be expected when writing a sequel. I might sound like I'm whining, but if I didn't put it down on paper, it would keep festering in my mind. And that's no good. If you didn't get the joke in this chapter's title, you should not be reading this story you sad, naïve little child. Speaking of the chapter title, we have one chapter after this one before we move on to the next world. I have a few ideas, but nothing concrete. So be warned that after the next chapter things MIGHT take a little while. Also open to suggestions. Any at all. Anyway, on with the show.**

The next morning, Rin had fallen off of her bed and onto the floor. The sandwiches she must have made last night was in a wicker basket.

"Tohsaka! Tohsaka!" Oh hey, it's Shirou. He must be trying to wake her. This is going to be a good day. I can tell. "Hey, are you in here?" He paused a second and stared at the basket on the floor. "I wonder what's in there." I kept an eye open so I could watch the inevitable shit-storm. As he investigated, Rin started to groan.

"I'm sorry. It'll just take a little longer…" His face turned red when he saw her disheveled state. By the time her half asleep face met the mattress, he was gone. Like, he disappeared. I'm honestly impressed. I got up and walked into the main room. Only Shirou and Saber were up. We did have a long night last night, so I'm not surprised.

"Shirou, how are you feeling?" I leaned against the door frame, waiting to see if Saber was going to ask any more questions.

"Yes, Shirou, how are you feeling after trying to peep on my Master?"

"I wasn't trying to peep on her! I was just going to wake her up for breakfast. To answer Saber, the numbness on my left side is gone. But all of it still feels kind of heavy, you know?"

"That is excellent news." At that moment Rin decided to join us.

"Good morning, Rin."

"Mornin' Rin."

"Good morning…"

"I trust that you slept soundly last night."

"Truth be told, I didn't sleep well at all. Someone was making really loud noises well past midnight."

"And she slept on the floor."

"There's no need to tell them that!"

"But you said 'Truth be told'."

"Anyway, we're gonna need to go out today. So hurry up and get ready."

"What do you mean we need to go out? To where?"

"Out to the neighboring town."

"And what are we going to do?"

"What else? We're going to go have some fun, of course. You have heard of a date, haven't you?"

"Archer~owes~me~money~" I sang.

"I know what a date is. But who's going on one?"

"You and Rin are, Shirou." Saber answered. He rested his head on his hand, which was laying on the table.

"Oh, I see. Me and Rin are going out on a date…Wait, what!?" I'm just sitting here, losing my shit to his reaction. Saber is giggling at a similar intensity. Taiga came in just as we were all about to leave. Rin went out of her way to get all of us tickets to the amusement park. We also decided to split into groups. The love birds were going with Saber, the HDN girls were going together with Illya, and us guys.

"Shirou? What's this I hear about you going on a date with Miss Tohsaka? It's make it or break it time, so don't screw up!"

"Stop messing around. Honestly, I have no idea what's going on around here."

"Wow, you're so embarrassed! I'm so jealous! Oh, to be young and in love!"

"You're going out on a date today, aren't you, Miss Fujimura?" How did you know that, Rin?

"You're kidding!? Really!?"

"Yup! You're not the only one going out! Now, I don't want you two getting all crazy. See you later!" I turned to Storm, who turned to Johnny, who nodded. The three of us booked it to the amusement park. The trip took us maybe ten minutes. All of the rides and what not were awesome. We ran into the girls a couple times, and even completely commanded a few different carts. After that, we went to a bar and drank to our hearts content. Unfortunately, I had to haul their drunken asses back to Shirou's place. Good news is I finally got that ten I needed to it a million. I called Rin's house phone so I could talk to Archer and get the money he owes me. He came over and did so, if but begrudgingly. After it started to rain, there was a strange smell. Like, magic smell.

"Ram! Come on! Something's not right and you're our black mage!"

"Alright!"

"May I come as well? I did promise to teach you how to use a spear, after all. And from what I've seen, you learn better by doing and seeing."

"That's true. I do learn better on the fly…Alright, come on, Vert. I think the smell is coming from the bridge that the bus takes." On the trip there, she gave me a crash course on how to use my gift horse. It's basically like a scythe, but with more stab. There was some kind of vortex on the bridge, so we dove right into it. Rin, Shirou, and Saber were fighting off golems made of water. One was about to nail Shirou, but Vert denied with a blast of wind magic from her lance.

" **Ram! Ice 'em or toast 'em!** "

"Sure thing!" Her magic either stopped them in their tracks or flash evaporated them. I came down from above Caster, aiming to skewer her with my blood red spear.

"Mercenary, wait!"

" **What is it?** "

"She has Miss Fujimura!"

"How do we free her?" Vert asked.

"Shirou has to become her puppet." Saber said with venom dripping from her voice.

"What will it be, boy? Your answer?" Shirou remained silent. "Such a difficult child. This should be an easy decision. I know what you're thinking, but no matter how skilled your Saber is or how many friends you have, they don't have limitless reserves of mana."

" **Try me, bitch.** "

"I can devour the souls of everyone in this town. I'm giving you this one chance, boy. Serve me with Saber."

"You let Fuji-nee go…"

"Were you not paying attention? I said surrender to me."

"Like hell I will! Let her go!"

"You have no interest in working with another Master?"

"I have no interest in working with you!" I pumped energy into my lance, and was pleased to find that the tip had turned into an oversized halberd made of cursed energy. Basically, it as a single edged great sword with a long handle. Fuck yeah! My thoughts were interrupted by Caster's laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, did I touch a nerve? But you've only yourself to blame, saying things that you know in your heart isn't true. After all, you yourself are a victim of the Grail. The Grail has nothing to do with this? Even the act of saying those words expresses how much hatred you truly have for it."

"Is that true, Shirou?" His anger looked like it was ready to boil over and he wound up ignoring Rin.

"I know everything. You lost everything in the last War. I know how you were found by Kiritsugu, alone and surrounded by flames, doing nothing more than waiting to die. How you must have suffered, adopted for the sole purpose of the next war and having magic forced upon you."

" **That's where you're wrong, Caster.** "

"Oh really?"

" **Yeah, really. He was adopted because he was the only one Kiritsugu could save. He signed up for and forced Kiritsugu to teach him magic. Sure, he must hate the Grail, but the kid's heart is too pure. There's no way he could partner up with a monster like you.** "

"This is your last chance, boy. You wish to avoid senseless fighting, do you not? Then come and serve me, Saber's Master!"

"Not a chance. I will never submit to you. You're methods are vile and wrong. And another thing…He's right. I didn't become a mage because somebody forced me. It was my choice to do this, to follow the old man's footsteps."

"I see. I have no use for you, then." The wing like cape gained colorful markings along the inside, and I tensed. "You will die here." She created at least fifteen magic circles, the ones she uses to cast her bolts of magic.

"Why, you-!"

"No, stop! Don't move, Saber! I beg you, just stay where you are."

"Shirou, but she-" He didn't respond as he calmly walked closer to the witch.

"Oh, my. I had thought that you were utterly irrational, but you do understand your situation, don't you?" She deactivated her magic and conjured a lightning bolt shaped dagger.

"Mercenary, if she double crosses me, can you make the shot to free Fuji-nee?"

" **Definitely.** "

"You can't just kill Shirou in cold blood!" Rin shouted.

"Of course not. I'm merely going to strip him of his status as a Master. You reject my wishes to join me, but you wish so save this girl. That tells me that you are prepared to hand over your Command Seals."

"All right, then. How do I do that?"

"No, you can't! Even of you do, she'll-"

"I will take them, arm and all."

"That's enough of this. Shirou. I won't allow you to continue to play into Caster's hands."

"There's no way we're letting this happen!" Rin declared, also siding with Saber.

"We will stop you here and now!"

"Yeah! What Vert said!" Really, Ram? You're serious, right?

" **Time for the curtain call on this show.** "

"Just take it. It's what you want."

"Enough is enough! Mercenary!"

" **Done.** " I fired two rounds from Fame and severed the strings around Fujimura's neck. She started to fall, but Vert flew over and caught her. I then took several passes at Caster with the extended spear, but just barely missed. Apparently, I created enough of an opening for Cater to stab Saber with that knife of hers. Strange energy began to radiate from the sword Servant's chest wound. Not long after, Shirou began to scream. His Command Seals began to act weird before disappearing and reappearing on Caster's hand. That is all kinds of not good.

"I hope you were enchanted! This is my Noble Phantasm, Rule Breaker! Magic is totally useless against it. It will nullify all the magic in the world. The dagger of betrayal and denial. The pact has been forged. I am now your Master. Time for you to betray your Master and pledge your blade to me!" Vert landed next to Shirou and he scrambled to the woman in her arms.

"Fuji-nee! Are you okay? Fuji-nee!" She did not wake up, but she did move her head a bit. "Oh, thank God…"

"You know what? I think I might actually let you go. That show you put on was so wonderful it was almost annoying. However…"

"So, I suppose that's how these things usually work, then. Is that right?"

"Yes. Playtime is over, young lady. It's your turn, Saber. Strike down Archer's Master."

"Never…Who would obey the likes of you?" Caster used a Command Seal to reinforce her order.

"No, but you will, Saber. I control these Command Seals, and you can't defy me in either body or soul." Saber suddenly lunged at Rin, but I took the blow for her before Shirou had the chance to. Since I'm taller than either student, her sword found its mark in my abdomen instead of the chest.

" **Jeez, Saber. I wanted a rematch, but I never would have thought it would be like this.** " She slowly removed the blade from my liver.

"Me…neither…Please…take them and run…"

"Come on, we have to go."

" **Ram, grab Rin. I'll get Shirou and Vert'll get Fujimura.** "

"I won't let you escape!" The golems got awfully close before I heard a *ting* sound. It was followed by two more. Then, the barrier shattered as a hail of arrows broke through. They all homed in on Caster. Homing arrows…Neat…Archer dropped in from the hole he had created.

"It's about time!" Rin said, scolding the Servant.

"Apologies. Breaking through the Bounded Field took quite a while. However, now that I'm inside…" He turned to the left and shot an arrow. It opened a large hole that led to a sidewalk.

"Archer, get us out of here! Now! We won't have this chance for long." Shirou stared sadly at Saber.

"Saber…" I picked him by the waist and held him like a bunch of textbooks as we all exited the Bounded Field. Why does that wound still sting?

'Excaliber, remember?'

'The most powerful holy sword…Right…Thanks, Verg.'

'Don't you start calling me that too!'

We all went to Rin's place to recoup. Rin forced me to get all bandaged up after she saw that my wound was still bleeding rather profusely. I was also ordered not to leave the bed.

"Mercenray, you did good today. Get some rest." She shut off the light, and I decided that a nap might not be such a bad idea. I wound up sleeping until the next night. The smell of pizza lured me into the living room.

"It's about time you woke up. I was beginning to worry that I lost one of my Servants." I can play the sarcasm game too, Rin.

"You waited for me? How sweet of you. How come you aren't out taking care of Caster and freeing Saber?"

"We wanted to have every resource available. I was also teaching Shirou more of my…our…magic."

"Archer, you don't mean?"

"Yes, even my Reality Marble. He'll have to figure out the words for himself, though."

"How'd that go?"

"Fairly well, actually."

"Enough, you two. It's time to move out." Our squad was Rin, Shirou, Archer, me, Storm, Johnny, Neptune, and Noire. We went up to a skyscraper to get info from the scouts Rin sent out. Caster had moved to the church in New City. We didn't actually go to storm the castle until the following day. I had actually managed to have Ouroburos' chains bring the two butterfly knives that act as its anchors to me. Unfortunately, I couldn't use the weapon to point us to the way back home. I guess the gap between dimensions is a complex place. Most of us fell asleep at a table near the steps that lead up to the church, but I stayed up practicing. Spears are weird and I needed to get comfortable with the two small blades again. We spent the rest of the day preparing. When we moved to the church's courtyard, there was a large puddle of blood.

"She attacked the overseer? That's a rather bold move. Still, I guess Kirei porbably saw it coming."

"Rin, I must ask you again."

"What now? Are you still worried? We'll be able to handle Caster. If you or Mercenary get too close, she might use Rule Breaker on you too. So, instead, I want both of you to take care of Kuzuki."

"I'm perfectly fine with taking that man on, Rin, but no mage will be a match for Caster. You should leave this to the goddesses and their friends."

"I understand, Archer. I wouldn't have said anything if I didn't believe we couldn't handle this. I didn't say I wouldn't want them fighting her with me."

"So are we moving out or what? I'm ready to knock this bitch's teeth in."

"Johnny, my friend, as much as I appreciate your excitement, cool it the fuck off with your impatience."

"Fuck off, G1."

"Not while you guys are watching." Storm grabbed each of us by the ear and pulled us apart.

"Enough, you two. Now's not the time for this."

"Neptune, transform. We haven't really fought these two, so it's a good idea to be going all out from the beginning."

"You read my mind, Noire! One transformation sequence, coming up!" Ignoring her request because I am NOT in the mood for looking up the anime and TRYING to accurately describe it, she transformed with a wave of my author hand. The bright light faded and both of them were floating in the air. "Now, shall we get going?" The basement was only lit by the glow of the moon as we all walked down.

"Did you make sure he was dead?" Rin asked Caster.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

" you didn't actually see his corpse, he's still clinging to life somewhere, that's all. But enough him, let's get this over with."

"Let's see your motivation, Caster." A modified Vergil taunt. Mot my best, but it'll do.

"Do you really think you can beat me? I know all of your tricks, demon." Oh, this'll be fun. I readied the two knives in anticipation, showing off my dexterity by twirling them between my fingers. "So you have some new toys. It doesn't matter. You will fall all the same."

"Are you guys ready?" Shirou asked

"Of course we are!" Noire answered. Caster created eight spheres of magic around her.

"Oh, how adorable. You think you can beat me. No matter your numbers, as long as I have this city to feed on, no one stands a chance." The battle started after she spoke. Magic was getting thrown around all over the place as me and Archer took on the teacher. We clashed over and over again, neither side gaining any ground.

"Archer!"

"Stevie!" We both turned to see that Rin and Neptune were bound in the same damnable red strings as Saber was.

"If you wish for them to live, surrender yourselves to me."

"Don't do it!"

"It's not worth it!" Similar cries came from the rest of our friends and allies, but we chose to ignore them while taking several steps forward. She withdrew her dagger from her cloak, but before she stabbed us, I issued a command to Ouroburos.

'As soon as she has control, bind me as tightly as possible and don't let do, even if I order you to.' The twin blades hummed in response. She used her Noble Phantasm on Archer first and then on me. As soon as the light faded from my chest, my weapon sprung into action.

"We are your pawns now, Caster. Now let them go."

"That was our deal and I am not a liar." The two girls were let go and our group ran out. "Now, what will I do with you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. They're acting on their own and no matter how much I command them to let go, they won't." She simply smiled in response. The next who-knows how long was Hell. She tortured Ouroburos, and by extension, me so that the chains would let go. It was not a pleasant experience. Archer went dark side fairly quickly, but I think this is just a play of his. He secretly slipped a traced Rule Breaker into my coat. Too bad I can't use it. It was around dark when Rin and the others showed up. They got the whole band back together. Even Illya was there. It seems like Rin used that Gold Orb I gave her a few days ago in case of an emergency. Revival items are incredibly useful.

"Hey, kids! Welcome to the party! My role for tonight is that of the piñata. Be careful, though. I'm not filled with candy."

"You always have the same sense of humor, even in a situation like this?"

"We figured that it's one of his coping mechanisms." Nepgear said. "It seems to keep him calm."

"So, you used that Gold Orb to bring back Illya. Cool." I don't know what'll happen if I don't have a Master, so having Illya as one will probably be good.

"Will you shut your mouth you disobedient Servant!"

"Nevah, bitch!" Rin interrupted us by starting to banter with Caster as I drowned out the world. This place was on several lay lines, so my Sage training is coming in handy. I've been using some water vapor to transfer mana to Saber so she could keep resisting Caster. I didn't wind up watching the fight because my eyes were shut. I opened my eyes again when I heard a splattering sound. Our plan has come to fruition. Rin punched Caster right in the chest. Her hand to hand was impressive, but she was cut off by Kuzuki. Archer shot several swords at the man, but Caster blocked them with her torso. It blasted her hood off, revealing the face of a beautiful young woman with elf ears. And like that, she's gone.

'Alright, Ouroburos. She's gone and I'm free.' The chains went back to their black portal as I dropped to the ground. Kuzuki was walking towards Archer, who armed himself. Aiming for revenge, the teacher charged at the Servant, only to be easily cut down.

"That was uncalled for, Archer. Killing him wasn't part of the plan. Rin, Shirou, re-establish your pacts with Archer and Saber. We still have a certain prick to deal with."

"What about you?" Noire asked.

"I'll sign one with Illya, if she'll have me."

"R-Really?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?" She ran up and hugged me, so my dad instincts kicked in. I scooped her up into my arms. The three former Masters went through the routine of making pacts, and hot damn! This little girl's packing some heat! Like, holy fuck!

"Now we can take out that bastard Gilgamesh." Blanc growled.

"It would not be our wisest course of action to seek him out, Blanc." Vert said, trying to diffuse the time bomb that is Lowee's CPU.

"Did you say Gilgamesh?"

"Do you know him, Saber?"

"Yes, Shirou. He was the Archer from the last War. How he survived is a mystery to me."

"All we have to do is kick his butt, right? No problem." Uni stated.

"He is much more dangerous than you can imagine. He has an endless supply of Noble Phantasms." Saber countered.

"Either way, we should save it for tomorrow. And we should find a place to hole up. Shirou's place is trashed, he knows where Rin lives and he probably knows about Illya's mansion."

"Where should we go then, Storm?"

"Give me, like, ten minutes. Fifteen tops. Gear, I'll need your help."

"What are you planning?" Archer asked me.

"Well, we have no place to go and we need to go as underground as possible. I plan to break science in the most fantastic way possible." I grabbed the blueprints from my coat before putting a hand on the candidate's shoulder and paused time. The two of us gathered materials and started working. By the time we were finished, we had a super advanced ship. The thing had holographic displays, a deuterium nuclear reactor so we didn't have to worry about power, it was pressure sealed, and had a cloaking device. I unfroze time and dragged everyone else to the lake we built it in. "Ladies and gentlemen. And Johnny."

"Hey!"

"I present to you: The Pillar of Autumn. It's a space ship, though we don't exactly need to go that high. Chilling in the water should be good enough."

"This took you half an hour?"

"Half an hour your time, Noire. You have no idea how long it was for us." Besides minor chit-chat, we entered the vessel silently before activating the cloaking device. I claimed the Captain's Quarters, for obvious reasons. Had to fight Rin and Archer for it, but it turns out that Archer is just as bad at Yugioh as he is Doom. When I crawled into bed, Neptune had her arms wrapped around me, laying on my right side, and Illya was to my left, curled into ball and pressing her back against me. She even called me daddy, which is super conflicting, given who she is and her opinion of her dad.

 **Woohoo! Actually was able to get this typed up before the grad party tomorrow, which is Saturday. Wasn't sure if I was gonna make it. Like always, review. And please, tell me when I messed up. I didn't learn until yesterday that chapter five said "shy scraper".**


	10. Another Finale and the Nope Portal

Chapter 10: Another Finale and the Nope Portal

 **Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Probably more gentlemen than ladies, but that's not the point. Welcome to the end of the Fate arc. I've finally figured out what I want to do next…maybe…That'll be a surprise. To reviews! Or…review…**

 **On3dgeGaming: I already shut ya down on the whole Halo thing, but I do have to ask. What was that part about gold being a distracting color? I think it's an RvB reference, but I'd rather be safe than sorry.**

 **Now that my bases are covered, onto the show.**

My morning started off like any other, except for the fact that I now had two small people clinging to my torso instead of the usual one. Speaking of which, Illya has one hell of a grip. I shook the two awake before leading our small party to the mess hall. Shirou and Nepgear were back in the kitchen trading their culinary secrets. Good. Now Nepgear while be the ultimate cook. The others all filtered in and we enjoyed their five-star food. When we walked out of the ship to start looking for the rouge Servant, Lancer was sitting on a rock, fishing.

"About time you guys came out. I was beginning to think you were gonna hole up in there forever."

"Lancer! Shirou, why does he speak to you as if he were an ally?"

"Because I am, Saber. But right now, I need our red coated friend's help."

"Mine or Mercenary's?"

"His. I heard down the grape vine that you have a real neat sword that can cut through things."

"Yeah…So?"

"I would appreciate it is you'd cut me free from my Master and the Throne. I'm getting real sick of him and I wouldn't mind sticking around with you guys."

"Do it, G1!"

"What Storm said!"

"Okay…?" I withdrew Yamato and cut said ties. The end result was making him a super powered mortal man.

"There. Now I'll be of some help." He took a flat rock and carved jagged B into it. "This should help us find that arrogant blond that my former Master was working for."

"Who was your Master, Lancer?"

"Well, my well-endowed friend, it was the fake priest."

"Kirei?" Rin gasped.

"He did give off that final boss vibe…" Neptune muttered.

"So what will we do?"

"What do you need me to do, Illya? I'm sure I have some creative things I can manage." Lancer set his little rock down.

"Go little buddy." The thing took off like a rocket, skittering across the ground. "I'll follow it and signal you guys by flaring my mana." The man in blue spandex shot after it, jumping from rooftop to rooftop. The rest of us spread out. Rin, Archer, Illya and I stopped by the Matou household. We freed Sakura and toasted the worm man she calls a grandfather. That took a lot longer than I would've liked, seeing as how a piece of his soul existed in every single worm. The hardest part was getting the few that were in Sakura without causing her any permanent harm. The looks on Rin and Sakura's faces when they were finally reunited was heartwarming. It wasn't until after noon that we finally got Lancer's signal. Seems like the fake priest went to the mansion in the woods anyway. When we met up with the spear wielder, he was already dueling with the broken enforcer.

"Hey, Lancer! I'll trade ya!" I tossed my version of Gae Bolg to him and he deftly caught it. "I think you're a bit more familiar with that one, no?"

"Oh, ho, ho! Sweet memories…Sure. I'll trade ya!" He threw me his Noble Phantasm and I immediately went to work. It took a minute, but I managed to change it into a Devil Arm. "I you guys would be willing, I could use a hand or two." Ram floated over to him along with Nepgear. That'll keep the fake priest occupied.

"Let's move out, people!" Rin commanded. We marched ahead before being stopped by a plethora of weapons raining down above us.

"Oh! My leg! It's cramping!" If you can't tell, I have a sword in my thigh.

"So the fakers and the fake has finally shown up. Slaughtering you and your friends will be an excellent pre-show to the awakening of the Holy Grail." He looked over our group before stopping at Illya and his eyes widened in shock. "How is she alive? I ripped her heart out with my bare hands."

"We're full of surprises." Noire said confidently.

"I've noticed, goddess. But tell me, why do you lower yourselves to the same level as humans when you could be ruling over them?"

"Not everyone wants to rule over everything, asshole!" Blanc raged. He shot a sword at her feet.

"Goddess or not, you are still addressing the king. Mind your tongue, wench." I ripped the sword out of my leg, leveled it like it was a javelin, and hurled it. It wasn't even meant to hit him. I had put a Hirashin seal onto the edge so Storm could use it. Sneak attacks are fun.

"Storm! Now!" He used the space-time technique to get behind the golden boy before kicking him. Said kick victim crashed through the wall of the mansion before landing on the balcony. When we walked in through the doors, he was standing up and dusting himself off.

"Scum! You will not deny me the ultimate weapon!"

"The Grail is not a weapon."

"Oh, but it is, Saber. The Grail, tainted by human greed, opens a hole. A portal to Hell that releases the worst curses imaginable."

"What do you want with it, then?" Uni asked.

"I want the eradication of all humans in this era. This world may have its moments, but also is utterly beyond redemption. It's populated with mongrels enjoying their lives, which is an affront to the king."

"You claim to be a king, but where is your throne? Your palace? Your subjects? They're gone. Swept away by the sands of time. Your empire has fallen, Gilgamesh. It's time you let go, for you have no authority to say otherwise."

"I did not take you for a court jester, false Servant. This world was mine to begin with, and all people shall bow to me."

"Big talk from a guy in leather pants!"

"Johnny…G1 wears leather pants…"

"So?"

"It does not matter your views. Times have changed. If we need to defeat you in order to stop this madness, then so be it." Neptune stepped in front of us when she finished. Her blade was raised, ready for an attack. He slowly began to walk down the remains of the stairs.

"Well, it seems that you all have a death wish. Fine. I shall grant it. Feel honored to fall to the king of kings." A multitude of rippling golden portals appeared as he lifted his hand. But as soon as he lifted it, he put it back down and the portals disappeared. "No matter." He leapt to a different balcony as a piece of the ceiling fell from the instability the collective damage the building took. "I suppose we can call it a day. I don't want to get anymore dust on me. Which should give you some indication of how worthless your lives are. I wouldn't dwaddle, though. I shall produce the Grail right away and open a hole leading to Hell. If you wish to recover it, act swiftly. This time, the Grail is mostly an afterthought, riddled with defects. So be quick about it, or its contents will drain out completely." Fires began to erupt around us. It seems that Lancer's fight hit a gas main or something.

"Alright, everyone! Time to get the hell out of Dodge! Blanc, go get the others!" Johnny commanded.

"On it!" She took off in the direction of their arena as we went back to the Autumn. Not long after we got back, the missing four walked in.

"So, how'd it go?" Noire asked.

"The priest is dead." Nepgear said solemnly

"And good riddens! The guy always seemed off. Too bad I didn't get the honor of offing my former Master myself."

"What happened, then?" Vert questioned.

"Our resident axe wielder split him in half. He never saw it coming." We all turned to the small book worm and collectively took a step back.

"Oh, what the hell!?"

"We need to think of a plan." Rin declared.

"Even if Shirou and I were to use Unlimited Blade Works together, it wouldn't last long. Not with Shirou's low stores of mana." Rin pondered over it for a while before seemingly making up her mind.

"So that's the path we have to take."

"Tohsaka?"

"I'm going to send out some familiars to find Gilgamesh and the Grail." She shaped some crystals into the shapes of birds. We shot them out of one of the air locks. And they took off. We sat around and ate and what not until it grew dark. Rin got a report back from her scouts.

"Gilgamesh destroyed one of my familiars, but not before I found out where the Grail is. It's at Ryudou Temple."

"Why there?" Rom asked.

"There are only three places in town where the Grail can be evoked. The first is my home, then Kirei's church, and Ryudou Temple on Mt. Enzo. I sent familiars to each, but the one at Ryudou Temple was smashed."

"And it's safe to say that that arrogant blonde is setting up shop there."

"That's an accurate assumption, Lancer." Saber stated.

"That means Issei and everyone up there is in danger." Shirou said, a bit panicked.

"Hey! Look at this!" So apparently, Ram was bored enough to start reading the local newspaper. "I got bored, so I started reading this. Everybody up there was taken away in ambulances."

"That's a relief. Now we don't have to worry about any unnecessary casualties." Saber sighed.

"But we still have one problem with it being at the Temple. The anti-spirit barrier…" Archer said.

"Don't forget the Servant guarding the only entrance. He seemed like a decent guy, though. Looks like you'll have a rematch with him, won't you, Saber?"

"Indeed."

"You three should go through the main gate. He'll expect you there, so you'll be a perfect distraction for us to climb the mountain and destroy the Grail." Illya saying things like that in such a cheerful manner is creepy as shit. "I expect you to utterly annihilate him for what he did for me. Okay?"

"Of course, Master."

"Hang on! How are we going to destroy it?"

"That's rude of you, Shirou. Forgetting about us already." Johnny quipped.

"The two of us have enough powerhouse techniques to level a city. That and we have goddesses with their own power and a former Heroic Spirit. We'll be fine." Storm finished.

"But back to the problem at hand. If our ideas are right, to preserve mana both Shirou and Archer need to use their Reality Marbles at the same time in close proximity, and Shirou doesn't exactly have the mana to do it." Blanc said.

"I have an idea for that. Emiya, follow me." Rin grabbed his hand and dragged him away.

"Mercenary, what is she planning to do?"

"Oh, you know…stuff…Potentially naughty stuff…" The sword Servant's face turned beat red. "Who knew the mighty King Arthur had such a dirty mind?"

"Wait!" I heard Shirou call out as he ran back into the room. "Saber is King Arthur!?"

"Yes, yes. Now go on. Back to your room." Lancer shoved him back to where he came from. Everyone gave him a curious look. "What? They're a cute couple." Those of us who didn't sweat-drop face-palmed. There was a bit of yelling from their room before things died down. We all went to bed around ten o'clock. Figured we should be well rested. Shirou apparently decided that tomorrow meant to in the morning. We once again made the trek to Ryudou Temple, but not before we kept Johnny from throttling the red haired kid. We three Servants and Lancer walked to the stairs while everyone else took the trail around.

"Who will be the one to face Assassin?" Archer asked as we made our way up the stairs.

"Shouldn't I be the one to decide that?" Assassin stood at the top of the stairs, as per his usual. "If I had to pick, it would either be Saber or the Servant in the red trench coat. We never were formally introduced, but you both have caught my attention."

"I will face you, then. I do owe you a rematch." Saber stepped forward. "But I must ask you to allow them to pass."

"I shall, but on one condition. You must fight me without holding back."

"Go. I'll stick with Saber. I never did get the chance to see her fight."

"Waste my time by kicking the bucket, Lancer, and I swear to God I'll kick the shit out of you in the afterlife."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just go already." Me and Archer took off to the courtyard. When Goldie was a no-show, we split up. He went around the buildings while I headed towards the lake. The only reason I got him to agree was by reminding him of my demonic heritage and how that gives me an immunity to most curses.

"You intend to stroll through those curses? You really think a mere human like you could walk through that?" As soon as Gilgamesh stopped talking, I kept Rin from retorting.

"She might not be able to, but I can." I said that as I ran out of the bushes and shoulder charged the king. "Hey, where are the others?"

"They're trying to keep the curses from spreading into the city." Rin reported.

"Storm?"

"Storm." Shirou answered.

"Insolent cur! How dare you treat me like that and then ignore me!" I proceeded to ignore him and stepped into the red sludge. Gilgamesh shot a sword at me, but from the sounds of it, Shirou blocked it. By the time I got to the mound of stuff, the water and sludge was up to my mid-thigh. I climbed the hill of flesh like material and found Shinji. His face was locked into a look of pure agony.

"Poor guy. Come on, let's get you out of here." I picked him up and tore him away from the arms that were growing out of the construct. Before I could take more than five steps, one of them moved and grabbed his leg. I shot it three times to separate it from the base before jumping back down into the water, being careful to not let him touch it. Explosions racked the sky as I forced my way through the muck as it grew thicker and thicker. Before I could move too far, it grew into a giant pillar that had an equally big arm coming out of the top. The hand lunged at the fighting before being destroyed by some swirling red light. I picked Shinji up off the platform we were on and comtinued to traverse the curses. As I got closer to the shore, Saber had made it and started to prepare to use her ultimate technique. "Hey, Saber. Mind waiting until I'm clear of this thing?"

"Of course."

Once again, before I could continue, the Grail took on another new form. This time, it was humanoid in shape. I got trapped in the layers and I could hear Saber call for me.

"Fuck. This is bad. Some of these curses are affecting me. Sorry, kid, but we might be making it out of this one in one piece." As I struggled to get out, things started to explode and a path was cleared for me straight to shore. "Thanks, Lancer!" I dragged the boy to safety and tossed him onto the ground before walking over to Saber and forced her left hand from the hilt of her sword.

"What are you doing? I need both hands in order to use my Noble Phantasm."

"I'm just lending a hand. I don't want you to disappear in vain." My left hand curled around the golden grip and I pumped my own energy into it. "You can do the honors though." The pure yellow color turned a sunset orange.

"Thank you. For everything. It was an honor fighting alongside you."

"You're wrong. If anyone should feel honored, it should be me. Getting complimented by and fighting alongside the mighty King Arthur is a once in a lifetime impossibility."

"Ex…caliber!" The grand wave of energy crashed down onto the Broken Grail, completely erasing it from existence. Even the curse spitting orb exploded.

"Goodbye, Saber. Enjoy your rest."

"I will. Goodbye." She faded away in a shower of golden sparks. Dawn began to break as those of us that remained entered the destroyed courtyard. Archer shot Gilgamesh in the head with an arrow before he began to fade as well. The gold king was swallowed by the dark orb and the chains that he had wrapped around Shirou's arm disintegrated away to nothing.

"So, this is it, huh? What will become of me, I wonder."

"You'll probably go to the Throne, Archer. Right where you belong." Vert said matter-of-factly. He finally disappeared in a faint blue light.

"Hey, Illya. You know this is where we part ways, right?" She began to tear up. "Oh, don't do this. I haven't even been your Servant for more than a day." That didn't stop the water works as the Seals faded from her hand.

"I'm not losing another Servant! Not again!"

"How about this, then? Something to remember me by." I took the Perfect Amulet off of my neck and split it in two. "Gold or silver? Pick one." She grabbed the gold one and I dumped some magic into it. "Nice pick. Now, any time you touch the gem, you'll be able to know that I'm still right here with you." I seriously am a huge softy.

"Good job, mister sentimental. How will we get home now?" Storm seemed a bit irked at me. I have no idea why.

"Don't worry about it. I'm not an idiot." 'I'm not an idiot, right?'

'Sorta. You just made opening a Hellgate a little bit harder.'

'But I created an anchor to this world in case we ever need help.'

'If we have to deal with difficulties, then so be it, brother. It is good that we have allies when we need them.' In my mindscape, the two of us were just staring at the older twin. 'What? They will make adequate meat shields.'

'There it is.' Me and Dante said at the same time.

"We should pack up. Storm, do you think your seals can hold the ship?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah. It shouldn't be a problem." We spent the time packing and saying our goodbyes. When no one was looking, I went to the automated foundry and pulled up some "ideas" before having the computer analyze the information and start building. I will have a Gundam, dammit! We went to an open field large enough to accommodate what I was about to do. I split the palm of my hand open with Yamato and let my blood spill into a puddle in the grass. I then stuck Yamato into the puddle. The blood shot out and expanded, turning into a circular pattern filled with circles and curved lines. On the edge that I was facing rose an obsidian monolith decorated with gold. It began to crack before exploding outwards, creating the portal.

"Bye-bye everyone!" Neptune called out before stepping in. We all waved and entered the portal. Right before I stepped in, I looked back over my shoulder.

"Don't forget to junk this thing once we're through. You guys don't need to deal with demons too." I stepped in to see Lancer looking around.

"So this is Hell, huh? This ain't so bad."

"Lancer, look out the window." He did as Uni said.

"I take it back. It's just as how I pictured it." I cut the door apart with a quick swipe of my O-katana. "Why'd you do thar?"

"So we don't go through the same door twice and so they might not wind up getting stuck in here."

"Oh…Well when you put it like that, it makes perfect sense."

"Hey, G1! What about this one?" I walked over to where Storm was calling from and opened it up. He and Johnny walked in, then immediately darted out and slammed the door shut. They then did everything in their power to make sure not even dust remained of it.

"What was that about…?" Rom asked.

"Madoka Magika." Storm droned.

"We just saved everyone a lot of trouble."

"So this is the 'nope' portal that the chapter title was talking about?" Ram remarked.

"That's a word for it."

"All that aside, we should pick a door. Lancer, since your new, why don't you decide?"

"Okay." He said with a shrug. He walked over to a section of doors on the right side. "Eenie-Meanie-Minie-This one." He taped his choice with the blunt end of his spear. I inserted Yamato and opened the door.

"Woo hoo! Adventure!" And that one moment was the trigger to us having to chase Neptune down and make sure she didn't break all the things.

 **So, I'm a little mad at myself. I was aiming to make this at least 4k+ words, but that didn't happen. If that little bit of info towards the end didn't tell you anything, the next stop is somewhere where giant fighting robots (play the song if you wish) are necessary. As always, review and I'll see you next week.**


	11. Who Doesn't Like Mechs?

Chapter 11: Who Doesn't Like Mechs?

 **Alright, onto the world of Lagrange. And because of that, Gundams for the group. I've already got four for the guys, but I haven't actually seen enough Gundam seasons to figure out ones for the girls. That, and I asked Storm for help and he's being a butt. Onto reviews.**

 **On3dge: No. Yoko is a different anime. And I'll think about Akame ga Kill. I'm not entirely sure I want to put myself through that again.**

 **Tehg: I'm thinking about it, but there are better arcs to stick you into than this one. Once I figure out the best one, you'll have your visit.**

 **And with that done with, the show shall begin!**

When we came out the other side of the doorway, we were standing on a stone port. In the distance, two robots were ganging up on a third. A fourth one, similar in design to the third was on an intercept course. This is it! The moment I've been waiting for!"

"Storm! Unseal the Autumn! Gear, you're in my chair! Storm, you, Johnny, and Lancer are with me. We're heading to the launch bay."

"Launch bay? What's going on?" Lancer asked confused.

"I think we'd all like to know that." Johnny snarked.

"No time. Let's move." In a giant poof of smoke, the Pillar of Autumn was resting in the water. Nepgear and the others took an elevator to the bridge while us guys went to the hanger. I pressed a button that was on a panel in the otherwise barren room. Four sections of the floor opened up and from those holes rose four completed mobile suits. Next to each of them was an equipment locker containing pressurized protective suits along with small firearms and other in-cockpit equipment. Johnny's didn't have the suit, just the helmet for space use. "Here's my little project. The wonders of time not really existing inside the seal. For Storm: Gundam Deathscythe Hell. Johnny gets the Lumberjack Gundam, for reasons (*cough cough* Canadian). Lancer, you're piloting the Vigna Ghina two. I'll be in the Legend Gundam." I pointed to each of the machines as I named them. They walked towards their respective mobile suits, and Johnny looked around confused when he saw us suiting up and he didn't have one. "Johnny, you don't need a suit. The Lumberjack will take care of that." The three reluctantly finished getting ready while I did so excitedly. From there, Gear started up the comm network as we climbed into the cockpits.

"Are you four ready for launch?" Seems like the fragments gave Gear the rundown about what's going on.

"Just finishing up."

"As ready as I'll ever be, seeing as how I just got the full body equivalent of a condom put on me." I'm glad it's you and not me, Johnny.

"At least you don't have to figure out how to use this kind of tech. I'm a knight, not an electrician." Storm moved onto one of the launch platforms as the ramps extended into the air.

"Gundam Deathscythe Hell, ready for launch." He said, ignoring the arguing of the other two. With him taking the lead, we moved onto our own launch pads.

"Legend Gundam, ready."

"Lumberjack, as ready as possible."

"Lancer, confused as hell but willing to try anyways."

"Launching all mobile suits." The force of the launch pinned me into the back of my seat before settling down. Once I was off the rail, I kicked on the boosters and flew off towards the battle. Suddenly, a pop up appeared, signaling an open transmission.

"Unknown vessels, identify yourselves." A deep, masculine voice commanded.

"The name's Lancer, and we're gonna help with this little problem of yours, assuming you're the ones protecting this town."

"We are. Is it safe to assume that the large ship is also yours?"

"Yeah. Its name is the Pillar of Autumn. The guy in the dark gray mech is the unofficial captain."

"Fuck off, Johnny. I built that ship and I programmed the AI that run it. I earned the right to be its captain."

"And what's your name?"

"Steven, at your service. The only one who hasn't introduced himself is Storm. Say hi, Storm."

"Hey."

"I'm patching you into our comm network. Madoka, can you hear me?"

"Yeah. What's going on?"

"We got you and Lady Laffinty some backup."

"We're going to split up into two teams. Storm, you and Lancer go help the blue one take care of that beetle looking thing. Johnny, you and I are taking on the sword guy.:

"On it!" The three responded as we took action. I deployed all of my funnels, allowing the ten mobile weapons to fire their twenty-six beam weapons. Eight of them had two on each while the remaining two had four.

"Make sure not to hit the town with those things!" The girl, probably Madoka, yelled.

"That's the idea." The beam blasts forced it off the ground and towards the sea. Johnny was using his axes to cover where my funnels couldn't. The sword wielder flew right at the girl and sent her flying towards the school but I caught her before she impacted.

"Thanks!"

"No problem." I turned the on the external speakers. "Hey! Why don't we take this out to the water where no innocents can get hurt!?" The enemy unit nodded and flew away. The three of us moved to engage, but I stopped them once we got there.

"In the end, this is her fight, Johnny." I grabbed one of the Legend's Beam Javelins from the charging stations that are in the lower legs and handed it to her. "Hold the button down to turn it on. From there…well…do you know how to use a sword?" Will I get the chance to be Tucker again?

"Of course!" God dammit… "I help the kendo club all the time!" She darted forward and the two began to clash in a semi-elegant dance. Lancer sent the beetle flying at us and Johnny kicked it away. The two enemy units regrouped, as did we. It seems that the six against two advantage we had finally sunk in and they retreated. I called back my funnels and holstered the beam rifle in my hand. Madoka gave me back the javelin and I put that away as well.

"All friendly units, return to Pharos." The man commanded. Pharos? The two girls took off towards what looked to be a man-made island so we followed them. The six of us landed on the outer deck, our Gundams towering over the other two machines. When we finished rappelling from the cockpits, we were greeted by armed soldiers and two teenage girls. The troops had their weapons trained on us. The girl in blue approached us. She curled her hand to look like a paw.

"Woof."

"Hey."

"Of course the Hound of Ulster understands dog."

"What was that, red coat!?"

"Do I look British to you?"

"Ah-hem!" The soldiers stood at attention as who I assume was the man from the radio walked to us. "I am Commander Watabe. It's nice to meet you face to face." He shook each of our hands. I walked behind a pillar and changed back into my usual outfit before returning. "How did you get the clothes and when did you change?"

"Ways and just now."

"The name's Lancer. I was the one using this thing." He patted the lance wielding machine. "Her name is Vigna Ghina."

"Johnny." He said, jabbing his right thumb into his chest. "I'm in the Lumberjack Gundam."

"Steven. I pilot the Legend Gundam."

"And I'm Storm. This is Gundam Deathscythe Hell." The Commander gestured us to follow him and he lead us into an interrogation room. We explained our entire situation to them, excluding some of the details, like the fact that I can turn into a demon. You know, the stuff that really shouldn't be shared. They then explained their problem. To say Lancer was shocked when they told us about the two warring alien races was an understatement. By the end of all of our talks, it was dark. The last of the Pelicans we sent out to pick up people whose houses were damaged returned to the Autumn. From there, I had gotten shaken down by the girls. My three fellow males vanished, throwing me to the wolves. No cuddles for G1 tonight.

The next morning we were greeted by Madoka standing outside the ship.

"Hey guys!"

"Shouldn't you be in school?" Blanc asked.

"I was on my way there now. I just wanted to invite you all for dinner at my uncle's restaurant."

"Ooh! We'll definitely be there!" Ram answered for us.

"You should go, before you're late." Noire said.

"See ya later!" She ran off and we spent the day touring the town and helping with reconstruction. Clones made that easier. Dinner at Madoka's uncle's place was really good. Not on Shirou's or Gear's level, but it's up there.

*Next day*

There was a festival that the all-girls school was hosting today. We were asked by Madoka to prep some fireworks. Oh, that was fun. We Googled how to make designs and created our own. The show was perfect. The girl said it herself. Me and Storm was asked by Pharos to be on standby in case something went down. Some of the girls were upset that their suits weren't finished yet. Nepgear actually decided to participate in the swimming race that was being held by said school. It took some string pulling, but she was allowed to. She came in seventh. Since nothing happened, we got the rest of the day off. Neptune tried to get the Pharos guys to build her Gundam, but when she showed them the plans they said that they didn't have the technology. (Heh. Memes)

*Another next day*

"With another day gone, we went about our business. Construction of the damaged buildings got completed. Some of the girls joined the school that Madoka and Lan were going to. Something about enjoying the experience the last time. Late that night, we got a call from Pharos. The prisoner from Madoka's first fight escaped with his "Ovid" as they called it. I was sitting by the shore watching the sun rise over the ocean when a guy sat next to me.

"What a beautiful ocean. Except for that blemish over there."

"I hear ya. At least I have the decency to keep my ship cloaked during the day so we don't obstruct the view."

"You've got a ship?"

"Yeah. The Pillar of Autumn. She's space worthy, too."

"Cool. Didn't think humanity had it in them."

"Yeah. Humans are a pretty incredible species."

"Why are you talking like you aren't one of them?"

"We all have our secrets…What's your name?"

"Villigiulio. You?"

"Steven. Are you new here?"

"Yeah. You could say that." I stood up and brushed myself off.

"Come on, then. I'm a little new, too, but I can still show you around."

"Sounds like fun." We walked around for a bit before passing a clothing store. "Nice coat."

"Not as nice as mine, but yeah. Looks good, and it's on sale. You should grab it." As soon as he put his hand on one of the sleeves, Madoka's uncle put his hand on the other. The two fought over it for a good ten minutes. At first it was with words, before it devolved into growls and grunts. Villigiulio won the fight and walked out with the coat, leaving me to pay. I shot Storm and Johnny to pick up some "goods" and to meet us back at the waterfront. When the three of got there, the two were waiting for us with cases of beer and some whisky glasses.

"Great. You brought the good bevs."

"What's with the glasses?" Madoka's uncle, whose name finally sank in (it's Hiroshi), asked. The bottle of Jack fell onto Villigiulio's head.

"Ow!" He cried. "What's this?"

"The reasons for the glasses. It just kinda does its own thing most of the time." Storm answered.

"It's pretty cool if you ask me. An infinite source of booze that you don't have to carry around." Johnny said.

"Says the raging alcoholic."

"You know I won't deny that, G1." We all laughed and began enjoying the adult beverages. Quite a bit of time passed before the fighting resumed.

"Look I'm telling you, that coat looks way better on me."

"Let it go, will ya? How many times have we been through this?"

"How long have we been drinking?" Storm slurred. Johnny looked at his phone.

"About half an hour."

"So around forty times."

"Hold on. We did?" Hiroshi asked.

"Oh yeah." I said before I started laughing.

"All right, then the next coat on sale is-" Someone stomped their foot behind us and we all turned.

"What are you doing?"

"Oh, Madoka. Hey, this is my niece. Isn't she cute? This is Johnny, Storm, Steven and Giovu…ow…! Aw man, I bit my tongue again."

"Hiroshi…" She growled out angrily.

"Y-Yes?"

"What are you doing out here? You're drunk in the middle of the day."

"To be fair, Madoka, your uncle's a lightweight. The four of us have had far more than he has." I, being the only truly sober one (healing factor for the win!), explained.

"And you three! You're supposed to be out helping protect this town, and you're here drinking!?"

"Yes. Yes we are. We can't exactly be all uptight all the time. Some of us need our acceptance juice." Tell the whole world we're alcoholics like you, Johnny. Go ahead. See how much I care.

"And these two were fighting over that coat and this is the peace talks." Storm added.

"Yeah, see. This is a truce!" Hiroshi backpedaled.

"Want a drink, Madoka?" Villigiulio asked.

"Uh, no thank you." Her uncle started laughing before dhe forced a bag into her face. "We just need more soy sauce and sugar. Now go." He got up sheepishly.

"See you." He said before scurrying off. Madoka started picking up the trash.

"Sorry about that." Villigiulio said.

"Yeah, sorry." I apologized. Storm said his own and Johnny muttered something quietly.

"Don't talk to me, okay? And you three should know better."

"We are forty year old adults. We can do as we please." God dammit drunk Johnny!

"As much as I would like to stay, I need to go. Sorry." The other trench coat wearer left. We helped the teen pick up after our small party.

"So what were those two arguing about again?"

"We don't know. We were just asked to get the drinks." Storm said. Johnny just shrugged.

"I was there. There was only one of those coats left."

"Seriously…?"

"Yeah. Dumb, isn't it?"

"G1, you would kill a man if they even _breathed_ on your coat."

"Yeah, yeah…Whatever. Let's finish cleaning up." We cleaned up and went our separate ways for a while. Hiroshi likes the business we all bring in.

"Hey, you're late!"

"We have a tag-a-long." Blanc said, pointing to Villigiulio.

"Giuvi…"

"It's Villa. Villagiulio."

"So what brings you here?"

"I was just showing Madoka that I'm sorry for not helping pick up the trash. I saw our buddies walking here, so I decided to join them. They have good taste, after all."

"Welcome back!" Muginami called out as she walked in from the kitchen.

"Hey there. How you been lately?"

"Brother…"

"Your brother?"

"Brother!" She ran up and hugged him.

"Is anyone else confused about what's going on?" All of us agreed with Noire.

"Do you know how late you are!? I've been waiting here forever! I knew you'd show up! I just knew it!"

"Muginami, is this guy honestly your elder brother?" Madoka asked.

"Yes. I mean, we're not actually related, but I still consider him my brother!" There was a thud. Lan was coming in to the door and she dropped her bag.

"Lan?"

"You're the one? You're her brother?"

"Welcome back, Lady Laffinty."

"Okay, someone should start explaining what is going on." Vert said. Lan dragged us away from the two and explained that the two were from De Metrio and were the ones behind the recent attacks.

"Are you sure, Lan? The guy I can understand, but Muginami? She's a little…not all there…"

"Like you're one to talk, Neptune."

"I'm trying, Noire!"

"She is. Trust me." Madoka walked over to question them. I reached behind my coat to grab Fame, just to be safe. The others looked like they were getting ready for a fight too. We watched the talk turned fight silently as Madoka poured her heart out. He grabbed Muginami up by the face. Before things could go any farther, we sprang into action. I had Rebellion in my right hand with the blade against his throat and Fame's barrel pointed right in between his eyes. Everyone else had their weapons pressed against his person as well.

"Let the girl go." Uni stated as coldly as she could.

"Fine." He let her go and started to walk out. "Laffinty, give Moid a message. Tell him he has until morning to destroy every single Vox your people have in their possession. If he doesn't, I'll destroy them and Pharos." Madoka ran after him, but he was already in his Ovid.

"Nepgear, call Epsilon. Tell him to get the Autumn ready for launch." She walked out of the room as she pulled out her cell.

"How did you guys do that? Where did those weapons come from?" Lan asked.

"Trade secret there, girly." Lancer replied.

"What are you going to do to my Brother?" I turned to the sobbing girl.

"Whatever we have to to keep this town safe."

"I want in!" Madoka yelled. "I refuse to allow him to talk about one of my comrades like that!" I thought you were from Japan, not Soviet Russia Madoka.

"If you can get your machine to us before we leave, then sure." Lancer said.

"I just got done talking with Church. If we leave now, we'll get into orbit by daybreak."

"Alright people, let's move!" Sudden outburst from Rom is sudden. In compliance to the small girl's order, we went to get ready. I walked onto the bridge and immediately began barking orders to the fragments.

"Epsilon, plot a course that will put us into a low planetary orbit. Eta, Iota, prep all available all-purpose mobile suits with space rigs. Also, prep the Gundams. Sigma, begin an analysis and predict all possible enemy tactics. Omega, prep all Archer missile pods and the Super MAC." The AIs disappeared and went to do as told. The floor trembled as we began take off procedures.

"We're really going to fight…?" Hey, she's back to being quiet.

"Yeah, we are, Rom. If Pharos is blown up, there's no telling how much damage it'll cause to the town. We have to stop this madness before any innocent people get hurt." In the corner of my eye, Johnny was trying to make a "This is Sparta" reference, but was denied by Blanc. At that moment Delta popped up.

"All systems are running at one hundred and three percent. Take off procedures have already begun. Lift off is in one minute."

"Thank you for the update, Delta."

"You are most certainly welcome."

"Buckle up, people! It's go time!" Johnny cheered while strapping himself into a chair. We followed his leave and I shut my eyes, aiming to get a small nap in.

 **So, yeah…That's that. In all seriousness, I need Gundam suggestions. Internet nerds, I require your assistance! Now that that's out of my system, I'm going to go to bed. It's quarter after 10 and I need to use the sleep.**


	12. A Lull in the Action

Chapter 12: A Lull in the Action

 **So, I want to apologize. First off, I caught a case of the fuck its. Procrastination at its finest. Second is that this won't be as long as my average. I cut it short so I could stretch this into three chapters. I'm calling it after the next chapter because I don't want to have a canon six month wait before the story resumes. I have other things I could move on to. With me piece said, I say: On with the show.**

I opened my eyes so see the beautiful void that is space. Everyone else seemed to have followed my example earlier and are waking up as well. Good. We need to be well rested.

"Mornin' everyone." Storm yawned. Epsilon took that moment to pop up.

"Look, as much as I like to see you all be friends, and as much as I don't want to rain on your parade, I will. Three enemy ships are inbound. You should all get ready." We silently agreed with him and headed down to the hanger. The girls and their mobile suits went first. They were launched out in groups of four. The Gundams were to go last. Because the basic bitch suits aren't custom, the twins were too short to pilot them and had to stay on the ship. I think Sigma was telling them about the turret consoles. That's no good. Neptune and Blanc had to transform just for the height bonus, even if Blanc's isn't as major. Once all of us were out of the ship, the two larger ships let out a swarm of units. There had to be several hundred of them. Madoka and Lan could be seen flying up from the surface. Looks like they got clearance.

"Delta, are those manned units?" Nepgear asked.

"No. They are merely drones controlled by a basic combat algorithm."

"Then let's hit 'em hard! Omega, do your thing!" Blanc yelled. O'Malley's laughter broke physics and rang out through the matter-less space as the ship fired off a storm of missiles. They took out a good chunk of the enemy's forces, but not as many as planned. Agile little bastards. Then the fight really kicked off. Everyone went their own ways to fight the hoard. Some stuck with others. For example, Nepgear and Uni. They were together like glue. I drew the High-Energy Beam Rifle off of the backpack and began firing as quickly as I could. To play it safe, I drew the Beam Javelin from the left leg and used it to fend off anything that got too close. My funnels cleared out most of the mess in my area. The rifle and sword were just there to clean up the scraps. During all the fighting, Muginami showed up in the last of the Vox's. The Autumn fired its main cannon, destroying one of the dropships. The smaller of the three opened up in the front, and what I assume is Villgiulio's Ovid came out. In its hands was a large cannon. He pointed it at Muginami and fired it, but I blocked the shot with one of my Beam Shield generators. Lan had taken a shot at him, so it would've just barely missed anyway. Didn't want to take any chances, though. The explosion that came from the blast really rocked my boat. That definitely would've done some serious damage.

"Hey, Muginami? Are you okay?"

"Y-Y-Yeah…I'm okay…" She sounded shaken than I was physically. Madoka went charging at him with a sword with reckless abandon. He shot this hook thing from his Ovid's arm and disarmed her. But, as we have learned, Madoka (in situations like this) gives zero fucks because she went ahead and threw a punch. For whatever reason, Muginami stopped her. I kept all my funnels trained on him from all angles in case he moved.

"Madoka, stop! This is all my fault! I was acting on my own! I never stopped to think what my Brother wanted!"

"If that attack would've hit you, you'd be gone. Dead as dicks. Why would you protect your would be murderer? He clearly doesn't care about you." I really feel bad for Johnny. He tries so hard to reason with these people, but his ignorance of certain games and anime keeps him from realizing it's pointless.

"Please stop this, Muginami." Neptune pleaded.

"You're being such an idiot!" Madoka roared as she punched the orange Vox in the face. "Come on! After everything that's happened, you going to keep defending him!? You heard Johnny! He was going to kill you!" Before the in-fighting could continue, Lancer got between them.

"Now, now ladies. No need to fight." They heeded him no mind as they continued to verbally assault each other. Good thing I've had years of experience tuning out arguing people. At one point, Madoka's rage must've peaked because her Vox started glowing. Vines made of energy started growing (Heh…I rhymed…) from the back of her machine and spiraled upwards. A hole opened up and flowers erupted from it as all three machines shut down and the hole closed. I opened an open channel and tried to talk to the head honcho of this invasion thing.

"Come on, Villagiulio. We aren't done here."

"Nah. I got what I wanted." He flew back to his ship and he retreated.

"We should go after him." Vert said.

"No. We need to get back to the Autumn and bring it back to the surface." Noire said.

"Don't forget we need to fish those three out of the water, sis." We returned to OUR ship and had Church bring it down. Storm, Johnny, Nepgear and Vert went down to the bottom of the ocean to retrieve the three teens. The fun part was opening up the cockpits to get them to sick-bay on Pharos. Madoka and Lan recovered quickly, but Muginami was stuck there. The morning proceeded just like every other slow day. The girls went to school, Storm went down to mess with the Gundams, and Johnny and Lancer went on walk-abouts. Most of Johnny's walks were to a bar. I spent the time figuring out a way to bring Church around with me, while still having him be able to control the ship. I had to make a kind of PDA that I strapped to my arm. Those electrical engineering classes from college really paid off. We were conducting the test on the beach.

"Testing. One, two." After my little que, the A.I. fragment appeared right above the glowing blue screen.

"I'm here." There was a rumbling sound that came from the ship as the Super MAC fired. "And I can still control the ship."

"Awesome." I turned my head ever so slightly and saw Muginami walking on the beach. "Hey, Muginami. Why aren't you in school?"

"I'm not feeling all that great, so I'm taking a walk. I planned on heading there in a bit, though. I want to apologize to Madoka."

"That's good. Go do that. No need to lose a friend over a petty argument."

"I will! Oh, and thank you. For earlier."

"Don't worry about it. It's just something I do." She waved while running off, and I went back to the Autumn. Once the girls came home, they immediately ran to the showers. Before Noire could go very far, I stopped her. "Noire, what's up? Why are you all bolting to the bathroom like that?"

"The Jersey Club was asked to stay after school and fish eels out of the swimming pool."

"Sounds like my kind of party!" Lancer called out from down the hall.

"Shut it you pervert!" As the tsun yelled that, she ran away.

"Some girls just can't take a joke." Lancer said while shaking his head.

"There's a reason my Noire broke up with me after three years, Lancer. A girl can only take so much sexual humor."

*Skip!*

Hiroshi called the bridge the next morning and asked us guys to come over to the shop. When we walked in, the three teens were dressed in blue and white waitress or maid outfits. On the counter were four uniforms. Storm picked one up and we were all surprised by what we saw. It looked like something a male stripper would wear. There were shirt collars (no actual shirts) with bowties, cuffs with cufflinks, and dress pants with slacks. Why isn't there a shirt?

"I'm not wearing that. I don't care if we bring in people, we aren't trophies." Storm said. We all nodded in agreement.

"I'll pay." Storm's head was the only one that didn't perk up at the sound of a cash register.

"How much are we talkin'" Johnny asked.

"And could you give the number to us in U.S. dollars? I still haven't figured out the Yen conversion thing." I added.

"Ten dollars an hour."

"Make it eleven and we have a deal." Lancer declared.

"Do I not get a voice in this?"

"No, Storm. No you do not." That's cold, Johnny. Even for you.

"Okay then. Starting today you four are waiters here." What have we just signed up for?

'Being eye candy. It'd be a good thing if it wasn't for the fact that you're married.'

'Shut up, Dante.'

"Now go get dressed. We're opening up soon." We went to the bathroom one at a time. After I was changed, I immediately felt hella awkward. Thankfully, the girls had already left for something. Not so thankfully, Neptune (In HDD) walked in. She was wearing a light blue sundress.

"Hey, Stevie, are you he-" She froze when she saw us (read: me) and…purred? Oh no… "I need to borrow this." This? I'm a thing to her? She grabbed my arm and dragged me off. Good thing I kept my clothes in my pocket dimension.

"Neptune, where are we going? And will you please let me change since we're in public? I think this is illegal."

"You'll find out soon enough. And I guess you can. I don't want this day to get ruined by a cop." I walked into the nearest shady looking alley and got into my clothes for the day. They were simply a pair of jeans, a red t-shirt, and a pair of black sneakers. I feel naked without my coat. When I came back, she grabbed my hand and dragged me around town. She finally stopped in front of the Kamogawa Sea World.

"It's been a long time since I've been to one of these."

"You've been to a Sea World? When?"

"For me? About thirty years ago. Can you please tell me why we're here now?"

"Well…Madoka accidently bought two extra tickets to go here, so I thought it would be fun if we used them to go on a date."

"Oh…Uh…Okay then…"

"Why do you sound so surprised? If it wasn't for that Grail War, we probably would've gone on one then. It's been over a month since we started this and we have yet to go on one."

"That's true. Still makes me a bit uncomfortable, though."

"I'd assume they'd be okay with it by now, right?"

"I guess. Alright then, let's go."

We walked around, looking at the penguins, riding on the backs of dolphins, and all that. When it comes to aquariums, as soon as I walk in, I instantly become a five year old. I was taking pictures, dragging her to different tanks. You know, what all little kids do to their parents. The only difference was I did it with the grace no child could ever achieve. It was ten o'clock when my stomach growled. Seeing as how that was not a reasonable time for lunch, we went and got crepes (The burrito looking ones, not the French ravioli looking things that you see all over in America) from a stand to stall our hunger. Mine was strawberry and cream while Neptune's was, obviously, pudding. The look on the vendor's face when she asked for chocolate pudding was priceless. We ate them while watching the Orca show.

"Let me try yours." Neptune demanded.

"Sure. I do owe you for how I acted today."

"It's okay. I'm not exactly the poster child for maturity. Would you like a bite of mine?"

"Sure." I moved the pasrty to my right and she blushed a little. Did the same thing for me. Coincidentally, we took a bite at the same time. Neptune's face turned a deeper shade of red as she leaned into me. I'll never understand the whole indirect kiss thing. After the show was over, Neptune wanted to go back to Hiroshi's place for lunch. Did you know, even when in HDD, Neptune is still a messy eater? The face wiping thing also happened. Basically, the whole day went like one of those stereotypical anime dates. Not that I minded. From there, we went to an arcade. She shut me out on some of the games. She's not a very humble winner. The giant pink bear she forced me to carry around is a testament to that. Once the stars were out, we sat down on the beach. I set up a small fire and pulled out some stuff for s'mores. We were pressed against each other while roasting the marshmallows.

"This is nice, isn't it, Neptune?"

"Yeah. It's a shame it won't last…" She looked down for a while before continuing. "If it means having more moments like this, I think I want to take you up on your plan."

"What plan?"

"The one you and Junior came up with a while back."

"Oh yeah. That one. Good. Now we dan't have to break your sister's heart. So, how long are you going to stay in HDD?"

"As long as I want to. Is that a problem?"

"Not at all. Just a bit worried you might get tired out at the worst possible time."

"Thanks for worrying about me."

"No problem." To my left, out of the corner of my eye, I saw three silhouettes. "Hey…Look over there…"

"Is that Madoka and her friends?"

"Seems like it." From the looks of their shadowed forms, they stripped. "And now they're naked. Let's go back to our s'mores before the police come after me."

"Sounds good." We ate our snacks and laid down. We wound up falling asleep there. That wasn't the plan, and we woke up in with our arms around each other and only in our underwear. She had on powder blue lacey underwear and I had on simple black boxers. Well, turns out that the fire was warmer than we thought, and we stripped in our sleep to cool down. The wonders of Mother Nature, ladies and gentlemen. I'm just glad we were in a secluded part of the beach. The two of us cleaned up our mess and went back to the Autumn. The day proceeded as normal for a while, until we got a call from Lan.

"Hello? Can someone please come help? Madoka's been banned from piloting Midori."

"What do you want us to do about it?" Johnny asked.

"Something!"

"The chairman thinks Madoka and Midori will become one of the demons from the Vox legend." Muginami chipped in. Demon you say? Oh…Oh, ho, ho…The troll wheels are turning. The plot is forming. Ideas are happening!

"I know that look. Don't do it, G1." Storm responded to the look that was probably on my face.

"But Storm…" I whined.

"Do it!" Johnny cried.

"You've been out voted." Blanc stated.

"Okay girls, I'll be there in a few. Lancer, you're coming with me."

"Why am I coming?"

"Reasons." I put my hand on his shoulder and Tricked to Pharos. After navigating the halls, we found a few soldiers, the Commander, Madoka, and who I assume is the chairman. She had long blond hair that reached her lower back and blue eyes. "So this little girl is the ultimate authority around here? The one that's scared of demons?" I asked with amusement.

"Coming from another dimension, you would know nothing of the legend."

"Coming from the girl who's never even meet a real demon."

"And you have?"

"I'm a Devil Hunter. Killin' 'em is what I do for a living."

"Is that how you pulled that sword out of nowhere?"

"Ehhh…Not really, Madoka…It just makes the job easier…Now, back to you." I turned back to the small blond. "Would you like to meet a demon face to face?" Before she could respond, I decided I was going to make everyone present shit themselves. I went straight to Majin Trigger. The looks on their faces were absolutely beautiful! Bricks were shat! Pants were pissed!

 **"Sooo…I'm pretty confident when I say these machines aren't demonic at all."** I deactivated the god-like transformation and watched them relax. I sometimes forget the amount of power it puts out makes others feel like gravity is more intense. "So, are you going to take back your order?" I looked at the maid that was standing next to her. "Wait…Aren't you a dude?" He chose not to answer and simply looked away.

"No. I won't. There is too much of a risk. Someone, get that door open." I'm going to show her that she is wrong.

"We can't." The soldier at the console said. "It's sealed from the inside."

"Lancer." He nodded his head and walked to the door with me. I grabbed one half and he got the other. The two of us showed them our superhuman strength by prying it open. "There. Problem solved."

"Hey, is that the form you used to kill Berserker?"

"Yeah it is."

"Why did you let them in? I thought you said you'd do something." Lan questioned.

"I did do something. Did you feel really heavy a moment ago? Yeah, that was the something. She ignored it."

"No matter. We refuse to budge until you rescend your order. We need them. Both Madoka and the Aura are essential to our team."

"And I'd be nervous with having just Lan with me."

"And you'll have trained adults who deal with the supernatural on a regular basis up there with them to keep 'em in check. This little game you're playing is kind of pointless." Lancer added.

"Liseten, guys, Let's pull the plug on this, okay?"

"Madoka?"

"Are you serious?" Me and Lancer just raised an eyebrow.

"I really appreciate what you guys are doing, but this isn't the way to do it."

"Well, logic doesn't seem to be the way either apparently…" I might be a bit miffed about that stupid little girl.

"Did you find an answer to my question earlier, Kyono?"

"Yeah. Maybe I just did."

"Can somebody fill me in?"

"Don't worry Lancer. I'm confused too."

"I might not be able to fly Midori, but we'll still have the Kamo Girl's Jersey Club."

"Hey…Let's bounce before things get girly."

"Good idea, Lancer." We left and we raced towards the shore. When we got there, the chairman had somehow beat us to the dock. Villagiulio was on the dock as well, along with the maid and the other two of his goon squad.

"So, what's your answer?" The traitor to all things trench coat asked.

"The answer is no. We will not be giving the Vox to you, nor will we force the others to stand down."

"What? You sure about that? You'll live to regret it."

"You won't live much longer if ya don't listen to the little lady." Damn…Lancer beat me to it. The three others got ready to protect their leader.

"Ah, ah, ah boys. One wrong step, and you'll have to deal with some Heavy Rain." They turned towards me. I had Lucifer on my shoulder with the wings extended and three blades in each hand. I pointed upwards with my eyes. They followed my line of sight and discovered the mass of downward pointing energy swords.

"Stand down, you two. We were just talking." Lancer took his spear away from Villagiulio's heart and I dismissed the swords, but held onto the explosives. "The Flower of Lagrange must never be allowed to blossom again, Villagiulio."

"At least we can agree on that. Goodbye, chairman." He left with the two that weren't crossdressing.

"What are you doing here?"

"Honestly? Just passing by. We saw that guy and I decided I still wasn't done being pissed at him" Do you blame me though?

"I see. Well then. I'll be on my way. Good evening to you both." She got on the nearby boat with her man-maid, and it set out. I turned to Lancer and shrugged, and we went home. After eating and giving everyone a rundown on what happened (along with the notice that we were getting docked a day's worth of pay), we all went to bed. During "work" we got a call asking our help with the festival that the school was holding. After our little display of strength, it's safe to assume that we were being recruited to do all of the heavy lifting. I mean ALL of it. Not what I wanted to do today, but neither was me being an exhibitionist. Hiroshi said he'd pay us anyway, seeing as how it was Madoka we were helping. An hour or so into it I was carrying timber when I saw a familiar face in the dojo the school uses for Kendo.

"Well, what do we have here?" I stepped into the doorway sharply enough to make my coat ruffle loudly.

"You!" The red headed goon shouted.

"Me." I retorted, poking a thumb into my chest.

"Tell me where Madoka Kyono is."

"I don't know, but even if I did I wouldn't tell you."

"Wait! I said wait!" I looked out and up to see Madoka falling. *Sigh*…I reached out with one arm and caught her by the waist. "Hehehe…Thanks…"

"Kids these days…" I said, shaking my head. I stood her up and brushed her off a bit. Damn dad instincts.

"Kids? You look as old as we are." One of the girls said.

"Sweetheart, I'm almost forty. I aged fantastically."

"Hey, Madoka! Your boyfriend's here!" A different girl called out.

"Boyfriend? Whose boyfriend?"

"We just told you! Your boyfriend!"

"Huh? I didn't know that I had a boyfriend." They all walked inside and he was gone. A window was slightly open. Good thing I'm an awesome tracker. He only left the school grounds.

"So…What are you really here for?"

"What the-!?" He shouted. Being friends with a ninja has its perks. "Oh, it's you. I was going to challenge Madoka Kyono to a duel, but I changed my mind."

"So that's what the knife is for."

"How did you…?"

"I've been in the ass kickin' business long enough to know when someone's armed. Also, I've been behind you for a little bit. I saw it sticking out of you pants. Now go on. Shoo!" he walked off, and after meandering about for a bit I went home as well. Nepgear was busy so I cooked dinner. Lucky for me, Gear had already took out all the ingredients for whatever she wanted to make and left a note that explained her plans. She walked in with everyone else, exhausted.

"So, how was your guy's day?"

"Tiring…" Vert sighed. Guess they all got recruited.

"So what did you do? You don't even look sweaty." Ram asked huffily.

"Well…I moved some heavy stuff, stopped a potential homicide…" The timer that I set went off. "And I just finished cooking dinner." I served up the curry and we all ate together before just sitting back and relaxing. Some of the girls went to relax in the spa-like area. Others (Vert) went to the gaming room. I was on my way there before Neptune cragged me to bed early.

"Why are we callingit so early?"

"The festival at the school is tomorrow." Serious side note: How is she still in HDD? It's been a few days now. "Because I can."

"Son of a…Ignoring the fourth wall break…What does that have to do with me?"

"You're an idiot G1!" Johnny yelled from another room. Neptune just shot me a look that screamed "Are you serious?". Wait…

"Oh. Ohhh…He's right…I am an idiot…"

"I'll take that as a yes then. I already talked to Hiroshi to get you a paid day off." She wrapped her arms around my left one and leaned her head against my shoulder as we walked. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.

 **So, apparently I lied. Didn't think my editing would tack on a good 500 words. Maybe more. I also forgot to mention that I'm sorry for the late chapter. It's been a busy weekend. Until next time.**


	13. Stuff and Things

Chapter 13: Stuff and Things

 **Helloooo and welcome back to another infinidagger adventure! I'm on a Game Grumps fix, so things are happening. So, yeah…final chapter of the arc. Hopefully this turns out to be the way I wanted it to (longer than most). I also final realized I could hook up my T.V. to my laptop because of my Xbone's HDMI cable. I truly am an idiot. So, on with the show.**

The festival started at nine, so Neptune had me up at the unholy hour of seven. So, to spite her, I dressed down. Very down. Real down. Like, the opposite way to dress if you're going to a funeral. Someone could mistake me as a wannabe thug. I pulled on a white wife beater and gray sweatpants. But I learned soon after that I must be becoming predictable because she was in a similar wardrobe. The only difference was she had a purple t-shirt on.

"So, how do I look?" She asked mockingly.

"I hate you so much right now…" Neptune merely stuck her tongue out at me. Pharos called a half hour before we left, saying that we should expect an attack soon. We'd know more, but Ram was the one to pick up the phone. That girl is too impatient. Sad face… So, skipping ahead to the actual festival, we were walking the halls of the school in our scummy (yet comfortable) clothes. Each and every club had a room with something in it. There was a haunted house, a theater a maid café, et cetera.

"Let's do the haunted house first!"

"C-Can we not, Neptune?"

"Is the great Devil Hunter scared of ghosts?"

"N-No!"

'Yes.' The two voices in my head answered truthfully.

'Shut it, you two!'

"That's a mean thing to say to them. They were only telling the truth to me."

"You can hear them?"

'She can hear us?' Vergil asked.

'Apparently.' Was his brother's response.

"Of course I can. I break the fourth wall all the time. This is nothing."

"Fine, but let me correct all three of you. I'm not scared of ghosts, I just don't do horror. When it comes to stuff like that, I'm a little bitch."

"We don't have to go in if it will bother you that much." She said while looked down in sadness.

"Don't make that face. If you want to go in there, I can suck it up for once." That bravado of mine lasted all of three seconds after we walked in. By the end of it, I was a blubbering mess and Neptune was carrying me.

"There, there. It's all over. See?"

"Look Lan, he took it worse than you did."

"S-Shut up, Muginami…"

"Come on, Stevie. Let's go get something to cheer you up." Neptune stood me up and followed Madoka and her friends. It was a smart decision, seeing as how they knew where they were going. Me, Neptune and Muginami got cotton candy (candy floss for those not from North America) and Lan got a candy apple. Madoka ran off and came back with a bouquet of what looked like corn dogs.

"Here, you two! It'll make you feel better!"

"I'm good now, Madoka. Thanks anyway." Lan seemed to share my sentiments because she simply took a bite out of her apple.

"So where to next, Neptune?"

"Let's go to the shooting arcade the gaming club has set up."

"Let's." We walked there and waited in line. In front of us was Asteria, the chairman of Novumunus. They're the ones that made Pharos.

"Why hello there. What are you two doing here?"

"We're on a date." Come on, Neptune. Don't add fuel to her fire. She likes to tease enough as it is.

"Is that so?"

"What are you doing here?" I asked before things got out of hand.

"I'm looking for someone." It got to be her turn, and she was given the plastic gun. From there, she started playing. For a child, she wasn't doing too badly. Not a single target escaped her.

"All her shots are double taps!" A girl from the club said.

"Let's raise the level of difficulty! You can't even count this as target practice." Yeah, I'll give her that one.

"Is that Asteria?" Madoka? Didn't you go to do your own thing? How did she manage to find us?

"Oh, I've been looking everywhere for you." She said, turning to the brunette. Without turning back, she fired one last shot and completed the level.

"Before you go, let me show you how a real Gunslinger does things." She handed me the controller. "Neptune. Blindfold me please." The purple haired CPU grabbed someone's tie and wrapped it around my eyes. "Let's rock!" According to the sound, I hit the start button and began my run. I shot one handed, twirling the plastic pistol around, tossing it to the other hand, and any other trick that I could think of.

"Whoa." Many similar sounds of astonishment came from the crowd.

"He hasn't missed one yet!" The same girl from before nearly squealed. The mission clear tone sounded and I gave the tie back to the man Neptune took it from.

"That, ladies and gentlemen, is how it's done." I took a large sweeping bow and reveled in the applause.

"We should follow them. If she's here, something important must be about to go down."

"But…"

"Don't worry, Neptune, I'll make it up to you."

"You better." We caught up to the four of them fairly quickly. They acted like they didn't even see us before. Rude…

"This Japanese carnival is not as spectacular as I had imagined."

"It is just a high school arts festival." Madoka said, defending her classmates from the chairman.

"So, why are you here anyways?" Neptune asked.

"Well, you see…"

"Lan!" Yelled a dirl in a dive suit. "I found you!"

"Sachi?"

"I need your help! Our club is in big trouble! Please help!"

"Huh? But…"

"Go on. Isn't it the Jersey Club's job to help?" If I subtly trick them into leaving, goog things might happen.

"You're right."

"Well, come on!" The girl grabbed Lan's hand and led her away. One down, one to go. Thankfully, not long after, someone came calling for Muginami.

"Yes? Oh, hi Michi. What is it?" She asked the girl, now named Michi, that was wearing a maid outfit.

"I'm sorry, but would you mind helping us? We're shorthanded at the Astronomy Club's café."

"They really need you, Muginami. Go and help out." Madoka cheered.

"Roger that! Let's go!"

"Well…let's see…What do you wanna do?" The teen asked.

There are two of us, and two of them. We could go on a double date." If Madoka was taking a drink of something, she would've done a spit-take.

"W-W-W-What!?" Neptune was giggling and I hunched over laughing. Madoka's reaction was too perfect.

"I'm okay with it. Are you, Stevie?"

"Yeah…Sure…I don't judge…"

"You have two wives, one definite girlfriend and one maybe girlfriend (His Noire. **Neptune…** I'm not gonna say sorry.). If you did judge, your love life would be a nightmare.

"They didn't need to know that, Neptune." It was her turn to laugh until the point of pain,

"Come on. Why don't we head to the food court? It is lunch time." Madoka said as she started to run off.

"I'll grab the little one. Go catch up to her."

"Sure." Neptune said as she nodded.

"Who are you calling little?"

"You." I said to the loli as I picked her up by the waist and carried her like a small dog. When I caught up to the two, I had to hold my nose. The smell of seafood was overwhelming,:

"Why are you holding your nose?" Madoka asked.

"Better sense of smell plus seafood smalls equals queasy feelings."

"Do you not like seafood?" Asteria asked.

"That, and it never stays down for very long."

"You don't know how long it took to cheer Junior up when she served us sushi for the first time."

"To be fair, I was trying to explain before you shoved a piece of it into my face hole." Her only response was to puff her cheeks out in anger.

"Good thing there's more than that here. They have all kinds of food."

"Look. I'll grab us a table. Madoka, I trust you to pick something out for me. Neptune has a habit of messing with people."

"Only in my human form."

"If a may continue…" I pulled out my Deadpool wallet and grabbed some cash. "This should be enough to cover me and Neptune."

"Okay. Come on, you two!" I went to the first empty table I could find, sat down, then starting playing with one of Ouroburos' butterfly knives. Years of gaming made it so I have to keep my fingers busy. I bought a lighter in my first year of college just to do that. I miss it. It was a Zippo and I can't find it to fulfill my craving for fire. Anyway, as I was twirling the blade around, I noticed a crowd forming around me. I guess I'm part of the festival now. Might as well put on a real show then. Pulling out the second blade while standing up, I turned the simple spinning into an intricate dance of shining steel. That's when the sound of money hitting wood table started becoming a frequent occurrence. Ah…The sweet sound of victory. When I smelled that foul smell coming closer, I closed the twin knives and shoved them into my pockets.

"Sorry folks, but that's it. Food's here." There were some cries of disappointment from the crowd, but they did go away. In the few minutes it took for them to finish leaving, I was able to count all my money. The stack of cash was too big to fit in my wallet. Into the hammer-space it went.

"Whoa…How did you make so much money?" Madoka asked. Looks like I didn't stash it away soon enough.

"Did you do that knife thing again?"

"Ye."

"Knife thing?"

"Right. You and Madoka don't know about all my weapons. I've got a pair of butterfly knives."

"What else do they do?"

"They act as an anchor to control a chain that extends indefinitely."

"Oh! What else do you have!?" Madoka seems excited.

"I've got a scythe that manipulates ice, I backpack that creates explosive swords, an oversized claymore, a katana that can cut through reality, and a set of gauntlets and grieves that use light magic."

"Whoa…That's so cool! Perfect!" 0_0? "Sorry about that…Here's your food. Hope you like it." The three of us normal people ate our food calmly. They got me sweet and sour chicken with white rice thaqt I assume is from the Multicultural Club. Asteria, on the other hand…

"What is this? It's unforgivable! How can eel taste so good? Why was I never told!?" She had her bowl up to her face, eating like an animal.

"You should stop trying to talk while you eat. You might choke." Neptuned warned the girl that would make Hitler a very happy man. I bet you did Nazi that coming? Eh? Eeeh…?…Okay…I'll stop writing now…

*One hour IRL later*

Madoka Kyono!"

"Yes Ma'am!"

"I want all the food that's being served at this carnival! I must try every bit of it!"

"I feel bad for her wallet…"

"So do I, Stevie. So do I…"

"What!?" The unfortunate girl cried as she was dragged to every single stall. Out of pity, I went with her and stuck the food in the storage scroll Storm gave each of us. For someone so small, Asteria could put away a lot of food. It'd be a bit disgusting if it wasn't for the fact that Johnny has a Saiyan's eating habits. There wasn't a single scrap left.

"I don't understand why it is that the more disgusting a food looks, the better it seems to taste?"

"That's not true for all of it." Madoka countered,

"Who cares? If it tastes good and stays down, what does its appearance matter?"

"Stevie…"

"What?"

"Stop being a glutton."

"If I'm a glutton, what are you with all that pudding?"

"I don't have a problem! You have a problem!"

"Listen carefully." Oh? What's this? "So much of the human body depends on what you eat. And our hearts and minds cannot work properly if we don't get the nutrients to support them. You must realize that to eat is to live."

"I'll drink to that." How many times must I be gratefuk of your existence, magic bottle of Jack?

"Where did you-?"

No drinking on school grounds!"Madoka, chill. I'm physically unable to get drunk. It sucks, really, having a healing factor. I can take bullets to the face and get stabbed thirty-seven times in the chest like a champ, but I'm eternally sober."

"What an oddly specific number."

"I know. It actually happened.

"Really?"

"Perks of being a demon."

"We should go, Madoka."

"S-Sure…"

"Some double date, huh, Neptune?"

"It's not what I had planned for today." Once more we walked the halls. We passed by several places without going into them, including the ones the other two girls were working at. We saw our girls too. Ram would not leave us alone. That girl is so frustrating. I'm so glad I didn't raise my girls to be this bad. Luckily for us, we were able to loose the three at the rock concert.

"That was a bust…" Neptune said, disheartened.

"Meh, it could've been worse."

"How?"

"Well…I could've been stabbed…" I jinxed myself and the effects were immediate. This Shady dude came out of an alley we were passing and stuck me with his pocket knife. "God dammit…" I removed the knife, punched him in the face, and used my foot to return him to whence he came.

"You know what? Why don't we go back to the ship and watch a movie?"

"Netflix and chill?"

"As much as I tease you, I don't think we're ready for something like that."

"I know. I was just making a joke. It's become a meme, remember?"

"Whatever you say." We went back and settled into the couch in one of the lounges. Just as the movie started, Delta showed up.

"Scans indicate a large amount of artificial objects entering the atmosphere. I have already contacted the others."

"You are the ultimate cock block, you know that?"

"Yes. Agent York has said that to me several times in the past." He logged off in a flash of green light. it took fifteen minutes for everyone to get on board. Once that was done, the A.I. started the takeoff procedures.

"Church, don't leave the atmosphere. Everyone, prepare for deployment." We all scrambled into position as the ship lifted off the ground. I sat in the Legend's cockpit patiently as the Autumn raised into the air. Lan and Muginami caught up to us quickly.

"Preparing all units." Gamma's robotic voice rang out. "Deploying." Once we were all launched, we began to fly alongside the two teens. The enemy units quickly descended upon us.

"Go time, people!" Johnny yelled before charging forward. I let loose my payload, wiping an entire squad of Ovids. Everyone went towards the large army while I hanged back with Lan and provided fire support. That didn't last long, because I was confronted by that Ovid with a sword from our first day here. I blocked his blade with one of my Beam Javelins. We clashed over and over again.

"Why won't you fuck off!?"

"I'm following Yurikano's will! I will not falter!" I drew my other blade and led him into the swarm, taking out any drone that was in my range.

"Lancer, help the teens down by Pharos! Vert, Uni, give him support!"

"On it!"

"There's a serious energy build-up coming from those ships." Church informed me.

"Come on." My opponent said. "We have to protect the town."

"So, this was all a ploy?"

"Yes. I enjoy Earth too much to make it a warzone. I also wanted to witness your swordsmanship." I flew down and joined him and his comrades. They created their subspace shields while I diverted energy to expand one of my Beam Shields. The blasts from above crashed into the four barriers, but the shields did not falter.

"Well, if you three got the town, I'm going to help them thin that crowd." I went to do that, but I wound up trying to keep any debris from crashing into the town. I missed one and it hit near Madoka's sister. Her machine froze before all three Vox started freaking out. The vines appeared like last time and tore a hole in the sky. Any Ovid around started to sprout crystals. Green, orange, and blue flowers could be seen falling from the three.

"Does anyone have a plan?" The red head from before asked.

"I do, but it's a stupid one. Johnny? Storm? Ready to go into another swirling vortex of possible death?"

"No, but I'll do it." Storm said.

"So this is my life now…" Was all I got from Johnny."

"Church, could you please take control of our Gundams?"

"Done." The cockpit opened and I leapt towards the three girls. The pull from their creation was real though.

"Mistakes have been made…Mistakes have been made." Why are a lot of my plans bound to fail.

"I don't know about you, but transforming sounds like a real good idea right about now!"

"No shit, Sherlock! Storm, try to wake Madoka. She seems to be the trigger for all of this. I'm going to try to keep this from spreading." I was standing on Lan's Vox, using Ouroburos' chains to constrain the cloudlike mass. I had to put as much strength as I could into holding those chains to keep it where it was. Johnnt and Storm were both banging on Midori's cokpit to try to wake Madoka up. " **Somebody do something! I don't think I'll be able to hold this for much longer!** "

"We're trying our best!" Storm shouted.

"Try you Sage Mode then!" I yelled back. The air around us felt energized, signaling his usage of nature energy. Strange thing was, I noticed he wasn't using it to help Johnny, but to help me keep the hole relatively small. A few minutes later, the trio started to move. They joined hands and started flying in a spiral opposite to the vortex's rotation, taking us for a ride in the process. We had to hold on for dear life so we weren't sent flying.

"Why are we hanging on!? We can fly!"

" **Right…We can do that…** " After Johnny reminded us of the thing we could do, I opened my wings and let go. I got wanked around by the wind a b it before I stabilized. Johnny was the only one of us who didn't have that problem. After I was done being a ragdoll, I flew to the shield trio and watched as a giant white flower formed. " **Hey guys. Miss me?** " Before they could answer my question, something started to happen behind me.

"Villagiulio is flying right at them!  
The one that sounded like Lelouch yelled after the "flower"…wilted…for lack of a better word. I paused time and made my way over there, restarting time and blocking his sword with Nix.

" **You okay, Madoka?** "

"Yeah. You really have a knack for saving me."

" **At this point, saving people has become instinctual. Plus, you know what they say. If you got it…** " My joke was ruined, because several crystals pierced Villagiulio's Ovid from above. I looked up to see a ship that rivaled the size of the Autumn. Basically, that translate to a huge ass ship. The crystals faded and Muginami caught him. She flew off, probably to save both of their lives.

"I think it's time we leave." Church said from the datapad.

" **Yeah. We don't want to get caught up in interstellar politics. Regular politics are bad enough as it is. Stupid Trump…** "

Here, here." Before anything could happen and anyone could say goodbye, we packed up all our stuff and headed to the hills. From there, I created the stone monolith known as a Hellgate once more and we went to the multidimensional nexus.

"Ooh! Ooh! Can I pick the next one!?"

"Sure, Ram. Go for it." She picked a random door and tapped on it.

"This one!" As I walked closer to the door with Yamato, I got the overwhelming feeling of sadness and tears.

"Why do I feel like I'm going to regret this?"

"Just open the door." Blanc growled. So I did, in fear of being axed. Thus begins the tale of tears.

 **So, good news, I found my lighter. It blended in well with my Xbox. Bad news, I fucking did it again! Stupid short end of arc chapters! Argh! All that aside, I will decipher the end. The next arc is Angel Beats. If you want to blame anyone, blame: Tehg2000, 0n3dgeGaming, and Johnny the asshole. This is gonna suck…**


	14. Mortality? What's that?

Chapter 14: Mortality? What's that?

 **So, stuff happened and I couldn't get this out like I wanted. Between doing stuff to family members and helping Tehg with his story, I haven't had much time. That's it, really.**

Like every other time, the light faded from our sight. When we stepped out of the hell-born tunnel, we were on a sidewalk. A few feet away from us was a red haired boy laying spread eagle on the ground. He looked Japanese.

"Where…am I?"

"That's a good question. One we all would like answered." Vert said to him.

"Who are you people? We only expected one arrival today." How did we miss that pink haired girl with the sniper rifle? She's right there… "Plus, you didn't exactly come here the normal way."

"We're travelers, looking for a way to get home." Noire disclosed. It seems like all this travelling is getting to her.

"I see…Well, I'd like to welcome you all to the I-Ain't-Dead-Yet Battlefront." She turned back to her scope as the clouds covered the moon. "I know this is out of the blue, but could you join our force?"

"Huh? 'Join'?" The kid asked.

"She wants you to help her people fight." Blanc said flatly. (Heh… **What was that!?** Nothing! Time to Zoidberg out of here.)

"If you're here, then that means you're dead. Well, except for them. How did you get here?"

"Used a reality cutting sword to make a portal from Hell." I said cheekily.

"Huh? Um, I'm not following you well-"

"Ya kicked the, kid. Now you're here. We have a magic sword that's letting us travel to places." Lancer said abruptly.

"Yes. This is the world of the afterlife. If you don't act, you'll be obliterated."

"'Obliterated'?"

"Now I'm as confused as the kid here is." Johnny said.

"Who would 'obliterate' me?"

"God, I imagine." The girl answered.

"Then what's about joining your force?"

"I'm asking you to join the I-Ain't-Dead-Yet Battlefront. The name of the force changes often. First, it was the Afterlife Battlefront. But that name kind of admits you're dead, doesn't it?"

"Yeah…" Rom answered.

"See? So, we pitched it. Ever since, we've been changing the name around. Right now, we're the I-Ain't-Dead-Yet Battlefront."

"Name aside, what are you fighting?" Uni asked.

"That down there." She responded while signaling with her rifle.

"A girl?" Nepgear question/ Even from here I could tell she didn't seem like a normal girl.

"Her name is Tenshi. Could any of you come up with a better name?" Again with the name thing?

"Hey, mind if I go over there?" The boy asked.

"Huh?! What for?! I don't get you! How did you come up with _that_?! You must be an idiot! You should die once! By the way, that's a cliché joke in this world where no one can die."

"Sounds like my kind of place." I comment.

"What do you mean?"

"You have NO idea about the things I've had happen to me."

"Well, I thought I might have a better conversation with her than with a person who points a gun at a girl and people who talk like they're crazy."

"Well, his logic is sound…We do sometimes come off as crazy…" Storm said.

"I'm on your side. If you don't want me pointing guns, then I won't. Trust me."

"Hey, Yurippe!" What's this? A new person already? "What happened to recruiting the new-? Whoa! Who are these guys? Well, whoever they are, we need the man power right now." The red haired kid stood up while the new guy spoke.

"I'm going over there."

"I'll tag along. You guys stay up here. Try to get as much info as you can." I handed Neptune the data pad. "Church should be able to record everything and tell if they're lying."

"Why are you the one going, G1?"

"Because, Johnny, I'm the only one of us with a stupidly good healing factor."

"You just love lording that over us, don't you?"

"Ye." I walked down the stairs and quickly caught up with the red haired kid. As I walked, I tensed the muscles in my arm, ready to pull one of my weapons (Just in case).

"I don't get this." He said. I put a hand on his shoulder.

"You and me both." I'm serious. Every other place we've been to I've watched before all this. I'm going in blind this time. Lord help me, I'm not ready for the emotions that this world is legendary for bringing out. When we reached the bottom, he spoke up to the girl.

"Excuse me?" The small girl turned around. She had long white hair and yellow eyes. "Ah, good evening. You know, you were being targeted by a gun. She was calling you an angel or what not." Did she actually say that? Meh, whatever.

"I'm not an angel."

"Obviously." And the "I'm never gonna get laid because I don't know how to word things properly" award goes to this guy. Doesn't mean he's not right.

"Yeah. You don't smell even remotely holy."

"I'm the Student Council President."

"Um…What?"

"It seems we're both idiots. That girl was playing around with us." I wouldn't go that far. "Damn it! And I don't even know who I am. I guess I'll go to the hospital or something." When he turned to leave, her quiet voice sounded once again.

"There are no hospitals."

"Why not?" He asked, turning back to us.

"Because no one gets sick."

"The human soul IS something that is immaterial. It would make sense, since this is the afterlife."

"She wasn't kidding!?  
"Yup/"

"How would you know?" The girl asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

"I've been to Hell on several occasions." The moon decided to show it's face again at that moment, detecting the dramatic possibilities.

"Oh, I get it! You're in on this too! Both of you! You're trying to trick me, aren't you? Is this amnesia of mine your doing too?"

"Amnesia is a common thing here. If one dies from an accident, they frequently hit their head."

"I can attest to that."

"Then prove it! Prove to me that I won't die since I'm already dead…" She took a step towards him and spoke under her breath.

"Hand Sonic." A blade appeared like it was coming out of her sleeve. It was a shining silver and looked similar to Iffy's Qutars. She went to stab him and I let it happen. Some lessons need to be learned firsthand. As she pulled her blade out of his chest, I drew Coyote-A and put the twin barrels against her head.

"I wouldn't try the same stunt on me. I'm a bit more seasoned than most people here." I put the shotgun away and threw the corpse over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "I'll be taking this." With that, I returned to my group.

"I knew this would happen." The now named Yurippe said.

"Enough with the 'I told you sos'. Let's get him somewhere safe." Uni said. We were lead to their base, which was a school building. As soon as we walked in, someone came and took the "corpse" from me. I'm glad I wear so much red, or I would have to deal with the nightmare that is bloodstains. From there, we were all assigned rooms. You should've heard Neptune whine when we were told that the dorms aren't co-ed. The beds were comfortable, though. Silver lining.

The next day, I was walking through the halls of the actual academy building. There was some noise coming from one of the rooms. Lo and behold, it was the kid from last night freaking out over the fact that he was in an infirmary. Another kid burst into the room and hit the red head one hundred times in a row with a halberd.

"Insult Yurippe again, and you'll be back in the air, punk." I waited a few minutes after the guy walked out, and sure enough, he came back to life.

"Are you trying to kill me!?"

"No…But that other guy was."

"What the hell is that!?" He shouted, pointing at Lucifer.

"Oh, this is Lucifer. It's one of my many weapons."

"I don't get this world. It hurts like hell, but you don't die. This sucks!" I helped him up out of the puddle of his own blood.

"You get used to the pain after a while." I pulled out Infamy, put against my temple, and pulled the trigger. Once the impact shock wore off, I righted my head. "See? I didn't even flinch. Man, where did the others go? I'll see you around, kid." I spent the rest of the day looking for them. Once I did, I saw that kid again. He must be this series' protagonist. I could hear them all having a conversation on the other side of the door to some room. Still can't read kanji. The idiot next to me decided to open the door. I call him an idiot because I learned right then and there that the door was rigged to swing a giant mallet at whoever tried to open it. I landed on the ground feet first like the majestic fucking eagle that I am. He, on the other hand, did his impression of sidewalk art. Then, that girl from last night dragged us back into the room, muttering something beforehand. They were discussing the name of their little group. In my boredom, I droned everything out as I spun one of the exploding blades in my hand.

"Ah, so you've come to." Oh God! Real conversation!? "That's right. I told him to think up a name, too." Fuck me sideways… "You've had plenty of time. So, let's hear it."

"Hear what?"

"A new team name that will replace the I-Ain't-Dead-Yet Battlefront."

"I-Don't-Care Battlefront." I like this guy. Some guy got offended, and went to draw his sword.

"You really shouldn't do that." I threw the blade so it was hanging in the air right in front of his throat. Fame was in my left hand, aimed at his crotch and the rose was in my right.

"G1…Down boy…"

"I'm not a dog, Johnny."

"Yeah, well, you have an exploding sword at that kid's throat. I don't want to get hit by the shrapnel and blood." I dismissed the sword and holstered the pistol before taking a nap in the corner.

"Hey! Get up!" A foot found its way onto my face, "pinning" it against the wall.

"Is there something you need from me?" My voice was a bit muffled by the foot making a home on my cheek. "By the way, I can see up your skirt." She recoiled with a blush on her face.

"We…We were going give you all the passphrase to get in here. It's the one place around that we can talk safely."

"Could you give me some time?" The red head asked.

"Sure, but you can't spend it here."

"Fine, I'll join!" He said after a few seconds of heavy thinking. "What's the passphrase?"

"What about all of you?"

"`We've got nothing to do for a while. Yamato's tapped out at the moment. Opening Hellgates the way I've been doing it isn't exactly a gentle process."

"The man in red has spoken. We'll stay." Johnny said.

"Alright then. No God, no Buddha, nor angels exist. That's the passphrase."

"Should we break it to them?" Vert asked.

"Miss Vert, we shouldn't step on their ideals…"

"As much as the blue ball of cute has a point, we should get this done and over with. Like ripping off a Band-Aid." Lancer stated.

"What are you talking about?" Yurippe asked. We shrugged towards each other and transformed. Well, all of us except for Lancer.

"So…We're goddesses. Storm is…Storm. Steven's a demon, and Johnny is a god of fighting." Nepgear reported. To add to the shock factor, I stretched my wings a bit.

"O-Okay…Well, I'm Yuri." I wouldn't give myself that nickname if I went on the internet enough. "I'm the leader of this battlefront." She pointed to a light blue haired boy. "He's Hinata. As you can see, he's quite lax, but he'll do what's necessary at times."

"Hi…Hey, you're not giving me enough credit!" Introductions went for a bit longer. I'll skip the boring stuff. The others in the room were Matsushita, Ooyama, T.K. Takamatsu, Fujimaki, and Noda. Fujimaki is the one I almost shot in the dick and Noda is the one with the halberd. The last ones to be introduced were Shiina and Iwasawa.

"By the way, what's your name?" Yuri asked the red head, turning to face him.

"Huh? Oh, um…O…O, Oto…Otonashi."

"What's your given name?" Right…In Japan names are treated differently.

"I can't remember."

"Why didn't she ask for my name?" I whispered to myself.

"We gave it to her earlier, Stevie."

"Oh…Thanks, Neptune."

"No problem."

"Shouldn't we give them school uniforms?" I was paying enough attention, so I couldn't tell you who said it. (Honestly, it's because I haven't gotten the chance to put names to faces yet.)

"I am a forty year old man! I will not give up this amazing coat for a stupid school outfit!"

"Right…Why is my uniform different from everyone else's?"

"It's not that you're any different. _We_ are different. You are wearing an honor student's uniform. What we wear are the SSS uniforms." He nodded in understanding. "Now, come on. Let's get you all outfitted." Me and Johnny were the only ones who didn't get a uniform. I'm not really sure why Storm got one. Nostalgia, maybe? I do, however know specifically why Noire got one. That cosplay junkie…By the time all was said and done, the sun was setting and girls were crying over the size of Vert's boobs. Poor things…Looking out the window, I saw quite the number of kids using the track outside, so I went "fuck it" and decided to work out a bit. Haven't had a good stretch in a while and I wasn't feeling as limber as usual. I was there until the moon was out. At one point, Nepgear had shown up with a bottle of water. As I glugged the liquid down greedily, she spoke up.

"It's night time and Yuri wants us in the headquarters."

"Okay. Just let me get dressed." I pulled on my shirt, jacket, and ass-less chaps before following her up. When we got there, Yurippe was shooting s pistol out the window.

"Here, Otonashi. This should work, even if it's your first time."

"First time…Hehehe…" My sense of humor shall never fade.

"Is it effective?"

"Pfft!" Glad I'm not the only one. Lancer and Johnny are also trying to hold in their laughter.

"Aim for her foot. That'll at least stop her from chasing you."

"Firing a gun at a girl? Will the wound heal fast?"

"You should learn those things through experience. That's how we learned."

"That's a yes." Vert translated.

"Fine." Suddenly, the lights shut off. Computers were turned on, a projector was set up, and Yuri had a white beret on.

"Good answer. Otonashi. To get you started and familiar with your surroundings, I'll have you and the live ones take part in the daily operation. Code name: Operation Tornado."

"Ah, this is big." Too tired to pay attention to people…

"T-Tornado?" Otonashi questioned.

"Ooh! This is exciting! Rom, we're gonna be secret agents!"

"Yeah…!"

"We'll sweep away lunch tickets from the students!" At her declaration, I gentle laid myself down onto the floor. Blanc, Noire, and Uni joined me.

"That's what you meant by 'tornado'?! And that's not big at all! It's basically bullying! Why are you four laying on the ground!? I've totally lost faith in you guys! All you have are weapons and your numbers!"

"You punk! That's an insult to Yurippe!" Halberd yelled.

"To be fair, he has a point." Blanc's voice was muffled by the floorboards. "And to answer your question, this is how upset we are."

"It doesn't matter! Take it back!"

"Why?"

"We of the Barnacle-Extinction-Prevention Battlefront would never threaten students with numbers or violence." Where the hell did that come from?

"They're on the verge of extinction!?"

"I'm sure they will be someday."

"But you just said you're sweeping them away!" Otonashi said, getting back on point.

"Yes, and we will, literally. Listen. You'll be part of the barricade group that will inhibit Tenshi's interference. You'll be on standby with a weapon at designated locations around the cafeteria, the area of operations. And relax, Otonashi. I'll drop you at an easy point. Ask for details from Takamatsu or Ooyama later." The two that Yuri mentioned waved. "Iwasawa, I look forward to your hard work today, too."

"Yeah."

"When Tenshi appears, open fire. That will be the signal to request reinforcements. If you hear gunfire, you go there too. Steven, do you mind going with him?"

"Nope. Looks like you're with me, kid?"

"The operation start time is 18:30." Six-thirty? Damn. It gets dark super quick, apparently. "Operation, start!" The two of us got stuck on a bridge. While we waited, Oto checked his pistol over. By the time he started, he was on his third time checking.

"How's this operation going to peacefully sweep away lunch tickets?"

"Remember when she said 'literally'? Yeah, they're sweeping up any that fell on the floor." That's when the rock music started. "Never mind, then…Hey, if she shows up here, let me handle her. Okay?"

"Get ready, then. She's over there." He said, obviously starting to panic.

"Great." I started walking towards her, meeting her halfway across the stone structure. I never got the chance to banter.

"Guard Skill: Hand Sonic." Her blade pierced my chest, letting out a small fountain of blood.

"That all you got? Hey, kid! Go get your friends! We might be here a while!" She pulled the blade out and stabbed me over and over.

"Why won't you die?"

"Magic." While I was being smart at the time, it's not entirely wrong. I picked Tenshi up and head-butted her before drawing two of Lucifer's blades. The two sets of weapons clashed repeatedly, all the while I was laying a trap by letting go of the swords before drawing more. At one point, a certain dumbass' halberd tore into my shoulder, kept going, and was knoked away by the small girl.

"Sorry!"

"You better be!"

"Guard Skill: Distortion." She shimmered blue, and then they all started firing. I took that time to control and then detonate my swords. Whatever she did created a personal shield.

"Time to step up my game, then." I swapped out Lucifer for Yamato and continued fighting, not caring if friendly bullets made their way through me. I've had worse. I would've hit her worse than what I did, but she's so tiny and nimble. Eventually, she left as tickets fell from the sky. It was then decided to go get something to eat from the cafeteria. The students got whatever was being sold while we had food that was pre-made and stored in a seal. You know, steaks and what not.

"So, how did you do that?" Someone asked. It was too cluttered to tell.

"Do what?"

"Not die when we were shooting. Any one of us would've fallen over dead from a barrage like that."

"Oh, that…Yeah…The perks of not being human. I heal stupidly quick."

"That's why Uni didn't hesitate to shoot earlier."'

"Pretty much." She called out from the other side of our stuck together tables. We finished our meals and went to our rooms. I pulled on my headphones, turned on some tunes, and fell asleep.

 **Should have probably put this in sooner, but from here on out, for this arc, I'll be working with Tehg2000. When the time comes he'll be using the same chapters since we'll be using google docs. You've been warned.**


	15. The Magic of Laziness

Chapter 15: Callob part one: The magic of laziness.

Author's note guide:

 **Bold: G1**

Regular: Tehg2000

 **So, we have a thing for you all.** Eh why you in my office? **I thought we talked about this before?** Oh yeah this thing...why...I cried enough. **Not my fault you agreed to this.** I know, I guess I'll stay. **Wouldn't i be the one that would have to leave, or are you giving me your house? I always wanted to go to the other side of the Atlantic.** No it's mine...GET OFF MAH LAWN! **Really, of all the references?** Meh I like the old ones. **Fair dues...We should probably get to the explaining, ya?** Yes we should, although you're not Canadian are you? **Ya is a German thing, and I'm part German.** Oh…..well then continue. **So, for all my peeps, this was the thing i talked about at the end of the last chapter. But, with this comes a change in writing style. It's not a style i prefer, but i'll have to suck it up** (HA GAAAY)( **Really? So mature…** ) (hey it's a classic.) ( **Not really…Also, CAPITALIZE THINGS!** ) (...so you tell me a lot) ( **Someone has to** ) (I know…) **so he can use it too. Tehg, your turn.** Ok then...hey guys G1 invaded my office here so we could collab here so we could give you peeps a better story? 3rd person is not really my expertise either. ( **You do use it a lot more than I do** ) (That I do. I just prefer using multiple people for 1st person, 3rd is less preferable.) ( **This author's note is getting too long** ) (aye it is, should we just get on with it?) ( **Yeah, before this becomes its own story.** ) (Maybe the peeps would enjoy us bantering.) ( **They came here to watch us**

 **suffer, though…)** (I know, there the real sadists here) ( **Where's a willing Johnny when you need him?** ) (I nominate you.) ( **We could drag him into the Skype calls…** ) (...genius!) **Enough of this! On with the show!** Aye.

The next day, the entirety of G1's group met up in the Anti-Angel Headquarters.

"Takamatsu, your report, please." Yurippe demanded, with her feet up on her desk.

"Ma'am. According to the armory, we will run out of ammo soon."

"That must suck. Infinite ammo for the win!"

"Okay, I know how I have infinite ammo, Johnny, but how do you?" G1 asked.

"I don't question it." Storm added.

"Anyways, we'll have to replenish before our next fight."

"Since we have a new addition to the force, shouldn't we get new guns, too?" Ooyama asked.

"Very well, today's operation shall be Operation: Guild Parachute Drop." Yurippe says folding her arms. There was a sudden image of the group being rushed into para-diver gear and shoved into a smaller version of an AC-130.

"Operation guild parachute drop?" Otonashi asks while shivering. Hinata looks over.

"What's wrong, Otonashi?"

"I'm sorry I'm not a big fan of heights..."

"Don't feel bad, for the longest time, before I became like this, I didn't do heights, either." G1 said, trying to get him to feel better.

"You were scared of heights? That's so lame!" Ram yelled.

"It's a reasonable fear, okay?"

"Ram! That's not nice...Don't worry, Mister Otonashi..." Rom says.

"We aren't parachuting from the sky, we're going down to the basement." Yurippe replied.

"Oh the basement….THE BASEMENT!"

"What, are you scared of the dark too?" Uni teased. Lancer let out a mighty laugh.

"Ha, man's scared of the dark." The spearman said.

"No, I'm just surprised." Yurippe sighs and interrupts them.

"Enough, to finish what I was saying, the major part of the resistance is the guild who supply us with weapons and ammunition, its hidden deep underground."

"Is it that so Angel won't find it?" Otonashi asks.

"Yep, if she took the guild over we would lose our weapon supplies along with all hope of winning." She types and clicks on her laptop as a call interface appears on the big screen behind her. It rings for a minute before a voice answers.

"Hey!"

"Hey we're heading down there tonight we need you to disarm all the traps" Johnny started giggling when she said traps.

"Roger. Tonight right? We will be waiting" He responds with before ending the call and Yurippe smiles.

"Perfect" She then looks at everyone. "Alright everyone is going in."

"Giggity." G1 said quietly.

"Will you get your mind out of the gutter?" Noire demanded.

"Nope." Was his response.

"What about Noda?" Ooyama asked.

"What about Noda? That idiot's probably of doing his own thing." Hinata said. TK then clicks his fingers.

"Ok, let's go." The group then made their way to the school's gymnasium. Yurippe stood on the stage and told them to pull the chairs out from under it. Storm created a few Shadow Clones and got it done quickly. As they all went into the uncovered entrance, the ground began to shake.

"What the goodness!?" Cried Nepgear.

"That's called an earthquake, girly." Lancer quips.

"Hey don't make fun of Nep Jr." Neptune shouted, defending her younger sister. For the first time in a long time she was in her human form. (My god the world is ending) ( **I know, right?** ) They all climb down the ladder into the underground and Fujimaki lifts his flashlight towards someone.

"Hey there's a guy here." Once it reaches their face, it shows Noda standing there with a pissed of face.

"What, are you on your period or something?" G1 asked. Noda responded by slashing him with his halberd. "I know we've gone over this already."

"You must be lying, it's impossible for someone not to di-..." He starts heading back to where he stood and a giant hammer came out of nowhere, hitting him into the wall. The rocks that were created fell and buried him.

"That's what's called karma." G1 said. He then walked over and kicked his leg, while everyone else got into a ready stance.

"What's going on?" Otonashi asked while looking around.

"Just what it looks like. We have anti-Angel instant death traps, looks like they're still active." Hinata answers while looking at him.

"Meaning what?" Matsushita asked.

"There not trying to kill us, are they?" Takamatsu also asked. While all that was happening, G1, Johnny, and Storm and already made their way to the end of the hall, not a scratch on them.

"Obviously the guild decided to re-activate the traps." Yurippe says while Hinata looks at G1 and his friends.

"They made it through unharmed?!"

"The children shouldn't question their elders!" Johnny yelled from the other end.

"What about TK? He looks older than the kids." Lancer says, arriving next to them.

"Meh. When it comes to experience, he's still a kid." G1 responds.

"Not cool dude" TK says, bashing his handguns together.

"I appreciate your English, if it makes you feel any better!"

"Live and let live man." Most of the other kids looked confused. Yurippe just has a look of irritation and lets out a scream.

"THE ANGEL IS HERE SO STOP BEING SO CASUAL!" The others recoil from the volume of her voice.

"No." Storm said with a deadly seriousness. The others give a deadpan look at Storm while Yurippe lets out a yell. The trololol song could faintly be heard in the background.

"Wild heaven, man." TK says, chuckling.

"GUYS!? Can we please get back to the plot?" Neptune shouts. Noire then sighs.

"For once I agree with Neptune here, as much as I hate to..." Noire says for Neptune to then tackle her into the ground while hugging her.

"YAY! Nowa finally agreed on something with me...Does this mean we're besties now?" Noire scoffs.

"I would never be friends with you Neptune, never mind 'besties'...But it's not like I want you as a friend or anything."

"Hey, Tsun-Tsun!" Johnny called out. "Thanks for the show!"

"What do you…?" She turned her head and realized that she was showing her panties to the four. "Kya!" She squealed as she leapt up off the ground, blushing beet red.

"I think she wants you, boy." Lancer says, looking at G1.

"I've already got one back home."

"What's one more, eh?" He retorts.

"I will smack the spandex off of you."

"Come at me, boy. Been wanting a rematch anyway!"

"Please, can we focus?" Vert pleaded.

"Shut it, Thunder Tits!" A voice from somewhere shouts. Everyone looks over to see a group of people running as fast as they can.

"No time for talking, Indiana Jones reference coming this way." Everyone looks behind them to see a giant boulder rolling down. G1 started singing the Temple of Doom theme.

"So G1, think Fame and Infamy can handle a giant boulder? Or is that too much for a demon?" Tehg says passing by.

"Okay, bitch, its go time." He pulls out the twin pistols and unloads onto the giant stone, reducing it to rubble. "Now come here, you little shit." The pistols were replaced by Pandora, which had shifted into a staff with sawblades at the one end. There was a mechanical screech as the blades spun. ( **It's that one from Bloodborne.** )

"Oh, bring it!" Tehg countered, summoning his sword. Then solar just jumps in the way summoning her anti-tank rifle.

"STOP IT! You're both being immature idiots!" Tehg sighs and lowers his sword while G1 turns Pandora back into a suitcase.

"Well, she's not wrong." G1 mutters.

"Good, now what are you doing here, G1?" Solar asked.

"Oh, you know...We're just out and about. Do I know you, because I don't recall meeting you." Solar quickly stored her gun and bows.

"I am Solar O'Brian, Tehg's younger sister. Nice to meet you...again..."

"Again? What the actual fuck are you talking about?" Tehg puts a hand in the way and chuckles.

"I'll handle this, sis. I think your timeline is before mine. I won't say much as to keep the timeline mostly in check. But she already knows you."

"Great, more of this multiple Neptunias shit…Where's the magic bottle of Jack when need it the most…God I'm becoming an alcoholic. I REFUSE TO BE LIKE MY FATHER!" Tehg just lifts his hand showing that he is holding it. "Doesn't change the fact that I need it."

"Oh you mean this…? And you're not Qrow, so don't worry…..Anyway here." He tosses it over to G1, who quickly downs the bottle.

"Steven, you better not be getting drunk over there!" Yurippe yelled.

"I wish I could get drunk!" Was the immediate response from the red clad man.

"WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN!?" Yurippe responds.

"Healing factors sucks a great big bag of dicks! Just like Lucifer!" He replies, imitating Gabriel from Supernatural. Solar bursts out laughing on the floor while Tehg just deadpan stares at G1.

"REALLY…? REALLY, G1…!? You could have come up with something better."

"It serves its purpose! Also, Gabriel is hilarious."

"What next? Cosplaying as Loki?"

"Which one?"

"You already know."

"I'll go get the Casa Erotica stuff."

"I'll pretend I never heard that." Tehg says while bashing his head into a wall. G1 fell to the ground, holding his sides.

"Oh, God...It hurts to breath…" That's how hard he was laughing.

"Oh, let me make it hurt some MORE!" Tehg screams kicking him in the rib cage.

"Did you do something? I felt like I was being tickled."

*Suddenly, Plot Device*

They now even larger group made their way through the various halls, dealing with a multitude of traps. If it wasn't for the group of super humans, several of the teens would've been sacrificed to the deadly machinations. Hinata was the only one to die, because he made the horrible mistake of grabbing Yurippe's boobs. They eventually made it down to the industrial structures that made up the Guild, while also learning Yurippe's past. Not a minute passed before the area rumbled because of the amber eyed angel.

"Is that who I think it is?" Tehg asks, summoning his sword.

"Probably." Blanc answered.

"Ok then. G1, wanna fight an angel?" Tehg asks.

"This won't be the first time this has happened, but I think I'll let Johnny and Storm take the reins this time."

"In that case I'll let Owain take my place, then." The mentioned Owain steps forward.

"Hail Tehg, do not worry. I shall not disappoint you as I am the scion of legends." He says, doing a strange stance.

"What drugs are he on and can I have some?" Lancer asks. Owain gives a hearty laugh

"My fellow friend I do not use the Devil's narcotics for I am the scion of legends and must uphold an image for the children of the world. That and mother said it was bad." He responded. G1 turns to Tehg.

"Would you be okay with me cutting out his tongue?" Tehg sighs.

"Sadly that will not work as I have tried that in the past, IT JUST GROWS BACK!"

"Challenge fucking accepted." Tehg just shakes his head.

"No, try to cut it. And you deal with me"

"What if i don't necessarily 'cut' it?"

"I said no AND THAT IS FINAL!" Tehg says majorly pissed of

"Bah, take a joke…"

"Meh. Sorry. When you fight a war just because your enemies are extremists makes you like this."

"Seems like you don't know how to deal. I kill demons for a living, remember? A little bit worse than a human war, no?"

"Hey, I fight demons too in fact I have an army specifically for fighting demons...oh wait you haven't seen that yet."

"Plus, you have an army. I do it solo most of the time."

"Enough with your dick measuring contests!" Solar screams. Tehg just laughs.

"Sis your mature side is peeking through again." She just looks to the ground as Owain, Johnny and Storm climb the ladder. When they made it up, the three saw her armed with two blades. Storm had his weapon in its sniper mode, Johnny had Juucho Yosamu and Yawaraki-Te drawn, and Owain draws his Killing Edge.

"Wait, I'm climbing up the giant ass ladder." They hear Tehg say. He then runs to the other side where angel is after climbing up and says. "Sorry, but I'm gonna help Angel." The three look at him, shocked.

"But why, Tehg, would you join the side of villainy?" Owain asks while Angel looks at Tehg.

"Who are you?" I take a small bow

"Tehg O'Brian, at your service angel." She bows in return before the two start pay attention to who is in front of them. Storm started the fight off by firing several rounds, which were blocked by Angel's distortion. Tehg then charges at Johnny, who counters with a vicious right hook. Tehg shrugs it off and kicks his knee, creating a loud pop. He quickly reset his dislocated joint and fired a Ki blast. Storm and Owain were taking on Angel. Owain lunges in with a triple stab "RADIANT DAWN!" But the attack is blocked by Angel. While she was distracted by the loud knight, Storm brought his katana down, coated in flames. She moved away in time, but her clothes were visibly singed. Back over with Tehg and Johnny, Tehg flips away from Johnny's Ki blasts and lands. He cups his hands together and stares right at Johnny while starting to chant. "KAME…...HAME….HAAAAAAAAAA!" he thrusts his hands forward, launching the Ki wave towards his foe.

"EXE Drive: Lightning Dragon Cannon!" Johnny responded by attacking with the blast of Ki and lightning chakra. The two attacks collided, but the mixed attack won out. However, it was severely weakened. Tehg dives out the way and sighs

"You who has stood in my way shall face FINAL EXE: JUDGEMENT!" An explosion of power surges from Tehg's sword as he charges forward faster than normal.

"Judgement only applies to mortals, asshole." Johnny flashed into his Super Saiyan God transformation, catching the blade. Tehg's face paled slightly at the fact that the explosion did nothing. "What's with that face? Lose all that bravado from a moment ago?"

"Heh… Well let's see...Yes, I sorta did, BUT, I have my pride to uphold so...yes and no…" Tehg says gathering his remaining power so he can transform.

"Ah, ah, ah...None of that…" Johnny slammed his now godly fist into Tehg's diaphragm, knocking the wind out of him and taking him out of the fight. The unconscious DGU had stars circling his head.

Now back with the trio, we see Owain being launched back by Angel. Storm reached out a hand and caught him by the back of his coat.

"Thank you fellow sword master now let us work together to defeat the deliverer of God's wrath" He says while readying his sword arm.

"I have an idea. Do you know any magic?"

"Well my library of spells are very limited. Although I did learn from some tomes of the lost heroes and dedicated them to heart. So yes, I do." He said while Angel walked closer.

"What kinds?" Storm asked.

"Mostly the wrathful arcane magic of flames, like yourself. But I know a few spells of the icy variety." He replies, recalling the incantations. Storm formed a Rasengan in his right hand.

"Think you can put some of that ice magic into this? It should hold her off for a while."

"No promises. I am not the legendary sage my mother is. But I shall try my best as the scion of legend." He answered, chanting an ice spell.

"You may not be a sage, but I am." Storm gathered the spells energy into the spiraling ball of pain, causing curved blades of dark blue ice to form around it. Owain smirks as he grabs a strange looking gold orb at his waist.

"Heroes of ages past, activate this legendary seal and grant me the form of which will suit me best." He chants as the orb whirs to life. The orb lifts up into the air and engulfs him in light. When it fades his appearance is altered slightly, with him now wielding a sword in one hand but magic energy in the other. "Haha the ancients of past have granted me power beyond that even I could imagined. I believe this is called the warrior sage." He says looking back over to Storm. While all of this was going down, the rest of our main group and the random workers had made their way up the ladder.

"Everyone's up here. Let's finish this." Storm said with resolution lacing his voice.

"Aye, sage. We shall do this together for the sake of our ancestors and for our friends!" Owain says nodding. Storm had Owain cup his left hand under his right, allowing the power to flow properly into the technique. They ran together and slammed the attack into Angel. The result was not what Storm, G1 or Johnny had expected. Instead of a destructive force blasting the small girl away, a wall of thick ice was formed, preventing her advance.

"A wall to prevent our foe from advancing? An outcome not excepted but is welcomed none the less." Owain says falling to one knee from magic exhaustion. Solar looks over to see Tehg's unconscious body hanging over Johnny's shoulder and storms over quickly.

"Why is he like this, Johnny?"

"He was being a dumbass and I knocked him out before he did something too stupid."

"You...called my brother a dumbass. DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH!?" She screams at him.

"Nope. it's a personal requirement of mine to call everyone I meet a dumbass at least once, dumbass."

"He's not kidding. It's a serious part of his personality, as flawed as it is…" G1 said, trying to defuse the situation. Solar ignoring G1's attempt throws a punch at Johnny knocking him back 10 feet. Luckily for Johnny, he can fly. Unfortunately for Tehg, he was now sprawled out on the ground.

"Ow that hurt like a bitch. But it felt good" Solar says walking over to Tehg's body.

"Kinky." Johnny snarked. "Plutie would have fun with you."

"I know already. Took one for the team in the past." She says, smiling .strangely.

"Oh, you are just a treat." G1 said, imitating Alucard.

"So what? BITCHES LOVE CANNONS!"

"That's it. I'm keeping her. Come her, daughter number four!" He said, running at her with arms outstretched. Solar just chuckles

"Why not, humor me." She says opening her arms. The two embrace, and Solar is lifted off her feet. Then Yurippe walks over and sighs.

"You know you guys get stranger every minute. BUT CAN YOU DO SOMETHING RIGHT FOR ONCE AND GO TO THE LOCATION!" They all turned to each other before speaking in unison.

"No." With this said, there was the CinemaSins sins counter ding and the group exited the tunnel. Otonashi ran over with Matsushita and lifted Tehg slightly off the ground. His feet were still being dragged.

 **So, uh...That happened…**..yes, yes it did. Still i think it's an interesting ride. **I find it funny how we created some sub-plots along the way. The absurdity of not having any sort of plan while we type.** **This is new to me, except for the little bits that I add when I'm typing what I've hand written.** Ah well I'm use to typing with no plan, it's kind of a usual. So better get used to it. We have the rest of the series to go. **Ugh...Great...More shit I'm going to need to remember… Well, so we don't have a repeat of the beginning, Seeya next time.** Yes I agree, seeya guys… Tehg out


	16. All the memes

Chapter 16: Collab part 2-All the memes

 **No repeats of last time, right?** Yea….but HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY OFFICE AGAIN…..I changed the locks and everything. **You think I don't know how to kick a door in? My uncle's a firefighter.** And mines in the army big deal...but we should focus. **Ye. So, from where we left of, the guild is a bust and Tehg's gonna be pissed.** Indeed, sadly Johnny incurred his wrath. **Meh. Like we didn't plan for this….** You did…? Wait let me guess- **NO SPOILERS!** FIIIIIINE….I guess we can wait. **Good. On with this train wreck!** Yay?

Explosions! That was the only thing that could be heard as the group walked down the corridor. G1, Johnny, and Storm pulled on a pair of sunglasses while a strange song (to most) started playing.

 _Cool guys don't look at explosions~ They turn around, and walk away~_ (Stopping here for reasons)

The rest all stopped dead in their tracks at the three's antics.

"Boys, looks like we have to step it up a notch. Apparently we haven't broken them in yet." Johnny said to his two companions. Tehg, who was still being dragged, started to show signs of life.

"That's bad." Storm said. Solar then nods.

"Well...yeah, I agree, as much as I love my brother. He would do anything to help K-Angel so...G1 is it possible to stick someone in Pandora? Strange question, I know" She says keeping an eye on Tehg.

"What did you call me?" He responded, planning to milk this for all it's worth.

"Uh, sorry father." She says bowing her head.

"Why are you being so formal about it?"

"Try having ten years of having formality drilled into you…"

"This is a thing we're going to fix. But to answer your question, yes. Johnny, execute plan: The Hole mark 2!" The name 'EDGAR' echoes in the air. G1 pulled the suitcase designed weapon from a pocket on the inside of his coat that looked way too small to fit it. When he opened it, golden light consumed their vision. Johnny picked the body up from where it was dropped, and stuffed it into the box. Yurippe looks over at the spectacle and stares.

"How is this even humanly possible?" She asks while Tehg is still being pushed into the box.

"The magic of a magic demon box." Neptune said enthusiastically. With one final shove, Tehg was in and the suitcase was closed. Not a moment later, the box started to thrash about. Owain looks at the box wearily

"Has the box of demonic descent become possessed?" He asks, poking it with a stick.

"No, Owain, he's just having a temper tantrum...One that Vegeta would be proud of." Solar stated.

"Who's this Vegeta you speak of?"

"Ask Johnny, he's really chummy with him." G1 said while he picked up the box and threw it to Noda. "Hang on to that, and make sure it doesn't open. I don't want to deal with THAT headache today."

"Why don't you do it, you lazy old man!?"

"Who the fuck are you calling old!?" He proceeded to pull out two weapons the school kids haven't seen yet. The first was a scythe that looked like the blade was made of ice, and a double-barreled shotgun. "Come here, punk!"

"That's my line!" Noda yelled. Solar then barreled into G1.

"Father, you're not old just experienced….very experienced..."

"Still wanna kick his ass…" He muttered as the two got up. The red clad demon then gave Noda the "I'm watching you" gesture. This was the start of a war that Noda would've never had wanted to start if he knew his capabilities. Before any of them knew it, they were in the old guild building. Yurippe walks over to a pile of rubble and laughs.

"Still a dump like we left it. Hey, G1, got any carpentry skills with your pallets?" She asks.

"I worked as a mercenary of sorts. I just paid people to do that, like a normal human being." She curses while Solar lifts her hand.

"I can build somewhat. Father, Quicksilver please." She says while pulling a lot of wood out of nowhere.

"Seriously, the father thing needs to go...Makin' me feel old and shit..." He muttered the last part as he snapped his fingers. In the now gray-scaled world, he tapped her shoulder, unfreezing her. "Now if you'll excuse me, Imma doodle on some faces." Solar chuckles and gets to work slowly making the guild presentable. By the time she was finished, G1 was done with his prank. "Good to go?"

"Yes, dad? G1? Papa?" She says unsure.

"Dad's good. It's a familiar one. That's what Iffy calls me."

"Oh yeah...You did adopt IF, didn't you Dad?"

"The instant I saw her. She was an orphan, and she called me daddy when I picked her up."

"Wow, I'm not surprised. You dote over her like the protective father that wants to neuter Bryce..."

"Precisely. We should get moving though, before we get bored and do something drastic."

"Exactly. Now unfreeze time so plot can happen, dad." She says while yawning.

"Didn't take you for the fourth wall breaking type." He replied, before snapping his fingers once more. Once time was unfrozen, the two watched the pandemonium caused by the prank. Everyone was furious. The two couldn't breathe they were laughing so hard. And that's how G1 got a katana through the face, courtesy of Fujimaki. He started laughing once more as he stood up and slowly removed the offending blade from his skull. "I regret nothing! Also, suck it, Noda."

Solar just continues to laugh too hard, complaining about being unable to breath now and again, and Noda starts complaining that Pandora started to thrash around more violently.

"Uuh…guys. Should I be worried about this?" He asks, worried.

"Nah, you're good." Johnny answered, his face saying otherwise. Solar nods.

"Just get a certain pink haired annoyance and he'll stop thrashing." She says flatly as a vein in Yurippe's head pops.

"HEADQUARTERS! NOW!" She screams and everyone nods in fear. Everyone besides the engineers left for the school building, and once they got there, they immediately went to the aforementioned room. Noda, in his ever increasing struggle to keep a hold on the demonic weapon, tossed it onto the table, only to watch it bounce onto the floor before settling down.

"Should we open it?" Matsushita asks.

"We probably should. G1, frost him a bit beforehand." At Blanc's suggestion, he once more pulled out Nix, but retracted the blade, leaving a dragon-headed staff. With a tap of his boot, the case flew open and he shoved the staff inside. After a second, out came a now semi-frozen Tehg.

"Guys. I know I threw a temper tantrum causing repercussions out here but still... FREEZING ME!?" He questions while covering himself in an icy mist, unfreezing him.

"Just being safe. Didn't know if you still needed to COOL off." Johnny joked.

"Where is she? Where the fuck is she?" G1 yelled.

"Who?" Otonashi asked.

"Yang!"

"Who?" He repeated.

"It's for the best if you don't worry about it." Vert said, patting him once on the shoulder. "It's just something he does." Tehg then glares at Vert.

"Shut it Thunder Tits. No-one asked for your unimportant opinion." He says.

"No need to be so rude." Uni said, giving Tehg a glare of her own.

"If you're going to be all pissy about getting stuck in Pandora, I'll show you what else it can do."

"Bring it, G1" Solar then butts in.

"Bro stop it, if you continue I'll shove you in Pandora myself. And dad, can't you try and help Tehg instead of provoking him for once?"

"I don't know...Getting him riled up IS pretty fun. I also kind of wanted a reason to show the kiddies here the full extent of my...abilities…" Solar sighs.

"If you want to fight so badly, fight me then." She says, smirking. The two turn to Yurippe, both giving a questioning look. In the corner, Johnny had a get-up that a bet taker would wear. Attached to his back was a sign reading: G1 vs Solar Place bets here. Tehg rushes to Johnny.

"20 thousand yen on G1 kicking Solar's ass." He says while Solar glares at him, feeling betrayed. The others went and made their bets as well. Yurippe took them all to an abandoned area in a nearby forest.

"So, do you want to go hand to hand first?" He asked the girl on the other end of the clearing. She cracks her knuckles.

"Sure. I can beat Tehg in hand to hand in about 20 seconds flat so... Good luck." She says getting into the turtle hermit stance.

"You ain't seen anything like me before." He retorted, donning Beowulf and assuming a kickboxer stance. Solar rushes forward and throws a few test punches and kicks to gauge his style. He simply weaved around her, knowing what she was doing, seeing as how he does this himself.

"Da, da da da, da da, da da can't touch this." He sang as he dodged the strikes. She then sings along managing to kick his knee. He stood there, unfazed. "You have to hit me harder than that." The light from Beowulf grew brighter, and he delivered a powerful straight to her jaw. She flips with the punch kicking G1 in the face knocking him back a few steps.

"You're good, but I've figured you out now." She says donning the same stance G1 was using, albeit altered.

"Let's see about that." He crossed the distance faster than she expected. "Surprised? Beowulf passively increases my speed and strength." As quickly as he closed the gap, he delivered a series of kicks. The lethal move known as Kick 13. She surprises G1 by blocking the first 11 but the last two were too quick for her, so she was launched into the air, quickly trying to plan her next attack. "I always wanted to do this. Starfall!" She noticed that he had made his way above her from behind and was falling right at her. She then smirks, copying Angel's 'Delay' appearing above G1 and delivers her own 13 kicks upon him.

"What happened, Dad? Thought you could beat me?" He got up from the small crater his back had made, and smirked. Everyone except for the SSS and Owain ducked for cover.

"My dimensional traveling friends, why are you hiding from the devil?" He asks tensing.

"You're about to find out why Pandora is named that." Noire said. G1 slammed the weapon down onto the ground, and it changed into a large Gatling gun.

"Oh no…" Solar said, looking scared. The only response she got was the screech of the bullets tearing through the air. She then screams "QUICKSILVER!" The battlefield slows down greatly as she then transforms into her hysteria form before her Quicksilver fails.

"So we're doing the transforming thing now, huh? Cool." With a flash of red and black, G1 was in his Devil Trigger. " **I'd go Majin Trigger, but that's a whole lot of overkill. Don't want the kiddies dying on us. They'd miss the whole show.** " He spread his wings a little, hovering a few inches above the ground. The box was no longer a Gatling gun, but was a very large laser cannon. She evaded the beam, but got caught in the resulting blast. From there, he charged at her, Rebellion in one hand and Yamato in the other. However, he was grounded due to the change in armaments. The three weapons clashed repeatedly, with Solar trying to fend off the rapid onslaught of blades and dimensional slashes, with G1 dancing with the swords. Solar grunts, dropping her gun off her back and leans down and screams.

"PHEONIX'S WRATH!" A Phoenix forms round her made of fire while her knife grows in length making it the fiery short sword. "Time for my last ditch effort!" She charges into G1, overwhelming him with the sheer raw power that the move has, causing him to be knocked back into a tree. Solar then de-transforms and falls to her knees, gasping for air.

" **Not bad, all things considered. We might just have to work on that little trick of yours so you can stay in it longer. Also, you've got to remember that I still have a lot more tricks up my sleeves.** " He stretches out a clawed hand to help her up. She takes his hand and stands up. She then whispers something in his ear which caught him off guard.

" **What do you mean you can copy my Devil Trigger?!** "

"Well when you used it in the fight some of my cells tried to copy it. Making some of my blood demonic through alteration." She says laughing nervously.

" **Well then...let the games begin...I'm going to make you suffer like you wouldn't believe. If you thought this fight would drain you, wait until i get started.** " He deactivated his transformation before calling out to the others. "It's safe to come out now!" Once Pandora came into play, everyone else joined the dimension hoppers in hiding. They all crawled out of the various bushes and trees.

"We should go back and discuss tomorrow's mission." Yurippe says and everyone groans in annoyance. But Tehg walks over to Yurippe and leans in close.

"You're going to try Angel's Domain again ain't YA?" He asks, scaring her slightly.

"How did you….?"

"Magic." Was his simple response before going over to Solar and started healing her wounds. Otonashi walked over to G1 and his group.

"So, uh, how long can you stay like that?" The boy asked.

"Me? About four hours or so. Can't speak for the others. Their energies work different than mine." G1 answered.

"Me and Johnny are the same if we're using our normal transformations."

"Yeah, but unlike G1 here, we can hold our forms longer if we use our advanced forms, compared to his." Johnny added. Solar slides on over.

"Hey can I join in on this?" She asks but before anyone answers she decides to continue. "I can hold my normal forms for about 4 hours roughly, depends on what I'm using it for, but my hysteria form I can only use for about 30 mins tops before my body gives out." She says sadly.

"Hehehe...Oh, I'm going to have SO MUCH FUN!"

"Someone hold me…" Solar said, terrified at her new father's manic laughter.

"See this? This is why we call him the second coming of the Mad King." Storm stated. Solar nods at Storm while hiding behind him like he's some sort shield.

"Storm. You don't mind protecting me from him, right?" She asks, hopefully.

"Do you really think he came up with his training regimens alone?" Johnny asked. Both his and Storm's eyes glowed red as she was realizing how screwed she was.

"Be gentle." She says, not sure if she will survive the night.

"I'm married to Iris Heart. I have no mercy."

"Iris….Heart…..daddy help me!" She screams hugging G1.

"Sweetie...Daddy and Iris Heart get along very well most of the time…" She steps back from him and Vergil speaks out using his mouth.

"As entertaining as ganging up on a little girl is, wait no it's not. Stop, before I stop you myself."

"Come on, little bro. It'll be just like those times we trained when WE were little." Dante countered.

"I suppose, but making the child afraid will not help us in the long run." It's then that they noticed that the girl, along with the rest of them, were gone.

"Dammit. Boy, fix this!" Vegeta yelled from Johnny's mouth.

"Don't get your unitard in a bunch, Vegeta." G1 snapped his fingers and Tricked them into the headquarters. "I'm glad I learned how to expand the Air Trick's range…" The three sat on the various couches, waiting for the group to arrive. It was a whopping 15 minutes. Owain was the first to arrive and stares at them in disbelief.

"By the Divine Naga, how on earth did you get here before even I the great warrior sage? I mean I did run ahead and everything…" He shouts.

"The answer of the day, my friend. Magic." Storm answered.

"Did you guys seriously teleport here?" Someone questioned. It was Lancer. "You didn't even ask if I wanted a lift."

"You didn't stick around." G1 said back.

"Well, I didn't know you weren't messing around or I would've stayed. Hell, I'd've asked to help." There was a very audible eep that came from Solar.

"Come here, sweetheart." G1 cooed. She slowly made her way over just for him to quickly snatch her up and hold her close. "Ssh...It's okay...We were exaggerating a little too much…" He moved his hand along her back in slow circles, visibly calming her down.

"Is that the same person?" Yurippe asked.

"I have spent a good majority of my life as a parent. I know what I'm doing." Solar had gone through such an emotional rollercoaster, that she fell asleep. Neptune didn't look very happy. "What?" Neptune pointed at the girl. "This? This is father-daughter stuff. If it makes you feel better, you can sit on my lap." She nodded and leapt onto the spot, causing him pain in a certain area. Tehg walks over.

"Hey G1, two things. Firstly what would you say if I told you Solar was a lesbian? Secondly, I need some advice from a wise old man." He says.

"Well, in that order….I don't judge. Love who you love, man. Secondly, I'm not old God dammit…" The second part was said through gritted teeth. "But I'm willing to let it slide, depending on what you need. And how you intend to repay me." Tehg sweats slightly but continues.

"Well, I want to respect Vert more. And possibly be able to tolerate her. But I don't know how to go about it." He then gives G1 a look of seriousness.

"I might just have an idea…" He said after a moment of posing like The Thinker. "Storm, it's time to do that one thing from the time." He pulled out a bottle of paint and a brush, knowing exactly what G1 meant. Storm knows how to translate weird. The robed ninja painted a seal on Vert's forehead, and painted the same one on Tehg's. Then, with no grace whatsoever, he slammed the seals, and by extension, their foreheads, together. There was a blue glow and the two staggered away from each other.

"Why does my chest feel so heavy?" Vert? asked.

"Why do I feel strange down below?" Tehg? asked. "Wait, why do you sound like me?"

"Why do you sound like ME? Why do you look like me!?" The two paused, looking at each other, then to Storm.

""You switched our bodies!"" The two yelled in unison.

"Yeah, this was a prank me and Storm pulled on Johnny and Plutie a few years back."

"I thought we agreed to not talk about that again!?"

"We agreed to not talk about it in front of Plutie." Storm retorted.

"Fuck you guys." Pouted Johnny.

"Hey I'm stuck in Thunder Tits body...WAIT! HOW LONG WILL I BE LIKE THIS!?"

"For as long as it takes for you to get over whatever beef you have with Vert. Now, for the two rules of this little adventure. Rule 1: No getting yourselves killed out of spite for the other person. Rule 2: No masturbating as each other. That's just plain weird."

"One time, G1! One time!"

"And I will lord that one time over you for the rest of your life, Johnny."

"Fuck you, G1." Solar then wakes up to see Vert? curled up in a ball crying and questioning their existence while she looks at G1.

"Hey, Dad? Why is Vert crying in a corner like Tehg would?" She asks.

"The wonders of trolling, and how your brother will overcome his problems with Vert."

"Firstly that is not possible. Secondly does that mean I now have a sister…? YAY!" She cheers while hugging G1 VERY TIGHTLY.

"First of all, you already had three sisters. Second, I will make you a master troller like us. And lastly, you just broke a couple of my ribs and one of them pierced a lung." It was true. Blood was dribbling out of the corner of his mouth.

"Meh. You will heal. But maybe we should rest for now…? Tehg looks like he needs time to adjust to this." 'Hopefully he won't be scarred' She thought.

"Sure. Let me just…" G1 shoved a hand into his chest, replacing the bones. "That'll make this easier. Does anybody have a towel?"

Well then...that was interesting. **I don't know what you're talking about. That was beautiful. You even knew that was coming.** I still don't know how I feel about Solar treating G1 like that...but hey it's pretty cool and funny. **Don't forget adorable** Ah yes, adorable too...he seems to bring the little girl in her out. But yes I did know it was coming. **Come on. This'll be fun. An adventure inside of an adventure and a way to give 90's kids a reference. If you are a 90's kid and don't know about Freaky Friday, then shame on you.** I'm already loading my shotgun. _**Why you gotta be so rude?~**_ One answer I'm _Wild and Craaazy_. **Can we not do this? It's 10 at night for me and 3 in the morning for you, you vampire.** Hey, I'm no vampire. Just nocturnal. **Same difference this day and age. Stupid Twilight (And yes. Get triggered. It fuels me.)** Would you be shocked if I say I watched them all (some against my will) and I didn't see that much wrong with it. **You mustn't have paid that much attention to the ridiculous plot, or paying much attention at all. There was so many things those movies could've done better. Starting with not using the books at all.** G1 STOP….this isn't the place. Besides I'll be honest, I only stared at the pretty girls when I watched them….so I don't remember much about it other than wow vampire. **So what, all three girls that showed up in the very end. Because you most certainly weren't looking at Kristen Stewart.** No HELLL NO not my type. **If anyone could really fall for that zombie, I'll crucify myself. (** Erm better get it ready then...some people do like them) **But enough about that. Time to call it a session.** Okay then...well to my peeps...Tehg out. **Choa, bitches.**


	17. The Tales of Glorious Screw-ups

Chapter 17: The Tales of Glorious Screw-ups

Heeeeey. I'm back, and hopefully G1 hasn't broke my door down again? ***Crawls out from underneath the desk* Hi friend...~** Oh gawd no! **Miss me? Then again, they don't know this, but we're starting this not even 24 hours after the last one.** **You Goddamn slave driver…** Well, G1 I'm not one….I did warn you that I'll whip you into shape. **You said that we'd be writing together frequently, not pushing out chapters daily.** Eh...you do remember when I pushed out like 4 chapters in one day right...? So why are you surprised? **Yeah, i remember. It took me days to get through them. Especially when i have to decipher them like i'm an archeologist trying to learn what Egyptian hieroglyphics mean.** HEY! I take offence to that….They're Greek hieroglyphics...here's a difference. **Not when you can understand them!** True…..Meh we're getting of track. **Balls** … _~SWEET BALLS OF FIRE~_ I regret nothing. **Ya idjit…** …...You're triggering me. **I also triggered any Supernatural fans. You're point?** What's Supernatural? **Do you have Netflix?** No. **Go to Youtube. Type in Supernatural and watch an episode. Hold onto your lunch, though. Some get really messy.** I watched a film where someone's internal organs burst out. I have no need to hold my lunch. **Oh, this'll be fun.** Oh...I see. **Let's get this show on the road.** High ho silver! **That movie with Johnny Depp was pretty good. Forget it's name though.** Same…Anyway let's do this.

 **Note made after this was written: To the guest that has been leaving reviews on my stories. I will not be doing as you "ask". I've already explained the crossover thing in the notice 2 chapter of Welp. You'd know this if you read it instead of going to the first chapter and leaving a guest review. And for the OC tag thing, I'm not putting it for a simple reason. I can't stand redundancy. For Welp, it's blatantly put in the summary that there are OCs. And for this story, it's stated to be a sequel, so you should have ready the first, and would know about the OCs. If my decision bothers you, ignore my stories and we can both move on with our days.**

Everyone is gathered in the headquarters and finished listening to Iwasawa's Ballad and Tehg is bawling his eyes out (who is still in Vert's body). Solar walks over to him and comforts him.

"Hey don't worry, bro. I know why you're crying, but don't worry I'll try to prevent it." She says stroking his back similar to how G1 stroked hers. ( **Phrasing** )(Hey I bet you're enjoying imagining it.)( **OH FUCK NO!)** Which caused him to fall asleep.

"Hey Vert, you get to see yourself sleeping. How does it feel?" Lancer asked with a smirk. Vert looks at her body and shivers.

"I feel violated somehow." She says getting a feel for using the body.

"Think about how he feels." Noire added, staring at the she-man. Solar looks up.

"Yes, he is still very upset with this. Although this is the best idea I've seen yet, Dad." She says laying Tehg down.

"You do realize this isn't him on a good day, right?" Storm asked.

"I know. Just giving credit where credit is due, which Johnny never gets. Unless it's with Iris Heart in a bed."

"Hey, to be fair, a lot of my better ideas and jokes have come from something Johnny has come up with. I just expanded on them. Sometimes too much." G1 said, defending his...associate. ( **Johnny has specifically said we aren't considered friends. He's an ass like that.** )

"I'll be honest, Dad. I've never seen Johnny do anything good...other than knock Tehg out. Which all villains have done…" She says glaring at him. Johnny angrily whips out his wallet and pulls out a picture.

"What about this then!" It was a picture of his little girl, Gene.

"Second verse same as the first."

"Now that's just mean." Neptune said.

"You're the same Neptune!" She says as Tehg wakes up.

"What the hell's your issue? You weren't like this a few minutes ago." Blanc said angrily. Tehg then yawns.

"Well, I think it's her time of the month...If my memory serves well." He says causing Solar to lightly hit him.

"Brooooo...whhhyyyyyy….." She whines, coming to tears. G1 could be seen putting Infamy's barrel against his temple.

"To shoot or not to shoot, that is the question." Solar then tackles into G1 crying

"No don't kill yourself daddy!" She cries out.

"Not in the headquarters!" Yurippe yelled.

"It's not like I'd actually die. The pain would just distract me for a few minutes. I've learned my lesson after dealing with Iffy."

"I said it before. It's impossible for someone to not be able to die!" Cried Noda. Tehg laughs.

"People die when they are killed." He mutters just loud enough for G1 to hear.

"Okay, that right there's a common misconception. I can die. It's just really hard to do it because of my insane healing factor." He walks over to a window and opens it, before painting the ground down below with blood and brain matter. There were screams from several girls that were in the wrong place at the wrong time. "See?" He turned, showing the bullet hole that was healing as they watched. "Cool isn't it? I can itch my brain if I wanted, too. A real head scratcher."

"God dammit G1." Johnny muttered in disappointment. Solar however laughs and hugs G1 tightly again, probably breaking a bone or two.

"Tehg, is this how she always gets around this time of the month?" Storm asked wearily, worried for the safety of his friend. Tehg nods sadly.

"Yes. I have had several bones broken over the years…" He says looking at G1 and salutes.

"You can suck the fattest of dongs, Tehg. And I'm not saying that because you're in Vert's body." G1 responded.

"Fuck you G1….FUCK YOU!" Tehg says pulling out Vert's spear.

"Do you even know how to use that? Are we gonna have a spear fight!?"

"No, you're not." Yurippe said, nearly ripping the ears off of the two.

"Please don't pull my ear off." Vert pleaded.

"Aaaaaah...stop...aaaaahhhhh" Tehg moans not used to the sensitiveness of Vert's body.

"My boner is so confused right now…" Was all that G1 was able to say about the situation. While Vert looks at the scene with great pleasure.

"Sit down and shut up." Yurippe said, shoving both onto a couch. "We have a mission, people." Tehg yawns.

"You mean we're going into Angel's domain?" Tehg says while Yurippe finally snaps.

"COULD YOU PLEASE STOP SPOILING MY PLANS!?" She screams in Tehgs face while he stares back.

"No." Was his simple reply.

"Will you just bring out the nerd? I want to out nerd him." G1 said.

"How do you know about him?"

"Superhuman senses. I could smell him."

"Calling bullshit on that" Tehg says from the corner while he starts spouting pie of like it's nobody's business.

"Me and Gear made a spaceship in a day. With lasers and shit. And it builds Gundams. Your argument is invalid."

"Solar made a bracelet that makes Compa strong….your argument is invalid."

"Your Compa wasn't very strong? That's...kinda sad, actually…" G1 retorted.

"Hey! Daaaad don't rip on the little people…...If anything rip on Johnny...He's a spineless, worthless, masochist." Solar says smiling. G1 turned and shoved a chocolate bar into her mouth.

"Eat this and shut up." Everyone stared, questioning the action. Well, everyone but Solar, who was happily munching on the sweets. Tehg stares directly at G1.

"WIZARD...She normally hates chocolate...I mean REALLY HATES chocolate." He says in disbelief.

"Yes, well, chocolate has several interesting chemicals in it that trigger the release of dopamine into the body, causing happiness. It also has caffeine, which produces adrenaline, which acts as a pain reliever. Her body must instinctively know this, and is taking it in for those effects." During all of this, he had traded his coat for a lab coat and was wearing fake glasses. Dezz glares at G1 and says a simple sentence.

"GOGGLES….show this science nerd up." A pair of scientific goggles appears onto Dezz's face and a country accent speaks through.

"Howdy, G1...My friend Dezz says you're a science nerd...sadly no one has been able to best me." Goggles says while also spouting scientific stuff that G1 has never heard of.

"Huh, so it's really that simple to make wormholes. But the way you say it would take insane amounts of power and resources."

"Well that is true in a sense...but for a STABLE wormhole it would be necessary in order to recreate the spectacular phenomenon."

"But it would be more precise and cost efficient to simple open an Einstein-Rosen bridge."

"Bah details...details. I'll get to making one for the ultimate party in the end." Goggles says looking around to see everyone grabbing their heads in pain.

"Only if I get to bring the Party Cannon."

"Deal."

"ENOUGH WE'RE BEHIND SCHEDULE AS IS….COMMENCE OPERATION!"

"Wait my fellow heroes. I have an awe inspiring idea!"

"And what would that be?" Nepgear asked. Even she had a headache, even if it was less of one than the others.

"I was inspired by the devil to stop time!" Owain cheers hailing G1.

"That's flattering and all, but could you please stop calling me that? I'm still part human."

"Never in the name of the scion. I shall still call you devil. But now I shall attempt to freeze time!"

"Hey Johnny? Five bucks this fails spectacularly." Storm says.

"You're on!" The two shake on it and Owain begins to chant. Smoke fills the room and Solar shouts loudly for some reason. When the smoke disperses, there was now two Solars. One that looked like normal, and another that looked older and more mature.

"What the ACTUAL FUCK!" Tehg says in shock, staring at the mature Solar. She stood at a drastically different height of five foot four. Her long red hair was tied up in a high ponytail by an onyx colored ribbon. It only took a moment for G1 to realize that her old clothes didn't exactly fit anymore, due to her now B, bordering on C, cup size. His coat was around her in an instant.

"No." Was all he said, staring at the teens in the room.

"Hm? Dad what's wrong? Why are you wrapping your coat around me?" The mature Solar asks.

"Look down." He replied, turning away. She looks down and realizes that she isn't exactly clothed at the moment, before turning a shade of crimson similar to her hair.

"KYA….Don't look at me perverts!" She shouts while looking away shyly.

"She did the kya thing…" Ram said teasingly.

"Want me to head-butt you, Ram?" Said angrily, raising a fist.

"Miss Solar, please calm down...You might show…" Rom pleaded. The plea was heard as she sighs.

"Fine Rom, I'll stop. But I'm still pissed at Ram, though."

"Looks like this Solar is still on her period too." Tehg says to which the bigger Solar reacts…BADLY.

"THE FUCK DID YOU SAY TEHG?!" She screams, raising her fist again.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa...Down girl. No need to cave any skulls in yet." G1 panicked. "Hey Yurippe, is there a mall or something around."

"Yeah, if it'll get you to leave."

"Great, where is it. Just a general direction is fine." Iwasawa pointed to another side of town. "Thanks. Hey Storm? Mind being of taxi?"

"Sure." Storm pulled out a Hiraishin kunai and tosses it out the window. In a flash of yellow, the three were gone.

"About time. He can be a real thorn in my side."

"Be happy you don't know G1 as well as we do, Yuri." Johnny snarked. Tehg sighs and raises the magic bottle of Jack to his lips.

"If I'm going to deal with this…..gonna need ma acceptance juice." He says, downing several pints in one go.

"I thought only Steven could do that?" Noire asked, referring to the bottle.

"You thought G1 summoned the bottle? Nuh-uh. That bottle summons itself." Storm explained.

"Wicked cool." TK shouted. Yurippe then sighs.

"Okay here's the mission. We're sending as little people as possible to infiltrate Angel's domain." She pauses, expecting to be interrupted, before continuing "And we need Girl Demo to go wild." Iwasawa nods and Yurippe smiles for once.

"Okay, we're sending G1, Takeyama, Noda, me, Otonashi, Hinata and Tehg." She says.

"Hey G1 is not here...is he stuck on your mind or something?" Tehg says. She blushes slightly but clenches her fist.

"Why would I think about that stupid devil?" She says looking away, the blush still on her face.

"Hey! Hands off! He's mine!" Neptune yelled.

"Wait, isn't he already married though?" Dezz asks looking at the two of them.

"G1 kind of made this happen so Neptune wouldn't kill herself so Nepgear could succeed her as Planeptune's CPU. The love thing was probably an accident on his part. He has a tendency to be a bit too nice." Johnny answered.

*With the three walking to the mall*

"ACHOO!" G1 sneezed. "Someone's talking about me…"

"Are you sure not getting sick, Dad?"

"I don't get sick. Healing factor takes care of that."

"Pick up the pace you two, before it closes." Storm called out.

*Back to our regularly scheduled program*

Everyone debates on who is taking G1's place. They settled for sending Johnny.

"Sweet." He said as the small-ish team left. The others just stood there.

"Sooo...What do we do?" Ram asked. They ended up playing a Twister tournament. Vert won by making Tehg's body do a full sideways split.

"Why did I feel like someone just kicked me in the balls?" Tehg asked, cupping where his balls would be. The group had already broken into Angel's room and Jesus-kun (Takeyama) was hacking her computer. "You know, WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS MORALLY WRONG….and fuck you guys." He says as Otonashi high fives him. Johnny merely looked up from the panty drawer.

"But...But pranks...Glorious, glorious pranks and harASSment." Tehg sighs.

"Bad puns aside…..You may only do so if you make Yurippe ask Noda out. That's my requirement." Tehg whispers.

"Done." He said confidently. "Hey, Yurippe? Want to crush Noda's hopes and dreams?" He asked her in a hushed voice.

"What do you have in mind?"

"Ask Noda out. Then, when he goes to say yes, shoot him or something." Yurippe nods and walks over to Noda. She then looks away and Noda looks at her strangely.

"Erm. Yuri...? You okay…? You're acting kinda strange..." He says and Yurippe leans in close to him.

"Would you like to go out on a date with me?" She asked. He turned bright red and tried to stutter out his answer, but just as he regain his words, she pulled out a pistol and shot him in the head. Tehg just laughs his ass off and gives Johnny the go ahead to pull pranks.

"Wonderful. Let the games begin." He left the room as Jesus-kun finished breaking into the computer.

"I'm in." Yuri rushed over to him and looked over all of the data. The first thing he opened was all of the student names and grades. It somehow even had G1 and his group.

"Okay, I understand that they have everyone one the school's list, but why are G1 and Johnny on here?" Otonashi asked, becoming curious. Tehg whistles looking away as Otonashi notices this. "You didn't…"

"Uuum….." He lowers his head "I did…" He then braces in case of Yuri.

"You gave up one of our greatest advantages...WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!" She screamed.

"'I'm not on your side. Never was. I'm on Angel's side…..You guys are keeping me here, however." He says staring at Yuri.

"Let me rephrase that then. Why did you sell out your friends?"

"Why did you start all this?"

"We are not having this conversation! Do we have everything we need?"

"Of course we do." Jesus-kun said as he shut his laptop. They packed up, dragging a reluctant Tehg along with them.

*With the shoppers*

"So, we got past the guards with that homeless ploy. Think it'll work again." G1 asked.

"Probably, but we should be careful how we word it next time. You flubbing words could've been the end of us." Storm replied as they walked into a store that had caught this new Solar's attention.

"Hey, Dad? This place would have everything right?"

"Be careful with the dad thing, or this won't work." As he quietly yelled this, one of the store's employees walked over to them.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we can't let her in here."

"It's about the fact that's she's only in a coat, right? Well, we can explain. You see, we found this poor girl naked in an alley. I decided to take her in. But since I don't know her sizes or what she would actually wear, I had to bring her with me. I hope you understand."

"Oh you poor soul. But...I'm not supposed to, but I'll talk to my higher ups and see what I can do. Wait here please." The employee says, walking back into the store.

"Well, that worked. Nicely done G1."

"Hey. I resent that. I've always made up believable bullshit." They stood there in silence for a few minutes, with G1 fending off anyone who looked at the girl wrong. After that, the employee from before showed up.

"I have spoken to the manager and she said that you can come in. She was even nice enough to let you get the clothes for free…! So better not extort her kindness, ok?"

"Thank you so much!" Solar said before hugging the girl.

"Come on, before they have to close." G1 said as the two males walked in. While they walked something dawned upon solar

"Hey, Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Well considering how there is the younger me with the same name, wouldn't I have to pick a new name as to not confuse people?" She asks him.

"I guess...But don't ask me for any ideas. I'm bad at names."

"Uncle Storm. Any ideas?"

"Not my job."

"Aww fine. Hmmm C..C…Cyn…Cynthia?" She says randomly.

"Where'd that come from?" G1 asked.

"I…don't know. For some reason I just like the sound of it." She says unsure of herself.

"Well, it doesn't sound bad. Kind of suits her." Storm said.

"Yeah. Now all I need to do is come up with a cheeky nickname."

"Dad...! Fine...Try since I can't think of any-" Her sentence was stopped when her eyes stop on a piece of clothing. It was an English long coat. The entire coat was red, save for the gold phoenix design that stretched across the back of it, with several tail feathers coming back up and over the shoulders. "Please?" She asked after rushing over to it, snatching it up, and holding it out in front of her like she was wearing it. "I make this coat look good."

"Fine, but we have to find you some actual clothes too. That is, unless you like walking around like a prostitute."

"Daaaaaad….not funny... That's Vert's job." She says chuckling.

"Hey, hey, hey...That's not entirely true. Just when she's in HDD." G1 said, pouting.

"Point still stands….but…..Oh my..." Her eyes fall on a kimono. It had no sleeves, was pink, and had a design of black morning glories, but the petals looked like they were burning. The lower section extended so it would be just above her knees. "Too bad it's pink. Kind of goes against my color scheme…"

"Don't think of it pink. It's more like a lightish-red." Storm said. G1 turned to him, confused about if his friend was being serious or not.

"Hey uncle? I'm not donut!" She says pouting.

"Then why are you wearing it?"

"Dammit!" She said, grabbing a few more of them.

"Alright. Pajamas or shoes?"

"Shoes. My feet are getting cold."

"Ah, hell…" Storm and G1 said at the same time.

"What have we done to ourselves?" Storm asked.

"Created ourselves a good hour's worth of suffering." G1 replied. Luckily for them, it only took one. She went through row after row, doubling back at times to recheck just to move on again. The two just walked around, receiving pitying looks from the employees. She finally settled on a pair of high heeled combat boots. They were black with gold detailing. They headed to the pajama section when G1 stopped Cynthia. "Wait. There's something we forgot."

"What?"

"Two things actually. Shorts to go under that kimono, and underwear…"

"Why do I have to wear shorts?"

"I dealt with Issei Hyuudou for ten days. I ain't dealing with pervs staring you down if you jump up."

"That's...a completely valid point. Doesn't mean I like it…" She quickly made her way over to the sports section, heels clicking as she grabbed several pairs of black athletic shorts. "There. Happy?"

"Very. Now on to torture part two, right Storm? Storm?" Storm was already gone. He went home, leaving the two to walk. "Fuck me sideways…"

"But Dad, that's immoral!"

"I'm not talking to you! I'm speaking metaphorically!" He sighs and hangs his head. "Let's just...Let's just get this over with…" They head to the underwear section. After 20-30 minutes of looking at underwear, G1 was regretting everything. She decided on a simple red pair that she got multiples of.

"Thank God this is almost over." They stopped at their final destination with G1 wishing that this WAS Final Destination. She went and lazily grabbed a red nightgown that didn't reach past her mid-thigh. She looked like she was as done as he was. Apparently even girls can get sick of shopping. They got the stuff and started heading back to the school, but not without leaving some money as a sign of gratitude. The two walk into SSS headquarters to see everyone with a gloomy look.

"Why's everyone look like someone shit in their Cheerios?" Cynthia asked.

"Because Iwasawa passed on thanks to Angel!" Yurippe says. Tehg was about to intervene but Noda shut him up with his halberd.

"OH NO!" G1 yelled like he was Joseph Joestar.

 **That was productive, if not a little awkward and nonsensical…** Yes...yes it was. But we got stuff done so yay? **It took us over an hour to design how Cynthia looked, which made us split the session.** Oh. Fuck yeah, we did. Well at least you have a Solar all to yourself now. **That sounds creepy and makes me feel dirty.** Feel the dirt! But hey I can't wait for next chapter. Which might be soon...heh...heh **Not when it comes to posting. Also, I want everyone to know that the sudden shift in writing is because I had to deal with drunk Tehg. He gets weird and obnoxious. Let's not forget giggly.** Oookkkay...maybe I am a LITTLE drunk...but I'm not obnoxious. **Some of the stuff you wrote was pretty up there. Like that little dirt comment.** Oh...well meh, I think we should go. I'm struggling to write coherent words now. **I've noticed. And I'll be saying goodbye for you. Peace, everyone!** Bye bye people! **I WILL PUT YOU IN A HOLE UNTIL YOU SOBER UP!** Um...TEHG OUT….


	18. Baseball!

Chapter 18: Baseball!

Uuuuh am I free…? Is he gone…? I'M FREE! **Guess what asshole! I never left! By the way, you're mom's a nice lady. Let me stay the night.** Oh, I need to talk to her about that….Anyway good news, I'M SOBER! **I'm enforcing a new law. You're not allowed to drink when we're typing. It's not something any of us are willing to deal with (I hope).** Hey! Not fair…..Uh, fine…So why are you staying in my house now? I mean I locked my office door with 500 locks this time. **But aren't we having fun? That's what your mom thinks. She let me borrow the spares you gave her in case you lost them in your drunkenness.** Ok that's unfair and not cool man…! Why am I saying that to you of all people…? Let's just get on with this. **Let's.**

 **So, uh…Sorry for the delay. Between being forgetful and school, I haven't posted in a long time. I guess I shouldn't delay you any longer…**

Everyone complains about who's going to succeed Iwasawa when Yui appears.

"Name's YUI! Nice to meet ya!" She says posing while everyone stays silent. "Come on guys!" She mutters and Owain frowns.

"Is it just me or is this girl trying to caress our hearts with music?" He asks.

"She's not touching that guitar. I don't trust her." G1 said, grabbing it for himself.

"Please. Like you know how to play it, you old fart!" Yui yelled, trying to get the instrument. He didn't respond. He simply started playing La Devotee by Panic! At the Disco, singing when the words would come in. ( **PLAY IT** )

"Oh yeah, I forgot G1 could sing." Johnny said as Storm nodded. After G1 finishes Tehg takes it off of him and takes a deep breath, looking over to Solar. He starts strumming to the song called Run with Wolves by Lisa, with solar singing when needed. (ALSO PLAY IT)

"So this is how we're doing this? Time to turn this shit up to eleven out of a possible five." G1 snatched the guitar once more. "Time to jam." He played Soldiers of the Wasteland by Dragonforce. Jaws dropped and Tehg gave up as the guitar solo ripped into the air.

"G1...I just give..." He says as Yui pouts and steals the guitar from G1 before playing a song herself. (My Soul, Your Beats Yui ver.) After she stops she starts cheering.

"Yaaay, yaaay! Thanks for coming everyone!" She cheers while twirling the mic stand and it hits the roof. She freezes and pales.

"Smooth…" Neptune commented.

"Shut it, loli!"

"Who the hell are you calling loli!?" The two clashed. After Cynthia separates the two, Takamatsu sighs.

"You didn't touch my heart." He sighs once more while the SSS group debate over some stuff. Yurippe started to grip about the situation.

"We can't hold any big operations during the ball tournament with the band like this…"

"Ball game? Like baseball?"

"Yes, Steven. Baseball."

"When and how do I sign up?" Yurippe gave the details for the operation, and G1 dashed out of the room, dragging Johnny, Storm, Solar, Cynthia, Owain, Noire, Uni and Blanc along for the ride. Owain shows a face of confusion.

"Friends, what is this ball of base?" He asks to the group, hoping for an answer.

"It's a sport that was started in our home country, America." Storm started. "We can give you a rundown of the rules, if you like."

"Please, sage. Your help is needed and noted by the scion who gives his thanks!" The group quickly gave him the rules, and he sort of understood it. "Greatest of gratitude to you. I shall now hit this ball of base and help you obtain victory!" He says fist bumping the air.

"You're going to be out in left field." Johnny stated.

"But even all out in this field left has its importance. Correct?"

"Barely." Solar huffed under her breath.

"Little buddy, why do you not agree with me...Is it the fact that I ate your lunch without you knowing?"

"You did what!?" She screamed, her anger fueled by hormones.

"...INIGO DARED ME TO DO IT!" He screams cowering in fear.

"You're in left field because you have absolutely no experience playing the game and we don't want to lose." Blanc said bluntly.

"But….but...how am I supposed to gain experience without first experiencing the position?" He asks logically.

"You're going to become experienced where we need you to: batting. If you can slam the ball out of the park every time, we're golden." G1 said to him, hoping to get him to understand the plan. "Plus, you already have the skills to catch the ball if it comes within your area to guard." He nods and takes his strange stance once more.

"Understood devil of the night. I shall follow your orders perfectly so we may claim victory in this harsh world!"

"Now it's devil of the night!? Make up your mind!"

"As you wish devil may cry!" His head was then planted into the ground by G1's foot.

"Until the game starts, your head is staying buried there. We'll get you a few minutes beforehand." His muffled voice can be heard.

"But Johnny said you like being called that!"

"Yeah, well Johnny's a fuckboy."

"What is-"

"Don't worry about it." Cynthia said as they left the magic man. (But he's a sage…..)( **Sages are magicians in fire emblem. It works.** ) (dammit...you got me there.) (Edit: We somehow swapped the author note system here. Will not happen again) The group spent the next half hour in the cafeteria.

"Gah! We're getting nowhere!" Noire yelled. "Every team name we've come up with so far is terrible!"

"What? Team Johnny is an awesome name!"

"Shut it, bitch!" Solar screamed.

"Yeah, shut it, masochist!" Cynthia adds.

"I have made all the right life choices..." G1 says proudly.

"How about Team Three Star?" Tehg said in passing.

"Noire, go grab some sewing stuff. We have uniforms to make."

"How did you?"

"I dated a different you for several years. I know all…" G1 said eerily. "I know that every Saturday you wear black lacy panties in the hopes of someone picking you up at a party that you never go to." He says, providing an example.

"Noire, is that true?" Uni asked her older sister.

"Y-Y-Y-Yes…" She said as quietly as she could. "How do you even know that anyway?" She asks him, glaring.

"You strip when you get drunk. You also like to sleep in your underwear in the summer." She goes beet red and looks to the ground. Tehg then looks at G1.

"So is my idea a yes or a no?" He asks, eating mabo tofu.

"I assumed my demand of uniforms was an obvious." Vegeta's not so silent screaming could be heard, even though Johnny's mouth was closed. It wasn't all that surprising. He's screamed travelled through the vacuum of space and twenty years into the future. "That as well."

"Oh, okay then. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go see a chiropractor." Cynthia nods in understanding and Solar looks down at her chest with a sad face.

"No fair, Cynthia."

"Sucks to suck."

"But you have boobs like Noire!" She starts fondling her to prove her point.

"Well, that went from zero to one hundred." G1 said, weirded out. "I know that's an anime thing, so I'm just going to say Japan has gone too far." Solar stops and looks dead at G1.

"Would you prefer I do you instead then?" She says jokingly.

"Well, if you're offering…" He said, unzipping his pants slightly. She sighs and transforms.

"Okay then. Follow me." She hides her knife behind her.

"That's a knife and I know you're a lesbo. The smell of metal was a bit obvious. Also, your knife smells like ozone from the constant insane heat applied to it."

"Damn… I should really sort that out." She says putting her knife away while Johnny just pouts.

"But Team Johnny guys…" Everyone proceeds to ignore him and head to get Owain for his measurements to create the outfits before the tournament. The uniforms were green in color with black vertical stripes. On the back was an orange Dragonball with three stars. On the chest was a Chinese dragon circling around the letters "TTS".

"Okay, where's the bald one so I can kill him!" Vegeta screams.

"He's not here, and your suffering shall be eternal." Storm said, knowing the feeling all too well.

"Friends. Why does the uniform have no holsters for my 30 swords?" Owain asks.

"You don't need them because this isn't a battle. It's a game designed for the entertainment of all involved." G1 stated.

"I see, so this pocket is NOT for holding my spell tome full of knowledge?"

"Yeah. No magic. No swords. No weapons of any kind. That is illegal both in the game and is considered assault and you'd be arrested."

"Arrested for being armed on the count of self-defense and being a knight of Ylisse?"

"Ylisse isn't a real place here and you have weapons on school grounds, possibly endangering innocent students. That's why I store all my weapons. So I have them on me, but I don't at the same time."

"Same." Storm said.

"Teach me your ways master devil!" Owain says bowing.

"I hate to burst your bubble, but I didn't learn how to do it. I just kind of did. Your best bet is to learn storage seals from Storm. Hope you have good calligraphy."

"Come on, before we're too late to register. I didn't spend this time making these for nothing!" Noire interrupted.

"Shut it, tsundere!" Solar shouts storming off to the ball game.

"Please, for the love of God, at least tone it down." G1 said, looking at Cynthia.

"No promises." She said with a shrug. They all arrive at the makeshift field to see Hinata and his team arguing to get a place in the game.

"We don't have a team to play against…" Uni said to the referee.

"Uh, I suppose we could let them play you then. It's not like their team is made of any good players anyway." The ref says, brushing it off. ( **Shots fiyered.** ) (really. Noble jokes FTW) The rag tag group paled, except for the groupies who didn't know any better. The ref flipped a coin, making it so Hinata's team was batting first. Johnny, Owain and Noire were in the backfield. G1 was on first, Storm on second, Uni on third, and Cynthia was the catcher. Blanc was the pitcher and Solar was benched.

"Why the hell am I on the bench?!"

"That right there! We don't need two Noda's in the game right now!" Blanc yelled back at her.

"DONT COMPARE ME TO THAT SPINELESS COWARD!"

"Exhibit A." G1 commented.

"I would rather be compared to that pervert, Johnny."

"Play ball!" The ref called out. Blanc threw the ball, and Otoanshi just barely hit it. The ball was casually picked up by G1 as he stepped on first, getting the redhead out. Hinata was next to bat. Blanc throws her fastball, but Hinata hits the ball and gets to second base. Shiina steps up next. She hits the ball getting to first and Hinata to third. Noda then steps up onto the batting area with his bat in a reverse grip. She throws the ball faster and stronger than before. When Noda hits the ball, the bat breaks and keeps going until Cynthia catches it.

"YOUR OUT!" she screams.

"You can't say that!" Noda screams before the ref runs over.

"YOOOOOUUUUUUR OUT!" The ref screams to Noda's displeasure.

"I feel so bad for you." G1 and Storm said to the people on their bases.

"This is so stupid." Shiina says while Hinata sighs.

"I'm use to this. So don't worry" Storm simply patted him on the shoulder while shaking his head. The game went on, Yui getting their third out and the sides changed. That's where the tides were against the teens. Johnny was the first to bat, and sent the ball flying. A window could be heard breaking. Up next was Solar, who hit a double, but stole third soon after. Uni went third, getting an in field home run. Thanks to Noda's interference, G1 took a ball to the balls. He had hit the ball as Otonashi pitched it, giving it a tiny bit of curve. Owain was after that, standing in a swordsman stance.

"That's not...That's not how you stand…" Uni sighed out with a hand covering her face.

"I was told to take a stance, you never said how." He replied.

"Just hit the ball…" Blanc muttered. When Otonashi pitched ( **Heh** ) Owain swung, and he missed. Then missed again. Then he swung a third time, and he missed. When he sulked back to the bench, Solar gave him a popsicle.

"What is that cold piece of strangeness?" Owain asks solar and she shrugs.

"It's called a Popsicle Owain, I don't know why I have it though." She responds as he sticks it into his mouth and tries talking while biting down on it.

"Madam Solar, I thank you for the ice cold treat, but this shape is strangely familiar…"

"Don't worry about it." She said, smirking.

"As you command!" He yelled, continuing to enjoy the phallic shaped treat. The game went on like that, with Team Three Star getting the mercy rule on Hinata's team. They went through as many teams as they were put up against until they made it to the finals. The SSS that had lost were in the bleachers, cheering them on. Yurippe's anger could be felt from the other side of the school's property. Tehg arrives at the bleachers.

"Guys, Yurippe's mad. VERY MAD...Thank you." He says sitting down, uncomfortable from Vert's large breasts, with tears of joy in his eyes. Angel walks onto the field with her team. Tehg cheers her on while everyone death stares him. After a few minutes the Vice President of the school steps forward.

"I am Vice President Naoi and we form team student body." He says, holding a hand out to shake.

"Just from hearing you talk, I don't like you." G1 said, just loud enough to hear.

"Really…? But you like me don't you?" He says with his left eye glowing red.

"Nope." He say responds, his own eyes glowing their own hellish red. Naoi pales and coughs.

"Well then, may the best team win…" He said sarcastically. The two teams went to their own dugouts.

"Okay, game plan, anybody?" Johnny asked.

"Kick their assess into the dirt and make them beg for mercy!" Solar, Cynthia, and Blanc yell at the same time.

"Well okay then…" Noire said, taking a step back.

"What are you stepping away for Noire? I thought you wanted to win?" Cynthia says eerily.

"I do! It's just that I wasn't expecting you three to say the same thing. It's not like I was scared or anything…"

"Guys? Game. Need to play." Storm said, gesturing to the waiting umpires. The game was a close one. TTS got overconfident at first, not knowing that most of the enemy team was from the baseball club. They brought it back though, and just barely won the game in the last inning by one point. TTS walked on the field to shake their hands in a display of sportsmanship, confident smirks on their faces. Everyone shook hands except for Naoi, who was storming away.

"Hey, Angel?" She turned to the speaker. It was G1. "I think you should get a new VP. He doesn't seem very trustworthy."

"I don't see anything wrong with Vice President Naoi."

"Can't say I didn't warn ya." He said with a shrug, walking back to his team. "Guy smells like a sleaze ball." She nods to herself and walks off. Tehg jumps down to the team and stares at G1.

"Why didn't you punch Naoi, man? He's a real dick, not sure if he has one to be honest." Tehg comments.

"Didn't want to accidently uppercunt him and make him feel good."

"Hah, I see. Now if you need me. I feel like Vert is doing something with my body." He says running off. Vert was in fact doing something, though it wasn't what he was expecting. Especially when he heard his own voice moaning. "Oh hell no…" He burst into the room the sounds were coming from only to find that she was getting a massage.

"Oh, why hello there. I don't know how you lived with all these knots in your back. They're so painful…"

"Try having to fight an echo of Lucifer AND your own GREAT GRANDFATHER….That would do something to the body, you know?" He asks while stating his point.

"Yes, well some of these feel like they're from years ago." The masseur said, working out another big knot.

"Well. I do have a daughter….Oh god the sleepless nights…." He shivers remembering them.

"You should have done this so much sooner, then." Vert said, genuinely concerned.

"Yes, I suppose. Thanks Th-Vert I appreciate the thought." He says genuinely grateful.

"Don't mention it. Care to join me? I know the struggle of living with a figure like that, you know?" She asked, half joking.

"Sure. Why not?" He says. The masseur goes and gets one of her friends. The two didn't rejoin the others until several hours later. When they get back, they find Team Three Star enjoying a victory meal. Neptune looks over at Tehg and Vert and has a mischievous look.

"Where have YOU two been huh?" She asks nudging them with her elbows.

"We were getting massages." To the surprise of even Vert, Tehg answered. "I can now see why she has Chika give her massages regularly."

"What is this shenanigans? You two hated each other!" Solar asked.

"Hated? No I despised her. Now we're friends." He says wrapping an arm round her shoulder, to everyone's shock.

"I have a hard time believing you. Let's give it a few more days so we can be sure." G1 said, making a small troll face. Tehg just nods.

"That's fine with me. I mean, it gives me and Vert more time to bond as friends."

"Wait, if you're in Miss Vert's body, does that mean you've seen her naked...?" Rom asks innocently. Tehg goes beet red.

"Well I had to wash. But even then I was blindfolded and Solar washed me."

"That must have been an experience for her." Johnny said, winking. Solar just jumps and kicks him in the head trying to hide her tomato red face. "What, did you NOT enjoy gentle caressing Vert's soft skin? Those fleshy mounds of fun?" She looks to the ground going even redder.

"Maybe..." She says wishing it would end.

"Oh god...This means she felt up her brother…" Lancer muttered. Everyone in the cafeteria paused in thought. Solar reacts badly and starts stammering.

"Bu-bu-HOW DID YOU FIND THAT OUT!?" She basically screamed in his face with her knife against his throat.

"I figured it out from what he told us...Why? Did you do it in the past before too?" She realized her mistake and tried to make her way out. Tehg stretches Vert's lance out and blocks her path with a sinister look on his face.

"Oh sis. I am curious to your answer also." He says with his eyes being overshadowed while turning red.

"Well…...umm…..yes...YOU WILL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" She screams jumping over the lance and runs away.

"I've got her." G1 said. In a blur of red motion he was gone. Some thrashing could be heard, and he came back with Solar in his left hand, hanging from her Kimono's collar. "Tada!"

"Uuuuu I was so close. Yet so far." She mutters to herself.

"Now, now, girly, all we want is an honest answer….or you can try to run. Like an idiot." Lancer states.

"Okay I may or may not feel him up OKAY?!" She blurts out.

"Don't you know that's creepy?" Storm asks.

"And your face is ugly, but no I don't as I don't see the problem here?" She says while G1 and Storm facevault.

"You know what? NO." G1 said, leaving. "Not dealing with this!" He shouted from out in the hallway. "Nope!" The next one was from out in the field. At that point Angel walks over and points a finger in his face.

"Can you please stop shouting, you are disturbing extracurricular activities." She says to G1. He picked her up by her upper arms, bringing her to eye level.

"You have no idea what I have to deal with regularly. I think you of all people understand the need of an emergency stress release." The girl stares at him, seeing the pained look in his eye.

"Can you also stop with the innuendos? They are immoral."

"Hey, I'm just talking. If you think I mean something different than what I'm actually saying, you're the immoral one. Not me."

"Does that mean I am an immoral person?" She asks with her head tilted.

"Well, no...It really just means you're human. We all have those thoughts time to time."

"But I'm am the student council president. I am meant to be free of thoughts along that nature."

"Oh...I'm having Faith flashbacks...Ugh...Look, it's okay as long as it stays in your head. No one else needs to know, ya know?"

"But you seem to voice them without worry."

"Well, that's easier to answer. It's because I don't care." The small girl sighs as she wriggles free of G1's grasp.

"I'll give you a warning this time, Steven. But next time I will punish you according to school rules." She says walking off.

"Whatever, kid. I shouldn't even be in your list. You of all people should know that I'm older than I look. And that I'm not really dead. I could tell that you could hear us when we first came here. Now all I have to ask is: What will you do now?" The girl stops and turns to face the devil.

"Well. You could help me like your friend is….but I already know the answer, so I'll instead let it slide just this once."

"Jeez, kid. How can I answer when I don't even know all the details? This world just keeps getting weirder and some answers would be nice…"

"What would you like to know then Steven?"

"Well, what you're really doing would be a good place to start. You can go from there."

"To help the people enjoy life and pass on to their next life."

"Oh. That explains what was said at the end of the last chapter…"

"I don't understand what you mean by 'last chapter' but yes. You are correct. Now do you have any other questions?"

"Your name isn't really 'Angel', is it?"

"I don't know why people call me that but no...My name is Tachibana Kanade, or in your terms if I'm correct Kanade Tachibana."

"Well, guess it's time for a more formal introduction, instead of Tehg being an idiot. The name's Steven Stanton. Nice to meet you." He said with a smile.

"Nice to meet you. Tehg briefly explained it in passing. But when we first met I stabbed you, but you did not die. Can you explain that please?" She asks examining G1 over. "Also, why the red?"

"Well, it's so the bad guys can't see me bleed. Didn't Tehg give you the dirt on all of us? I thought that that would be an important thing to cover."

"Not really, all he said when it came to you was quote 'A big idiot with a sword that over compensates' is that accurate?"

"Tell that to my wives and twins. I dare you…"

"I apologize. Tehg was at the time in a bad mood, so I presumed he said that as a way to make you angry?" She asks bowing apologetically.

"I did have him get trapped in the body of a woman he hated...But enough of that. Let's get back to the not dying thing. Ya see, I'm not exactly...human. Specifically, I'm only a quarter of it. The rest is demon, so I get a crazy strong healing factor, and some other added bonuses."

"Interesting...Is there any way to copy this healing factor in any way? I may need it if the SSS keep wishing to fight me." She asks looking downtrodden.

"That's a secret I'm keeping close to the chest. Tell me about that, though. I want to know the whole thing behind the SSS war thing."

"Hm, firstly I remember Tehg saying 'if he mentions his healing factor and the fact that it's secret...I already copied his healing factor' to tell you he has it. Secondly, the reasoning behind this war...it was Yurippe taking the bridgehead as she did not want to pass on."

"Wait, pause. Are you saying that Yurippe is keeping quite the number of people from moving on to heaven? That's just fucked…" G1 said, starting to lose his temper.

"Firstly, no swearing. Second, most likely, yes...I have not directly spoken to her in a while so it may be different now."

"Could you go a bit more in depth with your explanation? If I'm going to go on an anger fueled rampage, I want to make sure it's over the right thing."

"...I must be going now, Steven" She just walks away, ignoring his last statement.

"Hey! Come on...And, she's gone. Whatever...I'm still going to punch her in the face..." He goes and does so. Wordlessly. He just walked in, punched her, and left. Noda chased for a while, until he Ninja Brian'd him. G1 stabbed Noda with a different guy. Noda giving him the 'The Fuck!?' Face as Tehg can be heard thanking G1 in the distance.

"What was that about?" Storm asked later.

"That bitch has been keeping people from moving on to whatever the Japs call heaven because of that stupid ass grudge with God she told us about when we were moving through those traps. That ain't right, man!"

"Hey, hey, settle down there, Stevie. Don't need you bringing the house down."

"You're right, Neptune. That doesn't make what she's doing okay, though."

"Finally someone agrees with me!" Tehg says giving Vert a massage.

"Yeah. Question though. How does it feel to touch yourself like that?" G1 asked in an innocent manner.

"Innuendo aside…. Strange...but somewhat therapeutic…"

"It is, isn't it? I can understand why people become masseurs." Johnny said, remembering the times that Plutie was in one of her more romantic moods.

"You too…? Well let's just do something for a few hours. I'm bored." Tehg says, finishing up with Vert. So they played strip poker. Turns out, Solar and Cynthia were terrible. Tehg wound up getting down to Vert's underwear, and G1 got a "Why!?" boner.

 **So, that's a way to end a chapter. With a TFS reference.** Well...yes, yes it is….I can still feel the 'why you do dis' even now. **For those who didn't get the Ninja Brian thing, that was a reference to the Ninja Sex Party song called Samurai Abstinence Patrol.** You literaly played it...JUST so I would understand the reference...so yeah, I get it. **But everyone else might not, so we must explain. But, just because of your salt, I just might make more references to their songs. It'll be a grand old time.** NOOOOOO GOD PLEASE NO NOOOO. **-_-** what? Gotta love the classic memes and whatever you call them…...no seriously I don't know. **Oh, this'll be fun. All the NSP!** I am seriously thinking of calling of this collab now…. **You asked for this in the first place. Plus, you have your ridiculous stuff. I have mine. It's only fair.** Oh come on Owain was not THAT bad….He is just special. **Not just him though. You may forget the stuff from your drunken stupors, but I have not.** Never letting me live that down eh laddie?...Well then you have you own fair share of them too...Just more spaced out than mine….oh. **I won't deny that. Hell, I'll embrace it. Hence the NSP.** **And the Irish jokes.** Joke about my blood and I'll drag you down to the bar to get you drunk before dressing you up in a tutu. **Joke's on you. My Dad's side of the family are drunk rednecks. And in my body weight and I'll drink you under the table, even if I don't want to…** Oh?...You dare challenge my Irish blood?...You know what…? I'll just take this defeat with a grain of salt to my pride as this author's note is to long. ***Too.** **With that said, goodnight Tehg and goodbye everyone else.** NIGHT PEOPLE OF THE WORLD...TEHG OUT. ( **But what if it's morning when they read this?** ) (erm...get in the robot Shinji?) ( **The what?** ) (oh gawd….you haven't seen neon genesis evangelion!?) ( **I have. I just don't remember that...But enough of this. We're done!** )


	19. Bringin' in the Troops

**I'm starting things off this time. The look on his face when he walks face first into that plastic wrap I put over the door is going to be amazeballs.** Uh hey G1 what are you doing in my room before...nice try. **Dammit. Was hoping that would work. So, Tehg here just happened to spoil the whole thing with Yuri and my rage is so great!** Hey, hey, hey...You were the one who wanted to know. **You teased me with spoilers. How could I refuse?** Well you tempt me into telling you things...but I got carried away…So a fault on both parts okay? **Yeah, sure, whatevs. I'm so salty!** Know what...? I'm too tired for this shit. Let's just start the chapter -_- **I'm down for that. Let's go!**

The next day rolled around, and the new faction met up by sports field. Their whole purpose was to help Kanade in her goal to help people move on ( **information provided by Tehg** ) (the info could have slight defects...it's been awhile since I have seen it...besides if story is left as is, if my memory serves right yuri does become a better person...through kanades help.) while also doing everything in their power to make Yurippe's life a living hell.

"Hell yeah narrator dude!" Tehg says out the blue breaking the by this point masochistic 4th wall. Owain looks over.

"What is this narrator 'dude'? And why does he make you happy?" He asks.

"It's the guy, or in this case guys, that are on the other side of the fourth wall." Neptune answered. A brick suddenly fell onto her head. "Wait, wh-" And like that she was knocked out.

"Okay, ignoring that, here's the game plan for today." G1 started.

"Who died and made you the boss?" Johnny asked.

"You if you don't shut it." He went to say something, but stopped. "I thought so. I'm taking Cynthia, Solar, Storm, and now Neptune, to someplace remote. Cynthia is part demon and doesn't really have a weapon. So we're going to go make a Devil's Arm. Tehg said something about some more friends of his. You'll be going out and finding them. The more people to dick with that cunt the better." ( **I know some people are triggered. Deal with it.** )

"Um, G1...? Why the foul mouth…? And yea. I do have to find them...knowing my luck Bryce is probably tangled in some vines in the middle of a forest." Tehg says, facepalming.

"Because Yurippe is screwing over all of these kids that lived tragic lives and died horribly in some way! So not okay!"

"Um firstly, we don't even know HOW TK died. Secondly we don't even know HOW Otonashi died...Wow I sounded like a broken record. And finally, try hearing Yui's back story, then call some of these people's lives tragic."

"My point still stands. Now come on. We have a thing to make and you have at least one idiot to find." He picked up the downed CPU and they walked to a cave that Storm had found when he left the two shoppers. The remaining members spread out, scouring the entire city. They split it up into three teams. The first consisted of Tehg, Vert, Rom and Johnny. The second was Uni, Blanc and Noire. The final was made of Owain, Ram and Nepgear. ( **Poor Gear...She won't stand a chance…** ) (I know…. *salute* may you rest well Nepgear) Tehg's group went to investigate the forest from earlier, seeing how it was fairly large. After about an hour, they came across an entanglement of vines that seemed to make noise. As they get closer, the noise got louder.

"STUPID VINES! I REFUSE TO BE IN AN HENTAI! Someone please get me down. I've been here for two days!" A familiar voice to Tehg and Johnny shouts. Tehg sighs.

"Damn...It's Bryce...So, Johnny, we getting him down nicely or just letting him drop?" Tehg asks. He was about to pull something out before halting and deciding to pull her spear out instead.

"Do you even need to ask?" He replied, lightning crackling around his hand. "It'll be a shocking experience for him." A "Booo!" could be heard in the distance. The two cut through the vines, and Johnny grabbed the trapped boy, electrocuting him in the process.

"WHAAAAAT THHHHE FUUUUUU" He screamed, falling to the ground with a loud thud.

"To be fair, you said you wanted to be free." Vert said.

"Tehg?"

"Yes?" Tehg replied.

"Wait. But Vert answered me when I asked for Tehg. What's going on!?"

"Mister Steven had Mister Storm switch their bodies…It's kind of funny..." Rom answered, giggling a bit afterwards. Tehg then pats Rom's head, smiling.

"Yep. I switched bodies with Vert over here...God these lumps are still hard to move in." Tehg says, tripping over his own weight.

"Steven? As in, G1?"

"One in the same." Johnny replied.

"Why am I not surprised? That would be something he'd do. By the way, keep him away from me."

"What, did another you do something….? Knock Iffy up?" Tehg asks. He pales in response. "He didn't…"

"He did...What should I do?" The four turned to each other.

"Okay guys! We prepared for this time to pull out Plan: RUN FOR YOU MOFOING LIFE!" Tehg screams, waving his arm like an army general. "Okay, people. This is code red, spread out….Wait no...Stick together?" He says uncertain.

"I think the best method here would be to break it to him gentle to minimize the damages." Vert said.

"Good idea, Vert. Now Bryc- and he bolted…." Tehg says, sighing.

"Let's go get him. I'm curious about what G1 will do to him." Johnny said with a smile on his face, already taking off after the escapee.

"Really….? Fine, let's go get the man." They all rush after Bryce.

Back with the group in the cave, the entire stone floor had been flattened out and covered in all kinds of runes and drawings.

"Well, now that the easy part is over, we-"

"Easy part!? That took us an hour!" Solar yelled.

"Yes, easy part. Now the fun part begins. Since you two are basically the same person, having you both here will make this easier. You two are going to dump as much energy as you are able to, and then some, into these. It has to be at a constant, steady rate of this will end horribly." G1 said. The two girls nod as they level their energy. They start dumping all of the power they have into it at a fast, but steady rate. During the hour long set up, Neptune had woken up.

"Hey, Stevie? What do you mean that this may end horribly?" She asked.

"Oh. We'll all die because of the feedback. These take in and amplify the energy to the point that it breaks the laws of physics and becomes solid material. No pressure, girls!" He said with a smile.

"Thanks, Dad! No pressure or anything, huh!?" Cynthia shouts at G1.

"You'll be fine." Storm said with a wave of his hand. In the largest and centermost circle, the energy condensed into a steel-like liquid.

"Time to do my part." G1 said as he made his way to it, careful not to step on anything. He took the substance into his hands, and used his own energy to give it a shape. "Solar fought with a knife, so that should do design wise. Maybe a little bigger than normal so she can fend off other weapons." He muttered to himself. The blade had one sharp edge that was jagged and flame like. At the base of it was the head of a phoenix that was attached to small hand guard that looked like wings. The handle had a spiraling design to give the wielder a grip. The pommel was shaped like a bird's claw and held a ruby. "Success. You two can stop now." The two sighed as the red light the illuminated the room faded. He tossed the long knife to Cynthia.

"Thanks, Dad." She twirls the knife around in her hand before doing a few test slashes. "Fast, light….STRONG" She chants before looking somewhere to put the knife away. After looking, she put the knife in her coat pocket. "So, what's its name?"

"Don't know. I'd thought you'd like to be the one to name it."

"Um...Hm….Oh, I know. Achambha." She says with her eyes shining.

"Okay then. Let's head back. Ninja Storm, explode this cave with your mind."

"Fuck you, G1" Solar says from the sidelines.

"But why? Why you say dat?"

"Because that music is strange. That and because I'm tired...Carry me..." She says falling over.

"Fine. Storm, can you get Cynthia. She probably is KO'd too."

"Hey, I ca- woah! And there goes the legs." Cynthia says falling. ( **When your legs don't work like they use to before.** ) The three made their way to the school with their living cargo.

With Blanc's group, they searched the entire city for about 1-2 hours before finding an un-familiar blue blob of hair, wearing clothes that matched Tehg's description of Lucina, walk around the corner.

"Uh sis? Is that the girl were looking for?" Uni asks Noire.

"Seems like it. Um, excuse me?" She asked, walking up to her. "Would your name happen to be Lucina?"

"Why yes, my name is Lucina….How did you find that out, though?" She asks wearily while holding the hilt of her blade.

"We're friends of Tehg's. He sent us to look for you." Blanc answered.

"I see, you are friends of Tehg's. Well let me formally introduce myself….I am Princess Lucina. Nice to meet you." She says bowing.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Uni. This is my sister, Noire, and that's Blanc."

"Ah, well nice to meet you Uni, Noire and Blanc. But if I may be bold...I am looking for Tehg. Do you happen to know his location?"

"No. He was off looking for Bryce. We all agreed to meet near the school when we found someone, so you can wait with us." Noire said.

"Ok then, well you must be friends of Tehg's since you addressed me so casually. No worries, though. I may be a princess, but I don't care much for the title." She says relaxing and slumping her shoulders a bit.

"That was easy. Follow us, then." Blanc said, starting to walk to their destination.

Now with Team Nepgear's Suffering.

"Ha, little pink. You're pretty funny...but you still annoy me." Owain states as the three wander the forest.

"You just can't take a joke, you banana!" This bickering has gone on the entire time they were searching, and Nepgear was at her wit's end.

"Will you two please stop? I can't even hear myself think, let alone look for someone." She pleaded.

"We were looking for someone?" Both Ram and Owain ask in unison. Nepgear felt something within her snap.

"You know what? I'm leaving." She transformed and flew off before they had a chance to understand what happened.

"We should apologize to the maiden when we get back." Owain said in a normal a fashion for once.

"Nah, she'll get over it. She always does."

"But, she did look pretty angry."

"Every time she gets mad at Neptune, she's fine after a few minutes. Hey, look! There's a guy in that lake! Let's take his clothes!"

"Ah, I se- It's the hero who wields the musketoons...or as he calls them, pistols. His name was Tatsuya, I think...But yes, let's do it." Owain says, agreeing. The two sneak over and take the young man's discarded clothing, Ram transforming and bringing Owain up into the air so they had a bird's eye view of their dirty work. Tatsuya finishes up washing and stretches for his clothes but feels no cloth.

"Okay! Who took my clothes!?" He yells before closing his eyes. He then opens them and looks around. "Whoever they are is skilled enough to hide from me. ALRIGHT! COME ON OUT AND I WON'T SHOOT YA!" He screams. The two started giggling to the point where Ram almost dropped Owain. Thankfully, they were too high up to hear, seeing as how it was a windy day.

"Maybe...no…But that doesn't exist..." He looks up and sees the two. He pulls a pistol out of nowhere "Give. Me. My. Clothes."

"Gonna have to catch us first!" Ram shouted, flying towards the meeting place as fast she can. Tatsuya then sighs

"I know what you are doing. But I have grown bored from wandering these woods, so I'll play your game." He says jumping from treetop to treetop following them. When he caught up, he saw that his friends were there as well. He immediately felt glad that he was wearing his boxers still. He looks at Lucina then smiles slightly.

"Finally some familiar faces...Now hold on one second!" He just shoots a magic pulse an inch away from Ram and Owain "Clothes. NOW!" They nod in fear, giving the man his clothes back.

"We were gone for a couple hours and we come back to some dude scaring the piss out of people. He one of Tehg's friends?" G1 asked, just rejoining the group and setting Solar onto a bench to nap. Dezz speaks up

"He's that one smart guy...Also, G1, he's a slight Gary Stu." He says hoping that did not pull the pin on the grenade.

"GOD DAMMIT! NO! I'M NOT DEALING WITH A KIRITO!"

"Kira who?" He asks not sure if he did a good or not.

"A character from an anime who was basically a god by default." Storm answered.

"Oh so a huge bag a dicks...good to know."

"That's my thing! No one else can say it but me!" G1 shouted, getting up into his face.

"What you gonna do about it huh? What? ATTACK me? Nah you ain't man enough." He replied egging him on. And that is the story of how Dezz got shot in the knee cap.

"FUUUCK! THAT FUUUUUUUCKING HURT!" Dezz screams in pain while Tatsuya comes out from the bushes after getting dressed.

"Why is the stupid man dancing like the entire army I shot in the knee with a single magic pulse?"

"THIS IS WHY I HATE GARY STUS!"

"Finally we agree on something!" G1 said, high-fiving the in pain man.

"God. Knee."

"Suck it up you mutt…! You're almost as insufferable as the masochist!" Solar screams, pointing at Johnny.

"How many times do I have to tell you people!? I'm not a masochist!"

"Erm guys...where's Tehg?" Uni asks, ignoring Johnny's exclamation.

"How did we lose him?" Vert asked, turning to Bryce and Johnny.

"He went off somewhere...He said he saw someone familiar…" Rom answered. The mentioned Tehg then barrels through a thicket of bushes with a 4-5 year old girl.

"Guys! I'm back! You miss me?" Tehg asks.

"Who's the kid? Didn't think you'd pull a Goku and steal one." Cynthia asked in return.

"No I did not steal her. Everyone, this is Rose O'Brian. My daughter." He tells everyone as she bows from behind his legs.

"You are small and adorable." G1 said, walking up before crouching down in front of her. "Boop." He poked her nose as he made the noise. The girl giggles before hugging the man.

"UNCLE STEVEN!"

"Wait, uncle!? What!?" He turned to Tehg. "You. Explain."

"Remember. We're from future...and well she calls all of you guys uncle. And the CPUs and candidates auntie….Don't look into it. By the way, Bryce from your world got your Iffy pregnant…" He said the last part off-handedly.

"Hehehe...What?" G1 turned deadly serious, dropping the temperature of the area by a few degrees while letting go of Rose. His pupils had shrunken and he turned to the Bryce that was with them.

"...Yeah…..It's true. You're not going to cut my parts off...right?" He asks out of fear.

"Thinkin' about it. Just not sure if it'll send the message I need it to…" He got closer to the panicking OC and rammed his knee into the guy's groin. "Let that sink in for a while…"

Meanwhile, in G1's Ultradimension, that Bryce was on the floor, crying. Why? Because it is a little known fact that some kinds of pains can be felt by all versions of a person.

"What's wrong?" Iffy asked him.

"It's just a feeling...but I think your dad, wherever he is, found out about us…" He got out in between labored breaths.

"When he gets back you're dead."

"I know…"

Back with the plot. We see Bryce lying on the ground crying, while Rose tries helping him by saying he will be okay as Tehg just looks over at G1.

"Great. You made a grown man cry. But beside that, wanna dick around with Yuri?" He asks the devil in question.

"Do you even need to ask anymore, given my strongly voiced opinion and the founding of this group of ours. Storm, it's ninja time. Tehg, you got a plan?" Tehg nods, making a chair appear out of nowhere and sits on it.

"Here's the plan, people. Once Storm rigs the chair that Yurippe will ask to rig...we switch it to her chair instead. To make sure this plan goes smoothly, we are sending a few people in on this operation. Solar, Cynthia, me and-" he looks at G1 with an evil face. "Steven."

"No. And that's final. I'm not going back to high school, dammit. I have better things to do."

"Fine. I'll just send Rose instead...or would you like it for her not to go?" He asks with a devilish smirk.

"Do what you want. She's your kid. Plus, she'd make an excellent distraction for Storm. She'll also probably be bounced by Kanade anyways…"

"Well if it fails and she gets bounced...you're her replacement. Capeesh?"

"Do you really need me, though? Storm could do this whole thing solo and none of you would have to go. Just fly by the window and record it or something. Maybe set up Storm with a Go-Pro…"

"Even still. Too many chances for it to fail. So we are going in as an assurance that it goes right."

"Still not going. I need to go practice, or I'll wind up getting rusty. This place can be too peaceful and doesn't really provide the challenge I need. Hey Lancer, you up for a spar? Still haven't gotten used to your spear."

"Fine. I'll drop it…If you give me my body back."

"One more day, so I can see real proof. Deal?"

"How about I just kiss Vert. Would that be proof enough!?" Tehg says, tired of this now.

"As entertaining as that would be, I know women. Your Uni WILL know, and I don't want to be the cause of a relationship fight."

"HAH...If anything she would laugh her a- sides off at me."

"Fine, but to get that one more bit of humiliation...Tongue needs to be in play. Vert wouldn't lie to me about that, but you would, so I'm going to ask her afterwards." Tehg hesitates before walking over to Vert.

"Cynthia. Get Rose some ice cream or something...She doesn't need to see this." She nods and takes her to the city. To get it over with quickly, he crashed his lips into her's. He went to pull back to find that he couldn't. Johnny was holding their heads together. After a good 15 seconds, he let go and the two gasped for air. Neptune had used Storm's phone to take pictures, and Noire was as red as G1 and Cynthia's coats.

"So, Vert?"

"There was tongue. But he wasn't very good at it." She answered.

"Fine. Fix them, Storm." He did, and Tehg Just pulls a black talisman out.

"Hey, G1…? Know what this is?" He asks lifting it up to his face while mentally chanting the words.

"Nope. And I don't feel like finding out. Water Prison Jutsu!" A sphere of water encapsulated him and restricted Tehg's movements. A loud "COME FORTH AT ONCE!" Could be heard inside the orb, but it was bubbly. A bright flash of light blinded everyone in the area. When they could see again, Tehg's right arm turned into the Kegare arm. But the arm was grasping the ground outside the orb, trying to pull Tehg out. "Is it getting hard to breathe in there?" G1 asked.

"No, not really." Tehg bubbled out, answering as he freed his shoulder.

"Let's fix that then. I'll let you go when you put that fake Devil Arm away." He poured more energy into the technique, increasing the strength of its hold. Tehg looks pissed and mutters something as he just moves from the orb to the front of G1.

"Quicksilver is a bitch isn't it?" He asked putting the arm back into the talisman form.

"Not when the person using it didn't attack in the paused time. But I'm seriously tired of these dick measuring contests of ours, so I'll be going now. Come on Lancer. By the way, apologize to Kanade for us for the property damage." The two start to walk away. Cynthia comes back with Rose and looks at everyone.

"What'd I miss?" She asks.

"Steven and Tehg had another pissing match and he went off with Lancer." Blanc said. Cynthia sighs before darting off to find G1.

"Great. Johnny you're replacing her in the op." He reluctantly says yes as the ones doing the operation head to the testing room.

Yo. It's over...Finally. **Yeah, and we made another filler chapter on accident.** Oops...but what's the problem with a little filler? **Nothing, it's just that we planned to have a plot chapter this time.** Oh yeah... Welp, it couldn't be helped I guess. **Eh. Should we give a warning to our audience?** Well I mean if you want to. But we wing these...Why not let them see the progression from start to finish? **I just meant about the rate of these being typed because of school. By the time this one goes up, I'll probably will be several weeks into my second year of college.** God man. No wonder I have more chapters than you -_-. **My chapters are longer though, so they take longer to write.** Hate to break it to you. But I could write that length easy in a day maybe two..my length is as it is since the chapter basically writes itself. **Well, we also have different styles. I hand write first, which makes me edit as I type it. And that process takes a while with classes and all that.** No comment. **I'm a busy guy paying for education. I don't have the free time to sit down and bullshit chapters into existence. I get too petty with grammar and story.** Pain of Murca I guess. But I have school also..and I'm in my final year of highschool so yea..im going to busy, yet I will still 'bullshit' them so I can make content for the readers….. **Hey, I let people know when I post. The question is, why are we arguing?** Because we wanted to keep the tradition of long author's notes? **I thought we were STOPPING that, not keep it going…** have we done one successfully yet though? Wait don't answer that...We have to go. **Yes we do. Peace, peoplez.** Tehg out.


	20. Author G1 is bothered

Chapter 20: Author G1 is bothered by Author Tehg's shit

AND WE'RE BACK….G1, you still here? ***muffled* Yeah, I'm here. You're mom made snacks…** She did! Why didn't you tell me? **You were in the bathroom. Didn't want to be rude.** But... Snacks…. **There should still be some in the kitchen.** Okay...let's start this while I go grab them. **Sure.**

G1 and Lancer went to a prairie far away from town. Cynthia watches them in the distance as she tries to catch up. Both men wielded their spears. Lancer in his regular stance and G1 had his resting over his shoulders. Suddenly, in a burst of speed they charged at each other. Lancer thrusted his blade at G1, only for the tip of G1's to counter it with a stab of his own. The two clashed for some time, even using the weapons' more destructive abilities. The field was littered in craters, and Cynthia had to change locations multiple times. The two were current locked in another bout.

"Jeez, guy. Never thought I'd see a spear used like that. Using all the parts of it is pretty smart, now that I think about it." Lancer said with a feral smile.

"Coming from a master spearman, that means a lot." They separated once more, but stopped when they heard a noise that they didn't create. Cynthia had accidently sat on a cactus.

"Ow, damn spines hurt my butt." She mutters, noticing she was well noticed.

"What are you doing here?" Lancer asked.

"What? I can't watch my father now? Mean!"

"That's not what...Ah, forget it…" He said, giving up.

"I think he was trying to ask when you got here and WHY did you follow us." G1 told her.

"Oh I was here from the start. And, well, I followed you because I enjoying watching you fight, Dad." She said looking guilty and sad. G1 walked over and put a hand on her head.

"Don't sweat it. Didn't take you for the type, though. I bet you'd love American football. So much fun." She thinks

"Maybe. What's American football?"

"Lancer. We're setting up a game in the near future."

"I'm okay with that. I've seen a bit of it on my old Master's TV."

"That didn't answer my question…"

"You're from the UK, right?" G1 asked.

"Um. Ask Solar. I don't have many memories from before arriving in the Hyperdimension."

"Well, do you know what rugby is?"

"Oh yeah!"

"Think that, but even more aggressive." Lancer responded.

"Sounds like something I would like to participate in. That reminds me...I have been meaning ask something, Dad."

"Shoot."

"Can you train me to fight like you!?" She asks with a face of DETERMINATION. ( **So unamused…** ) (Hey. I just find it mildly amusing. Besides I have to put up with your NSP anyway.) ( **I got you hooked, though. It's not my fault anymore.** ) (Quiet. Story time with G1 is now.) He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"If you're expecting this to be a one day thing, you're sorely mistaken. Even with Dante's help, there were still a ton of things that took me years of practice to perfect. We can start, sure. But if we do, no matter where we end up going, your ass is mine. And not in the creepy way, more like the drill instructor way." She nods, smiling.

"Yay…! But even with the DGU blood and the demon blood inside me I would expect no less than 10 years of training. Maybe even 15...hmmm" She says, very excited.

"Fine. Let's get started. First rule of G1's training, don't talk about G1's training. Second rule, no using that DGU copy stuff for a while. It's more rewarding to memorize the motions and what not. That's not a knife you're used to, so we'll start there. And your pain tolerance. It may only be a small amount, but that demon blood you copied is still gonna speed up your healing. Lancer, you can do that. Poke her with your shaft a bit." Cynthia just pretend throws up.

"Not cool, Dad...But okay let's do this." She says getting into a stance. The first step was to find out how good she was with clashing blades. From there, they went through all different kinds of knife styles, trying to find the one that fit best. The three ended up creating her own unique style, which was a cross between how you wield a butterfly knife and a short sword.

"Hey, when do you think I'll get my Devil Trigger, Dad?" Cynthia asks as they train.

"No idea. It's really situational. For me and Dante, we had to get stabbed through the heart with Rebellion. No idea about how Vergil got his, and Nero's awakened when he was so angry he fixed Yamato. Who knows what it'll be for you." She takes this in and nods.

"So, wanna fight?"

"Ugh, try against Lancer for a bit. I want to take a nap. We've been at this for a few hours." He laid down and passed out. Lancer agrees and readies his lance as Cynthia draws her knife.

"Don't go crying to daddy if you lose, girly!" Lancer says charging Cynthia. She clashes by blocking the blade.

"Pretty fast for old guy." He leapt back just to charge at her again. She spun to the side, avoiding the jab, only to get hit by the butt of the staff.

"I picked up a few tricks from him. I honestly don't know how he does it. It's insane. More suicidal than that Emiya kid's style."

"Emiya? I don't know who that is. But I won't lose." She says, thrusting for Lancer's heart.

"That last bit was more towards myself, but if you think you can beat me like this, you're mistaken." She went to dodge his assault, but found the cursed lance in her heart. "I hope you're old man's right. Killin' girls just don't sit right with me." He pulled the blade out and shook the blood off of it. He watched as the wound slowly closed.

"Aw, come on! I just got this Kimono." She whines, also watching the wound heal.

"Didn't you get more than one?" He asked her, resting the spear on his shoulder.

"Well, yeah. YOU, don't understand girls do you!?" She asks, poking his chest.

"It's a gamble, really. Should we wake him? It's about the time he said we'd head back." He said, looking up at the darkening sky. She nods putting the knife away and kicks G1s knee.

"Dad, wake up. We're leaving with or without you."

"Yeah, yeah… I'm up, I'm up… You two are too loud…" She leans closer to his ear and smirks.

"IS THIS QUIET ENOUGH" She shouts directly next to his ear.

"I said I was up! Jesus! You didn't even give me the chance TO get up!"

"Yeah, but I bet you'd get up if Vert or Blanc wanted some 'fun' eh?" She whispers in his ear.

"Well, duh. What straight man wouldn't?"

"A married man with three kids I mean, four kids now."

"I thought you meant my Vert and Blanc. My bad."

"I was you dunce."

"Stop jerking me around then and make up your mind. I mean, if they're my wives, and they want to go to wang town, who am I to stop them?"

"Truuuuuue. What about Noire, huh?" She asks, sounding strange.

"It depends on who. I have to run it by Blanc first. Vert usually ends up joining in uninvited."

"While I did not ask for that info, it is much appreciated." She says adopting a tone like Vert's seductive one.

"I know that voice. Stop it. We're not doing this." Lancer looks in from the sidelines and sighs

"I think this girl is horny." He states blandly.

"Ya don't say!" G1 yelled. "You can take care of it, if you want! I won't look!" Cynthia shakes her head.

"No, no dear. Lancer won't do. You know my preferences." She says walking off.

"I'll go find Gear. Maybe this one's a lesbo too…" He muttered while Lancer looked a little put off.

"My boner is confused." He says staring at Cynthia.

"Understandable. But we should catch up. She's serious about leaving us behind." Lancer nods running over to her. She stops for a second before dragging Lancer off somewhere. With the plot ( **Which plot?** ), we see Yurippe being rocketed from her desk into the roof. Storm, wearing a Go-Pro records the whole thing. Tehg and his group could be heard laughing there asses of. After the test the lot groups and and Yurippe stares at Tehg

"So, Tehg. YOU DID THIS DIDN'T YOU!?" She screams at him as he just gets a strange feeling.

"No...I didn't...but for some reason I feel like Cynthia is doing something she shouldn't." He says staring at the nearby window.

"Something I would do if you weren't here?" Solar asked.

"Exactly."

"So, that means she is most likely being boned" Solar says casually. A dark aura fixes round Tehg and he looks at his sister.

"What?"

"If it wasn't for you, I would have done so many things. That included." Everyone there looks at the girl in disbelief. "What….? I'm always horny"

"Can we get a who to that what? I'm curious." Johnny asked.

"Well DEFINITELY not you masochist. But if you're curious…Nepgear, Neptune, ummm there was that one guy I knew from school, then there was that girl from a year up… And another." She says recounting them all.

"Wait, aren't you leaving G1 off this list?"

"No. This is the possible list. There is a list of ones I WANT to bone."

"Is he on THAT list? I want to point and laugh at his suffering."

"Well, yes. But low down."

"So, Cynthia has probably tried to get in her dad's pants...Finally, something I can lord over him for a change."

"Not exactly, I checked with her. She's a blank slate and doesn't share the same likes in people. So she probably would joke about it."

"You clearly haven't known G1 for as long as we have." Storm said, opening a window. "His luck his really bad, no matter how much he prays to RNGesus."

"That's why, you have to praise Gaben." She says doing the praise the sun stance as Rose pulls Tehg's sleeve.

"Daddy, what does horny mean?"

"Nothing sweetie. At least not at your age."

"Okay, Daddy." She responds as Kanade walks over

"Excuse me, Tehg. Is this your child?" I freeze

"Yes it is, Kanade. Say hello to Rose O'Brian, say hi Rose." Rose takes a look at Kanade and hugs her.

"Is she another aunty?" Rose asks and I look at Kanade.

"Yes Rose. I'm Aunty Kanade. Now come with me while I take you to the back of the classroom while daddy does his test ok?" She smiles and nods as Kanade leads her off. Solar looks at everyone.

"Tell me that wasn't adorable?" She asks. Everyone nods and agrees with her, even the NPCs. Tehg just has a dumbfounded look.

"Did the NPCs agree with us?" He mutters as the teacher walks in.

"Okay everyone. To your seats." We go to our respective seats and start the test. Back with G1, we see a somewhat scared and somewhat disturbed G1 waiting for Lancer and Cynthia to... finish... what they were doing.

"Okay. This was to be expected, all things considered. She's a growing girl who has needs. Sex is a normal thing. I can accept that. But there will be no place safe for him if he does to her what Bryce did to my Iffy!" They come walking out from the bushes, Cynthia struggling to walk. Lancer seemed to have heard him, and looked as white as the ghost that he basically is. "Oh, so you heard."

"Y-Yeah…"

"I'll hunt you down. Remember that."

"Yes sir!"

"And Cynthia…"

"Y-yes Dad?"

"You couldn't have waited until we got to someone that isn't able to get you knocked up? As per your 'preferences'?"

"I COULDN'T HOLD IT IN OKAY…! Besides, he wasn't half bad...for a man."

"HOW WOULD YOU KNOW!? THAT'S YOUR FIRST TIME!" G1 was a ticking time bomb of dad emotions at this point.

"I meant, for a man. It was good...Would've preferred a woman however." She responds.

"At least tell me you two were safe about it...I don't need to worry about this shit...One's enough at this point…"

"Aww does Dad feel old? Don't worry we were."

"That's not it at all! I have to worry about one daughter that fights that's pregnant. Don't need two and having to deal with that catastrophe if they lose the kid. That was a rough enough time with Vert." She nods in understanding.

"I can see what you mean. Now to change the topic since I can tell you're uncomfortable. You too author dude."

"Wait, I kinda want to know about the Vert thing." Lancer said.

"My Vert can't have kids. At all. That wasn't fun for any of us when we heard the news."

"Oh...Sorry for bringing it up by nailing your kid…"

"I'm going to end you. You have until the count of three. One. Three." G1 chased down Lancer all the way to the school. Cynthia followed, not at all amused or surprised. When she caught up, Lancer was beaten and bloodied, and G1 looked relaxed. "I feel better now."

"Strangely, he looks better like that. Now let's go meet up with the others, they should be done by now." She says, patting G1's shoulder. Their team and Yurippe's walked out together.

"Sorry, G1, but it didn't work. Their plan still worked, but Yurippe did bust her head on the ceiling."

"Storm, please tell me you recorded it. I think I'm going to need to watch it before I can fall asleep for the next few nights."

"Why? What happened?" Tehg asked seeing a battered and bruised Lancer.

"Well, your sister's clone tried to bone me, then actually boned Lancer. Some stuff happened, Lancer pissed me off, and now we're here." Tehg just walks over to Lancer and kicks him in the balls, which were already damaged via bullets. "So, you controlled Solar's urges, right?"

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"How do?"

"Get her a dildo."

"Any other ways? Like ones that won't cost me money or shame?"

"You could let yourself bone her. But that won't happen will it?"

"AW HELL NO!" Johnny was on the ground, struggling to breath.

"You could get her a girlfriend...or a 'buddy'..."

"Hmm...I have an idea or two." He said, looking over to both Neptune and Nepgear.

"What? Why are you staring at us?" Neptune asked.

"He wants to pawn you off, sis."

"Gear, that's definitely not the right wording. And we'll talk later about this, Neptune." He said, seeing her watering eyes.

"O-Okay…" She said, sniffling.

"Hey, G1? If I remember what you said, Cynthia tried to bone you?" Johnny asks.

"Yes...What of it…?"

"HAH YOUR OWN DAUGHTER TRIED TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!" He shouts in G1's face.

"AND EVERY THURSDAY YOU GET FUCKED IN THE ASS BY A STRAP ON!" He countered, equally as loud. Tehg covers Rose's ears and shouts angrily.

"COULD YOU GUYS WATCH YOUR MOUTHS IN FRONT OF ROSE PLEASE!?"

"We didn't and G1' kids turned out great. It's all a matter of teaching them when to use them." Johnny answered.

"She's only 5 man! Come on...Know what fine see if I fucking care." He says letting go.

"Let the anger flow through you." Johnny said like Palpatine. Rose then looks up at Johnny

"These are not the droids you're looking for Palpatine." She says, trying to imitate Obi-wan.

"I hope Gene grows up to be like you…"

"I hope so too, Uncle Johnny. That way we can play together!" She says cheerfully. The SSS members had taken their leave.

"Where'd they go?" Solar asks.

"They said something about another Operation: Tornado." Storm replied. Tehg then curses to himself.

"Damnit we messed the timeline up, this shouldn't happen for three days!" He says running to the cafeteria.

"What's he talking about?" G1 asked as they followed him.

"Oh...Well Tehg knows everything that happens with the anime. And, well, this is where Kanade should get fired as student body president three days after the tests." Solar answers the man.

"Well, that's awesome. Guess we gotta fix the problem, huh?" Johnny asked.

"Not exactly. Tehg is just stubborn when it comes to Angel Beats. G1, think you could Quicksilver and grab Tehg for me? We already messed the timeline up so I don't really care anymore."

"You mean him?" He asked, holding Tehg.

"Yes, thank you." She bows slightly "Now, brother, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT LETTING THE TIMELINE GO AS IT GOES WHILE WE'RE HERE!?" She screams in his face with a face of pure anger.

"Um...fix it?"

"No. We let it go."

"Let it go~! Let it go~!" G1, Johnny, and Storm sang. Solar deadpans and pulls one of her five-sevens out, then proceeds to shoot all three of them in the foot. The only one to actually have lasting damage was Johnny. G1 healed and Storm replaced himself with a log. ( **Praise be to it** ) Out of spite Solar then shoots Johnny repeatedly to add insult to injury.

"Lady, chill the fuck out!" He yelled, grabbing her gun from her and breaking it in his hand. She then pulls her other gun out then continues shooting. G1 was kind enough to shoot the bullets before they hit him.

"Enough, Solar. We have better shit to do tonight." He said.

"Like what? Bone Cynthia?" Solar says jokingly.

"Bitch I will cut you." He said, drawing Ouroboros. In response she summons her anti-tank rifle and aims it at G1's head. "Aw, that's cute. But you people tend to forget one thing about Ouroboros." She just drops the rifle and draws her knife that she got from G1. "Chains are fun." The portal opened up behind her and wrapped itself around her, containing her in its dark green energy. She squirms while smiling.

"Quicksilver." She says slowing time, giving her enough time to finish. Time goes back to normal and her fluids can be seen dripping down to the ground.

"Well then. I think I have more back-up plans…" G1 said in a whisper. Tehg then sighs.

"Sis, you seriously couldn't wait until tonight?" He asks as she just breathes heavily.

"Blame. G1. He. Did. This." She says, panting now. Neptune had a light blush on her face.

"I'm starting to think I like girls now, too." She muttered. Only G1 and Cynthia heard it.

"Dad. Can I bone Neptune?" Cynthia asks whispering in his ear.

"Only if my talk goes smoothly. If it doesn't, try for Gear." He whispered back.

"That would not go smoothly with Neptune if I do." She whispers back.

"Are you afraid of a challenge? You could try to get a threesome out of it. The say angry sex is the best sex...And by they, I mean me. Because Blanc."

"Dad, you are a genius. But I'll be honest. The Blanc here interests me the most." She says looking to the ground.

"But we don't want this Neptune offing herself, and trying to change one CPU so things won't get weird in my world is gonna be hard enough. And she has taken to Jiraiya's books. The more male on female ones. Don't want to get your hopes up." Cynthia deflates but nods as she tackles into Neptune.

"Yo. Nep-Nep? Wanna go eat some pudding?" She asks the CPU.

"Sure!" She said. The two walked off and Nepgear followed them.

"So, what we going to do now?" Solar asks.

"Cafeteria?" Owain asks as his stomach rumbles.

"Anyone say no?" Tehg asks, looking at G1.

"I'm good. This way we can keep Cynthia from eating Neptune instead of pudding." Solar shakes her head

"We are not sluts you know, but I do think we should go...Just in case."

"I'm not saying that. It's just that she already asked me if she could, so…" Solar chuckles slightly.

"That's bad then, we better hurry before she eats Neptune." They all walked in and were immediately surrounded by NPCs. "Johnny's right. You do have the worst luck."

"We know." Everyone that had been travelling with G1 said at once.

"You guys suck…" G1 pouted.

"And you swallow." Johnny counters.

"We don't need to know what you do in your free time, Johnny." Storm said viciously. They finally get past the NPCs to see Cynthia kissing Neptune.

"Damnit. We're too late." Tehg says as he sees Nepgear sat there blushing at the sight. Solar is also blushing along with Noire.

"Looks like I might not have to have that talk after all." G1 said. Tehg agrees as he just stares and he has a slight blush as well as his other brain became active. "Dude, that's basically your sister in a few years. Down boy."

"Hi ho silver!" He says before slapping himself. "Um, sorry. I see you're point. But, lesbians. We're hot-wired to like that shit." He responds.

"Not when it involves family. Then it's just wrong."

"Wronger than having a harem?"

"Yup. Now, since you know what's going on, should we be concerned?" He asked, sweeping his arms around towards the NPCs.

"About them? No. About Kanade, YES." He answers as the mentioned girl walks into cafeteria.

"Do we really?" Johnny asked. "She looks kind of down." Tehg nods taking Rose over to the silver haired girl to cheer her up.

"Hey, Kanade. How are you?"

"Aunty Kanade!" The girl turns around and gives a weak smile.

"I'm fine, Tehg, and hello Rose nice to see you again." She crouches down and pats her head.

"I know what happened Kanade." Tehg says and she avoids eye contact.

"I am no longer the president, but I still want to help them."

"Then help them! Just don't attack them, try talking civilly like a normal person would, eh?"

"Yeah help them Aunty Kanade." Kanade smiles at the two as she stands up.

"Thank you for cheering me up, as thanks please let me treat you two to a meal." Both Tehg and Rose start slobbering as she all gets us some mabo tofu to eat. Back with G1 and the others. Cynthia finally parts lips with Neptune, and the blushes on their faces were huge.

"I was starting to think you two were gonna pass out from lack of air." Ram said mockingly. Neptune just falls back onto the ground. "There it is."

"I...may have overdone it…" Cynthia said shyly.

"May is an understatement, lass." Solar says to her. With that over with, they all silently go to get food. Cynthia had propped Neptune up in a chair before they left. They all got real food except for G1, because he doesn't really Japan well. So he got a bagel and a cup of ice cream. And then they ate. After they finish Solar comes up with an idea.

"Hey G1, think you could rewrite Tatsuya's brain?" She says jokingly not expecting G1's response.

"If I had Storm's help, we could most likely turn him into a real boy."

"Are you calling me Pinocchio, old man?" Tatsuya asks, insulted.

"Well, I mean, can you really be considered human when the only emotion you feel is various levels of anger?"

"He can somewhat feel l-lust for his sister." Solar mutters just loud enough G1 to hear.

"Lust isn't an emotion, Solar."

"Steven, to answer your question, I suppose I cannot be human." He answers.

"So, I guess should ask you directly. Would you like us to fix you? I'll give a warning, though. It may require taking out a tiny bit of your brain, and you MAY be weaker. But we won't know that until you wake up." He thinks for a moment.

"Sure, you may try. My aunt was very thorough, though."

"Storm, it's time we work a miracle." G1 said, ironically.

"Ok, while you do that, I'm going to be busy shipping Tehg and Kanade." Solar says. Just then, an army of NPCs dressed in black uniforms circled around all of the humans and human-ish people that were in the room.

"Now that I am student body president, you won't get away with anything anymore. Take them away boys." Naoi says, pointing at G1 specifically.

"Storm, grab the mentally crippled." Storm picked up Tatsuya. "Time to show them the power of the five Ds of dodgeball." G1, Tatsuya, Storm and Johnny disappeared in a whirl of leaves.

"How did they do that?" Owain and Lucina asked at the same time.

"We don't know. That's new to us too." Noire stated. The soldiers grabbed them all and took them away.

"Find them! Now!" Naoi shouted to the free minions. The group of four went up to the roof of the building, seeing as how only teachers were allowed up there at this hour, and they figured that the student body president wouldn't break the rules to find them.

"What do we do now?" Storm asks.

"We should save fixing him for later." G1 says, pointing his thumb at Tatsuya. "We should start planning a prison break. Or at the very least start a riot." Johnny agrees.

"Let's start a riot~" He sings.

"Or, you guys could come with us…" Tehg said, just opening the door. With him was Rose and Kanade.

"And then start a riot?" Johnny asked.

"No. We have to free them." Kanade says. "Before he uses his powers on them."

"Powers?" Tatsuya asks.

"That thing that he did with his eye when he tried to mind fuck me at the baseball game..." G1 said.

"Yes. It is hypnosis, a power he obtained by reading." She explains.

"So, where are they going?" Storm questioned.

"Considering who they have, the cell he made for me. So the extra security facility." She says.

"Okay, so we have a place and a clearly labelled guy who needs a good fisting. Let's start planning." G1 said as he literally pulled them into a huddle.

And it's done, so this chapter turned out interesting. **Yeah. It's starting to become obvious that when we work together, the strangest things happen.** So not true! **Says the guy that made things weird between G1 and Cynthia towards the beginning of the chapter.** Hey, what can you say...I'm a smooth criminal. **The only smooth criminal is Michael Jackson.** Reference understood it was. **God dammit joke Yoda.** Fine I'll stop. **Good. No long endnotes, got it. We're ending it here so we can both get some sleep. I'm going to need it.** I won't be sleeping just yet. **But soon. Anyway, that's all, folks!** Really? Loony Toons...? Anyway Tehg out bitches.


	21. Prison Break, and all that comes with it

Chapter 21: Prison Break, and all that comes with it

G1, I'm gonna guess and say that you were in the spare room this time? **Ye. Seriously, you're mom's a nice lady.** I know, but WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE! Don't you have a computer in your own room?! **I is the lazy...And poor...I can't go home. All my money went to the plane ticket to get here…** Then why did you come here!?...Know what? Just take these and sign them, don't read the fine print, just sign it. **I don't like the sound of that, so I'm not going to. And to answer your first question: I thought it would be funny and it was!** Want me to get the shotgun? **I've nearly died twice before. Go ahead, achieve the rule of threes.** Nah, JUST SIGN THESE PAPERS...trust me, you will like the outcome. **Not until I read it.** Fine. They're adoption papers. **For who?** Well if you're stuck here with no money you should at least be stuck legally eh? **But my papers were for a few weeks. That should give me enough time to make some money. Or at least pawn off enough of your stuff.** Woah, woah, woah. I was offering to bring you into my home! And this is how you repay me? **To be fair, I've been giving your mom some of it to repay her for her kindness.** Wait...YOU HAVE ALREADY BEEN SELLING MY STUFF! I AIN'T NO STUPID GUY...That's it grabbing mah shotgun! **Stupid enough to not even notice a bunch of your collectables are gone. And now I Zoidberg on out of here until he calms down.**

The CPUs and the SSS were all crammed into a single cell. There was very little space for them to breath, let alone move.

"It's too tight…" Solar muttered. Suddenly, Storm popped in using a Hiraishin formula he had on Lancer in case of emergency.

"I swear to god, Storm. If you're not here to get us out, I WILL FUCKING TEAR YOU A NEW ONE!" Both Solar and Cynthia scream with their wits on end, combined with being on their period still. He simply lifted his arms, showing the large amount of short swords that were glowing red that were under his arms. "Oh…" They said. He went about stabbing the swords into the seams of the door. In a flash of yellow he was gone.

"Clear!" Came a muffled yell from the other side of the door. The blades' glowing intensified for a moment before they all detonated. "Hey guys. Step one complete. Time for the riot." G1 said.

"I thought we agreed to no riot." Storm asked.

"Dammit…"

"Someone get this door off of me…" Tehg whined lowly. He was hit by the door and pinned against the wall.

"Um. How did he get stuck behind there?" Cynthia asks.

"Muffin button." Was his response "NOW GET ME OUT FROM HERE!"

"Okay, okay, no need to get your panties in a twist." Dezz says punching the door in two.

"FREEDOM! G1, now that they're free I just remembered something. May we speak away from the public?" He asks.

"If you're upset about the door, it's kinda your fault. We told you not to stand there."

"No not that. It's something else." He says grabbing his right arm.

"Okay…?" He said, reluctantly following the teen. After going a sufficient distance, Tehg just stops G1 and takes a breath.

"Unseal." He mutters making his right arm transform. It is similar to how it is with the red arm but yellow and covers more of his body.

"Oh...That's a thing…" G1 said.

"This is the consequence for using the kegare arm so much. But since you are quite knowledgeable in this stuff, do you know any way to reverse it?"

"I'll try, but no promises. This isn't my normal demon thing, so this is in my 'way out in left field' division of knowledge." He grabs a hold of the arm and does various tests on it, from putting energy through it to stabbing it with Ouroburos.

"Ow! What the hell!?"

"Sorry, just needed to see how tough this thing is. Hmm...Let me try something. Pandora has all kinds of forms, so maybe there's some healing doohickey mode." He began fiddling around with the three dials on the briefcase's handle. The weapon sprung into action, turning into a large cylinder with an opening at one end and a computer on the side. "Okay, stick your arm in here and let's see what happens." Tehg does so, and metal clamps came down on his arm near his shoulder.

"Is this supposed to happen?"

"No idea! Pushin' the button!" He slammed the big red button down with his middle finger. The sounds of mechanical whirring filled the air, soon replaced by Tehg's screaming. The others quickly made their way to them, only to see G1 laughing like a mad scientist.

"What are you doing?" Yurippe asked.

"Practicing medicine!" He said with a German accent.

"Help me!" Tehg screamed.

"Help him and you're next!" G1 countered. The large group hesitated, and it that moment the machine stopped. "There, all done. Looks like it fixed the damage and gave you some resistance to it. Don't push it though, or you'll have to have another treatment." He said, the kanji for "menacing" appearing before him.

"G1, does this look fixed to you?" He lifts his arm and it's still like before. Also half of his chest and neck was yellow like the hand.

"Well, the internal stuff is fine. It's not messing with your insides. See?" He said while passing some energy through. "Before it gave me resistance, now it's like a normal arm. You're just part Asian now."

"G1…" Storm growled out.

"I've been tame! I just needed to make this one so I don't get pent up!"

"G1, I will cut you if you don't stop. NOW!" Tehg threatens.

"I'll do it for you!" He took a knife from his pocket, twirled it open, and slit his throat. "See!" It came out gurgled from the blood.

"Hmmm. I see, now then, if Kanade is no longer Pres... Who takes over…? Oh wait, it's Naoi I forgot...FUCK...Okay people, prepare for a riot."

"Woohoo! Riot!" Johnny cheered.

"Only joking." He pulls his magnum out while turning the safety off. "We're going to war…"

"I was going to hit you for pulling my chain like that, but I've changed my mind." He answered.

"Storm! Summon the toads!"

"Toads…? Um what do you mean by th- no! You couldn't mean THAT could you?" Tehg asks.

"What are you two going on about!?" Otonashi yells, confused.

"I can summon toads that range from the size of normal toads, to bigger than this school." Storm answered.

"Prove it." Noda said.

"Noda, you doomed us all!" Tehg yelled as Storm bit thumb, performed the five hand seals, and slammed his palm onto the ground. In a poof of smoke, they were all standing on Gamakichi, the Boss Toad. Tehg was visibly freaking out. "Get me off the toad get me off the toad GET ME OFF THIS FUCKING TOAD!"

"Calm down there, guy!" The toad spoke.

"OH GOD IT CAN TALK!" Tehg foamed at the mouth and passed out.

"Would it be a bad time to say me and Johnny have summons too? Ours are a bit more, unconventional, though."

"Well, Tehg just has a terrifying fear of toads. So much so that he passes out. But as long as it is not a toad. It SHOULD be fine, unless it's a spider." Solar says slapping Tehg trying to wake him up.

"Um…" Johnny hummed out.

"No Johnny. No spiders on faces." Cynthia says kicking him in the balls.

"What about spiders on the school?" He whimpered. Even while in the state Tehg is in, he aims the gun at Johnny's head as more foam comes out.

"What about you then?" Hinata asked.

"Well, have any of you guys read American comics?" TK raises his hand along with Yui and Yurippe. "So you've heard of the Ghost Rider." The three pale. "Yeah, him, along with some other good demons and what not."

"WHAT ABOUT HIM IS GOOD MAN?" TK says in a normal fashion, shocking everyone that can understand him.

"He only kills the bad people…"

"Still a murderer man, but I guess he knocks on hells gate often, eh?"

"Do you blame the guy? He got his soul taken by an underhanded trick. Helped him get it back, and we made a deal. That's how it went with the others too." Yui just looks at G1

"So, Steven. You want me to believe, that you have THE GHOST RIDER as your summon?" She asks him with eyes full of stars.

"Technically, there are a couple different ones, but yes."

"Do you really believe this guy?" Yurippe asked.

"He has pulled some crazy stuff before. You're looking at a guy who killed Hercules, built Gundam's in a few days, and makes portals to Hell on a regular basis." Neptune said boastingly.

"Oh my god! So AWESOME! You are so lucky Steven." Yui says fangirling over G1.

"Easy there runt, my Dad is too awesome for you!" Cynthia says pulling Yui away from him.

"I've never actually seen him summon before…" Noire said.

"I'm not summoning the Rider. Bad things will happen to Yurippe if I did."

"HEY! I TAKE THAT AS AN INSULT!"

"It was supposed to be." Blanc said flatly.

"Look, if I summon something, can we go fuck Naoi's day?"

"We were going to do that anyway." Tehg says, slowly going insane from the interactions.

"When did you get up? Meh, whatever. Hey, Kichi!? Mind if I summon on your head!?"

"Sure thing!" The toad answered. G1 flipped through a few seals of his own, and in a poof of smoke, there stood a man dressed in a seizure inducing suit and a matching top hat.

"It's been a while. What do you need? Wait, why are we in Purgatory?" Mephisto asked.

"Long story, but basically, some kid thinks he's God, and I'd like you to mess with him in the most creative way you can."

"You always have a way to remind me why I signed that contract with you." He turned into a dog and ran off.

"Was that Mephisto from Blue Exorcist!?" Yui squealed.

"Ye. Like I said, good demons. I've also meet the Satan from Devil is a Part Timer. You'd be surprised by how many people you'd meet by going to Hell to kill a demon lord that wants to trash the world."

"Speaking of...Tatsuya needs brain surgery." Tehg says whilst fanboying with Yui.

"We have something a bit more important to do right now, don't you think?" Uni asked.

"What's more important? Punching Naoi? Or fixing a broken Gary Stu?"

"By punching, you mean repeatedly murder until we get bored, right?" Johnny asked.

"I like what Johnny said."

"Sadly, no. We WANT TO FIX HIM not break him further."

"Tough love?" Ram asked.

"Rom. Can you shut your sister up please?"

"She might have a point though...Some people are hard to teach…" Rom said, looking at Neptune.

"Rom...Rom I feel so betrayed. Erm, Beru you agree right?" She just looked at G1. "Oh, you've got to be kidding me…Erm...Solar?"

"I'm going to crack his skull like an egg…"She said, her voice laced with insanity.

"Rose?" He asked his daughter.

"Um...I agree with Uncle Steven."

"I'm just...I'm just gonna lay down on the toad. Tell me when you're done…" Tehg said, spirit shattered. "All these squares make a circle. All these squares make a circle." He keeps repeating laying in the fetal position. Naoi's voice could be heard screaming. Mephisto had dressed him in a revealing dress. He was chasing the pink dog who was carrying around a pair of his boxers.

"See? Isn't it beautiful?" Johnny and G1 said at the same time, each wiping a tear from their eyes.

"It gets worse, doesn't it?" Nepgear asked.

"Like you wouldn't believe. Wait until he makes Naoi start hallucinating. Talk about a bad trip." Storm said with a smirk.

"You guys are so broken." Neptune muttered.

"You have not met OC Bryce. That guy's a piece of shit." Johnny said.

"Erm…Dad…? I do have a question though. Who's Mephisto?"

"He's one of four arch-demons that are supposed to run Hell." Jesus-kun reported.

"Can I bone him, Dad…? PLEEEEASE?"

"No. That's final. You have a Neptune and possibly a Gear if she's into that shit." Nepgear just blushes and looks away. "Cynthia or Neptune?" G1 asked.

"Yes…" She said under her breath. At that moment, in the distance, Naoi started flopping like a fish.

"Is this the beginning of the hallucinations?" Vert asked, uncertain of what she was seeing.

"OH GOD THE BOXERS! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! GET THEM OFF!"

"Huh? Usually it's bees…I liked that joke…" G1 pouted.

"I have to change out my material, or else I'll get bored." The demon said from behind them.

"No please NOOO NOT MORGAN FREEMAN'S UNDERWEAR! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" G1 handed Storm a megaphone.

"You know what to do, Storm." He raised it to his mouth.

"I can smell you." He said in Morgan Freeman's voice. Naoi's freak out hit new heights.

"You two are evil." Uni whispered.

"Me and Mephisto or Me and Storm?"

"I should make that three then." She replied.

"Then when did you decide to go with him then, eh Uni?" Tehg asks getting over his crying session.

"This is the good kind of evil."

"He ain't Deadpool, love." He says slipping on what he calls Uni.

"Close enough!" G1 shouted.

"What's that 'love' about?" Noire asked.

"Um, well back in my world...I'm married to Uni, and it slipped out ok?" Noire snatched him up by his shirt collar.

"If I ever hear that you hurt her, even if she isn't my Uni, I will find you and I will kill you."

"YES MA'AM!"

"OH GOD, WHY ARE THERE DILDOS SLAPPING ME!?" Naoi screamed.

"So you took my advice. Yes!" Johnny cheered. Tehg proceeds to slap him over the head.

"Fuck you….Why did you do this…? He's just a kid!" Tehg points as Mephisto looks at Tehg and makes him start to hallucinate.

"OH GOD THE TOAD THEMED DILDOS!" He screams falling to where Naoi is.

"Why did Mephistopheles do that?" Owain asks G1.

"One does not insult the methods of an arch-demon. That is a mistake that should only ever be made once." G1 said, reminiscing of his own torment.

"So, when do you think it will end? Soon or shall I make some tea Dad?" Cynthia asks, pulling a kettle out of nowhere.

"No idea, so I'd stick that kettle on a back burner. This'll go on until he's bored." He said, setting up a lawn chair.

"Okay Dad, now tea or coffee?"

"Eh…." He groaned.

"Green tea it is." She says, teasing him.

"That sounds delightful." Vert said, sitting at a large table.

"Can I have some as well?" Gamakichi asked.

"Okay, big guy. It will just take a few moments." She starts making some tea for everyone. By the time they had finished, it had been fifteen minutes. Almost everyone enjoyed that time, except for G1 and Mephisto. G1 because he doesn't like tea, and Mephisto because he was growing more and more bored by the second.

"No, please GOOOOOD!" Both Tehg and Naoi scream as Mephisto ends his fun and frees Tehg but not Naoi. Otonashi however walks over and slaps Naoi.

"Relax, man. None of it was real."

"Really? Oh thank god you saved me!" Naoi screams tackling into Otonashi.

"Is he gay?" Cynthia asks G1. Watching the spectacle.

"I want to say yes, but I have to use Hinata as an example." Everyone else present, even Hinata himself, nodded in agreement.

"I see. I hope he is so he won't take the girls from me!" She says staring him down without his knowledge. There were several audible facepalms. And by several, we mean many. There was even a facewall courtesy of her father. He'll have to pay for the wall to be repaired at a later date.

"Erm, Dad? What is Mephisto doing to Tehg?" She asks her father looking at Tehg being tortured.

"Something that he probably shouldn't. Hey, Mephisto! I thought I said the kid with a God complex, not the short god."

"Meh, he acted like a god so I thought, 'why not-' wait is he by chance a LITERAL god?"

"By technicality."

"I see, so no go on the torture then?" He asks, sad.

"Yeah. You can go back home and mess with Rin. Here, use this rubber chicken." He said, pulling out the yellow piece of rubber.

"Ok my boy. Now to mess with Rin...and maybe his brother, too." He asks himself while he goes back.

"Are you done with the god complex thing?" Johnny asks Naoi, annoyed.

"Mostly yes, thanks to Otonashi here. THE REST OF YOU ARE PEASANTS!" He screams as Tehg pushes Naoi's head to the group. Most likely hurting A LOT. G1 walked off, searching for a shovel. From there, he started digging a hole in the dirt.

"What is he doing?" Kanade asked, watching the red coated man measure out straight lines to form a square.

"Um, have you ever heard the story of Edgar, Kanade?" Nepgear asks. To which the small girl ( small in which way? Eeey) shakes her head. "Well, to make a long story short, he's going to trap Naoi in a two meter by two meter by three meter deep hole."

"What will that accomplish?" She questioned, tilting her head to the side.

"He'll leave him in there for days on end, with nothing to drink, eat, or use to entertain himself. His only means of escape blocked by a glass wall." Storm described the psychological torture that is the Edgar hole.

"Oh, so Naoi won't bother us anymore?" She asks worrying if it's even allowed.

"He shouldn't." Blanc replied, once seeing it in action herself.

"So, what now?" Tehg asks, stretching. Done with his work, G1 stomped over to the hypnotist, grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and the belt of his pants, and heaved him into the hole before covering it with glass with air holes.

"And stay in there, Edgar!" G1 shouted. The toad was dispelled and they all walked off, ignoring Naoi's screams for help.

"Erm, why did call him Edgar?" Noire asks.

"Because, Noire, Edgar is the one in the hole…" The four powerful males said at the same time.

"Um, but...but….you know what it's not like I care or anything!" She says storming of in a huff.

"Why did Noire's tsun kick in?" Lancer asked.

"It's her safety trigger for when she is either mad or confused...I have seen both occurrences first hand." Tehg says, giving a textbook answer.

"That...doesn't make sense though...That makes more problems in the end."

"Indeed it does. But we don't question the tsun, just accept the dere." He says praising the sun.

"Why are you praising the sun? Of all the things…" G1 questioned. "But that first part is absolutely true."

"Because young G1, I have reached enlightenment as the tsundere whisperer. You have much to learn grasshopper." He retorts sounding like a priest.

"I lived with Noire for three years. Get on my level."

"I lived with Uni, WHICH has Noire in the same house, you tend to pick up from 3-4 years of that shit." He says facepalming.

"But didn't your Noire also avoid you most of the time?"

"At first she did, but then she came to like me. Besides she had no choice with me as her brother in law." He says matter of factly "To be exact, she would of avoided me for roughly 6 months at first."

"I dated one of the ultimate tsuns for three years. You don't know my pain."

"I TRIED CURING HER, AND I FAILED LIKE A BOSS" He shouts in mild annoyance.

"So, what you're saying, is that I did something you couldn't?"

"Well, my Noire was almost pure tsun. She just wouldn't get it out of her no matter how I tried. So yes you did in a sense." He mutters in defeat.

"Winning." G1 said like Charlie Sheen.

"Don't make me throw you in the hole with Naoi." Tehg says flatly as Solar pats him on the head

"Relaaaax bro, you only lost to G1. Everyone does, it's not a big deal." She tells him not making him better.

"Hehe...Feel bad about yourself…" Johnny said, mocking him.

"What? Want me to feel bad huh? Maybe I'll feel bad once your skull IS IMPLANTED INTO THE FUCKING GROUND" He screams in Johnny's face at max volume.

"I'm going to count this as a victory of my own." He said, walking off. Tehg was about to punch the masochist, but Rose jumps in the way.

"Stop it, Daddy. It's not worth it over some lame masochist." She says hoping he will stop.

"Enough. We're done here. It's late, and I actually want to go to sleep." Storm demanded.

"Shut it, sage. Your opinion wasn't wanted ok?" Solar snaps from exhaustion mixed with the period. Storm, done with just about everything, slapped her across the face. Hard.

"Shut the fuck up." Tehg just angles his head towards Storm. All that can be seen and felt was pure RAGE.

"Storm. You just slapped my sister. You just signed the death warrant!" He screams.

"You need to teach your sister better, then. Period or not, the way she has been treating all of us over the past couple days is absolutely uncalled for and unacceptable. It's your job to raise your sister right, so if you would've done that, this would've never happened." Storm said, ready to retaliate if necessary. The DGU then transforms and punches Storm in the face sending him flying.

"I DIDN'T SAY YOU COULD SPEAK!" He replies throwing logic out the window.

"AND I DIDN'T SAY YOU COULD RESPOND!" He countered, slamming a flaming Rasengan into his chest, flames dancing around him. Tehg grabs his arm although he shows signs of pain, and removes it.

"Fire. Really?"

"Just a distraction, mostly." That's when Tehg looked down to see a large sealing array where the sphere had torn away his clothes.

"You son of a bitch…"

"Seal." Storm muttered, activating the matrix and temporarily taking away Tehg's power.

"Even without my power. I was very strong, going to have to do more than that, laddie." He head butted Storm, before jumping back.

"Well, funny thing about that...You looked in my eyes. If you watched Naruto, you'd know that illusions are mostly cast from them. Now, go the fuck to sleep." Tehg felt a strong drowsiness overtake him.

"Sleep, huh? Fun fact, I haven't slept since I entered the Fire Emblem world. GOOD FUCKING LUCK!"

"Fine. I planned ahead, anyways." Storm faded to nothing, as the world turned to black for Tehg. After looking around for a moment, he closed his eyes and focused on his surroundings trying to feel if he is attacking or not. He was pelted by thrown Rasengans from all angles. Tehg not, noticing the basic bitch versions, takes them all, screaming in agony all the while. Distracted by the pain, he never noticed Storm getting right behind him, and slamming his fist into the pressure point in his neck, knocking Tehg out.

"Fatality!" Cynthia cheers as Solar walks over to Storm and kneels formally.

"I thank you, sage, for making me realise how much of a bitch I was. Please accept my deepest apology." She asks him with forehead touching the ground.

"If you all start using my name, then yes."

"Of course, Storm. Anything else?"

"Hmm...What kind of anime do you have on-hand?"

"Um, I think I have some Gonna be the Twintail. Maybe a few of Code Geass. Why?"

"Give." He said with a hand outstretched. "I've been bored and need something to watch."

"Ooookay…? Want some ramen with that?" She asks handing them over. He disappeared in a blur, grabbing her in the process.

"There he goes...God dammit...We better go save her. Remember the last time he got like this, G1?"

"Poor Nepgear couldn't leave your guy's place for a week."

"What happened, Dad?" Cynthia asked tilting her head.

"You've got my interest, too." Yurippe added.

"Our Gear ruined a project of Storm's on accident. So she offered to make him food of his choice. He milked it for a week, getting himself a personal chef until I dragged her home. All the while, fighting him tooth and nail."

"Oh, well… That's bad as she would...I mean we would keep doing it until he said it was enough, regardless of what others said." She states paling.

"But he has a point. It's morning, and we haven't slept." Vert mentioned.

"Vert, of ALL people I didn't think you would mention sleep, you otaku." Cynthia says staring her in the eyes.

"With all that's been going on, I need as much rest as the rest of you if I'm going to be able to fight."

"You are able to pull two all-nighters in a row and still fight so I don't see the problem with you...or has Dad made you soft, Thunder Tits?"

"Not at all. I'd just rather be prepared, and not have a repeat of the Graveyard."

"...Why you have to bring that up. Now I'm depressed. Peace." She walks over moping. They all went their separate ways to their dorms, even getting an OK from Kanade to skip classes that day to sleep. And they took the opportunity. Yurippe even said thank you to her. G1, after sleeping a few hours was woken by Lancer's door that was just next door open and close.

"You woke me up. Why?" He said with a deadly seriousness, preparing to skin him.

"Sorry, Dad" He hears Cynthia say which confused him for a moment. He immediately puts the pieces together, and snaps into Majin Trigger.

" **Lancer, you're a dead man…"** He growled out in a feral, demonic voice.

"What, SERIOUSLY!? You didn't have a problem with it before...geez..." He cries out in fear.

" **You two are together, and after she apologized, she put a hand on her stomach while sitting close to you. Pretty sure I know what that means, seeing as how I've been there."**

"YOU HAVE NO EVIDENCE!" He shouts jumping out the window.

" **I'm going to eat his soul…"**

"Dad, stop. It was a joke….Yeah, joke!" She says hugging the demon.

" **That doesn't sound like a joke."** He said, looking down at her.

"Um. I love you, Dad?" She asks hoping that calms the raging demon.

" **Tell me, now. Are you pregnant or not? No more bullshit."**

"I don't know. I haven't checked yet." She says avoiding eye contact

" **What did you come here for, then?"**

"He said he had a kit to test it. He was VERY scared for his life."

" **Go. Now. And If it's positive, tell him there's nowhere he can hide. I'll do to him what I plan to do to my Bryce."**

 **And that's that. And don't worry, people. That last bit is just Tehg getting payback for the one sided fight.** **By the way, fuck you.** Haha, fuck you too. It was just a little payback….besides if it's her age you're worried about. She's technically over 18, but her body has not caught up. **That isn't something to joke about, though…** Really? I wasn't making a joke on that, the joke is how G1 has ott father instincts, besides if I did I must not of realised. That's why you're the editor eh? **Says the guy who's just learning the right "too"...** Low blow dude. I'm just going to go until next time….peace. **Same. I need to chill. See ya.**

 **After note: For the record, drunk Tehg is an asshole. And sorry for the wait. Like I said in IRL, life happened and my time has spent doing lab write ups and studying for exams. Until next time.**


	22. All the References

Chapter 22: All the references...All of them...

Hello people of the internet, I welcome you back to….whatever this is. **I am the calm now that I had A &W™** (Erm...do you even have the right permission for that?) **That's why I put the trademark symbol. For legal purposes.** That works!? Oh….my...GOD (insert JOJO face) **Yeah, it means that it's already a trademarked thing. It's on some of their stuff, so technically, I'm using their full name.** If only it was the case for YouTube….May those YouTubers rest in peace in the internet graveyard. **Is it like the Gamindustri Graveyard?** Erm...idk maybe...What'cha thinking boy!? **Starting off by making a "it's just a prank, bro." joke sounds good. You?** Nah I'm good. Now, what you thinking…. **I'm thinking that we not do this and move on to the story.** You just want to write that- **Eh. It's a pastime, not really something I jump for joy over.** Okay let's a go. **You're Irish, not Italian…** But that was not medicine. **Can we please start…?** Can you stop bugging me on grammar? **Will you learn to fix your own?** Erm, no. Sorry G1...Also stop listening to NSP. **Nevah! Not when a new song comes to Youtube next week. Would you like to know what it's called?** NEVAH...now I'm going to press this button with my middle finger. **You stole my thing!** YOU STOLE MY THING! **What thing?** What thing? **You stole my NSP reference.** You stole my NSP reference.

 **Sorry for the wait on this one. Real life stuff take priority. Then there was IRL because I can write that wherever. I would like to say that I'm glad that my Candian guest reviewer enjoy's Johnny's presence so much. For Fang, there is actually a few ideas in place but I have no idea about anything that's going to go down farther ahead than a story arc or two. And yes, the summons will be showcased in the future. Hopefully...**

Lancer, Cynthia, and G1 sat in G1's room once more.

"So let me get this straight. This was you pranking me, without letting her in on it?" G1 asked.

"To be fair, I didn't expect you to react like that." Lancer defended. G1 pinched the bridge of his nose.

"And you didn't think to ask any questions when he asked you to do this?"

"Nope. He gave me lines for certain questions and said to do a few subtle things."

"Ugh...I'm starting to think that all this silver isn't because of Vergil's Class card..." He said, looking up to the silver streaks in his hair.

"Aha! I knew you were getting old, Dad. Does that mean I can use Lancer as a sperm bank?"

"No! And it's stress, not age. I don't do that anymore."

"Oh yeah….You're ageless. Hmm fiiiiine, Neptune and Nepgear shall suffice for now, but I will expect something in future, Father." Cynthia says yawning. "Now, do you have anything to say before I go? Neptune should still be in bed I think?" She asks while questioning herself.

"Just, please try to restrain your urges. I have enough on my plate as it is, and we don't need children and what not to worry about. We have no idea what lies ahead of us."

"With the males. Sure, as you wish Dad." She just walks out of the room. G1 took a deep breath and exhaled it loudly.

"I'm starting to regret a life choice of mine."

"And what choice is that, Lancer?"

"I stuck my dick in crazy."

"She's not completely crazy, but I see what you mean."

"Breakfast?"

"I'm not falling back to sleep anytime soon, if that's what you're asking." The two walk into the cafeteria. When they arrive they see Noire and Vert are the only ones to be awake.

"Huh...That's interesting…They the only ones?" Lancer asks G1 quizzingly.

"Noire I expected. Vert, not so much. What are you doing up?"

"Well, Rom had a nightmare, and Blanc was too tired to handle that so I woke Ram up. Then I brought them here so they can eat as I asked Rom about her nightmare...If it makes no sense I don't care...I'm tired." She says munching on taco.

"Where are those two, and more importantly, why are you eating a taco for breakfast?" G1 asked.

"Breakfast taco. It has eggs and stuff." She says continuing. "As for Rom and Ram...they are in the queue getting there food, why?" She asks the man.

"You let them go get food? Alone?"

"No. They have Kanade with them."

"Isn't she kind of susceptible to their kind of cute?" Lancer asked

"Oh...oh no…" She weakly mutters before falling asleep on the table. G1 took off his coat and draped it over her before b-lining over to the group of lolis. "Hey, you three. Gettin' something to eat?"

"Oh. Hi, Mister Steven. Are you here getting food also? Miss Kanade said she would get us some mabu tofu" Rom says excited.

"I'm glad you're getting something healthy, but are you sure you should be having something like that for breakfast? It might come back to bite you around lunch time."

"He is right. Mabu tofu is not a breakfast food. Maybe I'll get some for you at lunch time." Kanade stated.

"Aaaaawwwwww…. Okay Kanade..." Both Rom and Ram say in unison.

"But Steven, while you are right." She pouts even more than Rom can. "Mabu tofu is mabu tofu...you don't take that away from a person."

"Except for in the morning, when it has the potential to ruin your entire day by making you pay tribute to the porcelain throne."

"I see, well sorry girls he is right." She says, depressed. They grab some cereal and sit down as G1 walks to the front. He got a bacon and cheese omelet with country style hash browns. He sat down next to his coat and began eating.

"Are sure that is healthy Steven?" Noire asks eating a bacon pancake.

"I think mine's better than yours, Miss Calories."

"Well, soooory….Tehg recommended it so I thought 'why not?'" She replied, eating a bit more quickly.

"And you just believe everything he says? A healthy amount of skepticism is a good thing."

"Well, no, I don't believe everything he says...He was just so enthusiastic about it and I couldn't say no to him."

"Yes you could. It's easy. It's one syllable." He said to her.

"I tried...I….tried, but he just was so forward."

"Oh my...Noire, you naughty girl..." Vert said in her sleep.

"Really? Fine I'll get something else." She says putting it down and walks off. G1 pulls an apple out of his pocket and eats it, making him look like the asshole he is.

"Moooorning people..." Tehg says walking in a daze.

"I'm glad you said it like that. If you said 'Good', I would've hit you. By the way, why did you tell Noire to get the bacon pancake? Because she actually got it." G1 said/asked. Tehg's eyes sparkle as he cheers.

"Yes indeed. Bacon pancakes ARE...THE BEEEEEEST" He cheers, running over to Noire.

"She went to get a more balanced breakfast, fool." G1 called out, not wanting to deal with the school staff that were in the room. Tehg slumps back over.

"So...she didn't like it...awwww...meh, whatever. I guess I'll go get myself some food then torture Yurippe."

"Smush her face into some eggs. That'll work nicely." Ram said, acting sagely, somehow.

"You are a genius…Teach me your ways, master." Tehg says to Ram taking a knee in front of her.

"Really? I think of better. Firecrackers in her underwear drawer would be pretty good. We could also rig up something to make her lose her mind using an Xbox controller." G1 added.

"MASTAH PLEASE TELL ME MORE" He says turning to G1.

"I'm going to need some plastic, a small handsaw, a nine volt battery, some wires, and a distraction."

"As you wish, I shall gather the materials shortly. Please be patient." He asks of G1 before eating his food.

"Wonderful. Now, who are we going to have take the fall?" Vert wakes up and smells the air.

"I smell a prank in the midst...Now who's taking the fall, Steven?"

"Haven't figured it out yet. I'd say Noda, be he is obviously not smart enough to do what we plan to do."

"I don't want to say it, but Yui is a good contender." Tehg suggested.

"How about Nepgear?" Vert asks.

"She's really not the prankster type, even if she has the smarts to do this." Noire said, coming back with some fruit.

"Oh...How about Neptune?"

"Vert, could Neptune really wire up something?" G1 asked.

"Nooo…Lancer?"

"An ancient hero from times long past?"

"Owain!?" She asks desperate.

"Second verse, same as the first."

"Tatsuya?"

"That...might just work...And afterwards me and Storm can un-Gary Stu him." Vert cheers as she gives a good answer.

"Yay. What do I win, Steven?" She asks the devil.

"Hm...Um...Let me see…" He reached dangerously close to Vert's boobs to get at the pockets of his coat. He dug through it and found something that wasn't there before. "What's this?" He asked, pulling it out. It was a body pillow of Nepgear. "The fuck!?" As he questioned the object, Vert squealed in delight, snatching it from him. Tehg just shouts something in Japanese to G1's surprise, but Vert wasn't happy with what he said.

"I am no pervert mind you!" She retorts to him.

"You kind of are. Even when married. Trust me, I know." G1 whispered into her ear.

"I know, right?" Tehg says obviously hearing what G1 said before spouting stuff to Vert in the language again.

"Stop with the moonspeak!" G1 shouts.

"Idiot….It's not moonspeak it's my native tongue...Besides, how would you like it if I spoke Gaelic?"

"Then I'd say to stop speaking drunkard." He countered.

"Fuck you." He says, walking off in a mood now. G1 decided to add insult to injury.

"I don't swing that way! If you want something like that, ask Hinata!" He called out.

"Me neither...But thanks for telling me your late night escapades with the blue one." He retorts.

"Aren't those Otonashi's late night escapades?"

"Nah, he goes to...uum someone else's." He says looking at a certain silver haired girl.

"So he goes for the unique lolis, huh?"

"Hey. You're no better for picking Blanc."

"My Blanc has boobs now, though. No longer a loli."

"Not at first, however...Besides I have things to do and people to kill."

"I'm not letting you Alucard me…"

"Damnit...My true plan unveiled. Now I must go for a walk...Yes an Alucard walk." He says pulling a red hat out of nowhere and placing it on his head.

"Whatever. Just make sure to get what I asked for." G1 said, waving him off.

"Yes, yes, of course master." He says sarcastically.

"So…what's the plan for now?" Vert asks handing G1 his coat back.

"I think we should get Edgar from his hole, to see if he's broken yet. From there, no idea. Maybe round up the others?"

"Yes that shall suffice. Now Steven, a question...Why does your coat weigh so much?"

"It's leather…" He answered, thinking it was obvious.

"I guess...Let's go meet Edgar, shall we?" She asks him.

"Come on, Noire. You can bring your fruit with you. Hey, Kanade? Can you keep keeping an eye on these two?" He asked the girl, who was surprisingly quiet during their plotting.

"Yes, I can...In fact, I was going to wake Rose up per Tehg's request so I may take them out to town." She answers and speaks to herself.

"Okay, thanks." They stood up and went outside, looking down into the rectangular pit. "Hello, Edgar."

"I am not Edgar...I AM GOD!" Edgar shouts up to the greying man.

"It's not graying!" G1 shouts at the sky. "Well, I was going to let you out, but since you still have that God complex of yours, you're staying in."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Edgar an obedient slave," Naoi says, fearful of another day in the pit.

"You think we're falling for that?" Noire asked.

"Please I'll do anything...ANYTHING…! I mean you are goddesses and a demon...I'm no god, just a man with a big ego."

"Can we have him dress up in one of my dresses?" Vert asked.

"Funny, but we need to think outside the box. Or in this case, hole." G1 retorted.

"Shitty jokes are shitty Steven….Now how about we make him wear some of my more…revealing cosplay?" Noire asked.

"Please don't…" Naoi whimpered.

"What happened to anything?" Noire said, growing a wicked smile.

"I mean...OF COURSE MADAM GODDESS! THE MORE REVEALING THE BETTER!" He shouts bowing.

"You heard the lady, Noire. The more revealing the better." G1 got out before bursting into laughter.

"If I may suggest, madam...may I dress in Leia's slave outfit?"

"Ryuko Matoi's kamui from Kill la Kill would be better. He's probably small enough to make it work, too." G1 said, denying the request.

"That...could work...I am the man with a plan after all." He says, thinking on it. G1 pulled out a cylinder from his pocket.

"Do you know what this is?"

"Not really…"

"It's a pipe bomb made from water and poker cards. It has a three second fuse. I'm letting you know ahead of time that I'm going to use it on you." G1 pulled out a lighter and lit the fuse.

"PLEASE, NO...! I'M SORRY, MASTER! PLEASE FORGIVE ME…! PLEEEEEASE!"

"My forgiveness is earned through blood." He stated, dropping it in. There was a loud bang, and then there was no more. The glass was covered in red and innards. "I made art." G1 said while posing triumphantly. Vert stood on her tiptoes and pat the man on the head.

"Good, Steven...good...Wow your hair is soft..."

"God dammit…" He muttered with his head down.

"Stop treating the man like a dog...he's only a mutt." Noire says stomping on his foot.

"Well, you're not wrong, but I'm not going to take that lying down." So, he did the only thing he knew that would shut her down for a while. He kissed her. She goes beet red and smoke came out of her ears during the 'experience'

"Wha wha wha wha wha?" She keeps repeating before passing out.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. I am the troll master. Master of the troll."

"Don't you feel bad about that?" Vert asked, referring to his marriage.

"Well, my you and Blanc were okay with it, and she's technically the same person, so…yeah..." She smirks and chuckles while leaning in close to G1.

"So say...if I gave you a taste of your own medicine...literally I mean. Would you accept it or not?" She asks, leaning closer to the man's face.

"Well, it's not a complete moral problem...You have the same personality and are offering." He closed the gap between them. Vert returns it for a few moments before pulling back.

"My, my Steven...you are quite experienced." She says with a blush across her face.

"And how would you know that?" He asked slyly. She jumps and looks away.

"You know...somehow…"

"Oh come on. I won't tell anyone. The only two others here are mentally freaking out and are splatter paint."

"Fine…Chika…" She mutters.

"So she actually got to you, huh? Nice."

"No not really...She just forces it during Nepmas sometimes…" She says with her blush growing bigger...partly from embarrassment.

"It was a sloppy mess on her end, wasn't it?" The blond nods while looking to the ground, trying to hide her giant blush. "As I thought." He said with a nod.

"Thank you for that, Steven. I enjoyed it...But I don't want to anger your Vert."

"You have no idea the shit she's into. Or maybe you do? I've read some of her diary entries about wanting to make out with herself." She nods confirming it.

"Yeah….We're messed up aren't we?"

"Yup. But she comes up with some of the sexiest shit, too." His nose started bleeding as he remembered some of the things he and his wives had done.

"I forgot how you mentioned being stuck in a hormonal teenager's body...hah…Care to tell me of your escapades one day?"

"Maybe, but when no one else is around. Imagine if Miss innocent lips here heard." He said, pointing his thumb towards Noire.

"They're not so innocent anymore." Vert joked. They see Tehg running out with a fishing rod.

"Hey, guys! We're going fishing in 25 minutes. Something about Naoi needing time to put himself back together…..oh." He says, looking down at the splatter that was Naoi.

"I made a bomb out of water and playing cards, and he angered me, so I tested it on him."

"And made art I presume?" He asks, looking over to 'not so innocent lips'. "What did you do?"

"She said a thing and stomped on my foot, so I retaliated. As the Tsun-whisperer, you should be able to tell how."

"You kissed her?"

"Damn straight!"

"Awwww I wanted that honor." He says jokingly.

"You're too slow!" G1 said like Sonic's taunt in Smash Bros.

"Huh...Sanic, huh...meh... Well I'll take Vert's then?"

"He got you there, too." Vert replied, hiding the Chika incidents.

"Dammit...Meh not a problem. I see you more as a sister if anything now." Tehg says regretting it instantly.

"What was that?" A voice said from behind him. It was Solar.

"Um...Say hi to your new sister, sis?" He said nervously.

"Oh…Hi sister...WAIT...! Since when did you get that close with Vert?"

"Do you not remember how I switched their bodies?" G1 asked.

"You did what?"

"I'll let him explain more. I have to get my fishing stuff from Storm." G1 took off towards the ninja, leaving all others confused, especially Solar.

"Okay. So I'm going to go with Steven...You guys have fun." Vert says, not wishing to help Tehg explain.

"I hate both of you…" Tehg said, glaring at where the two went.

"So bro...Think you're going to have to wake sleeping beauty Noire up?" Solar asked mischievously.

"She'll be fine. Just give her time. She's not even asleep. Listen." The sound of Noire's freaking out could still be heard.

"Maybe it will help?" She asks him kicking her leg slightly with no response.

"Noooo...fine." He gets on his knees and kisses Noire's head. She freezes and stares up at him. She glares before punching him in the dick repeatedly.

"Why!? Why does she keep punching me in the dick?!" He cries, his voice raising a few octaves.

"Because you kissed me when you're married!"

"Never stopped G1 did it?" He asked her.

"Let me rephrase that then! You kissed me when you're married to my sister!"

"Huh...let me rephrase also...Never stopped me in my world."

"What!?" She screeched, cocking back a fist.

"I mean you DID keep asking me why I picked Uni over you." He says strangely serious. Her red eyes seemed to start to glow as her eyebrow twitched. The cocked back fist slammed into his jaw with un-before seen strength.

"Hah, got the reaction I was looking for." He says staring Noire in the eyes.

"I hate you so much…" She seethed.

"You know you love me." He says.

"No. No I don't."

"You know you love Steven then!" He says trying to get another rise out of her.

"What is my love life to you, anyway!?" She yelled, not denying nor answering the question. He puts on a pair of glasses.

"Everything, honey…Everything...Now you forget who I am...Stop deflecting the question." The tsundere jerks back.

"Eh...you could tell? Well I will not say I DON'T like him...But I won't say I LOVE him." She answers honestly. Tehg smirks before poking her nose

"The infamous TSUN TSUN QUEEN has feelings for someone...OH MY GOD!" Tehg says in a JOJO like fashion. She slaps his hand away and gets up.

"I HATE YOU!" She screams storming off. "AND NO I DON'T LOVE YOU BEFORE YOU SAY THAT!" She adds.

"Huh...Bitch beat me to the punch….Damnit!" Tehg says punching the ground. He looks over and sees Naoi has finally put himself together.

"Hello, Edgar."

"Hello, Tehg. How can God help you?"

"Wanna get some sweet VENGEANCE?" He asks over dramatically.

"What do you have in mind?" He proceeds to fill Naoi in on G1s plan. "Why ruin such a great plan?"

"No, no, no...Instead of Yurippe being the victim…G1 becomes the victim!"

"You're an idiot!" He shouts running off in fear of angering the devil. With the plot we see G1 running into Storm…literally.

"G1, watch where you're going."

"Storm, just the guy I was looking for. It's fishing time, and I want my gear."

"Oh...If that's all…" Storm pulled out a scroll and he placed a finger on a seal inside it. It erupted into smoke, and on the ground was several tackle boxes and several different poles.

"Sweet. Thanks, Storm." G1 snatched up the gear and took off to the nearest source of fishable water around. The river. He arrives to see everyone there already and set up for the long haul. He found a more secluded place from them, pulled out his headphones, and started listening to some music as he started fishing. After a while he had racked up 3 buckets full of fish before he sees Kanade finally get her rod into the liquid. "About time she got here." He said, setting the pole down and wiping his gloved hands together. Fun fact, G1 doesn't do worms or fish. Gloves and pliers are a must for him in order to actually fish. Kanade then tries fishing in THE MASTER which catches G1s attention. "Well hello there. I think I'm going to watch this play out. I've got a feeling this'll be funny. But, to be safe…" He pulled out Rebellion, ready to cut this fish apart. She pulls it out with the SSS's help and they get thrown into the air. "I really want to see them get eaten...But my conscience won't let me…" He leapt up and cut the fish to pieces along with Kanade. Their blades even collided once or twice. Tehg is saluting them as the fish falls to the ground in separate pieces. Once everyone had crawled out of the water, they gathered all of the pieces into a pile.

"So, what're we gonna do with all this food, Yurippe?" Noda asked staring at the pile of fish.

"I have no idea, Noda...Anyone?" She asks.

"We could serve it to the students. A stew would work well." Otonashi suggested.

"And we can have Storm seal up what's left, seeing as how food in a seal doesn't spoil." Noire added.

"That...could work. He IS a ninja, right? Not some Mage?" Yurippe asks unsure.

"Yes I am." Storm assured her.

"Since when do ninjas know stuff like this?" Jesus-kun asks.

"Since Shounen Jump became a thing." G1 answered.

"Shounen what?"

"It's a manga company." Tatsuya replied.

"Oh. I see...I must investigate this further" He says skulking off.

"So, who will be in charge of cooking this up?" Yurippe asked.

"Not Vert!" G1 yelled out, and everyone present gave him a questioning look. "I've seen her set fire to water once."

"While I believe that is impossible, I shall cook it...God knows how many times I've done it." Solar says while staring Tehg down.

"Gear can help. The girl's a natural in the kitchen." Lancer said, giving the aforementioned girl a slight push forward.

"Um...I shall be fine, Lancer. I prefer to cook alone...Especially when Tehg almost burnt the house down making toast."

"HEY! That was one time…" Tehg shouts before sulking. Johnny walked over and put a hand on his shoulder.

"I know how you're feeling all too well…" Tehg then looks up

"So you're both a masochist and can't cook...wow."

"No. I can cook. I was saying that I know how it feels to have one small thing held over you forever." Johnny responded.

"Trust me...She never lets it go...So...a strap on?"

"Fuck off, asshole."

"Dude can't take a joke...or maybe he likes it." Tehg says walking off to the school.

"A part of me wants to kill somebody if this shit keeps up. And the other part agrees."

"Sure you do..SAIYAN baby!"

"Who the fuck said that!?" Johnny whipped around, searching for the owner of the voice, already in Super Saiyan God form.

"Me, you sorry excuse for a warrior!" Tehg screams.

"I kicked your ass once, I can do it again!"

"I can copy abilities, bitch….You don't think you're god mode is unique do you?" He says teasing Johnny.

"Enough." The two heard. Johnny was being held back by Storm, who was in his Sage Mode, and Tehg was being held by G1 in Majin Trigger. They both put the two in Full Nelsons, with Tehg hovering in the air because of G1's transformation.

"LET ME GO YOU FUCKING MAJIN!" Tehg screams, thrashing about in an attempt to break free.

" **No. I'm getting real tired with the way you keep picking fights with people. I'll even leave you with a little warning."** The Devil formed a spear of darkness out of Tehg's field of vision, and sent it through his knee. **"There. Now go somewhere and lick your wounds."** He tossed him away and he hit the ground with a thud. **"Storm, I'm not in the mood to deal with Johnny. KO him."** The ninja did as he was told, and Johnny crumbled like the Roman Empire. Tehg just goes to the school and sulks some more alone while everyone else starts preparing for once Solar finishes with the fish.

"Hey, Steven? What do you think is wrong with Tehg…? I mean, he started antagonizing people after his wife was kidnapped...You are smart enough to give an opinion right?" Lucina asks the man.

"Sounds like he's trying to cope." He answered, and Vert nodded as well. His group slowly learned that if Vert wasn't a CPU, she'd make a decent psychologist.

"Yea, that sounds like bro." Solar says, carrying the cooked fish out.

"That…took a lot less time than it should have." Blanc commented.

"When you have to cook for your hopeless brother you learn a...few...secrets about cooking to speed the process up."

"That doesn't reassure me." The brunette replied.

"I don't really care, Blanc...I just make food."

"To be fair to her, that does sound a bit sketchy." Neptune said.

"Fiiiiine. I was coping Tsukasa." Solar comes out with the truth.

"Who?" Ram asked.

"Basically the goddess of cooking."

"Sounds like cheating…" Rom commented.

"It is...But I only use it as we're both lazy at times."

"We weren't in any hurry." Hinata said.

"It's a force of habit. Sorry, guys."

"Whatever. Alright, everyone. Grab a pot and bring it to the schoolyard."

"Aye!" They cheer. Meanwhile with Tehg.

"Damn...Why…? I will get you!" He says to himself in self-pity as Kanade sees him and walks over.

"Are you ok, Tehg?" She asks the sulking man.

"I'm fine. Shouldn't you be with Otonashi?"

"He sent me to look for you."

"He did, huh? Well, I'm fine, as you can see!"

"No. Something is bothering you. Care to explain?"

"My wife...She was kidnapped along with the rest of Solar's wife and the rest."

"Oh, I'm sorry you have to suffer…"

"Nah. You weren't there. Besides, I need to pull myself out of my pity pit someday anyway."

"Yeah you do. How can you save anyone if you can't think straight?" G1 said, leaning on a doorframe with his arms crossed.

"What are you doing here?" Tehg asked him.

"Saw her wander off and got curious. Wasn't disappointed."

"You followed her, huh? Welp you became a stalker how 'bout that?" He says standing up and puts a hand on both of Kanade's and G1's shoulders. "I'm better now. Thanks."

"I'm not sure that's a nice thing to say, Tehg...What would you say in response, Steven?" Kanade asked the devil.

"Call me a stalker again and I'll hurt you before throwing you in an Edgar hole."

"Try it, bitch. My great grandfather was called Edgar...I think I could handle it." Tehg says smirking confidently.

"Maybe I'll pull a Gavin and turn you into a Mooshroom."

"That I won't be able to handle." He says, laughing slightly.

"Excellent." G1 responded, rubbing his hands together.

"Did you just do a Mr. Burns?!"

"I thought that was a James Bond thing first."

"Well...yeah. Besides I WANT FISH!" Tehg says running to the school courtyard.

"At least one of us do…" G1 muttered.

"Do you not like fish, Steven?" Kanade asks, hearing him.

"It's...okay...I just can't stomach it. Don't know why, and frankly, I don't care."

"That is understandable. Now, I shall bid you farewell. I want fish also." She says bowing in goodbye before walking to the rest.

"Good thing I have this." He said to himself, pulling out a bag of caramel apple Milkyways.

"GIMME!" Tehg says, appearing from the shadows.

"NO! YOU HAVE YOUR GIANT FISH!" He said, putting his foot in Tehg's face to keep him away as he unwrapped another of the fun sized pieces of candy.

"COME ON MAN!" He screams before Solar walks over and drags him away by the collar.

"Thank you!" He yelled to her, tossing one of the candies to her to spite Tehg.

"KUSO!" Tehg screams, not realising he spoke Japanese. "Uh, sorry…" That was the last thing G1 heard from him until a few moments later. "G1! GET OUT HERE NOW!"

"What now...?" He made his way out to see a beat up Yurippe and another Kanade standing on the roof. "Oh...That's a thing we're going to have to deal with, isn't it?"

"G1, with me...NOW!" Tehg says jumping at the other Kanade.

And a cliffhanger, eh? **Ugh...I hate doing this to people, but it had to be done.** Yes. Yes it did young padawan. **No.** What? You salty? **If anyone's the padawan here, it's you Mister Shitty Grammar.** Hey! It's master shitty grammar! **You know what? Fuck this. Computer, set a sexy course for the sexiest year.** NO. NO NSP REFERENCES! One does not simply reference NSP….it's annoying. **Says the guy who just memed everyone. Besides, I'm technically advertising their new song that they worked two and a half years on.** Fine, fine...Tehg out, I'm tired. **Tired, or under the influence?** No! I'm just tired of this so I'm gonna vent! **Tired of what?** Long chapters...My longest one so far until this was barely above 2k words. **It is kind of your fault though. But whatever. Peace, bitches!**


	23. Late Christmas Special

Special Chapter: Late Christmas Special

 **We interrupt this broadcast to give you a Christmas special! Yay! And because I'm lazy and he's kinda sorta brain-dead at the moment, we're doing this together.** Hey! I take offence to that… But yes, Christmas is close, meaning the season of joy is here! **And the season of greed for most snot nosed kids who don't get what the whole thing's all about.** A shame really. But a big world it is...but I've talked enough. Any words from you G1? **Besides sorry for what we're going to put people through because we make this shit up on the fly? No.**

 **Sorry about how late this is. Meant to post it around the same time Tehg did, but I was preoccupied. A brand new PS4 kind of takes precedence. So, with that out of the way, back to the show.**

The school was decorated for the season. Lights were strewn about the bushes and other plants and a large tree sat in the middle of the cafeteria. A thick layer of snow covered the grass, with pathways shoveled out so the students could still move about. The calm was interrupted, however, by the sounds of adult men singing. Four men were seen skipping( **sorta** ) about the halls, caroling to anyone who they passed by. Three of these four were being dragged around by the last of the group.

"I still don't know how he roped us into this." Johnny asked, tugging at the mock Santa costume he was in.

"At least you aren't in the reindeer outfit." Tehg grumbled. "G1, why are we doing this? AND WHY ARE YOU THE ONLY ONE NOT IN COSTUME!"

"Because I'm constantly wearing this holiday's colors." He responded with a smile. "And besides, I only got the three, and the one was too small for me."

"And why are you complaining? Your daughter looked so happy when we dragged you out of your room." Storm commented.

"Because it's 4 in the morning…And we've been at this for an hour…"

"How come Kanade hasn't come after us yet?" Johnny asked.

"I got written permission from the principle." G1 answered, holding up a copy of the documents.

"You ain't even a student!" Tehg shouted.

"Yes I am, because of your shit earlier! I'd also like to add that alcohol was indeed a factor in his decision to let me do this."

"You got the principle drunk?" Tehg asked, putting his hands on his hips.

"So drunk."

"And what's stopping me from telling Kanade all about this right now?"

"Document's still officially signed. I win."

"Fuck."

"That's what we said last night." Johnny muttered. "My question is: Why isn't Lancer here?"

"Like I'm taking that tone deaf fuck singing. I'd rather drag Lon'qu."

"Please don't...All of the singing talent went straight to the child." Tehg muttered, facepalming.

"Just giving an example."

"What about any of the girls?" Storm asked.

"And poke the multitudes of hornet's nests? Nope. Did that once with my Blanc back home. Did NOT end well at all. I actually had to go to the hospital. ME!"

"I remember that. She cut off your arms." Storm said in recollection.

"Yeah. Docs had to sow them back on so that they'd heal right."

"Point taken. Didn't know the girls were that bad."

"If you think that's bad, G1 once woke up Plutie in the middle of a nap." Johnny started. "A couple of islands don't exist anymore."

"She blew up some islands?" Tehg asked in surprise.

"Nope. I blew 'em up trying to hide in the rubble."

"I'm disappointed in you…" Tehg says, shaking his head. "Learn to take one for the team."

"How about no." G1 deadpanned. "Ooh! A person! Singing we must do!" He ran off, not realizing that the person he was running was a half asleep Noire.

"Oh, he's in a bad way." Storm said.

"He's gonna die." Tehg agreed. As soon as G1 had gotten behind her and started singing, he was punched in the face.

"Why…?" He groaned.

"Huh…?" Noire asked groggily. "What'd I hit…?"

"G1." Johnny said with a smirk.

"You didn't realize you hit him?" Tehg asked with slight worry.

"Oh...Sorry...What are you doing up singing…?"

"'Tis be Christmas, and I be spreading the joy."

"And he's making us be his Christmas goons." Tehg grumbled.

"Really, Steven?" Noire questions.

"Ye. I like getting into the spirit of things, especially since this guy here was moping." He answered, jabbing a thumb towards Tehg.

"I was not moping, just being actively depressed."

"Is this the season of merriness or depression?" Owain asks, walking down the hall.

"Suicide rates ARE the highest this time of year." Storm comments.

"I didn't need to know that, sage..."

"You did ask, though." Johnny stated.

"Caroling is nice and all, but do you have anything else planned?" Tehg asked.

"Imma be Santa, and you gonna be my elves. We have presents to…'procure'..."

"I AM NOT AN ELF! I WILL NOT BE LABELLED!"

"Shut up." Johnny said, swatting Tehg in the back of the head. "No need to be yelling like that. We get stared at enough as it is. Plus, it won't just be us." He continued, turning towards Owain and Noire. "Right?"

"Get me some coffee and I'll think about it." Noire said darkly.

"Do I get to sing during this time?" Owain asks.

"Not right now, but later. Probably when we all get together." Storm said.

"Wait...Is this just a ploy of G1's because he didn't get gifts for anybody?" Tehg asks. Everyone present slowly turned to the red coated man only to see him whistling innocently.

"What? I haven't exactly have the time. Not with keeping that God complex kid and the borderline sociopath in check."

"Borderline sociopath?" Noire asked.

"Yurippe." G1, Johnny, Storm answered at the same time.

"Oh…"

"Hey...Think Yurippe and Iris Heart would get along?" Tehg asked the red clad devil.

"Nah. She'd break in about ten minutes."

"I'd give it five." Johnny said.

"Want to bet on it?"

"Not with your luck."

"Okay so how are we meant to 'acquire' these presents anyway? Stuff ain't cheap, you know." Tehg said.

"Quicksilver into the place and I'll just leave some chunks of gold on the counter. Mob drops for the win." G1 answered, holding out a handful of the material.

"To have so much gold…" Owain started, eyes sparkling. "How did you come across all this?"

"Hunting monsters for a living has some perks. Even found a temple once with these two. Too bad it blew up." He said, turning to Johnny.

"Not my fault the grenade launcher malfunctioned. Or that there were barrels of oil around."

"I have a hard time believing your case, Johnny." Owain states.

"That is what happened, though." Storm said, defending the Canadian.

"Is it?" Tehg asks looking at G1.

"Yeah. Still like ripping on him for it. We could've been famous."

"You're already famous for your shop, what more do you want?"

"To make historians jealous. But we're getting sidetracked here. It's Christmas, and I fucked up pretty hard this year."

"And why should we help you anyway?" Noire asked.

"I, uh...ended up procrastinating because I couldn't think of anything to get everyone. The main problem stemmed from you girls, after all."

"And why's that?" She asked angrily.

"I couldn't think of anything I haven't already done before."

"Really? We did fine." Johnny commented.

"I like to find unique stuff. You're just an asshole that gives out gift cards EVERY YEAR."

"Oh my~ Never knew you were that bad, Johnny." Tehg says.

"It got hard after a while. Try getting a gift for a dude what makes shit out of the souls of demons."

"That is...Fair…" Owain agreed, albeit slowly.

"Hey guys!" Otonashi cheers walking down the hall towards the group. "What you all doing up so early?"

"We could ask you the same thing." Tehg said.

"I heard yelling."

"That was most likely these four morons caroling." Noire says pointing to the original four males.

"Chrismas…" G1 loudly whispers.

"Christmas is here after all, Otonashi!" Tehg cheers, seeming to have got into the Christmas mood.

"Ah I see. So that terrible singing must've been Steven or Storm." Otonashi teased.

"Must've been Storm, 'cause I was a band nerd when I was your age, so I know how to stay in tone."

"Ugh...At least you should of had a female for the high notes. Maybe someone like Yui or Yurippe?" He suggested.

"You want us to wake the bitch and/or the fan girl?"

"Aw come on. They're not that bad...Besides, if I promise to keep Yui's fan girling to a minimum would you?"

"No. Absolutely not. We already have our token female of the group, anyways." G1 said, gesturing to Noire. "And we really won't be singing anymore until later."

"Oh, ok."

"Now that you're here, though, you can help us fix G1's mess." Storm said. ( **And we're going to skip the shopping montage because it's more fun to just show people's reactions at the party. Deal with it, Tehg.** ) (Fine… But don't forget I'll be posting this too.) ( **Have fun changing things, then.** )

And after all was said and done, the Christmas party rolled around. There were homemade cookies, eggnog ( **both plain and spiked** ), and all kinds of other goodies. Everyone was surrounded by the gifts that they received from others. Most were patient about waiting to open them. Others...well…

"Just get to the gifting, writer men!" Neptune shouted.

"Of all the times to break the fourth wall, now is not exactly the best." Unfortunately for Vert, her comment went unheard.

"Stop ignoring me!" **Stop being a child about this.** "But that's my thing!"

"She is right. It's her shtick." Tehg comments while trying to keep an equally excited Rose calm.

"Everyone's here, so I don't see why we're waiting." Uni said.

"Steven said something about a surprise for the kids." Blanc said. As soon as she was finished speaking, a very familiar laugh rang out.

"Ho ho ho!"

"Santa's here!" Rose cheered, bolting towards the short bearded man.

"What did you do?" Vert asked as G1 stepped next to her.

"Convinced Naoi that if he did this, he would be the closest that he could get to being God."

"I'm so proud." Yurippe said, wiping a tear from her eye as she praised the manipulation.

"You can shut up." Tehg said, trying to keep his daughter from tackling the suckered young man. Over with Blanc, she was becoming half deaf from trying to keep the twins from following Rose's lead.

"Come on! Let us go!"

"Please…?"

"Once you two calm down. We have all night." Blanc tells the twins, to which they whine but nod nonetheless. The three children had their time with Naoi/Santa, with said boy missing an eyebrow once they found out that he wasn't the real Santa, and everyone opened their gifts. Blanc, the unfortunate girl, got nothing but books. Some were even duplicates of each other. As a joke, Noire had gotten a blow up doll thanks to a certain someone. (I can see her receiving a gift like that for some reason…)( **I know. I'd be the one that'd give it to her. Hehehe…** ) Said gifter was then chased by an angry Tehg. Most of the other girls had gotten jewelry of some kind from various people. Lancer had gotten lumped into that group because of his earing. He was not happy at the jab, but thanked them anyway. Every single one of the gifts given by Vert were all involving boys love in some way, shape, or form. The collective sigh of "God dammit Vert…" shook the room for a second. Tehg got mostly random stuff like the BL from Vert, a novel Blanc wrote about well...Blanc, a wooden lion statue from Dezz and a new scarf from Solar, etc… Oddly enough while Vert gave out BL stuff, Solar gave out Yuri stuff to most people. Some were pleased, others made fun of Yurippe for it. Basically, even though there was a bunch of weird stuff passed around, everyone had a good time before drunk Neptune and Noire decided to pay the world a first time visit. Turns out, Neptune is an angry drunk, and Noire was a ranter. The anger came after everyone didn't laugh when she proclaimed that she was catbug. So, with presents in hand, everyone went to bed content.

 **So, our normal thing is chapters of heavy dialog that ends up completely derailing what we planned to do ahead of time. In light of that, we decided that a nice, short, detail chapter would be a nice change of pace, no?** Yes it is. Though I'm questioning the catbug part...On second thought better not. It's Neptune after all. **Look up Drunk Burnie RTAA. It's worth it. Now, going with the short theme, good bye all, and Happy Holidays.** Merry Christmas all and to all a good night. And for the rest of you: Happy Holidays.


	24. Changing Things Up A Bit

Chapter 23: Changing Things Up A Bit (And Picking on Tehg an Equal Amount)

 **So...Yeah...I'm in the shame corner…** I see...I will be soon also. **Because of me.** Yeah... Anyway, although we have a stockpile we still write...huh...Either way it has been awhile G1. **Ye. School's a bitch. To timestamp, it's the 23rd of September and I took my first physics test. I'm currently clocked out.** You are, huh…? Well let's just start writing then! **Sure, if my stomach allows it.** I hope it does...TO ADVENTURE…!

G1 and Tehg charge at the clone of Kanade. Tehg goes first, feinting an attack leaving her open for G1, who swiped at her with Nix, leaving a trail of frost in its wake. She uses delay to move out the way and thrusts her Hand Sonic at G1. The blade sank into his lower back.

"Ow, my spleen!" Even the clone had to pause at the outburst. That moment was all it took for him to ram his elbow into her face.

"Ow! That hurt!" She says to herself, returning the elbow. It found home in his ribcage.

"That's cute." G1 grabbed the offending elbow and tossed her at Tehg. "Heads up!"

"FORE!" Tehg replies by smashing his fist into her jaw, sending her flying back to G1. They ended up playing pong with the girl's body, continuously punching her. G1's Beowulf added extra "Umph" to his strikes. After a while, her body falls to the ground, limp.

"After a while, punching a little girl loses its charm." Tehg says nonchalantly.

"You thought that was charming?" Noire asked.

"Why wasn't it charming, tsun?"

"Don't call me that. How could you find it fun beating on a little girl?"

"You beat on Neptune." Solar responded.

"She doesn't count!"

"Your own sister?" Tehg says, not happy.

"I would never hurt her!" She cried out, trying to defend herself.

"Physically, no. Mentally, however...That's debatable... Oh, the sleepless nights I had to counsel her."

"That's...I…" She stammered at his accusations.

"Can we not pick Noire apart right now for something she may or may not have done? For all we know this is a different one than the one you know, Tehg. Multiverse and all that. We should be more worried about the unconscious fight junky laying on the ground." Storm said, trying to diffuse the tense scenario. The entire group turned to the copy of Kanade, who strangely enough had a smile on her face. It wasn't a normal one, but it was kind of derpy…

"We'll take her to the nurse's office." Yurippe stated.

"How will we keep her there?" Noda asked.

"We could strap her down. They'll believe me if I said she was having seizures." Naoi said.

"Kinky..." Tehg mutters in the corner while Solar slaps him over the head.

"Bad Tehg. Now apologise to the gay VP." she says to him.

"I am not gay! But Otonashi is still awesome." Naoi says not helping his point.

"You are absolutely gay." G1 deadpanned.

"One thousand percent gay." Johnny added.

"How dare you speak of God like that!" Naoi screamed.

"Johnny. Make a clone squad to beat the shit out of him before taking him back to his hole." Johnny smiled ferally as he made the cross hand sign with his index fingers.

"No. PLEASE! I'll do anything just NOT THE HOLE! PLEASE, OH PLEASE THE ONE TRUE GOD!" He screams in fear.

"Talk about putting the fear of God into someone." Lancer commented.

"This is just a sorry sight...Imma go…" Dezz says as Owain and Lucina follow suit.

"I agree, but this is too good to miss! Someone grab me some popcorn!" Tehg says, smirking.

"This isn't funny Tehg. How Uni fell for you, I don't know." Noire says, disappointed.

"Oh, well she let me impregnate her, so she must love me TSUNDERE!"

"Johnny! Another for the hole!" G1 yelled, pointing at Tehg. "Storm, dig another for Noire!"

"WHAT!" The two screamed at the same time.

"Your own fault, bro." Solar mutters as they split up to do what they were doing. Everyone but Johnny and Storm went to the nurse's office. Naoi's plan worked well, even though he wasn't actually there to enact it.

"So, uh, what will we do when she wakes up?" Otonashi asked.

"Loot her?" Owain asks.

"No, no, no...Well maybe...It'd be better if we had this on her face when she does get up." G1 said, pulling a roll of duct tape out of nowhere.

"Where did you-?"

"Vert, haven't you learned yet that I never leave home without a roll?"

"Was it also in the same place as the shotgun, Steven?"

"Nope. I had a special closet made on the ship just for duct tape."

"A…special closet, huh? Well can't say you aren't prepared, eh, dad?" Cynthia asks him.

"Duct tape fixes everything, like children who don't know when to keep their mouths shut. Or when they don't know how to keep their pants on…" He says, giving her a small glare.

"Fine...I've calmed down anyway. No more of those excessive hormones, okay?" She asks him, smiling.

"I guess I can't ask for anything more…"

"It's insanity with you guys all the time, isn't it? Is it too hard for you to at least ACT normal?" Yurippe asked the entire group of non-SSS members.

"This is normal for them, Yurippe." Lancer says.

"Stop talking like you aren't one of them."

"At least I'm not as crazy as some of - Hey! You're no better, Miss started-this-whole-SSS-bull!"

"Who are you to judge me!?"

"The name's Cuchulainn, Ireland's child of light!"

"HOLD IT!" Solar interrupted "You're what!?"

"You heard me! I'm a Heroic Spirit that comes from Ireland!"

"No yelling in the nurse's office." The nurse said from her office nearby.

"Sorry, ma'am." Lancer apologized.

"Sorry..." Solar apologized.

"Wait, what's a Heroic Spirit?" Yuppie asked.

"How do we explain Heroic Spirits? I was technically one for a short period, but I was never told fully about what one was…Could one of you girls explain? You were the ones that got the more in-depth explanation." Rambled G1.

"Erm. How to explain...? In a lame man terms, they are a hero of past. For example, one of them was King Arthur…Some 'king', but that's beside the point. Basically, they are heroes of past summoned to the present to fight." Blanc explains with her usual monotone voice.

"You met King Arthur?" Matsushita questioned.

"We've fought her." Lancer quipped.

"Her?" Yui asked, puzzled.

"Hence Blanc's insult." Vert stated.

"Yeah, it was weird for us, too." Neptune added.

"It DEFINITELY wasn't strange and confusing or anything." Uni says, looking away.

"Did Saber give you a lady boner?" Lancer asked.

"W-w-what are you asking? I had no such thing!" Lancer merely laughed off her reaction as the clone started to stir.

"Where...Where am I?"

"You're strapped down to a bed, love, now answer me questions!" Cynthia says semi-threateningly.

"Why should I answer to you, Scott?" She countered, imitating the Irish accent.

"I'm Irish. I seriously don't know why I did that. Sorry. Now ANSWER ME FECKIN QUESTINS!"

"What did I say about yelling!?"

"You shut up before I duct tape your bleedin' mouth shut! I'm busy interrogating the suspect!"

"Cynthia. Enough. Don't insult the nurse for doing her job." G1 said before turning to the nurse. "Sorry about that. It's just that, this girl has been going around and hurting a lot of innocent people lately. We just want the truth."

"SWEAR TO ME!" Cynthia starts shouting, trying to pry the information from the clone.

"ENOUGH WITH THE BAD COP ROUTINE!" Nepgear roared. All was quiet in the face of her angry voice. "We aren't getting anywhere by having you screaming into her face."

"Your daughter did a thing…" Johnny whispered into G1's ear. "Before you ask, we're done with sticking those three in the holes." Yui taps them on the back.

"What you two talking about, huh?"

"Hey Johnny? Want to do a thing?" G1 asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Sure." The two formed a single hand seal, and they were gone in a poof of smoke.

"Oh, come on!" Yui whined.

"Relax, Yui. They aren't that far." Storm says looking in their direction. He was standing on the ceiling in the hallway.

"You ratted us out you son of a bitch!" G1 yelled as the sound of their running could be heard, albeit fading quickly.

"And there they go…"

"Where were they hiding, anyways?" Neptune asked.

"In some lockers." Storm answered.

"Yeah, the ninja stuff you do is fake anyway" She says, regretting it instantly.

"Fire style: Fireball Jutsu." Storm said, raising his right index and middle fingers to his lips. As he exhaled, fire shot right at her. She screamed a bit before realizing that the fire never actually reached her, but was close enough for her to feel the heat. "So, what was that?"

"Smoke and mirrors."

"Shouldn't've said that." G1's voice can be heard in the distance. There was a screeching sound coming from Storm's right hand. In it was a small blue orb with small white blades surrounding it.

"Wind Style: Rasengan!" The orb then found itself a new home in Yui's chest. Blood and bits of bone flew everywhere as the attack drilled her. Her eyes were widened in shock and sudden pain at her untimely demise.

"10/10 for style 5/10 for FUCK YOU!" Bryce says.

"Some people need to learn the hard way…" Storm said, defending himself.

"Okay. So where did the clone and Kanade go?"

"Owain, you had one job..." Dezz muttered.

"If I remember correctly sir, you were on guard duty."

"Er...yeah... Still, YOU HAD ONE JOB!"

"Which was?"

"Watching Kanade…"

"ENOUGH! We need to save Kanade!" Otonashi shouts, shutting them up.

"I'll go get the two idiots." Storm said, storming off ( **heh** ) after his compatriots.

"And I'll go get the three from the holes." Lancer said, pointing a thumb to the window, which overlooked the three tormentees. He opened said window and leapt out it. They gathered their remaining members, and head off to where they presume Kanade was taken by the clone.

"It would only make sense that they would take her underground to the destroyed Guild." Yurippe said, opening up the entrance. "All we have to do is wait for everyone else."

"Well sorry we all ain't as fit as we use to be!" Tehg screams hunching over like an old man.

"Don't complain, kid. I feel great." G1 said as Storm held onto the collar of his coat, holding him and Johnny up in the air. "Storm, can you please put us down."

"I forgot you were in that position. You comfy?"

"No. Now put us down." Johnny growled out.

"Aw. I thought you of all people would enjoy it, masochist." Solar teased as Storm dropped them face first into the ground.

"Go to hell, you brat." He responded, lifting his face up to glare at her.

"Hey! Leave my sister alone!" Tehg yelled.

"She shouldn't talk shit then."

"You're just being salty...Ain't he, cynthia?"

"Yup. Now, admit it before I do something…" Cynthia says. G1 pulled out a spray bottle and sprayed her with some water.

"No."

"But…"

"No." He said, spraying her again. "No more poking the sleeping bear." He turned to face Solar. "That goes for you too."

"You not my dad."

"But I'll put you in your place nonetheless."

"You're not my dad. You are my dirty minded uncle." She chuckles.

"Well, as much as you're not wrong…" He walked over and bopped her on top of the head. It didn't look like the hit had much force, but it was enough to put her ankle deep into the floor. "I still win." She began struggling before she suddenly stopped.

"I'm stuck…"

"And I'm an alien. Get this bitch out." Dezz says.

"No need to be an ass." Blanc stated.

"And you don't need to be a bitch. But that won't happen will it, floorboard?" Blanc snapped into HDD and leveled her axe blade towards his collarbone. He squealed in fear for once and kneeled before her, begging for his life.

"Please SPARE ME BLANC! SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME WITH VERT HAD CORRUPTED ME!" Before anything more could be said, G1 walked over and soccer kicked him in the jaw. Dezz crumpled to the ground in an unconscious heap.

"Using that shit as an excuse...Bah!"

"To think he would try to use me as a scapegoat…"

"Trust me, he has done worse before." Tehg sighs, dragging Dezz back to the surface before catching up. G1 tied him up with Ouroburos, just to be safe. They came across a Kanade and upon closer inspection, they saw it was the clone or maybe another clone.

"Erm…What we do?" Noda asks stupidly, so everyone takes a step back.

"Take one for the team, Noda!" Ooyama cheered.

"If you somehow manage to win, Yurippe will go on a date with you." Johnny says, causing Yurippe to look at him but let it pass for now.

"You can do it Noda! You trained for this! Your awesomeness level is over 9000!" Yui screams as Noda starts pumping himself up.

"I can win, I feel great. . !" He cried as he readies his halberd. Before he even had the chance to charge, the clone had her blade pierce his left lung. What she didn't account for, though, was Noda's weight. His corpse fell on top of her, pinning her to the ground.

"Wow! He didn't have the chance to do anything!" Ram laughed, pointing at the dead man.

"Yea, Ram. Wasn't he the first to die last time also?" Rom asked her sister, giggling.

"Oh yeah! Ha! What a wimp!"

"When he gets up, I'll have to let him borrow Nix." G1 said.

"Why?" Neptune asked.

"Because he'll need some ice for that burn."

"That, is the best thing I've heard all day, Steven" Yurippe says with tears of joy in her eyes.

"Isn't that a little harsh? He's our comrade." Otonashi said.

"He's the punching bag of the SSS." TK stated.

"That he is, TK...That he is…" Noire said while nodding sagely.

"Erm...Noire…? What did he say?" Otonashi asked

"He said that Noda is the group punching bag."

"That's harsh, but true." All of the SSS said in unison.

"Friends, hear me out. We should continue, before the copy gets up." Owain suggested.

"I agree with my cousin. We should get going." Lucina says in agreement. They continue down the path until they see 3 clones.

"Who's next?" Yurippe asks everyone.

"I'll do it!" G1 shouted while raising a hand.

"You're just going now so you can be lazy!" Cynthia said, calling him out.

"And you're all still going to let me. That's the best part." He commented while walking towards the three. Lucifer was hanging off of his left shoulder and he drew two blades from the skeletal wings.

"HOLD IT, DEVIL!" Owain screams. "You are one of our best fighters. Strategy wise, you should be there at the end, eh?" He reasons, masking his own thirst for violence.

"I literally have stamina for days. I'll be fine."

"Hmm. Fine, on one condition. I fight with you!" He says.

"Jesus fucking Christ...Fine. Just try to not get anywhere near these blades."

"For Naga's sake...Do you have any weapons that ARE NOT DEMONIC IN NATURE?!"

"NO, ACTUALLY! I DON'T!"

"Please Naga, just keep this insane man from killing me." He sighs, running at the clones.

"Fine, you want no demonic weapons. I can do that. Water Style: Water Dragon Bullet!" He flipped through several hand signs before water swirled around him, taking the form of a Chinese dragon and slamming into one of the clones.

"You have to teach me that!" Owain cries out in awe while stabbing a clone in the face.

"Not on your life!" G1 replied before changing to a different set of hand signs. "Water Prison!" The water that had pooled around the clone encompassed her in a sphere of water. "Water Coffin!" He closed his now open palm, crushing the clone and turning the water red. Owain slices down, forcing the clone to jump back as he readies a spell.

"MJOLNIR!" A giant arc of lightning sparks from the clone's feet, entombing her in lightning and making her scream in agony as Owain lines up his next spell. "May you find rest in hell...EMBER!" He shoots a small, non-threatening, glowing orb. It shoots towards the short clone and explodes, dealing quite a bit of damage to her and the supporting structure. "This should finish you off! RAG-"

"Owain! Structure!" G1 shouts to him, trying to get him to stop.

"Oh, sorry, devil. I shall be more tame in the future." He bows before charging his tome up again.

"Come on…" G1 whined as he ran at the clone with a raised fist. A red sphere formed in the other hand during his charge. He punched her on the left side of her head before upper-cutting her with the Rasengan. The corpse embedded into the ceiling as G1 wiped his hands clean of any dust. "And that is how you deal with clones with minimal property damage."

"How about this then? RAGNAROK!" He screams launching a flaming boulder towards the clone. On impact, the two disintegrate into nothing leaving no evidence of her being there, unless you count the clones' skirt. Tehg thought he wouldn't be noticed when he picked up the skirt and smelled it.

"What are you doing?" G1 asked as Tehg stood ramrod straight.

"Um...NINJA VANISH!" He tried running away to no avail. In his panic, he ran face first into Otonashi. "Uh...Hey, Otonashi…" He mutters feeling like a cornered dog.

"What was that about?" He asked the male that was sprawled out on the ground.

"Um...Can I not say? It's embarrassing..."

"Tell. Us." Cynthia demanded.

"How. 'Bout. No?"

"I must admit, I too am curious about this strange display." Owain commented.

"On one condition. You get Dezz to switch out with Owain's father."

"I've got it." Storm said, walking up to Dezz.

"I don't care what you do, I'm sticking around."

"Let's see about that." Storm clapped his hands, before fading away in Dezz's perspective. For everyone else, he's just standing a few feet away from Dezz as Dezz spins around wildly.

"What are you making him see?" Johnny asked.

"Oh...You know…"

"Storm, no...You didn't…"

"I did, G1."

"Stop with this vague bullshit!" Solar yelled.

"Storm has a thing for making people watch all the glitches in Sonic '06." Johnny replied to the raging girl.

"He did it to Peashy once as punishment for eating three tubs of ice cream. I could hear the screaming from my place." G1 added.

"I feel sorry for Peashy, but that's not enough torture for him." The girl whined as Dezz collapsed to his knees crying.

"PLEASE I'LL SWITCH JUST MAKE IT STOP!" Storm just turned to Solar with a face that just screamed 'I told you so'.

"Okay...I was wrong…" Storm ends his suffering and Dezz fades away. In his place a swordsman quite unlike Owain stands there.

"Humph, Lon'qu of Chron'sin, tell me where my blade is needed and that is all." He said introducing himself.

"So, what's with the stiff?" Johnny asked Tehg.

"Well, he's always like this at first. He just needs to warm up to you." Tehg says shaking Lon'qu's hand.

"Tehg, who are these greenies?"

"This asshole thinks we're green." G1 said in disbelief. "Didn't think a swordsman from the old days could be a comedian too."

"I am no comedian, boy."

"I'm forty…" Was the deadpanned response he received.

"How in the name of Naga are you forty when you look so young?"

"Stuff and things. These two are the same way. And let's not get started on the goddesses. They're up ahead, though." G1 answered, jabbing a thumb towards Johnny and Storm.

"I see…I shall test your true power later. For now, we are busy, no?"

"Not particularly. The kids have got this taken care of."

"As you wish, I shall inspect the progress of my son then."

"Okay. Storm. Bevs and chairs, please." Johnny asked the ninja.

"We have to focus on saving Kanade!" Otonashi cried out.

"Or we could pry about what that thing with Tehg was…." Cynthia suggested.

"Yeah. Let's get to the deep dark secrets. The others have got things under control." G1 said, bottle of Jack in hand. "Oh, hello…"

"Fiiiine..." Tehg whined before taking a deep breath. "...uniform…..ish…."

"What was that, boy? Speak up." Lon'qu demanded.

"I have a school uniform f-f-fe-fetish among other things…" He squeaked out fearing everything.

"Pfft!" Johnny's drink shot out his nose as he fell out of his chair.

"Sir, I recommend you send your prayers to Naga." Lon'qu says placing his hand on Johnny's shoulder.

"Are you scared for me? I beat this punk the last time we duked it out."

"I am a master swordsman almost on par with Tehg. I highly doubt you beat him you green fool."

"Storm. Up for another Genjutsu?"

"Sure."

"What are you talking about?" Lon'qu questioned.

"Just look the nice man in the eyes and watch what happens." G1 answered as he hesitantly did so. As soon as the two made eye contact, well, you get the idea. ( **I'm being lazy. Deal. You already know what happened.** )

"I see, you did not fight him fairly or at full power...You lot disgust me." He scoffs.

"Fine. Let's do things your way." G1 said, standing up. "You and me. Right now."

"As you wish, sir. One moment." He draws a strange blade (it's a brave sword that's been modified but that's for if you know fire emblem awakening) and takes a stance. G1 drew Lucifer and took out two swords. Lon'qu rushes forward and somehow throws G1's attention off as he splits into five seemingly. "Astra." He states, forming into one as he slashes down on G1. The attack lands and large amounts of blood flies from him, yet G1 remained unfazed.

"That it? I expected more."

"LUNA!" He thrust forward in a blinding speed and a roaring fury. Right before the attack connected, it was deflected away by one of the glowing red blades. Lon'qu smirked as he thrusted his other arm showing his other blade charging towards the man's vitals. The blade sank into the red clad man's heart, and blood spurted a bit into Lon'qu's face. Before anything could happen, though, G1's hand wrapped around the blade and forced it out of his chest.

"Man...It's times like these that I'm glad I'm not entirely human." He wiped the blood off of his shirt. "By the way, you're paying to fix this." With his piece said, he swapped out Lucifer for Rebellion.

"Hate to break it to you...whatever you are called… But I have no money."

"Fine. Then I'll get it out of you another way." G1 said with a smirk, taking the large sword off of his shoulder and leveling it at Lon'qu. "Let's rock!" In a blur of red, G1 was on the offensive. The blade was a shimmer of steel as it was swung around with brute proficiency. Every blow that made contact with Lon'qu's swords either knocked him back or created craters at his feet. "Time to make things fun!" G1 cried as he used the Trillion Stabs skill to stab with blinding speed.

"Hey, does Lon'qu realise G1 isn't even using his first transformation?" Johnny asks Tehg on the sidelines eating popcorn.

"I think he does now." Tehg sighs as Lon'qu lowers his blade.

"God dammit, Johnny. I just wanted a reason to be lazy tomorrow. I wanted an actual fight."

"I refuse to continue unless it is at your best." Lon'qu says in disapproval.

"No. It'll end bad if I do."

"No is not an option."

"*Sigh*...He's one of those types, huh? Fine, whatever. Just know that this is on you." Energy began to pour out of the red clad man as cracks formed along his arms and face. His eyes glowed a bloody red before the energy exploded around him. When the light faded, the man was gone and a hellish being floated in his place. Lon'qu dropped to the ground, struggling to breath. Tehg caught Lucina as she fell, passed out and Owain looked like he was trying his best just to remain standing. **"See? This is why I didn't want to do this. The more magically sensitive someone is, the more dangerous this form is to them. But, if you want to keep going…"** A blade of red energy shot from his forearm and embedded itself into the ground right next to his head. **"I'd suggest not doing that."**

"For the pride of Chron'sin I should fight you. But I know when I am bested." He forces himself up and laughs. "I humbly accept defeat from a strong opponent like you." In another flash of scarlet, G1 was back in his human form.

"Good. Majin Trigger is a pain to maintain. It's a real energy guzzler." He said with a sigh.

"Should you really tell this to a potential enemy? I could exploit this weakness." Lon'qu asks the red clad man.

"Meh. In that form I'm literally invincible and I destroyed the soul of a demigod that had the ability to revive from death twelve times. Plus, you barely forced yourself up. Do you really think you could fight?" Before Lon'qu could answer, the goddesses and the SSS showed up with Kanade. "Oh, hey. How'd it go?"

"We saved Kanade and got rid of the clones...Though apparently one skirt was missing…" Neptune says cheerfully. Those that were present for the incident just turned to stare at Tehg.

"Oh…" Neptune said, showing that she isn't as unintelligent as she seemed.

"So, who's the guy who looks like he has a stick up his butt?" Ram asks.

"This is my father, the legendary LON'QU! THE MAN WHO TAUGHT ME HOW TO WIELD A BLADE! How do you not know?" Owain shouts with pride.

"Stevie, please give me the duct tape." Vert "asked".

"Sure." He said, giving the gray roll to the green themed goddess.

"Erm, breastiful goddess, what do you wish to do with that strange item?" Owain asked sweating nervously.

"Hehehe...Just hold still…" She said with an evil smirk.

"You know it won't shut him up right?" Lon'qu asks the green clad goddess duct tapes Owain's mouth shut.

"It will give us a few moments respite. I plan on enjoying it." Was the answer he recieved.

"I'll chip in… SON! Stop with that for one day or I'll personally bring Nah here." Owain nodded with very pale skin.

"Erm, Nah isn't a name. It's a word." Nepgear says.

"Well a dragon Loli named Nowi had a daughter and she named her Nah" Tehg explained with a very happy expression.

"Excited about the Lolis?" Johnny asked.

"No. Nowi is my favourite Awakening character. Next to Severa. I would talk about Nowi all day if asked."

"How about you don't and say you did? I'm tired and hungry and kind of just want to sprawl out somewhere." G1 moaned.

"Sure...The chapters kinda dragging on now." Cynthia states.

"Really? Ending this with a fourth wall break?" Blanc asked.

"Huh? What's a fourth wall?" Cynthia asked in confusion.

 **And that's where we're calling it. We all know how something like that conversation goes.** Yes...yes we do, and really, TFS? **Soul Silver Nuzlocke...Do not question me.** I'm just going to back away and end the chapter…Tehg out. **Peace.**

 **So, uh, sorry for not posting this. I meant to do it Monday, but between doing things around the house and not having to worry about typing this because we have some backed up, I just never got around to doing it. My bad. I'll try to be more regular with these, but with our schedules, it's become harder to write together and I don't want to run out and not have a chapter to give you all. We'll, until next time, see ya.**


	25. Fan-service Part 1

Chapter 24: Fan-service Part 1

So, we're back again…I seriously need to work on my own story more than this... **Hey, this is on you. Plus, don't you have a bunch of chapters that you are waiting for me to edit. I'm waiting for those, by the way.** True, I guess. Anyway let's just get on with this...I grow tired of this. **Shouldn't we warn them that this is a filler, because we are busy people with things to do?** True… Dammit flashbacks! **But they're good flashbacks in that episode.** CHAPTER NOW! **Fine, fine...Let's do this…**

 **So, we were finally able to finish the next chapter, so I finally get to put this one up. Sorry for the wait, and I'll only keep you for a moment longer to thank you for being patient. Well, on with the show.**

After the SSS came back with an unconscious Kanade, the entire group went back to the school to get the small girl to the infirmary. The entire time, Lon'qu was sweating nervously.

"Are you okay, Mister?" Rom asked him after Kanade was safely put into bed.

"Ah! Stay away from me, you beast!" He says jumping back in absolute fear. Before he could go too far, a blood red skeletal hand reached out and grabbed him.

"I forgot I could do this." G1 muttered. "Now, could you please answer her question? Maybe also tell me why you just jumped out of your skin when she came near you?"

"I have a fear of women. And to answer your question girl, no, I am not okay...I'm surrounded by females!" He emphases his point when Vert is almost pressing her breasts onto his arm.

"Oh my...To think such a thing was possible…" The green goddess said in contemplation.

"Vert. No." Tehg says, pulling out Lon'qu's arm.

"What is that?" Lon'qu asked, pointing at the partially formed Susano'o. "I have never seen such a construct."

"I think we'd all would like that answered." Yurippe said, coming out of the room.

"Oh God...You signed a death warrant to your ears…" Johnny says, walking out the room as well.

"This is just a part of my Susano'o. Originally, it was exclusive to this clan of ninja with crazy eye-magic, but I figured it out after ten years of trial and error." The devil answered. "Instead of chakra, though, I use my own magic, force it out of my body, and then give it form."

"So now that you're done, how about we have some fun!?" Neptune suggested.

"After Kanade wakes up. We need to make sure she's still her and not one of the fight happy ones." Yurippe said, temporarily shutting Neptune down.

"That's not a no~!"

"Can we go to the beach then?" Vert says.

"You just wanna show off your melons, Thunder Tits!" Blanc screams.

"Neptune, Vert, it doesn't mean yes either." Noire says sighing.

"But is doesn't mean no~" Tehg sings along with Neptune.

"Once we're sure she's fine we'll go to the beach...Happy?" Yurippe said while palming her face.

"Woo Hoo!" Neptune cheered.

"Oh no…" Lon'qu paled.

"What's wrong, buddy?" Neptune asks, attempting to wrap an arm round him only to get a shriek of horror as a response. "Whaaaaaat…?"

"Stay TWENTY FEET AWAY FROM ME WOMAN!" Lon'qu cried out.

"Jeez, guy...What's your problem? Can't take being around a sexy girl like me?"

"Yes, actually…"

"What about me then?" Vert asks in a sultry voice.

"Forty feet away for you…"

"Aw...You're no fun…" Vert pouted while taking a step closer.

"Do I need to make it fifty?" He asked in response, sweating profusely.

"Every party needs pooper, that's why we invited you! Party poooper!" Tehg sings.

"Well, I'll be down by the river doing...I don't know, something. Come get me when it's time." G1 said, leaving the building in a blur of red.

"So...Anyone have a pack of cards?" Lon'qu asks. Several hours pass as the group that was waiting outside started playing poker. Meal tickets were used as poker chips, and bets were placed by the rest of the group on who would win. Yurippe, with subtle underhanded tactics, won. No one bet on her. Her face sank because the majority of the bets were on Neptune. She would have won if it wasn't for her cheating.

"I call hacks!" Neptune exclaims pointing an accusing finger towards Yurippe.

"I won fair and square." Is her curt reply.

"I don't think you did." Kanade said from the doorway. She was in pajamas and was rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "I saw the last game. You had a card hidden up your sleeve."

"Hah! I called it! Gimme my prize!" Neptune yelled, diving at the pile of tickets. She rifled through them, taking out every single one for pudding. "Here, guys, you can have the rest." And so the contest began. A mad scramble over pieces of paper.

"Hey, uh...Shouldn't we go get G1? Since she's up, we can go to the beach now." Storm suggested.

"Fine...you get him. I've got something else to do." Tehg says, fading away.

"Wait! Bring him here first. He said he'd 'Un-Gary Stu' me...Whatever that means…" Tatsuya asks in curiosity.

"I will go get him get him." Lon'qu states wishing to get away from the females. He soon comes back with the devil. "Here." He pushes the red clad man towards Tatsuya.

"Okay. So Un-Gary Stu?" G1 asks, which he gets a nod in response. "STORM GET THE SCALPEL!" The two drag Tatsuya off and Johnny was standing in front of the door as a bodyguard. The only time he moved was when they had forced the nurse out of the infirmary. Tehg re-appears and looks to Bryce.

"Switch out." He says and he sighs fading away. "So guys, say hi to Lyn. Or Lyndis. Whichever you prefer." Tehg says as a woman with green hair and blue eyes appears. She started to wave, before the sounds of a chainsaw, maniacal laughter, and pained screaming pierced the air.

"Should I be worried about that?" Lyn asks the group after she was done with being on the ceiling.

"Nah he will be fine...Just maybe a few bits of brain matter missing." Johnny says, punching the door, yelling to keep it down. "And that should do it." He mutters, duct taping the door trying to reduce noise. That only seemed to encourage the two, if the pounding on the walls was any indication. "God dammit…"

"Ummm...I'm Lyndis, but you may call me Lyn. Though I worry about your friends' sanity, Tehg."

"I do too. G1 is pretty weird."

"Keep it down or you're next~!" Came the sing-song reply.

"You lay a finger on him and you shall meet the business end of my blade!" Lyn screams through the door making sure he can hear.

"You can try~! But others have tried worse~!"

"G1...Her blade… It fucks up your regeneration."

"Yamato!"

"Fuck!"

"Can we just go to the beach please!?" Neptune pleads.

"Hold on a sec! We just need to stick the cerebellum back in! He was moving around too much!" Storm called out.

"Isn't that very dangerous?" Cynthia asks while munching on a caramel apple Milky Ways that she stole from G1's stash.

"Nah! He's fine." G1 reassured them. "Oh, and Tia...That better not have been some of my caramel apple Milky Ways…" Both Tehg and Cynthia shiver.

"Yes...it was...But it's not anymore as I ate it!" She says excitedly.

"Guess I need to teach the girl a lesson. Care to help me Storm?" He asked his fellow mad scientist as they exited the room. They both had lab coats on that were stained with blood, either by splatter or by Tatsuya's hands.

"Sure." Storm answered, and mad smile gracing his face.

"Um...oh dearest father do not worry. I already bought you a full bag in compensation." She says, smirking as she hands the madman his treats.

"Thanks, but this isn't about the candy. It's the fact that you took them without permission." He responded, grabbing on to her and dragging her into the room. "We'll be back in a few."

"But the beach…" Neptune complains deflating.

"We'll only be a few minutes, Neptune." Storm said seriously as he sank into the darkness that had overtaken the room. And what they said was true. Two and a half minutes later, the four walked out, though Cynthia had her hands on her rear.

"I can't believe you spanked me a hundred times…" Cynthia muttered.

"I did what had to be done. This way, you'll have a permanent psychological reminder. Especially if you and Neptune start doing some freaky shit."

"If she shares any similarities to herself, meaning Solar, she most likely won't remember...sadly." Tehg says staring at his sister.

"I don't know...Dad's hand was pretty solid…"

"He does have a mean backhand. I watched him backhand an ancient dragon once. That's how we started a competition on who could backhand it away the farthest." Johnny added.

"You've slapped a dragon and lived to talk about it?" Lyn asked.

"We've slapped dragons to death on multiple occasions." Storm stated as if it were a normal occurrence before beginning to walk away from her.

"Cool...Now can we go? I think Neptune is looking at me with eyes of murder." Tehg says sweating.

"It wouldn't be that big a loss, guys. Come on, lemme at 'im." A golden blade is suddenly pressed against her throat, silencing her.

"Say that again. I dare you." Lyn says coldly.

"Try that again. I dare YOU." G1 said. As she turned around, floating swords surrounded her. "You see, my daughter wants to tap the ass of that girl you're threatening. Can't have you killing a possible daughter in law, now can I?"

"She was threatening my friend… I will not stand for that...But I shall stand down for now." She sheathed her blade and chuckles. "Sorry… I tend to go too far when protecting my friends."

"Same." The blue blades faded out of existence. "But to be fair, we were being rude by constantly delaying something we're all in need of at this point."

"Indeed. So shall we be off?"

"We'll meet you there. Ninja magic for the win." The three oldest males disappeared in a plume of smoke. All that could be seen of them were blurs of their respective colors.

"They do realize they don't have swim suits, don't they?" Noire asked.

"They'll have to deal with whatever we get them. I'm getting as tired of waiting as Neptune." Blanc all but growled out.

"Yepperoni! Let's go!" Neptune cheered.

"Umm… What's a swimsuit?" Owain, Lucina, Lon'qu and Lyn ask in unison.

"A swimsuit is an outfit that you wear to the beach. It's similar to underwear but different." Tehg explains and they nod. After about half an hour they arrive at the nearby beach to see G1, Johnny and Storm already have set everything up.

"Ahoy there old man!" Tehg shouts to the devil.

"I'm not old!"

"You're older than me!" Lon'qu shouts unnerved.

"By what!? Three years!?"

"Still older…" He grumbled.

"Aw I'm the youngest…" Lucina moans. "I'm only 16."

"Actually, I'm the youngest." Cynthia said. "Technically I'm only like a week or two old."

"Oh yeah!" Ram says, bopping her fist on her open palm.

"I meant from our dimension/multiverse/outrealm thing!"

"I know it doesn't help but I'm 20." Lyn says.

"AND THE GODDESSES ARE AGELESS!" Tehg shouts, snapping. "Sorry. Age is a sensitive subject."

"Speaking of that, not trying to trigger you Tehg, but aren't the original four goddesses, like, thousands of years old?" Johnny asked.

"...Yes...Yes they are...Now come here while I shank you." He says with a blank face.

"So...Uh...We don't have swim trunks…" G1 sighed out.

"We've got it handled." Uni said, holding up a bag. "Now let's go get change." She finished with a smile that made Tehg feel all warm and fuzzy.

"Alright, you creep. Go get changed." Noire says hitting him over the head.

Tehgs group comes out first...Because SOME PEOPLE GET CHANGED FAST. (I hate you G1)( **Is it because the number generator decided you'd go first?** ) (RNGesus was not my friend today…) Tehg is wearing a pair of onyx shorts with white stripes going up the side. Next was Solar wearing a black one piece with a red phoenix claw across the stomach area. After that was Lyn wearing a two piece green bikini showing off her curves.

"Are you sure this is okay? Am I not showing too much skin?" Lyn asks.

"Nah. It's fine… It's quite becoming of you actually." Tehg and Solar say to ease her nerves.

"Indeed, you look quite better than I do." Lucina says exiting the changing rooms. She is wearing a blue two piece swimsuit and shorts...still with her falchion on her waist.

"Um... Lucina…? Why do you have your blade still?" Solar asks her

"You never know when evil may strike!"

"Aye! So I must keep my tome of knowledge on me." Owain can be heard walking over wearing yellow shorts and his tome under his arm.

"Of course…" Tehg sighs. "Next!"

"Hey!" Owain complains as his father walks out.

"Quiet boy. Your voice annoys me."

"But father!"

"I said quiet!"

"Can you two stop bickering. My head hurts…" Tatsuya mutters walking out in white and green shorts. Rose comes out after him wearing a black one piece with a white strip going diagonally across her chest.

"Now we wait for G1's group." Tehg mutters. The larger group took a bit longer, but came out together. Lancer was wearing a dark blue speedo.

"Oh God! My eyes! My beautiful lesbian eyes!" Solar cried out.

"Oh Naga! It stings!" Owain cries out.

"Relax. We'll just trap him in the water where we can't see him." Blanc said with her hands over the twins' eyes. She was in a beige one piece with a white swirl line running from her left shoulder to her right hip.

"Looking good, Blanc." Tehg mutters, only to get slapped over the head by Solar. The twins were in one pieces as well. The colors matched what they'd normally wear and had a small frilly skirt. Noire was standing to the right of the three in a dark blue, red, and white one piece that showed off her stomach, right side, and back. In her hair was matching ribbons.

"So...How do I look?" Noire asked.

"Meh Lyn looks better." Tehgs says honestly.

"You just say that because you don't like Noire." G1 said, standing proudly in pink shorts. "By the way, whose idea was this?" He asked, gesturing to the swim trunks.

"Firstly, not true. Secondly, I say it honestly based on reasons, and thirdly Cynthia picked it for you...Something about no pink speedos in your size." The now pink clad man slowly turned to his adopted daughter.

"You know this means war, right?"

"Oh yes, it does." She confirms smirking as she puts her left hand on her hip. She was wearing a simple red strapless bikini that was held together in the front by a gold ring.

"What would it be called if I thought Cynthia was hot?" Solar asks innocently.

"Weird, but not illegal." Johnny answered. His trunks were green with black lotus flower print on them.

"A flower? Ain't that a bit girly?" Lon'qu asks with a chuckle.

"Lotus' are cool though. They just get to chill there in the water until they die. That's a life I wouldn't mind living." Was Johnny's response.

"That is a lazy life. A life should be fulfilling and full of enjoyment...even including bad things, too."

"But what if you like enjoying seeing nature just...happen?" The sage of G1's group asked, clad in red trunks with yellow and orange flames. "If that's your goal, it would be fulfilling. Would it not?"

"I suppose. Though not everyone is the same." He grunts as his spine stiffens. "The melons are nearby. I can sense it." And there were indeed melons. Vert's were barely contained by the light green bikini that showed off almost everything. The fabric crossed over her bountiful chest and wrapped around her neck and down her back, leaving her underboob and cleavage exposed. The lower half was held on by strings.

"JESUS VERT! AIN'T THAT A BIT MUCH!?" Tehg screams covering Rose's eyes.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." She said, leaning on G1 with an arm underneath her boobs.

"What are you doing?" He asked her.

"Striking a pose. Now be a dear and play along." And so he does, knocking her away a bit while striking a pose very similar to that of one Caesar Zeppeli, with a hand in front of his face.

"Like this?"

"Umm...Daddy why are you covering my eyes...? It's only auntie Vert!" Rose asks her father.

"That's why I'm covering your eyes honey."

"Please remove your hands from your daughter eyes please." Vert asks.

"Vert, please stop. We're here to have a good time, remember?" Nepgear pleaded. She was in a light purple one piece with no back.

"I'm so going to tap that…" Cynthia mutters.

"Just not in front of the kids." Uni said from directly behind her. Her swimsuit was similar to Cynthia's, except it was black and white with a silver ring.

"Damnit...I really miss my Uni now…" Tehg mutters.

"Ah, cheer up, bud! You'll get back to her!" Neptune said, patting him on the back. Her swimsuit was a light blue with a yellow trim.

"Tapping it later." Cynthia says to herself.

"Stop thinking with your non-existent lady dick." G1 said sternly.

"Fine...But I was only saying." She says.

"Oh and Neptune, thanks...Cynthia stop having a lady boner." Tehg says.

"So...what now?" Noire asks holding a bag full of stuff.

"Don't we have to wait for the SSS kids?" Lancer asked.

"You morons! How could you forget about me!?" Yui cries walking out in a simple pink one piece.

"Shut it, Yui! We came here to relax!" Hinata says getting into a brawl with her. He was wearing a pair of black shorts.

"This is gonna be wicked!" TK shouted, wearing white shorts with rainbow colored peace signs.

"Why am I not surprised?" Blanc asked to no one in particular.

"This is so stupid…" Shiina says walking out in a black one piece but still having her scarf.

"Why do you still have a scarf in this heat?" Otonashi asks walking out in orange shorts.

"Because you're stupid." Was her response.

"You're all stupid." Naoi said. "Except for you, Otonashi." He added. "But I do have to ask, why am I in a bikini?"

"Well...You look like a girl, and we grabbed too many girls' swimsuits and not enough guys...So…" Ram explained.

"This was planned wasn't it?" He asked hypnotizing her.

"Hey! What did I say about hypnotizing people!?" Otonashi yelled, slapping him on the back of the head.

"Wow...Otonashi just Gibbs slapped Naoi." G1 said, shocked.

"Huh...You Americans and your violence." Solar says sighing.

"Watch your tongue! NCIS is awesome!"

"Oh I know. But doesn't stop my point."

"And you all act like idiots." Yurippe said, wearing a teal bikini.

"Hm not bad...for a jackass" Tehg says to her face.

"Yeah. I didn't think such a shitty person would be so well endowed." Storm added.

"Umm...You ok, uncle Storm?" Rose asks the sage.

"I'm perfectly fine." He answered with a smile.

"Oh, ok!" She replied smiling back at him.

"Stop picking on Yuri before I kill you a hundred times!" Noda says walking out in a bright purple speedo and goggles on his head.

"You can try, you fucking shoeby." Johnny said with a raised fist.

"Shut it you masochist!" And that is the story of how Noda was uppercutted so hard he flew into the ocean.

"He deserved that." Jesus-kun says walking out in white shorts and a t-shirt.

"Yeah he did." Johnny replied, grinding a fist in his other hand.

"What did Noda do this time?" Kanade asks walking out in a two piece white bikini. Otonashi's face was visibly flushed.

"Down boy. You're pitching a tent there." Tehg says teasing him.

"What?!" He cries looking at his nether regions, to see that nothing is out of the ordinary.

"Man, I can't believe he reacted like that. You'd think he would've felt it." Fujimaki commented.

"Mmhm." Matsushita agreed, his mouth filled with a meat bun. They are both wearing black shorts.

"You guys are being too loud." Yusa says in monotone walking out wearing an amber two piece swimsuit.

"IS THIS OKAY THEN!?" Neptune said through a megaphone close to her ear.

"What?" Yusa asked, now deafened by the eccentric goddess.

"Neptune you deafened my secretary!" Yurippe shouts while bitch slapping her. She instantly regretted it as G1, Cynthia, and Nepgear glared holes into her skull.

"Bitch you done fucked up!" Tehg commented from the sidelines.

"I suggest you apologize to Neptune. I have yet to see Gear angry, but I have the distinct feeling that it'll be like Bruce Banner turning into the Hulk." G1 said, pointing a thumb at Nepgear. "Plus, I think that Cynthia here is in a mood. Don't quote me on that, though."

"Um...I don't know what a 'Hulk' is." Yurippe says and Yui pales.

"Ummm, Yurippe…? To translate...APOLOGIZE NOW! OR DO YOU WANT ALL OF US TO DIE?!"

"We can't die Yui."

"JUST DO IT!" A voice says in the wind.

"Hey, Gear. Do your thing." A creepy smile split her face as she transformed into HDD. The smile that really shouldn't be on the nice girl's face remained as she leveled and charged her gunblade.

"Not sorry, Nepgear...The bitch deserved it." With Yurippe's stubborn attitude kicking in, Nepgear pulled the trigger. The beam of energy tore a hole in her torso, yet somehow left her beachwear spotless.

"Hurts like a bitch...but still not apologizing."

"My turn then." G1 said, ramming Rebellion through her skull. "Ah...Been waitin' to do that for a while now."

"I wanna try that too!" Tehg says, sulking as Solar holds him back.

"No, brother. Leave it to the morons to do moron things...Why not go stare at Lyn or Uni or something?" She offers to which he sulks off.

"Are you calling me a moron?" Nepgear asked her.

"N-N-No…"

"No, she was referring to G1."

"Do I need to stab you in the face too? Cuz I will." G1 said, giving a general threat to everyone. "Not in the mood anymore. Today was going good, then Yurippe ruined it."

"I'll handle this" Storm says, ninja vanishing with the girl. He then returns alone. "She is now alone in the headquarters."

"Yay!" Came the TFS Goku like response. "Now we will actually be able to have fun."

"You said it!" Yui cheered, agreeing with the Devil Hunter.

"So what do we do at the beach?" Lucina asks getting uncomfortable.

"Volleyball?" Noire suggested.

"What is this volleyball?" Lyn asks walking over.

"Something I'm very bad at." G1 said. "So many bloody noses…"

"I remember that. It was at one of Iffy's birthday parties. You'd think a guy with such good hand-eye coordination would be so bad at a sport." Storm commented.

"Because he has a bad luck stat…" Tehg commented.

"I don't know what that means, but thanks G1. That explains so much!" Lyn says sarcastically.

"I was mostly talking to myself. No need to be rude. Volleyball's a sport where you have to hit a ball over a net in a way that the other team can't return it to you side."

"I see…"

"So who's up first?"

"Well, I'm not playing. I'll ref, but no play." G1 quickly said while jumping into the tall chair near the net.

"Aww Stevie you're no fun" Neptune whines.

"Deal with it. We can have teams of three, six or nine. It might be more interesting if it were nine."

"Curious question." Johnny started out of nowhere. "If Neptune were to go HDD right now, would she be in her regular stuff or a different swimsuit?"

"These are important question indeed." Cynthia agrees.

"Let's find out!" Neptune said. In a pillar of light she was replaced with her adult form. She was clad in a two piece similar to her smaller for but was a royal blue instead. It only seemed to just barely cling to her.

"Jiggle physics for the win!" Johnny and Cynthia say in unison while drooling.

"I'd appreciate it if you'd stop staring." Neptune said. "The only one of us that actually enjoys that is Vert."

"That is true." Vert said. "The attention is quite nice."

"Meh. I'll stare at Nepgear then."

"Aw…" Vert pouted.

"Cheer up. It's not the end of the world or anything." G1 said to her from the chair. "How about we make sure she's on the other team, and you could nail her in the face."

"FACK YOU DAD!"

"If you're going to swear, do it right!"

"FINE! FUCK YOU!"

"No, because that's creepy."

"Argh!"

"Okay ladies quit your bitching!" Lon'qu shouts while hiding behind Tehg.

"Says the biggest bitch here." Blanc muttered.

"What did you call me wrench?"

"Did I stutter?"

"Come say that to my face!" As soon as she went to do so, he recoiled in fear.

"Not so tough are you?"

"Can we please get to picking teams and playing?" G1 pleaded.

"I have a spark of inspiration friends!" Owain says.

"Oh, this'll be good." Hinata whispered to Otonashi.

"A volleyball tournament!" He cries, holding his tome to the air.

"I don't want to burst your bubble, but that was the plan from the beginning, seeing as there are so many of us." Storm mentioned.

"Aw. I thought I had a good idea." Owain mopes. The teams that were decided after much debate. The first team consisted of Neptune, Noire, Nepgear, Vert, Uni and Cynthia. The second team Tehg, Solar, Kanade, Lyn, Lucina and Owain. The third was Otonashi, Storm, Johnny, TK, Hinata, and Yui. The fourth team Lon'qu, Yusa, Yurippe (who just got back), Shiina, Matsushita and Miyuki, the drummer of Girls Dead Monster. (Unneeded details man!)( **Not everyone has watched this show, man. They wouldn't know who she was.** ) (Fine.)

"And registration is done…" Solar says, pulling out a white board with the teams with mock team names on to symbolize them.

"But I don't have a team!" Ooyama complained.

"You can keep score for me." The ref answered.

"Aww. Okay."

"Okay! Round 1! Verts teams vs Lon'qus teams!"

"No! I will not fight the melons. It is too much!" Lon'qu hisses out.

"It's either you play, or your team forfeits. What now?" G1 said from what he had dubbed his Rules Throne.

"Bring it bitch!" Lon'qu screams grabbing the ball.

"Good...Let the game begin!"

"So will he flake with the females around him?" Lancer asked.

"Eh depends if their breasts get too close...Or some other things, but not during combat or something like this. He won't falter." Lucina answers stretching.

"That'll last until Vert jumps into the air to hit the ball. The jiggle will absolutely kill him. Metaphorically, at least." Storm commented.

"Hark sage. Are you making fun of my father? That is not nice guys…" Owain cries out.

"I'm not. That's just what I think will happen based on what your father has done so far today."

"AH! THE JIGGLE! IT BURNS!" Lon'qu screams in pain.

"I am apologizing, sage. You were correct. Though I still want you to teach me some tricks please. You're amazing!" Owain cries in amazement.

"It's simple. You look at your surroundings and take notes on the things you see."

"Hm, interesting. I shall do this...I do have a question. That technique we used to block the angel of underground? How do I make it work? Every time I try I use too much power and almost pass out."

"That's the thing. You use too much energy. That, and magic isn't as stable in a physical form. In order to do it, you need those. Start off by trying to burst a water balloon. When you do that, try a solid rubber ball. By that point, you'll have the control you'll need."

"I thank you. With this info I shall perfect it. Thank you." He thanks the sage.

And I can't believe it's a two parter… What we been up to man!? **Fan service has no limits, so a two parter is okay. We're also buying time to watch the other episodes to get a real chapter out. Yay procrastination! You have given us boobs!** Next episode...it will make me cry. So yea PREPARE TISSUES! **Meh. We don't need tissues…** Never say I didn't warn you...Now I must go, my people need me~! **Okay. I'll just eat all your snacks while you're gone.** Oh hell no! Bitch no! Anyway Tehg out. **Adios, muchachos.**


	26. Fan-Service Part 2

Chapter 25: Fan Service Part 2

 **It has been too fucking long since we've written.** Hello, friend. It's been too long. **The fact that we haven't seen each other even though I've been hiding from the Trump stuff is amazing.** Ah, yes...him. We don't mention him much in THESE waters. **Lucky. His face is all over the place here. But let's not talk about politics. We don't need to drag that into the escape from real life that people use this site for, even if they don't admit it.** I do see your point. **Let's get to the fun stuff then, aka FAN SERVICE!**

Several hours later, the games had finished. Somehow, over the course of those games, the tower chair G1 had been sitting on had been replaced with a Tower of Pimps. Ooyama was sitting in the wooden remnants after salvaging what was left of the chair. In his hand was the final score between the goddesses (and Cynthia) vs. Tehg's team. The goddesses won by three points. Ooyama looks over to the man on the tower.

"Erm...Steven…? What are you sitting on?" He asked.

"This, my good sir, is the Tower of Pimps. It was originally created by a drunk British guy with a big nose playing Minecraft. It is a symbol of power and victory."

"Huh, that's...interesting. So, what's the next thing on agenda?"

"I dunno...What's next? The first and last time I did one of these I was ripped from my own reality."

"Rough. So, that was a close match. The girls won by three points!" Lancer speaks out.

"Three points?" Nepgear asked reduntantly.

"Is three points special?" Yui asks

"Three. Three. Three." Nepgear mutters under her breath while lying in the fetal position.

"Gear! Stop rocking! You'll get sand in your bottoms!" Neptune yelled, trying to snap her sister out of it.

"THREE! THREE! THREE! *Smack* Huh...? What happened?" She looked around to see Cynthia with an outstretched hand.

"You...kind of lost it...So I smacked the crazy out of you."

"I'm sorry…" She cried bowing her head, blushing.

"Don't apologize...At this point its Histoire's fault." Uni said, defending the girl's...event…

"Is Nepgear okay? She's not going to lose her sanity, is she?" Yui asked.

"She'll be fine. Honestly, this isn't the first time she's had a breakdown. This is just the first time it was to this extent." Vert responded, subtlety shifting towards Lon'qu and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Stop touching me!" He shouted, sounding very similar to a certain skeletal puppet.

"Oh my...I never knew his fear of females was this bad" Lyn says while eating some ice cream.

"Where did you get that? We didn't bring any ice cream." Noire asked.

"I put some milk near Blanc and this happened."

"IMMA KILL 'ER!" Said short goddess raged at the green haired girl while G1 held her back. "Let me go!" Instead of being released, she was lifted into the air.

"I'll put you down when you chill out." She brought a foot back and slammed her heel into his stomach. "Okay...bad phrasing...Not letting you go, though…"

"Put me down or your nuts are next!"

"I will hug you like a teddy bear."

"...You wouldn't…" Neptune said, remembering the time she attempted such a thing.

"He would…" Noire stated.

"I have before and I'll do it again!" Before anything more could happened, the two were buried in sand, courtesy of Tehg, who was holding a shovel.

"What the hell!? Let us out!" Blanc yelled.

"Stop squirming or you'll make things awkward for both of us!" The pink clad man yelled back. Blanc catches on and blushes before stopping her attempts to get out.

"My job here is done. Now Lyn can't be hurt." Tehg says, directing the second half to Blanc coldly.

"Why the hell are you defending her so much!?" Blanc sassed. "Aren't you married?"

"Yes...I am married. But I have my reasons." He replied, aiming the shovel towards her.

"And what reasons are those?" Noire asks

"You know...reasons..." A sword appeared in her hand and was pointed at his throat. To the surprise of most of the witnesses, no one moved to stop her.

"Tell. Me." Rose had gone around collecting money for how long it would take for her father to get physically assaulted.

"Really, Rose!? I trusted you!"

"Daddy...You deserve it at this point…" She said, getting a high five from Lyn.

"We're having a chat later young lady. Now Nowa...let's not be hasty. My reasons are simple. I just see Lyn as a really close friend and would hate for her to get hurt...Same for anyone else. Except you, Johnny." Tehg explained, hoping Noire would not kill him.

"Fine...I'll let you off with a warning."

"Yay. Now let's dance!" He said randomly, pulling out a jukebox and cardboard box. "Dance off, bitches!"

"Blanc? You mind if I hide my embarrassment for him in your hair?"

"Uh, sure...Just don't mess my hair up."

"Didn't think you'd be the one to care about your hair like that." G1 responded, burying his face into the top of her head. "Mmm...Strawberries…"

"Stop sniffing my hair, pervert." She mutters with her face going a deeper crimson.

"You say that like I have an option at this point."

"Didn't know you were such a flirt, G1." Johnny commented.

"Come on, guys!" Tehg cries, standing by the jukebox.

"We are at the beach. You don't have a breakdance dance off at the beach." Storm said.

"I said dance off! Not breakdance dance off" Despite his defense of his idea, everyone that could went to the water.

"Just because I pity you, I will let you out." Tehg says, blasting some ice at the pair and freeing them while making a small crater.

"Aw...I was nice and cozy...Blanc is surprisingly warm…Also, I found a thing." He said, pocketing what seemed to be a CPU memory.

"I'm starting to think I chose the wrong goddess." Tehg mutters a bit too loudly.

"What was that!?" Noire yelled from the salty abyss.

"N-Nothing!"

"Haha! Whipped by your in-law!" Johnny shouted.

"And you're whipped by your madam goddess!"

"Only on the second Thursday of the month!"

"Huh...Okay...Someone REALLY likes the Plutie booty!"

"Damn right I do!"

"So...what are we meant to be doing?" Cynthia asks standing next to Neptune.

"If I knew I would tell you, but alas I know not, 'Thia" Tehg says.

"I've got the light beams! Strip, ladies!" Neptune yelled out, holding what seemed to be ribbons of pure light.

"How? Why?" Tatsuya questions, holding a hand to his forehead as Neptune places some streams on herself and strips. When she was done she reached over and ripped the suit off of Cynthia. Her form was immediately covered, but not quick enough that Lon'qu wanted to stay around any longer. He took off as quickly as he could before tripping over Yusa, who was sunbathing. Naked, mind you.

"Gods, put some clothes on woman!" He shouts.

"But then I'll get tan lines." She said in her monotone voice.

"And that's detrimental to anything how!?"

"I want to look good. Deal with it." Que the sunglasses slowly descending onto her face.

"I'm just going to ignore you…" Lon'qu said bluntly before being tackled by Neptune.

"Where do you think you're going?" She asked with a false innocence. **Did we forget to mention she went HDD? We did? Damn. Tehg! We fucked up!** Er...How did we fuck up so bad!? **I don't know, but I don't like it!** I know man! We broke the walls...what's next?

"Will you two stop interrupting!?" Blanc shouted. "I just want this day to be done with!"

Did she just...? Ummm…Hi Blanc! **No! Not yet! I must live through my OC to fill the void...** Why go ruin my moment man! You already have a harem... **I mean in real life, dammit!** I know, I'm just gonna go back to writing…

"That was all your fault!?" Blanc screamed at the heavens. "That was so embarrassing!" **I'm not apologizing.**

"Do you need to bury your head in something, Blanc?" Tehg asked innocently.

"Shut the hell up!" She said before storming off. **Tehg...We fucked up again…** Oh…

"Blanc...Why?" Tehg asked himself.

"I believe it was because you reminded her of the situation that you put her in earlier." Storm answered.

"Oh...I need to go apologize then, don't I?"

"I'll go with you. I've been told I make an adequate meat shield."

"I don't think you going would be a good idea, Stevie…" Neptune said.

"How is G1 coming bad, Neptune?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure one of those voices from earlier was his, soo…"

"I'll go. Someone needs to keep my brother from dying." Solar said.

"Relax...I can handle Noire, and she's a crazy cat lady, so Blanc should be little to no problem."

"Famous last words…" Tatsuya commented.

"Yup." Lancer added.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence guys." Tehg sighs and walks off to find Blanc.

"Why is Daddy acting suicidal today?"

"First off, how do you even know that word?" Otonashi asked. "And secondly, I have no idea."

"Let him do what he wants. See how I care." Yurippe stated.

"Oh so NOW you will let him do what he wants!?" Rose shouts. "Oh, and uncle Otonashi? I learnt the word from Owain!" She says as the aforementioned man is trying to quietly escape.

"Why? Why would you say that in front of a five year old? That's almost as bad as stealing antique photos at people's parties." G1 asked.

"Why would someone steal antique photos at a party?" Noda asked, a small shark hanging from his left tricep.

"Because that's the one thing you can't replace." He answered with deadly seriousness.

"Um...What is a photo?" Lyn, Lucina, Owain and Lon'qu all asked.

"It's like a painting, but more...instant. And convenient." Matsushita replied.

"Aha! It is like that crystal Anna used in the deep realms. Don't you remember, cousin?" Owain asks Lucina.

"Please don't bring that up. I wish that Anna never had anything like that infernal device!" Lucina screams out.

"Oh yeah. Anna tried sneaking a picture of you while you were changing, didn't she?"

"No comment..." Lucina mutters, walking away.

"I feel for her, seeing as how I have the author of a series of porn novels stuck in my head." Storm said, watching her leave.

"How does that affect your mental state anyway? I've been wondering." Solar asks the sage.

"It's...a struggle. Actually, a struggle and a half."

"A struggle and a half? That's it?" Yui asked.

"Hey. It makes me money." He answered with a straight face.

"I can't argue with a point like that." Yurippe stated.

"Are we not going to address the shark that is still on Noda's arm?" Otonashi asked.

"You're actually showing worry for Noda!?" Solar asks in surprise.

"Nah. I'm more worried that the shark may catch something." Otonashi answers honestly.

"Yeah. We don't need to see his 'situation'." Lancer said from the other side of shark boy.

"You're not one to talk, seeing as how you're right next to him." Blanc stated dryly.

"Wait, I just realized something." Johnny started. "We have shark boy. Where's lava girl?"

"What are you…?" Tehg asked trailing off.

"It's an old kid's movie. You know, one of the ones that makes you feel like you're on acid." G1 answered.

"Drugs are bad, m'kay." TK said.

"I didn't know that TK knew about South Park." Vert said.

"You know about South Park?" Tatsuya asked.

"I got bored one night and went channel surfing."

"How though? It's a show from a different dimension." Solar asks.

"Hey." G1 said, waving his hand.

"When we built the Pillar of Autumn, we designed a transdimensional internet transceiver so we could get wifi." Nepgear explained in further detail.

"What?" Everyone that wasn't a part of G1's group asked.

"We have Sam Winchester wifi." Church said from the datapad in the pile of stuff.

"It's so cute…" Yui said, running over to the hologram. "Can I pet it?" At Yui's question, anyone with half a brain facepalms.

"Hey, devil? Why is that man tiny?" Owain questions, unsure if it's normal.

"You can just ask me." The A.I. stated, sounding irritated. "I'm an A.I. An artificial intelligence. And so you can understand, I'm basically a fake person. This is just a projection of me through this tablet." Both Yui and Owain look and the A.I in awe after that.

"So you're supposed to be super smart right?" They both ask in unison.

"Yeah...Why…?" Tehg goes up to Owain and whispers something into his ear

"What is three plus four?" Yui asks.

"Are we adding regular numbers or vectors? And if we are adding vectors, what is the angle between them?"

"What's a vector?" She asked, scratching her head.

"And that answers that."

"Me next!" Owain cheers before stepping towards the A.I "Ok...so... How did it feel to be blown up by a tank?"

"You know...I've had a lot of time to reflect on my multiple lives, and I just don't care anymore. It happened. Oh well. We let the retard drive the thing, so it's kind of our fault in the first place."

"In all fairness the training mode was why it killed you." Tehg commented from the sidelines.

"We let him IN the tank."

"True, true."

"Can we build sandcastles...?" Rom asked.

"Yeah! All this talk about backstories is getting super boring!"

"We can take a hint girls…" Tehg muttered as Rose walks up to Rom and Ram.

"Can I join you?" She asks them.

"Sure!"

"Hey, why don't we make it a competition? G1 can be the ref again." Johnny suggested.

"Ah hell no! I was studying to be an engineer before all of this. No way I'm NOT participating. Not after all those years of bullshitting around with Legos..."

"You know, you could always ask me since I like watching stuff like this" Tehg says, walking over to the shouting devil.

"What about your daughter? Wouldn't it be more fun for you to build one with her?" Noire asked.

"Normally, yes, but Uni used to ref competitions between me and Rose in the past so she's used to building them."

"Fine, whatever." Johnny said, surprisingly grumpy all of a sudden.

"What's your problem, Johnny?" Tehg asked with slight worry.

"You get the chance to spend time with your family and you're just blowing it off!" He yelled before storming off. Tehg, now feeling slightly pissed, decided to focus solely on the task in front of him.

"Is Johnny okay?" Lyn asks although it's a pointless question.

"No, he's not. Frankly, we're feeling the same way. It's been a long time since we've seen our families, and it's becoming a bit of a sore subject for the three of us as time goes on." Storm explained.

"Oh, I see. You are also missing family...I hope you are reunited soon..." Lyn says with a sad smile on her face.

"We do too." G1 said with an equally sad smile. "I just hope Johnny doesn't kill 'im. He might just blow his lid if Tehg says the wrong thing, and he's got attacks that can turn a planet into space dust."

"Yeah right...He ain't that strong." Tehg comments.

"Tehg...He can turn into a god, then go beyond that. Haven't you seen Dragonball Z? Vegeta blew up a planet without even going Super Saiyan." Neptune said.

"How…?"

"Crunchyroll."

"Fourth wall break levels are bullshit."

"That's my thing!" Vegeta could be heard in the distance.

"Found him!" Tehg shouts running off in search of Vegeta/Johnny.

"Well...While he commits suicide, I'll start getting the blocks of sand ready." G1 said with Yamato appearing in a puff of bluish-black smoke.

"What are you going to do with a sword?" Hinata asked, eyeing the blade.

"Didn't I just say that I was going to get the blocks of sand ready?"

"I meant how will you do that with a sword?"

"Oh. Just watch and learn." G1 slowly removed the sword from its sheath before sliding it back into place.

"Really? That's it?" Yurippe asked.

"Just watch." Tehg said. As soon as he finished speaking, the sand around them was kicked up into the sky. What was left were a multitude of rectangle structures and some stairs of sand leading down to them.

"Oh, dimension cutting magic sword, how I love you so…" G1 cooed, cradling the blade.

"Stop hugging the voodoo sword like a psycho and get back to work maggot!" Solar shouts to the devil. In an action that could only be fueled by spite, he held the sword tighter and sat down, all the while wearing a face of defiance.

"What now, child?" Lon'qu asked. "You only halted all progression of today's events."

"Uh...I'm sorry G1. Will you please get to work?" Solar asks with a pleading look.

"Sure. Now be a sport and grab daddy another beer."

"Fine. No need to sound like Alucard, though..." Solar mutters walking off to obtain said beer.

"Have you not read my first story? Going full Alucard at the worst of times is kinda my thing." Lon'qu looks at G1.

"Who is this Alucard you should not full off?" He asks.

"Alucard is an insane, nearly unkillable vampire." Storm answered.

"Nearly unkillable?" He asks suspiciously.

"He can regenerate from having his head blasted to pieces, but there are still a few things that can kill him." The sage replied.

"Ah, that explains it. Much like Steven, no?"

"I can't take it to that much of an extreme, but yeah. Pretty much. I don't even know why you were telling me to do anything, Solar. Everything is set and ready for everyone to start."

"Well...I dunno, but here's your beer G1." She says throwing it over.

"Cool. I'm gonna shotgun it." He said as he punched a hole in the side.

"Shotgun it?" Lyn asked.

"Just watch." Noire said with disdain. "The last time he did something like this, it was with a keg and he got beer all over my dress." G1 pulled the tab on the can and beer gushed out of tiny hole into his mouth.

"If Johnny were here he'd be chanting 'Chug!' like last time, too." Neptune said, giggling as Noire got visibly angry for remembering the event.

"CHUG, CHUG, CHUG!" Cynthia says at Neptune's comment, cheering her father on.

"Hehehe...Oh, that was a good time. For everyone else, that's the day Nowa here learned not to wear an all white dress around our accident prone friend." Neptune said, gesturing to the man in pink.

"He doesn't seem to be clumsy." Owain commented.

"He just heals from anything stupid that he does." Blanc said flatly.

"That shouldn't affect how clumsy the devil is, ice maker." At that moment, everyone else took a few steps away from the two. Faintly, in the distance, Mister Popo could be heard saying "He dead!". "Did I offend you by chance? I didn't mean it, I was recalling when Lyn made ice cream." The only answer he got was the cracking of her knuckles.

"Okay, so while THAT'S happening, why don't we get started?" Vert asked.

"Sure...what are we doing again? I forgot." Yui asked.

"We were going to build sandcastles, dummy!" Ram said cheerfully.

"Oh, ok! I won't lose to some little kids!"

"But you're just as tall as we are…" Rom commented.

"CAN YOU SEE THESE PUPPIES!?" Yui screams grabbing her breasts "These prove I'm not a kid like you two."

"I don't see anything. Do you, Rom?" Ram asks with a smirk.

"Nuh-uh…"

"Excuse me, but I think you're looking in a mirror you punks!"

"You make our sis look like Vert!" Ram yelled.

"Wow...This just went from zero to one million…" Lancer stated.

"HEY! THAT'S NOT VERY NICE!" Yui says looking like she's about to cry.

"They're not wrong…" Vert added. Yui let loose a sob before collapsing to the ground in a heap.

"Yay! One less competitor!" Rom cheered quietly.

"That's evil…" Otonashi said.

*Cut to Johnny and Tehg*

Johnny was sitting on the edge of a nearby cliff, with his elbows on his knees and his head resting in one hand. Tehg hesitantly approached him from behind, not exactly sure how things are going to play out.

"Um, hey, Johnny?" He calls out to the man.

"What do you want?" Johnny asked aggressively.

"W-well. I'm here to apologize and to ask if you're okay."

"Do I fucking seem like I'm okay!?"

"No. I suppose you're not. Do you need an ear to speak to? Because I think that's the least I could do."

"Honestly, I'd rather talk to G1. He's the one I know would shut up and let me vent. Maybe even take a few punches. Last time he even smiled as I beat his face in, but sure."

"Thanks, I guess. But as a side note, if you sneaked a punch in I wouldn't mind." Tehg says with a sad smile. And that's how Tehg found a fist buried into his stomach. "Honestly...I deserved that…"

"Yeah. Ya did. I do feel better though. That's really all I needed. All of this dimensional bullshit is getting to me. I miss my wife. I sure as fuck miss my kid, and I'm gonna be pissed if I'm not even gonna be able to raise my little girl."

"Honestly, I don't blame you. I mean if I wasn't so focused on saving Uni, I would be the same. I wish I could offer some advice to help, though."

"It's good. All I needed was to vent. I'll be fine now. Let's head back before someone thinks one of us killed the other."

"Yeah. That way we'll be able to watch Yui kill the twins."

"Oh? This is a story I've got to hear."

"Sure. But you sure you're good? Don't want you exploding on us again."

"You call that exploding? I've literally exploded."

"Please tell me you're kidding."

"Nope."

"Oh my muffin button."

"You shut your hole!" Vegeta yelled from within Johnny's mind.

"Hello, Prince. Now let's go Johnny."

"Sure." As the two walked back, they saw what could only be described as a war zone. "Since when was this the beaches of Normandy?"

"The what?" Otonashi asks, hiding from the disaster zone.

"There you are!" Yurippe yelled. "Get over here and fight!"

"W-what? Why do we have to fight?" Tehg asks the girl.

"It all started as a normal competition, until someone decided to throw sand at Yui. It missed, causing a chain reaction into this." Lancer said, sweeping an arm around to emphasize his point.

"I'm not surprised at this point. But do you know who started this?"

"Five bucks it's the twins." Johnny said.

"I only have gold bars…"

"I'll take five of those."

"Ok then. You're on!"

"You shouldn't have made that bet, kid." Lancer said to Tehg.

"God dammit!" Tehg yelled as he forked over the bars. "How come G1 isn't stopping this? He could have quite easily."

"He's leading the charge that the twins came up with…" Yurippe answered. "He really got the three knights going when he declared himself the mad king."

"It got worse when he started using that suitcase of his as a makeshift sand launcher."

"Oh no…We have to stop this." Tehg says, sounding unamused.

"No you don't." G1 said from behind him. "We're having too much fun." It could be seen that a broken crown sat upon his head, which was split almost in half by a twisted smile. He also seemed to be wearing a kilt over this swim trunks.

"Even though I should let you kids have your fun. I shall dethrone you!" Tehg screams to the heavens. And thus, Pandora was back in play. "Oh no…"

"You remember this, right? Rom! Ram! Load it up!" He yelled, changing it into a bazooka.

"Okay!" Ram cheered, running over with a large clump of sand.

"Uh guys...Can we talk about this? I was joking, see. Ha ha ha..." Tehg states, trying to cover his ass.

"Nope…" Rom said, shoving her own clump into the weapon.

"Ah, ok-Wait what!?"

"Bye-bye, bitch!" The pink clad man said as he pulled the trigger.

"It was an honour. But thanks for a short lived fight." Tehg says bracing himself. **For the sake of time, let's skip the beatdown, ya?** I AGREE.

So, at the end of the day, no sandcastles were built. Just white flags raised at G1's unfair use of a mobile missile turret.

"It's getting late. Should we start making dinner?" Matsushita asked.

"Did anyone bring anything?" Otonashi asked.

"I can go out and hunt something down. Wouldn't take long, either." Lancer suggested.

"Don't worry. I brought a bunch of stuff for barbeque." Solar said, pulling out a large cooler full of various meats.

"I can get a fire going and have some chips and what not to go with it." Storm added.

"Did you bring the pasta salad?" G1 asked.

"*Sigh*...I always have some on me, in case you ask."

"Good. Now he won't complain. I'll go get some wood. And before anyone asks, wood grilled stuff just tastes better." Johnny said before wandering off.

"I'll go with him. The more help he has, the sooner we can start." Lon'qu stated before following after him.

"So, does anyone have any alcohol?" Tehg asks.

"We're students. Do you really think we can get any?" Yurippe asked sarcastically.

"Uh...We need an adult?"

"No, Tehg. You can't have any of my Jack." G1 said, stuffing the bottle into the tiny pocket of his swim trunks.

"Give me the bottle! I need my happy juice!"

"Stay back, you little leprechaun!" He shouted in response, holding Tehg back with a foot placed onto his chest. "'Tia! Get the spray bottle!"

"Sure!" Cynthia yelled back to her adopted father, grabbing it off of a table and filling it with ocean water. Once it was full, she tossed it to him, and he sprayed the teenage looking boy down.

"STAHP!" Tehg cried out, only to get a mouth full of the fluid.

"Oh my~" Solar says looking on in delight.

"No. None of that. Shame on you." Storm said, slapping her upside the back of her head. Tehg then looks over at Storm with a pissed look.

"Storm. No." He says before whipping the liquid of his face.

"I think I actually appreciate him stopping her." Noire spoke up. "That was getting into weird, incest territory." Vert could be heard audibly pouting in the background.

"Hmm...Don't worry, Noire. None of what you're thinking will happen." He says, being vague.

"Being vague isn't exactly dispelling my worry…"

"Another me was married to a guy like this in another world?" Uni muttered to herself.

"I guess so." G1 said with a shrug. "So, let's get cooking then, shall we?"

"Sure. Come on, Gear." Solar said, beckoning her over. The air was filled with the smell of grilling meat and other foods that would go with it. The folks ( **Yes, I said folks** ) from Fire Emblem, and Tehg, stared at some of the finished products.

"What is this?" Lucina asked, holding a hotdog.

"That's a hotdog. You eat it all at once, without biting it." Johnny answered, trying his hardest to keep a straight face.

"Really?" She questioned, afterwards attempting to do just that. She had it halfway down her throat before the dam broke and the more...immature adults began laughing like madmen. "Why are you laughing?"

"You look like you're sucking a dick!" Lancer managed to shout out while trying to regain his breath. After looking down at the food, she looked up with realization dawning upon her before turning redder than a tomato.

"How dare you make me look like a fool!?" She shouts, grabbing a stick and pointing at the small group of men like it was a sword.

"Whoa! Whoa! Calm down! It was just a joke." G1 said, while stealthily moving his way to Owain. "Show this to everyone, and tell of our tales of hilarity." He whispered, handing Owain a picture.

"You do know the chaos this 'picture' will bring, correct?" His answer was a simple nod. "You truly are a demon of the highest caliber."

"This time, you're right." Nearby, Lon'qu and Tehg were staring at a sandwich sitting on their respective plates.

"What is this?" Lon'qu asked, turning to Tehg.

"It's new to me."

"You've never heard of a pulled pork sandwich?" Vert asked.

"How would you know what one is?" The younger of the two asked her.

"Sometimes I need variety in my gamer diet."

"Could you explain a bit more about what this is?" Lon'qu asked, while noticeably backing away from the green themed goddess. Said action, however, did not go unnoticed.

"You do know that it is rude to ask something of a lady, only to move away from them, right?" She asked.

"She's right, Lon'qu. Why not move closer?" Tehg suggests, teasing the warrior.

"I'd...rather not…" He muttered as she placed an arm under her chest.

"Well, to answer your question, pulled pork is simply shredded pork covered in barbeque sauce and placed onto a roll."

"It sounds disgusting!" Lon'qu states bluntly.

"Well, you won't know until you try it." Cynthia said. He sighed while picking it up and taking a bite of the sandwich.

"Hmm...Not bad, but I've tasted better." Lon'qu said.

"It's the barbeque sauce, isn't it?" Solar asked, walking towards the small group from the grill.

"Aye, it is, girl." He confirms.

"It makes sense. You guys didn't have this kind of stuff. You know, if we got you a recipe, you could probably make a killing with this. That is, if you sell it to the right people." Neptune said, appearing from thin air, seated on his left shoulder.

"Gah! Where the hell did you come from!?" Lon'qu said, startled for once.

"Oh, you know...places…But that's not important. Money is, and you could make a lot. Imagine, something no one in your world has seen before. And all you have to do is buy me pudding with the profits." Neptune says and Lon'qu seriously considers her offer. ( **But why 'do?** )

"Before I answer, will you please get off me!?" He shouts as Neptune laughs, falling off his shoulder. "Thank you woman."

"Isn't Neptune technically just a girl, though?" Storm genuinely asked.

"Mentally, she's a kid...no doubt. But chronologically she's older than most of us here." Tehg explains. A smirk made its way onto Storm's face at his response.

"Where's the proof?"

"Oh...Um...Histoire!?" Tehg half questions.

"Histoire isn't here at the moment, please leave a message." G1 said, raising his voice to an almost feminine octave.

"Naga dammit…" Lon'qu said, facepalming. "So before the false ninja interrupted us, I'll accept your offer purple goddess." He answers.

"So, since that's taken care of, and as much as I enjoyed this, we should get to business." Noire stated, interrupting everything. "Steven, it's been more than enough time for you to be able to open another Gate, right?"

"Yeah, but we did agree to help."

"We have, but we have to get home, too." Blanc said, reinforcing what Noire was getting at.

"Let's put it to a vote then." Uni said. "Everyone that wants to leave, raise their hand." All of the goddess, and Tehg of all people, did so. All that were present turned towards him.

"What? I'm getting tired of that guy dicking with us, and thought we could try something different this time around."

"Alright, clear me some space."

"What about us?" Otonashi asked.

"You'll be fine without us. Trust me." Johnny answered.

"Fine. Go on, then. Get out of here." Yurippe said. "We're leaving." The SSS left as Storm grabbed the necessary materials. Church was brought back into the Autumn to run diagnostics on the large vessel. The Hell Gate stood before the larger group.

"This is...wow…" Lyn said in awe.

"This feeling...Madness...overflowing!" Owain shouted.

"Okay, his insanity aside, let's get going." Those inexperienced with the stone monolith hesitantly stepped into the portal that formed on its wider surface. G1, as usual, was the last to enter.

"Ladies and gentlemen...Welcome to Hell." Lancer said casually, waving an arm towards one of the windows. The people from Fire Emblem, Tatsuya, and Tehg looked out it to see the rivers of blood flowing from seemingly nowhere as muffled screams could be heard from the distance.

"This is truly a demonic and terrifying place." Lyn says while she looks over her shoulders, scared.

"Yeah. Before we did the whole 'jumping dimensions' thing, I've come here a few times to bust some heads. I try not to stay long, though. The inner parts give me the creeps." G1 said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Even the demon is scared of Hell?" Owain asked.

"He may be demonic in body, but he was human first Owain." Storm stated. "So were me and Johnny."

"Is that so...? Well, luckily the scion of legends is here! So have no fear devil may cry!" Owain says.

"Imma kick 'im. Imma kick 'im out the window." G1 muttered.

"Please do." Lon'qu encouraged quietly.

"May we please proceed? The less time we spend here, the better." Lucina said, unaware of the picture in Owain's possession.

"Pick whatever door you'd like, then." Nepgear said politely.

"Is this a scam? You trying to get a demon to eat us?" Lucina asks warily.

"No. No scam. This room serves as a nexus, a meeting point of various worlds. See those doors over there? Those are ones we've already been to." Vert stated, pointing to the multiple piles of rubble.

"Huh...You've been busy." Solar mutters. "Welp. Let's pick a door!" She cheers walking off in a random direction to select a door.

"Is she always like this?" Lancer asked.

"You have no idea." Tehg answered.

"Stop your yappin'! We need to pick a door too!" Cynthia shouts.

"Why don't you do it then!?" He called back to her.

"Sure!" She cheers, nodding before running off in search of a door. Both girls ended up slamming a hand against a door at the same time. It just so happens that they were directly across from each other.

""This one!"" Both doors were opened by the blue sword and the two groups moved towards their respective redhead.

"Hopefully we'll see each other later." Tehg said, turning towards his group of newfound friends.

"I get the feeling that we will, and the two voices in my head agree." G1 said. "You were in such a big rush Noire, so get moving." The girl took a deep breath and stepped into the unknown, the other members of her group following shortly after.

"Okay guys, it's time to find out where our next destination is" Tehg says, grabbing Tatsuya. "You go first and see if it has oxygen." The man in Tehg's grasp just sighs.

"And how would you know if I'm alive?"

"Good point." Tehg says pushing him through with the rest following shortly after.

 **We finally finished! And it only took us over a month to write a few pages of dialogue!** Yep! Well it's finished and it's the end of the arc...No more suffering waiting for time in schedules! **And I don't have to watch the feels. Awesome!** Oh yea...We stopped just before the feels, lucky you. **Lucky me? I had to try to get your unmotivated ass to do this in the first place! I had to bribe you with talking to me about Fire Emblem!** It worked didn't it? Also...shhh don't tell them how to bribe me. **It's a little late for that...We should wrap this up, though. If we go too long then we'll start rambling and no one wants that.** Aye, no one wants that...so Tehg out. **Peace!**

 **We never actually planned on ending it like this, but things came up. So, if you're wondering why the end is clunky, then there you go.**


	27. The Trouble with Dealing with a King

Chapter 26: The Trouble of Dealing with a King

 **Ladies, gentlemen, Johnny and Tehg. Thank you for your patience. It's time for a new story arc. Now, we didn't explain it the best, so I'm going to clear things up here. We stopped writing for the Angel Beats arc simply because we ran out of steam for it. Between his writer's block and our conflicting schedules, it was hard trying to write. Now that that's done, I have an announcement. For once, and this was the game plan from the beginning, we aren't doing an anime. That's write! We on to a video game! Specifically, Fire Emblem: Fates Revelation. So, let the game begin!**

When we exited the Gate, we were welcomed to the sight of a dreary looking forest. It was dark outside, yet you could still tell it was day from how warm it was. The trees lacked leaves and seemed like they were dead.

"Where are we?" Cynthia asked.

"This place is creepy." Ram said.

"I'm scared…" Rom said, inching closer to her sister.

"I think I see a path up ahead." Lancer said, pointing his Gae Bolg at an opening between some trees. "Maybe we can find someone."

"Sounds good to me. I wanna slump down in somebody's bed like a bum." Neptune said before charging forward.

"Is it Tuesday? I feel like it's a Tuesday." ( **Wrote this by hand on a Tuesday** ) I said, yet no one noticed because they had gone to follow the purple haired goddess. Once I reached the others at the dirt path, the sounds of horses galloping could be heard echoing around the otherwise empty area.

"Great. We're in the Dark Ages." Johnny lamented.

"What's the Dark Ages?" Noire asked.

"No electricity. No video games. No technology that we'd see and use in our daily lives." Storm replied.

"NOOOOO!" Neptune and Vert cried to the heavens together.

"Hold!" Soneone shouted and the galloping stopped. Six people on horseback were standing still to the right of our group. "Who are you? I have never seen anyone with clothing like that." The voice from before demanded of us. He was tall, blond, and his voice commanded respect. Must be a general or something. Before we could even begin to explain, what I could only assume was a group of bandits came out of the various bushes to our left.

"Look what we have here, boys! The Nohrian nobles and some circus freaks. Let's see of the have any coin."

"To think that bandits could be so bold." A woman with revealing armor and long purple hair commented on the situation.

"Hey!" I called out to the people that are now established as nobles. "Mind if some of us take care of this. Kind of our shtick to knock people like these guys down a peg or two."

"If you believe you can, then do so." The leader of their group said.

"Vert, Blanc, you're with me." I said, walking towards the group.

"What about us?" Storm asked.

"Stay here. I don't know how they'd respond to some of the stuff we can do. Especially the guns and magic." I said quietly.

"So, no magic, huh? No problem." Blanc said, brandishing her hammer.

"What weapon will you use? Most of the ones you have fit your criteria of what we shouldn't use." Vert commented.

'Don't use Yamato.' Vergil said in my mind.

'My brother's right. I think the only weapons you could get away with using are Force Edge and Rebellion. Maybe Nix if you can sweet talk them.' Dante said.

'I'll stick to Force Edge, then. No need to deal with THAT conversation when they ask about Rebellion.'

"I'm gonna use Force Edge." I answer, making it look like I kept the blade on the inside of my coat.

"Get 'em!" The leader of the bandits yelled, and the group charged at the three of us. A spearman ran at me, and I deflected it to the side before slamming the side of the skeletal pommel into bridge of his nose. I turned to see Blanc smashing a sword to pieces. Vert's spear pierced into a man's legs and weapon arm, disabling them. In short, we moved through the crowd of bandits with minimal effort.

"Why didn't you kill them?" The shorter of the two blonde males asked as we tied up the criminals.

"If we don't have to, then why should we? Plus, this way we can get them to the proper authorities and they'll be punished correctly." Nepgear answered, finishing her work on the last knot.

"Would you like to travel with us?" A silver haired girl asked. "We're heading to the capital, and we may pass the village you're from."

"That's…unlikely…We're traveling around from a far off land. We've lost our map and are just going about, trying to find our way home." Storm replied, albeit vaguely. Not a complete lie, but still.

"Corrin, just because these civilians decided to help us, does not mean we should bring them with us."

"Brother, they willingly put their lives on the line to aid us. The least we can do is help them on their journey." The now named Corrin pleaded.

"*Sigh*…Fine…Come with us. This trip has gotten much longer." We picked up all of the criminals and dropped them off at the first town we came across. Turns out that they had a decent sized bounty on their heads. The trip was awkwardly silent for the most part, except for when Corrin was introducing us to her siblings. It really remained that way until we were brought before the king.

"I see you made it here safely, Corrin." The man on the throne stated. "Though I am curious as to why you are so late."

"Yes, Father." Oh…I guess they weren't joking. "Long have I wished to see you and visit Castle Krakenburg again. I feel like I'm dreaming…And I will explain soon."

"It is only thanks to your diligence that you are here. Though, I do have to ask who these strangers are. Are they the reason you wish to speak about?"

"Yes. They are travelers from a far-off land, trying to return home."

"I see. Are they capable fighters?"

"Father, why do you ask?" Elise, the short blond girl asked.

"I can't help but wonder the same thing." Camilla commented.

"Corrin is a warrior almost on par with Xander. She shall need troops of her own. In return for our aid, they shall aid Nohr on the battlefield."

"I do not think that would be wise, Father." Xander started. "While they did hold their own, they refused to kill the bandits that attacked us on our way here. They merely incapacitated them. Such actions would not help us in our war against Hoshido."

"They can restrain themselves? Interesting…" The king muttered to himself. "To the matter at hand. Corrin!"

"Yes, Father?"

"In order to serve Nohr with your comrades, you will need a suitable weapon." In front of her appeared a long, black, single edged curved sword with red cracks along it's length. "This is Ganglari, a sword infused with magic from another world. With this sword at your side, you will crush the Hoshidan army with ease."

"Hold on a sec. Who said we agreed to this?" Lancer asked harshly.

"Yeah! Your daughter said she'd help us because we helped with the bandits!" Ram shouted, backing him up.

"And who are you?" The king growled.

"I've got no name that I can remember, so they call me Lancer."

"I see…I am aware of your deal with my daughter, and I am modifying it. Corrin, put that blade to good use and test the skill of this Lancer and the girl." As he said that, I leaned down to Ram.

"You can use magic, just try not to bring the building down on us."

"You got it!" The battle lasted for a while. While Lancer had the advantage when it comes to weapon and skill, he had to protect Ram as she was casting spells. Corrin also had a horse mounted lancer and her butler, who was both healing and attacking with a dagger. In the end, he had to surrender so that Ram didn't get hurt any worse than she already was. The butler was surprisingly accurate and she was littered with cuts and bruises.

"That was really tough. I'm glad you guys weren't going all out." Corrin commented, walking forward to lend them a hand.

"Don't just sit there, idiot girl. Finish them!"

"But, Father…they're beaten and are supposed to be my allies. You want me to execute them?"

"They have shown that they are not strong enough to be of use. Now, stop questioning me! I order you to kill them!"

"No! It's wrong!"

"That, and I don't think she'd live long enough if she tried." Johnny piped up. "We're stronger and faster than we look."

"*Grrr*…I won't argue the point any further." The King tried to fire multiple balls of fire at the two, but Noire and Neptune blocked them with their swords. When he made a second attempt…I, uh, well…I punched him in the face. Not my brightest moment, but damn did it feel good. A bruise already began to form as he was knocked away. Surprisingly enough, though, Corrin was standing behind the two goddesses with her blade in a blocking position.

"Father!" Elise cried out in surprise.

"You would dare to defy your king!?" He shouted after recovering.

"You're not my king. Hell, to me, it doesn't even seem like you ARE a king. Just a murderous tyrant."

"How dare you say that about my father!?" Xander yelled, drawing his sword.

"Xander, kill them all, and any that get in your way." Xander hesitated at his father's command, realizing that probably means killing his sister. "Do it! Kill them all!" We separated into our groups, weapons drawn. Given the existence of magic, I decided to trade the sealed blade for my icy scythe.

"Stand down, Corrin." Xander said as Corrin stood in his way. "If you don't, I will be forced to-"

"No, Xander. I won't let you do this!" He swung his blade, tearing into the armor she was wearing. She went to counterattack and missed. As he made a second attempt on her life, I drove the tip of my weapon into the ground, creating a wall of ice between them.

"Why are you doing this, Corrin? Why are you making an enemy of us?"

"They showed us kindness when they didn't have to. We were merely testing each other's strength, and Father demands their deaths!? Can you not see what is wrong with that?"

"Father, it appears that my sister does indeed have a point. By just touching his weapon to the ground, the man in red created lasting ice. Perhaps there is more to them than what they have shown us. I only ask that you would be merciful in your punishment of her…"

"Enough! I will consider the matter later." And with that, he left.

"Leo…Thank you…" Corrin said.

"You are quite welcome."

"Mark my words, Corrin…One day an act of kindness may be the death of you." Xander stated after sighing.

"Perhaps, but if I'm kind, I will die without regrets."

"…Well said. Now, as for you." He turned to us. "I do not know if Father has marked you as enemies, and until he does so your deal from earlier will be maintained. Guards, escort them to the guest rooms!"

"Yes, milord!" Several guards armed with spears forced us to follow them. We all were separated into individual rooms.

"Well, that was one way to start my day. Went to another world. Again. Punched a king. Again."

"This is not the first time you have done something like what you did to my father?" Oh? Looks like I have an eavesdropper.

"Yeah. But the last time it was a demon king. So, what are you doing here?"

"I am part of the nobility. I am allowed to roam as I please. But, to answer your question, you left your door open and I was simply walking by." Leo answered.

"Alright…Well…Good night, then." He left, shutting the door as he went. "Well, shit. Things just got interesting." The next morning, Corrin woke me, Rom and Cynthia.

"Father has decided that I am to go on my first mission today in order to earn his forgiveness. I was tasked with bringing two of you along to prove your worth to him." Well, that's one question answered.

"Okay, then why am I here?"

"Cynthia refused to come without you. What it your relationship?"

"She's my adopted daughter."

"I see…"

"What are we doing…?" Rom asked shyly.

"We are going to scout an abandoned stronghold near the border of Nohr and Hoshido." Camilla answered before Corrin could. "And I could not bear the thought of leaving my darling sister alone with a brute like yourself." She said, pointing at me.

"And I told you that that is not possible, Lady Camilla. We've been over this." The man paused while looking us over. "Why are there three of you?"

"She refused to go without her father."

"So, why us, anyway?" Cynthia asked.

"From what I was told, Rom will be able heal us if anything goes wrong, you're light on your feet, and your father seems able to fight against anything we throw at him."

"I see. So a healer, an agile fighter, and a weapon master…" The man commented. "I am Iago, and I shall be coordinating this mission."

"A paper pusher…Wonderful…Okay, lead on, then." I said, crossing my arms. When we arrived at the location, we were on a rope bridge over a canyon with no visible bottom. "*Whistles*… That's a long way down."

"There is a reason why it's called the Bottomless Canyon." The horseman said.

"Um, guys…There's people over there…" Cynthia pointed out, glancing at the fortress.

"Wonderful…Well, time for some scare tactics." I said, drawing Rebellion.

"Is that…?"

"The design of human bones? Yes, Corrin, yes they are."

"Why would you wield such a blade?" The butler from before asked.

"It's a sword made by a demon for killing demons."

"Ah, just shut up and start killing!" Hans, the man that the king had sent with us, shouted, charging forward with his axe raised high.

"As expected of a criminal." Gunter the horseman commented.

"Indeed." Jakob the butler agreed. "Miss Rom, may I ask that you assist me in keeping everyone in fighting condition?"

"O-Okay…"

"If we don't have to kill anyone, don't." Corrin ordered. It took us an hour to fight our way to the fortress. Everyone we had captured got executed by Hans before we could do anything to stop him. I'm really starting to understand why Vergil doesn't have any qualms with killing humans. "This wasn't what I had in mind…but at least I've completed Father's mission." Out of the trees came three ninjas.

"You're the leader of these troops? Bah! You're a little girl."

"Who are you?"

"My name is Saizo." The wannabe Kakashi stated. "I've come to claim your life."

"I've got this!" Cynthia yelled, charging at the three. She dealt with the first two, but she struggled against Saizo. He was about to land a real nasty blow, but Xander of all people blocked it.

"What's going on here, Corrin?" He asked, turning to his sister.

"Xander! How did you know we were in trouble?" Before he could answer, the other siblings joined us.

"We arrived just in time. Your luck never runs out, does it, sister?" Leo mused.

"Are you all right?" Camilla asked. "I was so worried about you."

"W-What is that sword?" Elise asked. I could tell she was talking about the blade that was attached to my back.

"A demon-slaying sword called Rebellion. I swear, people asking me about it is going to get real old real quickly." The last part I said to myself.

"Whoever tries to hurt my dear sister shall pay!" Camilla roared from the back of her Wyvern, slamming her axe down on where Saizo was.

"I never knew Camilla could be so…ruthless…" Corrin muttered.

"Hee hee! That's right, you've never seen her on the battlefield before." Elise giggled.

"Well then. Color me scared." Cynthia commented as Jakob helped her up. More and more Hoshidan soldiers started to show up, so we decided to retreat since our mission was completed. As we crossed the bridge, Hans, who had retreated earlier, started attacking us. He ended up breaking the bridge underneath Gunter. Corrin…well…what she did looked almost like a partial Trigger to me. With that, she kicked the shit out of him.

"Why did you do this!? Why did you kill Gunter!? Answer me!"

"Just following orders. King Garon's orders."

"I'm not surprised." Cynthia commented, and both me and Rom nodded our heads in agreement. In that brief moment, Hans ran away from us.

"Come back here!" Corrin shouted. She went to give chase, but her sword started to glow and dragged her into the abyss.

"Are…we going to follow her?" Rom asked.

"Yeah. Hold on tight. Things are about to get interesting." I said, grabbing both of them by the waist. Once I knew they were secured, I leapt into the darkness below.

 **Okay, so here it is. Don't expect this too often just because I still haven't finished a chapter of IRL lately. Once that's done, I'll work on typing up another chapter of this. So, until then, see ya!**


	28. Out of the Frying Pan

Chapter 27: Out of the Frying Pan, into the Shitstorm

 **Sorry about the late chapter stuff, especially IRL. I got to a point in what I was writing for it that I have to wait for something this past weekend. So, I'm putting this out. With that out of the way, the show can begin.**

As we fell, we saw Corrin being carried back up by what could only be described as a ball of light.

"Well shit…" I muttered.

"Dad! I think know would be a good time for those chains of yours!" Cynthia cried, panicking.

"On it." I replied calmly, calling upon the multi-part weapon. The snake themed chain extended to above the bridge, anchored itself in the air, and pulled us up. Floating in the air was a lizard riding a crystal ball that the princess was holding on to.

"Lilith? Is that you? What…ARE you?" Corrin asked as she hung from the orb.

"Lady Corrin…I knew this day would come eventually. This may come as a shock, but I am not a human. And from their smell, neither are your friends here."

"Well, I can see that. Are you a dragon? And what do you mean? They are human as far as I can tell."

"To answer your questions in order, yes, this is my true form. You've seen it before. Do you remember? That strange bird you rescued in the barn…"

"That…was you…?"

"It was. Once I recovered, I was able to take a human form. You were so kind to me that I decided to remain human so that I might serve you. But now I have used a power that goes the capacity of a human body."

"And now you can't turn back, right?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Well that sucks." Cynthia commented.

"I think it's time for us to explain ourselves." I started. "She's right, Corrin. We aren't human."

"How is that possible?"

"Remember how we said we're from far away? Yeah…We meant a whole different world away." Cynthia said. "The other girls, and Rom here, are goddesses. Storm is a…What did we all finally decide on…?"

"A humanoid phoenix."

"Yeah, that. Johnny is some kind of alien god of fighting, I'm partially a demon and my dad is mostly a demon. And Lancer is basically a ghost of a long dead hero that became so famous that is story's lasted for centuries."

"Incredible…So, is this what you really look like?" Corrin asked.

"This is what we normally are like…We can transform though…" Rom answered. Before the conversation could continue, Lilith was struck by a bolt of lightning. She fell and I dove after her, the girls in tow once again.

"First Dragons. I call on you. Grant us access to the astral plane!" Lilith chanted before a portal to…somewhere…opened up below us.

"What just happened!?" Corrin asked in surprise as we reached the other side.

"Seems like we entered a portal of some kind." I answered.

"Where are we…?" Rom asked, turning to the dragon.

"This is a world parallel to the one in which Lady Corrin lives in. It is known as the astral plane."

"How were you able to get us here?" Corrin asked.

"The First Dragons have granted us the power to inhabit this dimension."

"They must be really tolerant, given what my dad and I are."

"Indeed. Under their protection, we are safe here. Oh! Allow me to prepare a place for you all to rest…"

"Thank you." Rom said with a smile. Out of thin air, in a cloud of smoke, a large treehouse appeared.

"Did…Did you just use a Dragon Vein?"

"Yes. The power of the First Dragons flows freely in this realm. You should know that space and time operate differently here as well…"

"Huh…Neat…" I said offhandedly at the two natives' conversation.

"Is there anyone else here?" Corrin asked.

"No, we are alone. There's no one left here…"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to invoke any bad memories."

"It's OK, Corrin. I'm not lonely as long as I have you in my life." I rested my chin in the palm of my left hand in contemplation.

"Hey, Lilith?"

"Yes? Um…"

"Steven. This is Cynthia and Rom, by the way. Anyways…I have an idea."

"And what is that?"

"It may just be a way for you to become human again."

"How is such a thing possible?" Corrin asked.

"With one of these." I answered, pulling a Devil Star out from my coat pocket. "In essence, this is crystalized magic. Hopefully this'll work. All you have to do is eat it." I handed it to the large lizard and she ate. The buildup of magic was there, but there was no change.

"I don't feel any different. It seems like I won't be human again."

"Sorry. I don't think I've got anything else that could help."

"That's okay. Lilith and I appreciate the effort. Now, let us go get some rest." The girls went into the treehouse and I climbed up onto the branch, falling asleep there. Apparently, no one knew I was there, so when I finally woke up, they were getting ready to leave.

"So, what'd I miss?" I asked.

"We'll be arriving at the Hoshidan border and will probably need to fight our way back." Corrin reported.

"So, the usual?"

"Yes." Rom agreed quietly. When we returned, we were at the base of the bridge, but there was no one around. I turned my back for one second to see the other three were knocked out. They had large goose eggs on the backs of their heads. There was a woman with a club wearing nothing but wrappings to cover her chest.

"Alright. Take me in." I said, putting my hands into the air. We were brought to a village on the outskirts of Hoshido and kept in the woman's house.

"Ah, you're awake." The woman said as the three began to stir. "Sorry about the bumps on your heads." She turned her head to me as she stirred the stew she was making. "How come you weren't knocked out, anyway?"

"Oh, so now you talk to me. It's been a few hours. But I've got a hard head and I heal faster than most."

"Where are we? Who are you?" Corrin asked, facing her as she fully came to.

"I am Rinkah. This is the Flame Tribe village with Hoshido's territory. I'm going to hand you over to the Hoshidan authorities."

"I see. I suppose they'll want to hear an explanation for the unprovoked attack. And then they'll probably execute us."

"They can try, but if I'm going down, I'm going down swinging." Cynthia said, punching her palm with the opposite hand.

"Plus, they're probably more reasonable than your old man, Corrin." I added.

"The guy in red's right. I don't think they'll execute any of you." There was a knock on the door, and we were lead outside. Another person, who was dressed as a green ninja, stood waiting, and led us to the capital. We learned once we got there, that Garon wasn't actually Corrin's father and that her real family was the Hoshidan royal family. We saved a village and some of the royals from monsters and returned to the Japanese style castle. We were separated from Corrin as her mother decided to try and take her down memory lane. The three of us sat awkwardly with the rest of the nobles. Rom was dealing the best out of all of us, surprisingly, because she was sipping on a glass of milk.

"Hey, is there a good place around here to just sit and think? A lot's happened the last few days." I asked the nobles after about ten minutes.

"Yes. There is a lake nearby that I find calming." Ryoma, the lobster prince said. "I'll have a guard take you."

"Thanks." The guard was called in and I just ended up skipping stones across the water's surface until sunset.

"What are you doing?" Corrin asked, coming out of nowhere.

"Sitting here. Thinking about life and everything that's happened over the last few months. You?"

"The same, for the most part. I can't stop thinking about Xander. Or about the others…" Her musings were interrupted by a woman singing on a nearby dock. "Hm? What a beautiful song…"

"Yeah, it does have a nice sound to it, doesn't it?" I asked redundantly as we approached her. She had long blue hair, and you couldn't really see much else from our angle. "Hey, I think that's her. Wanna check it out?" I asked, pointing in her direction.

"Of course." Corrin answered. Turns out, she wasn't too thrilled that we interrupted her.

"Yes?"

"Er, hello. I'm sorry to bother you. I just got lost I your singing. There's something about that song that captivated me…"

"And someone who plays a couple instruments, I can appreciate the sound of your voice."

"You play instruments?" Corrrin asked.

"Surprising, ain't it?"

"You must be Princess Corrin and one of her allies."

"Yes. And you are?"

"I am Azura. A former princess of Nohr…" Oh…Shit…

"Former? I don't understand. If that were true, surely I would have heard of you. I grew up with the Nohrian family…"

"I'm afraid I've been here a long time. After you were taken by the Nohrians, the Hoshidan forces retaliated. They tried desperately to get you back, but they failed again and again. However, I wasn't as heavily guarded."

"And Hoshido decided that if they couldn't get their princess back, that they'd get even." I stated, interrupting her.

"Correct. I suppose we've both been hostages for most of our lives…"

"Gods…I'm so sorry."

"No, it's OK. I may technically be a hostage, but I've lived a happy life. The people of Hoshido have accepted me as one of their own. Even Queen Mikoto herself treats me as if I were her daughter."

"But in doing so, Hoshido reinforced Garon's desire to conquer it." I commented.

"That is true."

"Does she? Hmm…" Corrin hummed, probably still caught up on what Azura said about Mikoto.

"Did something happen between you and Queen Mikoto?"

"No. I just…I just don't know what to do. She seems perfectly lovely, but I don't feel any connection to her. But she loves me. And so do all my blood siblings-who I've just met."

"I understand. If I were to return to Nohr, I suspect I'd feel the same way."

"Do you think you could start over there? Live a new life among strangers?"

"You never know until you try, Corrin. Plus, they wouldn't be strangers for very long."

"You are wise beyond your years." Azura commented. "But to answer your question, no. Given a choice, I would prefer to stay here in Hoshido. Queen Mikoto is a peace-loving ruler. Garon is not."

"…"

"We've noticed. Bt the way, I'm forty."

"Oh? You aged well."

"Thanks."

"So, Corrin…What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. For now, I'm just going to spend some time thinking." We left because it had grown dark out. We ended up spending several days in Hoshido's castle. I sparred with Cynthia to get her more used to her new knife, and worked with Rom to see if we could make her offensive magic stronger and her supportive magic more potent. All in all, a productive time.

"You look as if you're feeling better after a few days to yourself, Corrin." Mikoto said after calling us into the throne room. "And you three have been quite productive. I've never seen magic or weapon techniques such as yours." Before I could respond in a sort-of lying manner, Corrin replied the question that was asked of her.

"I am, yes. I still have many questions, but at least now I have a few answers. Thank you for giving me the space I needed to think."

"Of course. I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. If you wouldn't mind, I have a small favor to ask. Would you try sitting on the throne for a moment?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Yeah, that's a really weird question to ask." Cynthia commented.

"Well…this throne is infused with the power of the First Dragons. It is said that those who sit on it regain their true form and mind." Mikoto answered.

"You shouldn't sit on it." Rom suggested quietly.

"Didn't plan on it." I replied.

"I thought if you sat on the throne, then perhaps-"

"Wait…Do you not trust me? Do you think I'm under some kind of Nohrian spell?"

"No! It has nothing to do with trust. I just wonder if the Nohrians have been sealing away your early memories…"

"Corrin, this might be your chance to get your memories back." Cynthia said with a smile.

"I see."

"I'm sorry, Corrin. I don't mean to push you towards something you don't want." Before the tenuous situation could go any more downhill, someone else walked in.

"Excuse me, Lady Mikoto, the ceremony is about to begin." The man, who was wearing glasses, interrupted.

"Thank you, Yukimura. Corrin, you probably don't remember him, but this is Yukimura. He's one of our strategists and brightest leaders. We would be lost without him!"

"You are too kind, milady. Though in truth, I still have much to learn. That said, I am here to help in any way I can, Lady Corrin." As he finished, the rest of the Hoshidan royal family entered the room.

"I'd like to make a public announcement about your presence here, Corrin. There have been rumors circulating about spies from Nohr infiltrating the castle."

"And by putting us on a pedestal, you'd get rid of those rumors almost immediately." I finished for the queen.

"Precisely, Steven. Yukimura, is everything ready?"

"Yes, milady. People are beginning to gather at the plaza."

"What about us?" Rom asked.

"I overheard that our red coated friend here hunts demons and other such monsters. I thought it wise that we introduce him as such and that the two of you are his apprentices." Ryoma answered.

"Excellent. Thank you. I've arranged for Takumi, Hinoka, and Sakura to give you a tour. I thought you might want to get to know the area before this event." Mikoto said.

"Sounds like fun." Cynthia commented.

"We'd be more than happy to show them around. Thank you, Mother." Hinoka said while bowing.

"Azura, do you mind going with them as well?"

"Not at all. It would be my pleasure."

"Thank you, Azura." Corrin said.

"Of course, Corrin." Azura replied.

"Hmph." Takumi huffed.

"I can't wait to show you around! I think you'll l-love it here." Sakura chirped.

"C-Can we go? I think I saw a candy stand." Rom asked the excited girl with pleading eyes.

"Sure." Corrin replied. There were all kinds of stalls opened up around the castle. Hell, one lady was selling roasted potatoes. They were REALLY good. Because of Corrin, she even gave them to us for free. Really, the whole place was much nicer than Nohr. Takumi was being a dick, and I'm pretty sure I saw Rom kick him in the shin. I guess that's what he gets for talking bad about family.

"All right, everyone. The ceremony is starting. Let's head to the plaza." Hinoka said with perfect timing, seeing as how the asshole looked ready to fight the small goddess. Quite the sizeable crowd formed around us. For some reason, Corrin's sword started glowing as the queen introduced all of us, then flew into the hands of some hooded man. He pointed the tip downwards and slammed it into the ground. As soon as the tip made contact, chunks of it exploded outwards into the crowd. Mikoto took most of the attack, seeing as how she dove in front of Corrin. A few of them found their way into my person.

"Oh, my leg! It's cramping!" I know it wasn't the time to be joking, but I saw a prime opportunity to make a reference to Death Battle. I'm just glad that, between my healing and resistance to dark magic, I walked away relatively unharmed. In her grief and rage, Corrin turned into a dragon. Who knew?

"Gods! What is that?" Takumi exclaimed.

"It's an ancient dragon. I never thought that I'd see the day…" Ryoma muttered.

"Great…This is going to be a thing. Dad, is it always like this for you?"

"You have no idea, 'Tia. No idea." We battled our way through the cloaked guy's lackeys to get to Ryoma, who was dealing with our mystery assassin. Unfortunately, we also had to watch our backs so that Corrin wouldn't trample us. We eventually defeated them all, but the grieving dragon girl raged on. Azura tried to calm her with the song she was singing at the lake, only for Corrin to almost smack her around with her claw. Rom froze the appendage in place, and I punched royalty in the face for the second time this week.

"Wake up, Corrin!" I yelled as I did so.

"Why did you do that!?" Sakura yelled in panic while managing not to stutter.

"It worked, didn't it?" I replied, pointing to the light that enveloped our bestial friend. "Plus, who else but me gets to say that they punched a dragon in the face and it turned into an attractive young woman?"

"You have strange priorities."

"Says the guy dressed as a lobster." Once the light died down, Corrin was back to normal.

"*Huff, huff*…Ughhh…I…I finally remember! I remember…My real father…"

"Are you all right, Corrin?" Azura asked the still winded girl.

"Yes. I'm fine. Just disgusted with myself. Are you okay? I can't believe what I just tried to do to you."

"Don't worry about it, kid. Losing control of a transformation like that is a thing that happens. You're fine. We're fine. It's all good." I said, patting her on the shoulder.

"And how would you know?" She asked.

"I've seen things that would make most people run for the hills. And I have personal experience." I said that last part as quietly as I could.

"He is correct. That was the blood of the ancient dragon that runs in your veins." Azura stated.

"I thought only the Nohrian family had dragon blood."

"The blood of the Dusk Dragon runs in the Nohrian royal family. And the blood of the Dawn Dragon runs through ours. But you're special, Corrin. You can actually take the form of a dragon!" Ryoma said excitedly.

"She's like us…" Rom whispered quietly.

"Never mind me, though! What happened to all the innocent people in town?"

"Well…Between you and those invader guys, it got trashed." Cynthia stated nonchalantly.

"So you see, Corrin. This is the work of the Nohrians. This is what they do. Let me guess. That sword you carried…was it a gift from King Garon?"

"Yes."

"He masterminded this whole thing. It's not your fault."

"Seems like something he'd do." I mused softly.

"Indeed. He knew you'd be captured and brought before the queen…"

"But why? Why would he do this?"

"Why was that one guy invisible sometimes?" Rom asked.

"That, I have no answer to." Ryoma answered.

"And it doesn't matter!" Takumi roared. "This is all your fault! Mother is dead, along with countless others. And it wouldn't have happened if you hadn't showed up on our doorstep. You don't belong here!"

"Enough, Takumi!"

"I'd listen to your brother." I said, beginning to draw Rebellion. Cynthia and Rom followed in my footsteps.

"And what about you!? You were hit by that attack too! Why did Mother die and you're still standing!?"

"You think I don't have protection against magic with a job like demon hunting?" I asked redundantly. No need to mention my healing.

"Please, put away your weapon. Words and violence won't change anything. And besides-"

"Shut up, Azura! You're no different than them. An interloper."

"I agree. Please, set down your arms." Ryoma added. "Enough blood has been shed today."

"Fine. But you better hope to your gods that we don't meet on opposite sides of the battlefield. Come on, everyone. We're clearly not wanted here."

"That's right! Run away from the death you've brought!"

"Please wait. I don't believe this is what Queen Mikoto would have wanted."

"What would you know about it, Yukimura?" Takumi asked angrily.

"What do you mean? Did she say something to you?"

"I hate to deliver this news, but…Queen Mikoto foresaw her own death. This isn't Corrin's or her companions' faults. King Garon set these events in motion. And the queen speculated that there may be an even darker force at work. She didn't know when or how death would strike, only that it was certain. And there's one other thing. Please take a look at that statue." Holy mother of exposition. Buried in the statue was…

"A sword?" Cynthia asked.

"It can't be…"

"It is, Lord Ryoma. The divine sword Yato. Much like your weapon, the divine Raijinto…And your Fujin Yumi, Takumi. Yato may be wielded by only a singular warrior. One who is to be the key to peace in our world."

"The key to peace…" Corrin muttered. As soon as the words left her lips, the blade flew out of where it was planted and into her hand.

"The blade has chosen Corrin!"

"Impossible." Takumi said with a glare.

"Corrin, do you know what this means?"

"I don't think she's listening at the moment." Cynthia said.

"Lord Ryoma! I have important news." The ninja from before reported, taking a knee after he approached us. "A massive Nohrian force is gathering at our border."

"This is the final straw. I have worked hard to avoid an all-out war, but now…Death is too good for them. Who's with me?" Ryoma declared.

"There must be another way. Surely the answer is not more bloodshed." Corrin said as the majority of our former company left. "But I feel I must follow Ryoma to the border. If I can help avert total war…"

"Wait, Corrin! There is something you need to know. If you become embroiled in a fight right now, it would be easy to lose control. Your dragon blood could take over again. And if you yield completely to the dragon, you may lose your humanity altogether."

"And hitting you might not work again…" Rom added.

"Is that why my face hurts?" Corrin asked.

"Yeah. Dad punched you."

"So, is there anything I can do to keep that from happening?"

"Usually you can bind these kinds of things to a weapon or item, and it'll act as a limiter of sorts." I commented.

"I was thinking something similar." Azura agreed, creating a blue crystal from the gem in her necklace. "This is called a Dragonstone. It will allow you to control the dragon's power and still return to your human form. Now, please close your eyes…"

"Very well…" Corrin said, complying. Both Corrin and the stone glowed brightly. Once it died down, Azura continued what she was saying.

"There. You should be OK now. This Dragonstone is now attuned to you. Be sure to keep it safe."

"Huh. I wish it was that easy when we were making yours, 'Tia."

"Dad, I'm pretty sure that's made for this kind of thing. We had to make mine from scratch."

"True, true…"

"Are you planning on going alone…?" Rom asked Corrin.

"I have to."

"No, you don't." Azura stated. "We shall come with you."

"I…Thank you." We gave chase to the Hoshidan forces, but got there a bit too late. The two sides were already clashing. The girls and them were there too, but were obviously being kept from the fighting. The armed squadron around them gave it away.

"Corrin, you're alive! They haven't harmed you, have they?"

"Xander! I'm fine. But…Why are you invading Hoshido!?"

"Father says it's time to show our true strength. Join us…and we'll end this quickly. If we conquer Hoshido here and now, we can avoid unnecessary bloodshed."

"Xander…"

"Did you know your old man orchestrated the slaughter of hundreds of innocent civilians and he had one of his men kill one of your sister's retainers?" I asked.

"That cannot be true."

"Then explain that sword he gave Corrin exploding. Go on, I'll wait." I know this won't work, but I might as well sow the seeds of doubt. The rest of Corrin's adopted family showed up, showing their concern in their own ways. When Leo said she had the devil's luck, I couldn't help but chuckle a bit.

"What's so funny?" He asked.

"He knows that the devil;s luck isn't as good as you think." I could hear Storm say for me. Then, Xander and Ryoma kept trying to prove which one of their groups was her real family. Thankfully, Corrin chose not to choose a side.

"I…I won't betray anyone. I won't fight against the people of Nohr after you cared for me all these years. You, and Camilla, Leo and Elise…We might not be related by blood, but you are family to me. You've been with me for as long as I can remember."

"Well said, little princess. What ties us together is thicker than blood." Xander stated.

"What are you saying, Corrin? You would discard your true family and side with those that stand against us?"

"…No. I refuse to fight against my Hoshidan siblings, either. Ryoma…We might not have spent much time together, but you are my family. You, Hinoka, Takumi, Sakura…I don't want to fight you on this or any other battlefield."

"We feel the same, Corrin."

"But, if you couldn't tell, she doesn't want to pick a side. Picking either would make the fighting worse, which is against everything she's said to try and get you all to stop." Cynthia said.

"What are you…" Xander started.

"…going to do, then?" Ryoma finished, seeing as how they both were thinking the same thing.

"I'm so sorry, both of you. Please, set your swords aside! I'm sure a peaceful solution exists. If we could just-"

"I've heard enough! Corrin, I can see what you're trying to accomplish here. As your older brother, however, it is my duty to teach you the truth." I swear I heard Johnny facepalm from all the way on the other side of the clearing.

"Not while I still stand…Corrin is finally back with her family-I will not let your take her again!" Now it's Noire's turn to facepalm.

"No, wait! Xander! Ryoma!" Her cries fell on deaf ears as the dick measuring contest between the two began. "Gah, it's no use! They just won't listen to me…I'll have to step in if I want to stop them. We'll have to get their attention if we want to stop them from fighting…"

"I have an idea…Why don't we attack the groups closest to us?" Azura suggested. "If we defeat the leaders, Ryoma and Xander can't possibly ignore us."

"Ah, I'm so glad you're safe!"

"Jakob? Long time no see." I said to the butler.

"I'm here to help, and I bring allies." Behind Jakob was the rest of our group.

"Se, how are we gonna tackle this boss fight?" Neptune asked.

"We are going to get their attention by taking down their commanders."

"Can't you guys transform? That'll certainly draw their eyes." Lancer pondered.

"That's…not a bad idea…" Uni said with furrowed brows. In various flashes of light (and flame) all of us that could transformed.

"Whoa. I guess you weren't lying earlier." Corrin said as I spread my wings.

" **We'll explain to the others later.** "

"Take the commanders. Leave the soldiers to us." Nepgear commanded. We all split up across the battlefield to take on the ground forces. It was real boring on my end, though. Everyone I came across just ran away from me. When we regrouped with the three, the two older males weren't listening to Corrin, even going as far as labeling her as a traitor.

"Wait, Corrin. Nothing you say now will reach either of them. We need to retreat for now. We can't afford to be caught." Azura said, putting a hand on Corrin's forearm.

"Xander…Ryoma…I promise you'll understand one day." We travelled quite a ways away, transforming back along the way.

"…Whew…We managed to escape, but I'm sure they're still on our trail. We can't leave things as they are now-we'll be branded traitors by both kingdoms."

"And we'll be around much longer. It would not sit right if we left before we resolve this conflict." Vert added.

"Seems like we're part of an anti-war movement." Blanc stated.

"Fighting to end fighting. How ironic." Jakob commented. After Azura and Corrin had a little pow-wow about everything that's happened, we met up with Lilith, who took us to the astral plane again.

"Can you explain to Azura and Jakob what you are? Some of the details are hard for me to explain." Corrin asked us.

"Yes, that would be much appreciated." Azura said.

"Well, we're goddesses!" Ram answered joyfully.

"Technically, I'm the revived ghost of a long dead famous hero." Lancer said while shrugging.

"Johnny's an alien god, I'm a…phoenix…? And G1 and Cynthia are demons." Storm finished.

"That certainly explains those…changes. And that sword." Jakob said.

"Well, now that that's been taken care of, why don't we get comfortable? We'll be here for a while, after all." Noire suggested, only to be answered by the ground shaking.

"God dammit." I said into my hand, knowing the feeling of what's on it's way.


	29. Adventures in Mind Fucking

Chapter 28: Adventures in Mind Fucking

 **Hey! Guess what! I'm not dead! School's finally out until August, so I have more time to write. Hopefully you'll forgive me. My Associate's degree is more important than my hobbies, after all. So, with that out of the way, I'll move on to what you're all here for.**

"What is going on?" Jakob asked between the small earthquakes.

"Well, a powerful demon is stomping its way over here." Storm replied.

"And from the shaking, it's probably a big one." Johnny added.

"What are we going to do?" Lilith asked, hugging her ball a little bit tighter.

"WE'RE not going to do anything. I'M going to go deal with this. It is my job, after all." I said. "Lancer, is there any way that your runes can be used to watch me?"

"I think I can come up with something." The heroic spirit turned to the small dragon. "Is there a big mirror or something I can use?"

"Of course. Follow me." I took that as my cue to head out after my prey. When I got to where the demon should have been, I was at a large stone plain surrounded by a few barren mountains.

"This is…very empty…Okay, where is it? I should be able to see it by now…" To my surprise, the ground and mountains began to tear itself apart, forming into a large golem with a core that looked like one of those plasma balls. "Not the biggest I've seen, but's that definitely up there." It lifted its arm up and brought it down like a club. I kept myself from being crushed by catching it, but that strategy didn't come without consequences. I was at the center of a good sized crater and the bones in my arms were sticking out. "Well shit." I said, pushing them back in so it would heal a bit faster. After the few seconds that it took to put the bones in place, stone spikes shot out of the area around the orb. I dodged most of them, but I managed to take one to the liver.

'Okay, this isn't an ordinary stone demon by any means. I've caught their boulders before, and they never did damage like that. And let's not forget that those spikes were flying at me way too fast.' I mused, hoping the voices in my head had an answer as I removed the offending object.

'It's what's known as a force demon. They use attractive forces to form armor around them and repulsive ones to attack.' Vergil told me. 'The true demon is in the center of it.'

'So, take away its ammo?'

'That would be a wise choice.' Time to bust out one of the fun toys, then. Honestly sad that this is the reason I'm pulling out one of the big guns. Lucifer took its place on my left shoulder and the two wings spread apart. It swung again, but I dodged and made my move. After sidestepping, I jumped up onto the offending limb and planted as many blades as I could as I made my way to the core. Once I got close enough, I brought Rebellion up over my shoulder and threw it like a javelin. It pierced into the center of the beast just enough to hide those divots near the tip. It batted me out of the air, and as I recovered I detonated the explosives. The chunks fell to the ground, only to rejoin the main body.

"Man, this fight is getting rocky." A cacophony of "boos" could be heard coming from where I left. I whipped out Fame and Infamy, and started laying into it while also forcing the claymore deeper into it. I swapped the twin pistols out for Pandora and changed it into the rail-sniper I used way back when. The hand-held cannon charged up and I fired it, sending the sword all the way through and causing the damned thing (heh…) to finally die.

"I swear, if this Devil's Arm is garbage, I'm gonna be real pissed." I said as I held up my right hand. An orb of light rose up from the corpse and flew into said hand. As the light died down, a massive hammer was in my possession. It was a light brown stone hammer with a core that looked like the demon's. I tossed it up and down a few times to get a feel for its weight. "This is a lot lighter than it should be." I gave it an experimental swing, just a light one, and a crater that was much larger than the hammer itself. "Oh…This'll be fun…" I said, feeling a savage grin stretch across my face. Purple lightning surged in the sphere and the pieces of rubble started to float. Best part was I could move them as I pleased. "I AM M.C. Hammer." I took my time going back, testing the limits of my new weapon the entire time. I learned that it has a small area of effect around the hammer where it can influence other objects. The exception to this is when I hit something. Then I can affect that thing for a short duration of time. Maybe a minute or two.

"What was that strange piece of armor?" Jakob asked as I stepped into camp.

"That was Lucifer. It's a weapon that gives me an endless supply of blades that can explode. The box thing was Pandora. It can take on six hundred and sixty-six forms. Even I don't know all of them, and it's one of the ones that I've had for the longest time." I explained.

"That's…that's a lot…" Corrin muttered in awe.

"And your wounds?" Jakob asked.

"I heal really fast."

"What were those other weapons? The blue and red ones?" Azura asked.

"Those were his guns, Fame and Infamy. You can tell the names because they're carved into the sides." Noire answered.

"What are 'guns'?" Corrin asked.

"They're basically small bows that are more compact and fire small metal projectiles faster than a bow can." Replied out resident gun-user.

"Incredible."

"I can tell you more later. We have more important things to do." Uni stated.

"She is correct. We must plan our next move." Azura said. "Perhaps we should show the others the truth." She said to Corrin.

"The truth?" Nepgear asked.

"Yes. Things I heard from my mother…and the truth about this world."

"Ooh…Ominous…" Neptune said, trying to make it more intimidating than it was.

"Well, where are we going?" Blanc asked.

"The Bottomless Canyon." Azura answered as we left the Astral Plane. No one really talked until we were standing on the rickety looking rope bridge.

"This is where we lost Gunter." Corrin said, sounding sad.

"Who's Gunter?" Ram asked.

"He was with us before…He was knocked off the bridge…" Rom answered her sister glumly.

"Why are we here?" Lancer asked.

"We are going to jump into the canyon." Wat?

"Wait just a minute!" Jakob exclaimed. "If we jump from here, I believe that a good number of us will die."

"Don't worry. You won't die if you jump. You have to trust me."

"You haven't really given us a reason to trust you with something like this." Vert responded, crossing her arms under her bust.

"That is true, but the answers you seek can only be found at the bottom."

"You promise?" Storm said with a healthy amount of skepticism in his voice.

"Of course."

"If you're so sure, Azura, then we have no choice." Corrin said, taking a step closer to the edge.

"Are you certain about this, milady!?" Jakob asked.

"Yes. Everything will be fine. I trust Azura."

"Thank you, Corrin. I'll go first and wait for you to follow."

"Oh…See you at the bottom, Azura!" I cheered, standing in the air before falling Looney Toons style.

'You know, the feeling of wind rushing through our hair is getting pretty nostalgic.' Dante said as "we" fell.

'Really, Brother?'

'Some of those times were your fault.'

'I know.' In a strange flash of light, I was in a ruin filled with fog. I leaned against one of the stone pillars, waiting for everyone else. Azura was the only one besides myself that had a graceful landing.

"…Ugh…Who's sitting on me…?" Neptune groaned.

"My bad, babe." Cynthia said, standing up. After she got up, she drew her knife, and everyone else followed suit.

"I don't like this place." Lancer said, eyes as sharp as his spear. "Wherever 'here' is."

"This is the kingdom of Valla. It's responsible for the war between Hoshido and Nohr." The entirety of my group circled up as Azura explained. The interesting thing was that two Gae Bolgs were in play.

"Responsible? How?' Corrin asked.

"…Follow me, all of you. If we linger here any longer, we'll be spotted."

"Lead on, then." Vert said. Azura took us into a cave system with multiple tunnels.

"We should be safe here. As I was saying…The throne of Valla is occupied by King Anankos. Before his arrival, this land was a peaceful one. All was well until Anankos killed our king and took the throne for himself. Once bountiful farmlands were devastated, replaced by wastelands and graveyards."

"Why did he do that…?" Rom asked.

"No one knows. And he isn't satisfied with destroying Valla. He wishes to lay waste to the entire world."

"Sounds like we'll be sticking around for a while then." Johnny said, resting Muramasa on his shoulder as Masamune hung limp by his left side. "Not the first time we've gone up against something trying to end the world."

"Good to know that you're willing to help. Azura, is Anankos the reason Nohr and Hoshido are at war?" Corrin asked.

"Yes. Even now, he's the hidden influence that quietly forces the two nations to fight. King Garon's invasion is the result of Anankos' subtle manipulations."

"So, we know who the real enemy is. What's the plan?" Noire asked.

"We need to get back up above and explain this to everyone! With this, we can stop the war!"

"I'm sorry Corrin, but you can't. You mustn't talk about Valla to anyone when you're beyond its borders. If you do, you'll trigger a curse that will cause your body to dissolve and disappear. That's what happened to my mother…To Arete, the former queen of Valla."

"If your mom was the queen of Valla, that makes you the princess of here, not Nohr." Cynthia stated.

"Correct."

"Hm…" Lancer hummed, as if he was deep in thought.

"What's up?" Uni asked him.

Well, I got thinking about that curse. If I'm right, there should be three of us that might be able to get away with talking about it."

"And might those three be?" Jakob asked.

"Probably me, him, and 'Tia." I answered. "Lancer, being a knight-class Heroic Spirit, has a natural resistance to magic. And since we're part demon, curses don't affect us the same way that they do you humans."

"That would make milady's goal much easier to achieve."

"Indeed. Your arrival in those woods is a blessing. But Corrin, you must take care that no one else speaks of this place."

"I will. I promise."

"How are we gonna get out of here? I can't see down any of these damn tunnels." Blanc said, clearly sounding agitated.

"Steven, didn't we build your PDA with a sonar function?' Nepgear asked.

"Yeah, in case none of us could see anything. Hold on a sec." I pulled the device out from its holster above my pistol holsters and strapped it to my left forearm. "Church?"

"What's up?" The hologram replied.

"Could you show us the right path to leave this cave? We're lost and the one behind us is dangerous enough." Vert asked.

"Yeah. Just give me a few minutes." He said before he stopped projecting himself.

"What was that?" Corrin asked.

"Church? Oh, he's an artificial intelligence." Nepgear answered.

"In other words, he's a fake person." Blanc clarified.

"So, I know where we've got to go. Bad news is that this place is full of guys that will probably want to kill the shit out of us. Have fun with the fighting." A pseudo-map appeared on the screen as Church retreated into the device once more.

"Okay! Let's get moving!" Corrin said, taking charge. Given the enclosed space, I figured now would be a good time to give my new weapon a combat test. The first guy that I got to deal with meet a swift end. All I did was lightly tap the underside of his chin, and he flew up into one of the stalactites as if I had swung upwards with Devil Trigger levels of strength.

"Oh…I'm going to have fun with this hammer." I said to myself as the others kept fighting. As we made our way along the route Church plotted for us, we found Gunter of all people.

"Hey Dad, is that…?"

"Yeah, 'Tia, it is."

"Gunter!"

"Lady Corrin!"

"You are one tough old sonuvabitch, Gunter." Johnny commented.

"Excuse me?"

"That was his way of complimenting you. Don't take it so literally." Blanc explained.

"I…see…Now, I would like to know what you are all doing here?"

"Running from both nations because of reasons, mostly." Storm said with a shrug.

"Lady Corrin, you'll have to explain in more detail later. For now, we must fight off these foes." There wasn't that many left, and I don't know why he was having so much trouble. Maybe it's because he's tired. He HAS been down here for about a week now.

"It's good to see you're safe." Cynthia said with a smile.

"Thank you. It's good to see that you are all unharmed as well. After I fell, I truly thought I'd never see your face again, Lady Corrin. It seems you've grown stronger while we've been apart, as well. You even gained more allies." Now that I think about it, I don't think he's met the others.

"We were in the castle the whole time, we just never met." Nepgear stated.

"Ah…I understand. Though I have to ask, why are you all here?" The old horseman asked.

"I brought them." Azura answered.

"And who are you?"

"She's Azura. She was a princess kidnapped from Nohr when she was little." Blanc said.

"Yes, I remember you from when you were little. I apologize for my failure to protect you from your Hoshidan kidnappers…"

"There is no need to apologize, really…It doesn't matter at the moment."

"Getting out of here does." Noire interrupted.

"Yeah! How do you get out of this creepy cave?" Neptune asked.

"Follow me." Azura led the way out while we gave Gunter the run down on what was going on. After hearing about our mission, he agreed to tag along. We ran into a mage from Valla that tried to kill us, but we bounced back to the Astral Plane before trying our luck in Hoshido.

"We shouldn't bring everyone." Corrin said as we talked out the plan for our next expedition. "Too many of us could seem like we are launching a full frontal assault."

"Well put, milady. Who shall stay?" Gunter asked.

"I'll stay behind." I said, raising my right hand. "They're suspicious of me enough as is. Storm, can you stay behind too?"

"Sure?" Storm agreed, confused.

"Well, I'm going. I don't mind knocking down a few doors." Johnny said while grinning ferally.

"I shall go as well. This may require a finesse that you don't have." Vert commented.

"With Gunter, Jakob and I going, we should have more than enough people." Azura stated.

"Okay! See you later then!" Ram cheered, waving them off.

"So…Now what?" Neptune asked, sitting on one of the benches in the mess hall.

"Well, I was thinking about setting up the Autumn in that nearby lake. It'll be better for everyone if we had a better barracks than the wood shack we've currently have."

"So that's why you wanted me to stay behind."

"Well, you are the one with the seal on your arm." Uni commented.

"Okay. Let's go then." We all made our way to the large lake and unleashed the mighty sci-fi warship into this fantasy world.

"Thinking on it…This might not be the best idea…" Noire muttered after staring at the ship for a while.

"Why?" Rom asked quietly.

"Think about it. Compared to all the worlds we've been to so far, this one is incredibly lacking in technology. Even something as simple as the TV might cause someone to freak out."

"Well, they seemed perfectly fine seeing me." Shurch commented as I put lifted my arm to allow him to project.

"Yes, but a flying warship is a lot different."

"…That's not a bad point…" The AI admitted.

"Ah, they'll be fine." Neptune said dismissively.

"Neptune, I don't think that's true at all." Her sister said with a frown on her face. We boarded the vessel and made sure that everything was tidy and hold everyone. Gear, Cynthia, and Uni left to set up an intercom/ projector system in the castle area so that the Autumn and the camp could communicate with one another. All of that took a few hours, and as we were serving up dinner in the mess hall, Corrin and the others returned.

"Hello, everyone. Welcome back." Storm said from his place behind the counter. He was lending Gear a hand cooking. Next thing that I see is Johnny sitting at the open spot across from me with a plate overflowing with food and stuffing his face with it.

"Who are they?" Blanc asked, probably referring to the four others that were with the wayward princess.

"Hey Sakura." Cynthia said.

"O-Oh…H-Hello…It's good to see you again. These are my retainers, Hana and Subaki."

"Hello." The girl I assumed was Hana said with a respectful bow.

"We meet again." The ninja that escorted us to Hoshido's capital said. "I am Kaze."

"Nice to meet you all." Subaki said with a grin. "So, you're the ones that these two were talking about."

"I-Is it true?" Sakura asked, turning towards me.

"Is what true?"

"I showed them that picture from that time in Lowee." Johnny explained.

"That one involving the strippers or the one from that weird Mario world?"

"…No…The one from the prison."

"Oh…Man, that was a long time ago. But yeah, that happened. Not my best day, for sure. I got a coo sword out of it, though, so I'm not complaining." Everyone that wasn't there looked absolutely stonewalled.

"What did you do while we were gone?" Vert asked after she recovered.

"Well, set up shop, mostly." Uni replied with a shrug.

"Is that what those strange metal poles are?" Gunter asked.

"Uhh…Sort of…Those are more like an extension of a much bigger picture…' Church said as one of the projectors kicked on. Instead of the tiny version that everyone has seen so far, he was a full sized person.

"What is that?" Kaze asked.

"Are we really doing this song and dance again? Because this shit is going to get really old." The AI muttered. "How about we save all questions until the end of the tour, okay? And I can guarantee you that you'll have many, many more."

"Is anyone else confused?" Subaki asked, turning to his native company. The other newcomers all nodded in response.

"This is Church. He's an artificial intelligence, a fake person." Noire explained. "He's an ass, but you can't say he isn't helpful."

"I resent that."

"I'm not wrong." She huffed.

"I know you're not, but that doesn't mean you have to be a bitch about it."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Ladies, calm down. There's no need to escalate things any further." Lancer said, slightly teasing.

"Shut the hell up!" The two shouted at the same time.

"Can…Can we see this 'Big Picture'?" Corrin asked.

"Sure. We'll take you, 'cuz these three will probably be at it for a while." Neptune said, pointing to the three that were now aggressively arguing. From there, we lead them to the currently waterborne metal behemoth.

"Wow…" Hana exclaimed softly.

"Pillar of Autumn? What a strange name for a ship." Jakob stated, reading the side of the vessel.

"Would you believe us if we told you that it flies?" Storm asked.

"No, but I have the feeling that you're telling the truth." Azura said.

"We figured that this would work better for housing everyone instead of the barracks that you had. Those metal boxes let this ship and the camp talk to each other." Cynthia explained.

"You think what we have isn't good enough?" Corrin asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

"In some aspects. This is much safer because of what it's made of, though it's more of a luxury thing than that. 'Keeping up morale' if you will." I replied.

"Why don't we just show them?" Blanc deadpanned. "It'd be easier than explaining."

"Yeah! Let's show them all the cool stuff we've got!" Ram cheered while fisting the air. (I know there's a real word for this, but I want you to feel uncomfortable. Did it work?) She ran off and her sister followed after her. Our little show and tell session went pretty well. The looks of awe on their faces was priceless, especially when we showed them the Gundams.

"Flying ships, giant metal men…What's next?" Subaki wondered as we entered the cafeteria.

"I'd say, but you've probably had enough for today." Blanc stated.

"I'll take your word for it." Sakura said after a moment's hesitation.

"So, is our idea a good one?" Storm asked Corrin.

"Yes. Having everyone live here would be our best option."

"Training people to be a crew for this thing is gonna be a pain." I groaned, rubbing the back of my head.

"Why would we have to train anyone?" Johnny asked.

"The more Church can focus on something, the better off we'll be. We don't know what we'll be going up against, so I'd rather have him at one hundred percent."

"Where are we going next?" Ram asked.

"We're going to Izumo. And we'll all go. It'll be our best chance to avoid a conflict." Corrin reported. "We'll get there by using the Eternal Stairway."

"Oh…Why stairs…?" Neptune whined.

"It is the quickest way to get there." Azura answered.

"Neptune, you can fly. Why are you complaining?" Cynthia asked.

"…"

"You forgot, didn't you?"

"…Maybe…"

"Sis, some days I really worry about you."

"Don't worry, she'll come around eventually."

"Aw, thanks." Neptune said, giving her girlfriend a quick peck on the lips, much to the shock of those who didn't know about it.

"Um…" Jakob started, looking puzzled about what just happened after he recovered.

"It might just be better for you guys if you just accept it and move on." Vert said. "I don't know about you, but I'm tired. Perhaps it would be best if we rest for the night."

"That sounds like a plan." Subaki said, yawning.

"Okay. Go on and pick a room then." I said, and after a moment of them looking around, I realized something. "You don't remember how to get there, do you? *sigh*…Come on…"

The next morning, after we ate breakfast and introduced the natives to omelets, we made our way up the seemingly endless amount of stairs. As we stopped and took a rest, the fog that blanketed the area grew thicker.

"Hey…Is it just me, or is the fog g-getting thicker?" Sakura asked, looking around scared.

"It is, and I don't like it." I said, drawing two blades from Lucifer. "Storm, is there any way you could clear this up?" He flipped through various hand signs, and nothing happened.

"No. Whatever this is, it isn't natural." As he said this, several Faceless appeared. The odd thing was that they were just standing there. They didn't even give of the feral aggression that they normally did. No one did anything for a moment, and then Kaze made his move. One of them fell to his shuriken and Corrin took care of the other. The fog cleared, and instead of the corpses of the two Faceless, there were two unconscious men.

"We've been played." Lancer growled, keeping his spear leveled.

"What should we do?" Hana asked.

"Brace yourselves and hope for the best." Johnny said, getting into a fighting stance, swords in their sheaths.

"We should head to the Wind Tribe village and explain what happened." Corrin ordered.

"They aren't dead, so bringing them back in one piece will help our case." Noire stated.

"Rom, please heal them." Blanc asked her younger sister.

"O-Okay."

"Lady Sakura, you and I should help as well." Jakob said to the princess.

"Alright." The three patched up the Wind Tribe members before we brought them back to their village. As soon as we stepped foot into their territory we were surrounded and threatened before we had the chance to explain. So, we had to prove our worth to the village leader by fighting out way to him. The fight was tough, given that the terrain leading to the castle was mostly stone bridges and the winds that I'm sure gave this tribe their name. I had to catch Gunter from falling to his death once using Susanoo. The skeletal construct raised some questions, but was found to be quite useful for keeping the incident from happening again. Fuga, the Chieftain, promised to explain what we told him to the rest of his tribe, especially our suspicion of foul play. After he suggested we see a specific man in Izumo, named Izana, Hayato, a diviner, was sent to accompany us there.

"So, what is a diviner anyway?" Cynthia asked the small man.

"We work with both magic through scrolls and use herbs to create healing salves."

"You're kind of like us." Ram said.

"Ram, we use magic to heal though." Her sister corrected.

"Interesting." Our trek to Izumo was littered with similar idle chatter. As we entered Izumo, a man with long white hair and a strange symbol on his forehead.

"I am Archduke Izana, first heir to the divine bloodline, descendent of the first gods…keeper of prophecies, and winner of best hair…five or six times? I forget."

"Don't forget full of it." Uni muttered under her breath. I couldn't help but chuckle, and I noticed that a few others were as well.

"Y-Yes…He's always been…eccentric…" Sakura commented.

"I think that's an understatement." Vert retorted.

"Hey! We 've got some questions for ya!" Neptune shouted, interrupting our commentary.

"Oh? Ask away, my friends! If you've got any good gossip to share, I'd be ever so pleased to listen!"

"We aren't here for gossip. We've heard that you know something about the Seal of Flames." Noire said, getting her no nonsense mode that she normally reserves for Neptune.

"Huh? The Seal of Flames? That sounds pretty boring to me…I don't bother remembering dull things."

I…see. Just when I thought we were going to catch a break, too." Corrin sighed. So, instead of getting the information we came for, we were offered a meal…Awesome…

"Wait. Are you sure you don't know anything about the Seal of Flames? The fate of the world may hang in the balance." Azura pleaded to the man.

"Grrr…I said I've never heard of it!"

"Of course you haven't, you imposter!" Gunter exclaimed as he had his horse take a step forward, aiming his spear at him all the while.

"Now that I can take a closer look, that is a pretty impressive illusion. Not a demon's by any means, but enough to make those Faceless." I commented, pulling out Ouroburos. The illusion dropped, revealing a scrawny man in armor.

"Eeheehee! It's been a while, hasn't it, Gunter?"

"Zola-I knew it was you behind that magic! Only yours could smell so foul."

"Who is this guy?" Johnny asked.

"This cretin is a Nohrian mage. He specializes in illusions and deception."

"Then where is the real archduke?" Hana asked.

"I'm afraid it's off to jail for him-the clink, the slammer, the cooler!" Before he could continue, the serpentine chain emerged from its portal, wrapping around his ankles and hoisting him up into the air.

"Now, you're gonna free this town, or I'm going to hang you by your entrails." I said, holding one of the knives to his stomach.

"Everyone, fire!" He yelled, and the area was blanketed in ice taller than even Gunter on his horse. I the chaos, he had managed to slip into the ice.

"What is this? Ice?" Storm asked, tapping on the wall.

"Yes. Magically conjured at that. We must be careful." Kaze warned.

"Hey, Storm? Can't you just torch this?" Cynthia asked.

"Yeah. It shouldn't be a problem."

"To take all of this out at once, you'll need to be pretty high up. Here, let me give you a lift." Subaki suggested.

"Sure." The two flew up well above the area and a torrent of fire came raining down, exposing the Nohrian soldiers underneath. Routing them was a simple task from there. Subaki was assigned to take out any runners, and I decided to lend him a hand. Yeah, it was to be helpful, not because I wanted to play Spider-Man using Ouroburos. We cornered Zola in a building and forced him to tell us where Izana and the rest of the town was. It helped out quite a bit that Leo showed up to keep him from taking Sakura hostage. From there, Corrin tried to convince him to join us.

"I see. Well then, tell me who is pulling the strings. Name the manipulator!"

"The King of Valla." I said before the routine could set in. "He wants to destroy everything and is using your dad to do it." And that's when the curse decided it wanted to do its thing. Pain shot through my chest and I couldn't help bought cough up blood.

"What's going on?" Kaze exclaimed.

"There is a curse placed on this world. Anyone who speaks of what he has will disappear." Azura explained.

"We figured because of their nature, Lancer, Cynthia, and Steven could talk about it without that threat." Corrin elaborated.

"Oh God, it hurts…" I groaned. After a few minutes, it stopped. "…Yay…"

"Please. Will you join us?" Corrin asked her brother once more.

"Clearly your story is insane, but after seeing this and Father's change, I believe it has merit. Allow me to fetch my retainers." He left, and we found Izana along with Takumi and HIS retainers. Leo came back just as we were in the middle of dealing with Izana.

"I have returned."

"Hello. I'm Niles."

"And I am Odin Dark! Master of the dark arts!"

"Is that?" Lancer started.

"Owain? Is that you?" Vert asked.

"Who is this Owain you speak of? I have already introduced myself. Though, I'm sure this Owain is a devilishly handsome fellow."

"That's him alright. Owain, you cheeky dick-waffle!" I cheered. "Good to see you again, though your wardrobe is…interesting…Didn't know you were into tiaras." I extended my hand out and he shook it after sighing.

"We'll talk later." He said in a whisper. The two of us turned back to the larger group to see that Cynthia was in worse condition than I was. She must have told Takumi and them what was up. Izana explained that he didn't know anything about the Seal of Flames, and then left. Said something about ancient gods.

"Are you two gonna kiss or something?" Neptune asked the two opposing princes, who were trying to glare holes through the other's skulls.

"W-What!?" The two exclaimed, moving away from each other.

"Hehehe! Oh, that was great!"

"Babe…Don't start something…" Cynthia moaned from the floor. Eventually the archduke came back from his creepy back room.

"S-Sorry to have…kept you waiting."

"Man, you look like shit." Lancer observed bluntly.

"I had a chat…with an ancient god…But even I don't understand it…It's so short, too…'Go meet the dragon.'" Before he could continue, he flopped onto the floor. Blanc, the closest to him, placed two fingers to his neck.

"He's dead."

"Come on, everyone…We're leaving…" Corrin said with her head hung low.

"Lift your head, Corrin. You couldn't have known it would have cost him his life." Leo said, resting a hand on her shoulder before mounting his horse.

"Let's bury him first. He deserves that much. Someone mind lending me a hand?" I asked. Niles followed my out after we wrapped the body in some cloth, helping me dig out the grave.

"Any words?" He asked as we finished putting the dirt back.

"Didn't know him well enough. Wouldn't want to send him off with some half-assed nonsense."

"Well put." We rejoined the group after carving a small tombstone with his name.

"We really are starting to have an army now, huh?" Uni asked, obviously referring to everyone that had joined us today.

"We should call it a day and return home. We have a lot to work through with the archduke's prophecy." Vert stated.

"That would be for the best." Takumi agreed. And with that, we left.

 **There! Done! About time, too. I know that some things are strange, especially the thing with Leo, but I figured that if he could actually know what's going on, he'd be much more reasonable. IRL will be out soon now that I finished this, so until then…See ya.**


	30. Some Mid-War Down Time

Chapter 29: Some Mid-War Down Time

 **Hello, everyone. Welcome back. I was meaning to get another chapter of IRL up, but my forever boring life gets in the way of that. There is no substance to put into the chapters, so nothing gets done. And so we're here. And with a good amount of filler, no less. It won't be every chapter, but I decided to take a page out of Fire Emblem's book and show some character interactions. Because why not. With that said, let's get the ball rolling.**

After a bit of discussion, it was decided that we had more than enough time to take a break from the non-stop fighting that we had been doing. About two weeks was what was settled on by the members of our group that were more… well-versed in the art of war. I'm glad, really. Even in the Holy Grail War I was able to kick my feet up for a little, so now I finally get a chance to rest. Not only that, but we'll finally get the chance for all of us to learn each other's strengths and weaknesses. Corrin especially, seeing as how she's the one that's the host of this party. Speaking of all that…

"God dammit…" I muttered under my breath, holding up and staring down the shredded remains of my coat. My latest spar was against Corrin and Leo, and it left it, as well as the rest of my outfit, in tatters. "There's no saving this…"

'No, there isn't.' Vergil commented. The only thing coming from the original voice in my head was loud, overdramatic wailing.

"Yeah, there's no way that can be fixed. I could probably salvage the scraps, though, and make it into something else." Oboro said from behind me. "It's a shame, really. What happened? It never got this bad."

"Corrin and Leo."

"I see."

"Well, thanks for doing this. I've actually got a few ideas from a while back."

"Let's see what you got." I pulled a piece of paper out of the lone pocket that was still intact and she snatched it out of my hands. "Huh. These aren't half bad. There should be enough material left for this one." Oboro said, pointing at the third of the many sketches. "Hey, where is this rest of your friends?"

"I was the first group of the day, so the rest are still busy with their spars."

"Ah, okay. I'm gonna get working on this, I'll find you when it's done."

"Okay." She walked off with all of the pieces of cloth, leaving me in nothing but a pair of boxers. "I'm so glad that I snagged some clothes when we went shopping for 'Tia." Without the jeans and a t-shirt that I had in my hammer space, I would spend who-knows how long like this. I wandered around a bit before stumbling upon Owai-Odin…Ugh, that's going to take some getting used to.

"Greetings, Devil."

"Hey. So, are you gonna explain what's up? I mean, you don't even have your sword."

"It's…complicated…"

"We've got time, and this place is pretty out of the way. The others are busy at the moment, too."

"You won't concede about this, will you…Fine. It all started when I, as well as two of my fellow warriors, were asked to travel to another continent than the one our home country, Ylisse, is on. It had been some time since we had helped Uncle Chrom and his allies defeat Grima and save their world, as well as avenged our own time. We were met by a man whose features were hidden behind a robe, though we could tell that he had long blue hair not unlike Azura's. He asked us to help him save his land, but in doing so we would have to leave everything behind. Our appearances, our names, our families…our world…"

"That certainly explains how you appeared from nowhere with no record that you even existed."

"L-Lord Leo!" Odin shouted in surprise. "What are you doing here!?"

"I was simply walking about when I overheard the two of you talking. Also, apologies for your jacket. Though, if you weren't so careless about your health, then perhaps this would not have happened."

"Yeah, I know. My healing factor is definitely fun to have though. Except for at parties."

"Why?" Corrin asked, making herself known before wiping some water from her mouth.

"I can't get drunk. Kinda takes away the point of drinking in the first place."

"Does that extend to poisons?" Leo asked.

"Yup. The more potent it is, the longer it takes to flush out of my system. It only works so fast, after all."

"I see…"

"Strategizing, Leo?"

"Yes, Sister. The idea to fight amongst ourselves to determine the limits of our abilities was wise of you. I have already started creating stratagems that we can implement in the coming battles."

"You know, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."

"We are fighting against two nations in a bid to save the world. There is no time to relax."

"Isn't that why we are not engaging the enemy for the next few weeks? To relax?" Corrin asked her older brother.

"I have an idea…" I said after a moment before more of this Dark Age shit could continue. "A best of both worlds, if you will." Before any of them could object, I used Trickster to drag the three into one of the entertainment rooms aboard the Autumn and shoved an Xbox 360 controller into Leo's hands.

"What is this?' He asked, thoroughly examining the hunk of plastic.

"That is the way you're going to control this." The TV came to life and the title screen for Command and Conquer 3 was present. "This is a real time battlefield strategy game. Have fun." I made sure he was left alone after being taught the controls, and decided to go for a walk. Honestly, there was a few nice places around to just go sit and relax, but the market just seemed like a better place to go. Haven't exactly gotten the chance to go souvenir shopping, so why not? I'm alone, so what's the harm? The folks at their stalls were very nice, even if they did give me odd looks for what I was wearing. I found some neat little trinkets for the twins, as well as a rusty carving knife. At this point you should know exactly what, or who, that's for. Oh? Are you surprised that I'M breaking the fourth wall? Well I'm just that bored, okay. I've spent the last few hours leaning up against a rock near a lake, and I'm not used to NOT doing anything anymore. In my lack of paying attention, I never noticed the person behind me until they put their hand on my shoulder.

"Could you stand up?" It was Oboro.

"Sure." I replied, raising up off the ground. The Hoshidan tailor/spear-woman had a tape measure in her hands.

"I just need to get your measurements."

"Alright. Just stick out my arms like this, right?" I asked, getting into a T-pose.

"Yeah. Now just hold still." It didn't take her long to measure various aspects of my body, writing down each number as she went.

"That it?"

"That's it."

"Okay." She left, and I sat back down and closed my eyes. When I opened them again, the sky was getting dark. A few days ago, after a bit of poking around, we were able to adjust the digital clocks so that they were set to this world's day-night cycle. The display on the data pad said around ten. "Huh…It's getting pretty late…I must've fallen asleep or something." After boarding the ship and grabbed something to eat, I went back to my room only to see a door was open in the hall. I peeked in to see that Cynthia and Neptune were curled up with each other. "Aw…" I snapped a picture, because I will never pass up an opportunity to gather some blackmail material. Continuing on down the hall lead to my room. The door slid open without me having to unlock it, and the lights came on by themselves.

"You're home."

"Vert? What are you doing in here?"

"The sprinkler system in my room broke, and your room was the closest one to mine that had enough space for my more damageable items."

"…Okay…I'd say make yourself comfortable, but since you're already in my bed, I'd say you've already done that."

"You were taking too long, and I couldn't get on your computer."

"Oboro was measuring me so she can make me a new wardrobe."

"They did do a number to what you normally have on."

"Ready for bed then?" I asked, pulling off my shirt.

"Obviously." She answered with a yawn. I crawled into the decently sized bed, and we positioned ourselves so that we were back to back. However, we did not wake up that way. I'm used to being a hug pillow but she left bruises, and that's impressive, all things considered.

A few days passed after that and I was in the middle of eating lunch when I saw Oboro again.

"I'm guessing it's done." I said, seeing the proud look on her face.

"It is. Come on, let's see how it looks on you." We walked to the tailor shop I assume she had been using to make the new costume. "I had to go to a few other places to make this work, but it turned out well." The jacket no longer had sleeves. The belts and buckles that ran horizontally across the chest were replaced by a single strap that ran diagonally from my right shoulder to left hip. All of the buttons that would hold the coat together were completely gone. The gold from it seemed to have been used to make a tribal demon design that covered most of the back. She combined the ass-less chaps and red pants to form a single unit. The red from the pants was used to make a flame design running up the outer sides of the legs. "Had to go to a blacksmith to get the gold shaped and to make the buckle. That's why it took a little longer than I had planned."

"Seeing this, I don't mind. Mind if I just put it on here?"

"I'd be offended if you didn't." The woman that ran the shop led me into a side room. Once there I out on the pants and replaced my t-shirt with a black short sleeved button-up. As I left the room I grabbed the coat from the old lady's hands and threw it on.

"Fits good. It doesn't restrict my movement as much as I thought it would, and it looks kickass. Man, finding a way to repay you is gonna be a nightmare."

"There's no need for that. I've never had a challenge like this, so I don't mind."

"Well, thanks. I've gotta run. They wanted me at that war council meeting for some reason."

"See you later then." I don't know why the royals insisted that all of us went to this thing. As soon as we answered that we had no real experience in war except for Lancer, we were promptly ignored. Basically, quite a few of us were assigned to the front lines by the civvies. Yay! According to them, my sole purpose is meat shield! And boy did that go over like a lead balloon. Corrin and them were not happy when they said that, and so began the fighting.

"We are NOT throwing some of our best people out there like they're expendable!" Corrin roared.

"Why not? They're Gods and Goddesses, aren't they? If we sent them in, we would never have to send in our regular troops." One of the councilmen countered.

"There is one thing that you don't understand." Storm started. "Just because we have the status of Gods and Goddesses or whatever else our group is, does not mean we are immortal. We CAN die, though some of us easier than others."

"Even I have my limits." I added.

"We can't afford to lose any high value assets." Leo stated. I would feel offended, but he's trying to save our skin, so…

"And at what cost? How many men must die so you can protect your precious friends?" Another councilman sneered.

"The prince has a point." A third commented. "If we were to lose anyone of their ability, not only would an equal amount of men die than if they did nothing, but morale would be severally impacted as well."

"…You do raise a valid point…Perhaps a compromise can be reached." The first grumbled. "So far, most of the skirmishes we have been a part of were small bands of troops. Nothing a squad or two of soldiers couldn't take care of. If there is an enemy force too large for a normal deployment, then we could send out a few of them."

"That sounds fair." Corrin said.

"Indeed." Leo agreed, and then they moved on to the next subject.

"That settles that, I guess…" Johnny said as we left once the meeting ended.

"It's over. That's all that matters. Never really was a fan of wat councils." Lancer commented.

"As frustrating as the council can be, they are a necessity. Without them, we wouldn't have the funding we need." Takumi retorted.

"At least the one had some common sense." Blanc huffed angrily.

"Blanc, we aren't in our world with abilities that civilians won't comprehend. These kinds of things should be expected." Noire rationalized.

"People fear what they can't understand." Vert added.

"D-Don't worry…We'll make sure that they don't try this again." Sakura said.

"You all can go home now, if you want. I think I'm going to do the same." Corrin suggested. Our group dispersed for the most part. I had kicked about, not wanting to hole up in my room, when someone tapped my shoulder.

"Hey, Dad?"

"What's up, 'Tia?"

"I've been thinking lately. We don't exactly have a…normal…relationship."

"Huh…Man, with everything that's been happening, I never realized we've never exactly had any bonding time."

"So, can we go do something?"

"Of course. Tomorrow, though, because that meeting took a lot longer than anyone thought it would." My observation on the matter was agreed upon by my adoptive daughter's stomach.

"Eheheheh…Let's…Let's go get dinner…"

"Sure. Let's see if Nepgear'll cook us up something special." Turns out, she was more than willing to oblige us. She made Cynthia a grilled salmon fillet with a side salad and a baked potato. I got a twelve ounce steak with garlic mashed potatoes and broccoli.

"I hope Neptune can cook like this." She said between bites.

"I wouldn't hold your breath. In HDD she can cook pretty well, but that's also because of our Gear."

"So I'll be better off if I get some cooking lessons?"

"Absolutely."

"*Sigh*…Well, looks like I have another thing to figure some time out for…"

"We could do that tomorrow. It may not seem like it, but I do like being in the kitchen. Though, I do prefer baking."

"I'm okay with that." As soon as she answered, she scarfed down the remains of her meal before rushing off.

"She seems excited." Uni commented.

"We're going to have some real father-daughter bonding time for the first time tomorrow. Thinking back on it, the twins were like this when I told them we were going fishing for the first time."

"Neat. What're ya doin' with my GF?" Neptune asked.

"Not cuddling with the door open, that's for sure." Her face began to glow red at my teasing. "All joking aside, we're going to be cooking. Basics at first, but then we'll get to the fun stuff."

"Ooh! Can I-?"

"No."

"But you didn't even let me finish…"

"I've seen you in the kitchen. Vert sets fire to water. You breathe life into things that should not be alive. Nor do they want to live in the first place."

"That can't be true, can it?" Vert asked, taking a seat. I was afraid that this didn't apply to this group of goddesses, but then I saw the nervous sweat form on Vert's forehead.

"You should've seen the thing crawled out of the fridge the time she tried to make Compa's pudding." Ram spoke up.

"I thought we agreed to never talk about that!?" Neptune hissed.

"It screamed a lot…" Rom added. Absolute silence permeated the air as everyone simply stared at the purple goddess.

"Okay, so I'm not the best cook, but I still wanna hang out. Ooh! Maybe I can taste what you two make!"

"You just don't want to go outside tomorrow." Blanc deadpanned.

"That's not…entirely true…"

"Neptune, if you want to hang out, you can. I don't mind, and I don't think Cynthia will either."

"Cool. What time?"

"Probably around nine tomorrow morning. What is everybody else going to do?"

"I'm going to head into town. Corrin was telling me about a few books that sounded interesting. Leo said something about beginner level tomes as well." Blanc replied.

"I'm going to do some training with Uni."

"Really, Sis?"

"Yes. It's about time we spent some time together, too. We could go get lunch after."

"Sounds great!"

"I heard Vert say something about getting some of the girls into her BL games." Storm said, giving her a glance.

"No! How!?" I cried out.

"I tried to stop it, but I can't keep a disk from loading up." Church explained.

"Can we stay too? There's not much around for us to do." Ram asked.

"…Why not…" I sighed.

The next morning came fairly quickly, seeing as how our talk went well into the night. I was standing in the kitchen, waiting for the four to arrive, clad in a pair of grey shorts and a white tank top.

"Sorry, Dad. Neptune kept me." Her hair was messy and not in its usual ponytail. Her short kimono was wrinkled and it was obvious that it was hastily put on. Neptune was in a similar state of disarray.

"I've noticed. While we wait for the twins, why don't we start with something simple? Scrambled eggs."

"Okay. Where do we start?"

"Greasing the pan." It took…a lot more tries than Cynthia would ever be willing to admit, but she eventually got it right. And let's not forget the screaming that occurred when Rom and Ram finally showed up as the sprinklers went off. The two of us steadily increased the complexity of the dishes until we ended up making enough food to feed everyone dinner. Blanc showed us that she could use the fire tome that she bought, Uni talked about the shooting competition she had with Takumi, and eventually someone brought up the growing cancer that was Vert's BL…things…

Unfortunately, our two weeks were up, and we had to get back to work.

"Leo, you and your retainers should stay back. Since we're going to be in Hoshido, having you with us could lead to even more hostility." Corrin said to her brother.

"I understand. Best of luck, Sister."

"Thank you." Our group moved through the woods of the Japanese style country for quite a while until someone spoke up.

"Hold on a sec. Is that smoke?" Johnny asked.

"That isn't just any smoke…It's my brother's smoke signal." Kaze replied.

"Saizo's there? What does the smoke signal mean?" Corrin asked.

"He is. And it means that he's engaging a large number of enemy troops."

"And there's a large number of us. It wouldn't be hard for us to lend him a hand." Takumi commented.

"That smoke signal is to warn allies away, but perhaps you have a point."

"Let's move, then!" Corrin shouted as we all moved towards him as fast as we could. The area it came up from was heavily forested, making it hard to navigate. Corrin had us spread out and take down the Mokushujin ninja that were attacking. Seeing how they were real people, and not monsters or those weird soul things that Anankos sends at us, I had to stick to Beowulf and Ouroburos' knives so I wouldn't kill anybody. After a while, I noticed that Saizo and those with him had started working with us.

"Mind if I join you?" A woman I had seen before when we recruited Sakura asked.

"Go ahead. I won't stop you."

"My name is Orochi. I'm a Diviner."

"So you'll have my back? Cool. I'm assuming Corrin already told you my name?"

"Yes, she did." Things became much easier now that I had ranged support. We met with the others at the rendezvous point and we all got introduced with one another.

"Where is Kagero?" Corrin asked.

"I've found her, Corrin! Over here!" Sakura called out.

"Lady Corrin!? What are you doing here?" The ninja asked, walking over with a barely noticeable limp. "Last I had heard, you'd betrayed Lord Ryoma and fled the battlefield."

"No, that was a misunderstanding. She hasn't betrayed anyone. If you need proof…Well, I'm traveling with her! So is Takumi." The princess told her.

"Hey." Lancer whispered while leaning towards me. "I think Vert's got a rival."

"Yes. Yes she does." Johnny replied.

"Kagero, are you injured?"

"Nothing that will prevent me from fighting. Why is everyone in Mokushu?"

"We came to save you." Saizo reported.

"Then I am indebted to all of you."

"It was nothing, really…" Subaki said, rubbing the back of his head.

"If you say so. Now I can pass along the message that Lord Ryoma gave me."

"So you know where the lobster us?" Neptune asked.

"…Yes…? When I left him, Lord Ryoma was on his way to Cheve, near the Nohrian border."

"Cheve!?" Saizo exclaimed.

"Correct. The area is currently fighting against Nohrian forces. Apparently, the people could no longer take Nohrian oppression and have revolted."

"And it would be safe to assume that Ryoma plans to use that to his advantage." Vert finished.

"Yes."

"Hrmph. Our lord has not lost his reckless habits, I see. We must locate him before anything happens."

"We're going to need a boat in order to reach Cheve." Takumi said, "And our available one is landlocked."

"Storm, could you go get the Autumn?" Nepgear asked.

"Sure." Our ninja took off like a bullet."

"How will he-?"

"Just wait." I said, interrupting prince pineapple. It didn't take long for him to return, and unleash the metal monster from the seal on his arm. Instead of falling like the panicking natives thought it would, it merely floated in the air. "By the way, it can fly." Corrin insisted that she take a small force on the ferry and have the Autumn remain high in the air, providing support and remaining hidden.

"Ah, I missed the feel of sitting in this chair…The power it gives me…" I sighed contently. "Hey, Church? How are things looking for our friends down there?"

"It's not going great." The hologram replied. "The sea around their boat is frozen, so they're trapped."

"Can we break it up enough for them to get moving again?"

"Without shooting them too? No."

"That seems like Flora's work." Leo observed. "She was one of the maids that took care of Corrin during her stay in one of Father's fortresses."

"Leo, go down there with Odin and Niles. See if you can't talk some sense into them."

"And how will I do that?"

"Oh, you'll find out." Church's hologram lead him out. "Let the game begin." The main monitor flared to life, revealing the fighting below. It was bad at first, seeing as how they were trapped on the boats, but eventually the fight fell into Corrin's hands once they were able to create bridges of ice to navigate. After what seemed like a whole bunch of talking, you could tell that Camilla and her crew bowed out gracefully and joined our forces. Corrin started to turn blue from the hug she received. Due to how many people and animals that were down there, a second Pelican was sent down to bring everyone aboard. "Church, PA please."

"Speaker's on."

"Attention Corrin. Please bring the newly recruited princess and her retainers to the bridge." After a few minutes, the four entered and I swiveled in the chair dramatically. "Hello. I'm Steven, the Captain and co-builder of this ship."

"Though you're not the one that runs the place."

"Can it, Church." I said in a joking tone.

"It's been a while." A sultry voice commented.

"That it has, Camilla. And I'm sure you know of me." I said, turning to the red head. "Owain sure knows how to run his mouth."

"That moron!" She growled. "We should've known he couldn't keep his mouth shut."

"What are you two talking about?" Camilla asked.

"It's complicated, Lady Camilla. By the way, my name's Selena."

"Beruka." The green bowl-cut said curtly.

"Nice to meet you both. Gear, can you show them to the living quarters?"

"Of course. Follow me. We can stop by some of the important places on the way." The techy said as she took them on the tour.

"Hey, Church? How soon can we get to the port without using Slipspace?"

"About fice hours."

"Get us there in six. Everybody deserves a break."

"Except for me, right?"

"I gave this thing an autopilot."

"I know. It's set and we're on the move now."

"Well, the bridge is yours to do as you please, then. Come on, everyone. We're probably in for a rough time later, so get some rest." I don't know about anyone else, but I spent my time taking a nap, seeing as how we had to get to Cheve by foot. We walked through the port town and saw that it was trashed. Corrin wanted to only bring a few of us along. Something along the lines of "I don't want to rely on you so heavily, because someday you'll be gone." I don't blame her, really. It was sound logic. Had to bring Neptune along, because she was obviously getting cabin fever. So it was Neptune, Rom and me with the native army.

"…What happened here? Cyrkensia is in ruins!" Camilla exclaimed.

"Jeez, a boss fight must've gone on in here." Neptune said, looking around at the destroyed buildings.

"But Cyrkensia has never been a target for the war…"

"There was a rebellion in Cheve. Maybe it spread here." I suggested.

"That is certainly plausible." Leo pondered. Before we could continue through the streets, two guys with animal tails and ears collapsed in front of us.

"Niles, lend me your aid." Odin demanded."

"Sure." The two lifted them up and the one that looked like a fox seemed to have caught his breath.

"You all should run…Run away…"

"It's not safe here…Get away while you can." The wolf one added.

"I would get out of this wasteland if I could, but milord has ordered my presence." Niles commented coldly. "There isn't even anything left to add to my collection."

"They have…tails?" Sakura asked.

"These poor creatures…they've been horribly injured. Princess Sakura, could you tend to them?" Camilla asked as she looked the two over.

"Oh! Y-Yes! I'll heal them right away!"

"I'll help too!" Rom said, determined. The healing magic enveloped the animal-men, and once it was done, they were able to stand on their own.

"My wounds? I feel as good as new!" The wolf one cheered.

"Me too! This is wonderful!" The other agreed. "Thank you very much! I'll be sure to repay you both someday!"

"C-Can I…Can I pet your tail?" Rom asked shyly, eyes following the moving appendage.

"Sure!" The fox tail moved towards her and both became content as the blue clad girl ran her fingers through the fur.

"How did the two of you get hurt, anyway? This town is in ruins; were you part of the battle?" Azura asked.

"We were passing by and only got here a little while ago. Things have been strange since we've been here. Parts of the town just…fall apart." The wolf replied.

"What are your names?" Corrin asked.

"I'm Keaton, and he's Kaden." He said, pointing at the duo that was off to the side.

"But…that's impossible." Azura commented before anyone could return the favor.

"Is it?" Leo asked.

"We've fought against invisible opponents before." I added.

"When we tried to help fix things we were attacked by something we couldn't see." Kaden said, confirming Leo and I's suspicions.

"The forces of evil are among us! Be ready!" Odin shouted. His phrasing aside, he had a point. I drew Force Edge as everyone brought out their weapons as well.

"We have to get moving!" Takumi shouted. "I can see Ryoma fighting Prince Xander on the outskirts of town!"

"Weren't they in Cheve?" Selena asked.

"The fighting must've forced them both here." Kaze commented.

"It doesn't matter why, we just have to stop them." Hayato stated.

"Hey, wait." Keaton called out as we began to move out. "Who are you allied with, antway? Nohr? Hoshido? Looking at you all, I'd say both…But that doesn't seem very likely."

"It's complicated, but we're trying to stop the war." Oboro said, though the snarl at the mention of Nohr did not go unnoticed.

"Could we join you then?"

"Are you sure? Our mission isn't-" Corrin started.

"Sure." I said before she could continue. "Just know that your life's on the line."

"That's fine. We beastkin are always living like it is, so it's no real change. Right, Kaden?"

"Yep! Plus, if we end this war, we can play all we want!"

"Thank you, both of you. Oh! We haven't introduced ourselves yet. My name is Corrin." We ran through introductions quickly on our way to the fight. Corrin tried to talk the two down, but of course it didn't work.

"Brother is being stubborn as ever." Leo and Sakura said at the same time.

"Ryoma did always listen to force better than words." Takumi stated.

"It doesn't help that they're blaming each other for this." Hinata commented. We split into two groups, and made sure that our royals were confronting their respective oldest sibling. I didn't move at first, because I got an idea.

"Church, can you have someone load up an ordinance pod with a few cans of spray paint?"

"Sure, but why?"

"I'm gonna spray paint some invisible corpses."

"…You have fun with that…" It took five minutes for the metal canister to crash down a few feet away from me. "Oh, I'm going to look like a freak." The battle was going fairly well when I finally rejoined it. Odin and Selena met up with their last little group member and explained what they could. Not only did we end up beating the eldest royal siblings, but we killed all the Valla soldiers, though it did take a while. The further we travelled, the more destroyed the city was.

What's with the paint?" Neptune asked as I shook one of the cans.

"If this goes how I hope it does, our lives will be that much easier." I sprayed down the shimmering corpse, coating it thoroughly in a bright shade of white.

"What is that?" Xander asked.

"Oh, you know, invisible enemies your siblings were trying to tell you about."

"Neptune, this amount of snark is making me really happy that you're probably going to be my daughter-in-law."

"My apologies, Corrin, but with a tale like what you were telling us, I couldn't help but not believe you." Ryoma said, his head hanging low.

"It's okay. I understand."

"Well, we have two more nobles to go before we have the complete set." I commented.

"I will return to Nohr, and tell Father that we were forced into a stalemate." Xander stated. "That way, there will be no more suspicion and Elise will be safe until we can rejoin you."

"That would be wise. There is no telling what he might do to her if he discovered your defection." Azura replied.

"We must head to Castle Shirasagi. We shall rejoin you when we can." Ryoma said, moving to join the blonde haired woman riding a wyvern.

"Take care of yourself. We don't need Hinoka coming after us." Takumi said to his older brother.

"I will, I promise." The two groups rode off to their destinations, but not before Ryoma told us a possible answer to the riddle that we were given. I wasn't paying much attention, because Neptune was trying to swim in one of the canals. I did catch something about a Rainbow Sage, though. After a bit of discussion, Corrin told us that we'd head back to the Astral Plane and move out in the morning.

 **Sixteen pages of handwritten stuff definitely did not seem like it'd total up to 5k+ words. Things are moving quickly, but that's more because the lack of willingness to listen really grates my gears. Real people are NOT as stubborn as the characters in an FE game. But that's old man yells at cloud on my end. So, until next time, peace!**


End file.
